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Anty Maim Sidekick

Anty Maim

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# We are Splitsboro kids And we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best While playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff And looking super cool!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! That's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros With full-sized super dreams!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! What an awesome gig

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# Just like superheroes Just like super zeros

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# But only half as big! SIDEKICK! #

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It's my most insane

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weirdo super-villain invention yet!

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Hn-hn-hn-ha-ha-ha!

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ERIC SIGHS

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TREVOR SIGHS

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THEY BOTH SIGH LOUDLY

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WHISTLING

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Da-da-da. I thought you fellas could use a little perking up. Huh?

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-Oh, right!

-Yes!

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Ta-da!

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-THEY BOTH GASP BOTH:

-What is it?

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Why, it's an ant farm, of course.

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OK, you guys enjoy. I'll just be in my secret lair.

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I mean, secret hideout.

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I mean, secret...uh...kitchen.

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Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

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Hn-hn-hn-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Be careful with that thing, boys.

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You might just be bored. To DEATH!

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PIG GRUNTS

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Ee-hee-hee-ya-ha-ha-ha...!

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HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

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Any idea what an ant farm does?

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-Nope!

-Me either!

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-GA-A-A-HA-HA!

-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE-HEE!

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TICKING

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-DING!

-TIME'S UP!

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Wicked!

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Trevor, are you sure you can eat this thing?

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Eric, have you even read my book?

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When In Doubt, Eat It,

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a novel by Trevor P Troublemeyer, Esquire, MD.

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LOUD MUNCHING

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Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh.

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ERIC GROANS

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-PRE-GAME CHANT

-Hike!

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I got it! I got it! I...!

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-BANG!

-Oof! OW!

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Hey, Eric, it feels like something's in my eye.

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OK, so we've established it's lame.

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I think. But what's it do?

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-You're looking at it, cowboy.

-Yeah, Eric.

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The ants burrow around and you watch them.

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-BOTH:

-What?!

-Later, goobers. Come on, Kitty.

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You know, Eric, ants ARE nature's hardest workers.

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Maybe you guys could learn something from them.

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-Want to find something at the mansion to blow it up?

-Oh, yeah.

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There must be something here that'll blow up that boring ant farm.

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You know what? I bet if those ants were, say,

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GIGANTIC

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-they would be WAY more exciting!

-What?

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Meh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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MEH-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

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Trevor! No!

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No-o-o!

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Come on! The enlargenator ray

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was invented for this EXACT reason!

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Actually, it was made so Maxum Man

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can win a beard-growing contest.

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MAXUM MAN WHISTLES

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ZAP!

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-HE BURPS

-Argh!

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I'm just saying, maybe this time,

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we should stop, take a breath,

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and at least try to enjoy this ant farm

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for what it's actually meant for.

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THEY BOTH SIGH

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TICKING

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Hurry up and blast those boring ants!

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I'm trying! I'm trying!

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You're not trying hard enough!

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Eat laser! ZAP!

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Whoa!

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A-A-AH!

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I think we made the right decision.

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ELECTRIC WHIRRING

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A-a-a-ah!

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A-A-A-A-AH!

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I still think we made the right decision.

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You geniuses happen to know anything about these giant ants? Huh?

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Us? No. Why would you think that?

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What's an ant?

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-WHOA!

-CRASH!

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OK, it was me! It was mee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

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-TREVOR GASPS

-Eric!

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I am SO disappointed!

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Hold on, now, ants taking over the city,

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maybe it's not so bad.

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ANT SPEAKS GIBBERISH

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ANTS SLURP LOUDLY

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Triple cheese and bacon

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swell burger combo, my good man.

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Ant.

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HIGH-PITCHED LAUGH

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-ALL LAUGH

-What's so funny?

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ANT SPEAKS GIBBERISH BUZZER SOUNDS

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Well, what DO you have, then?

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ERIC SLURPS LOUDLY

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Ah. You guys not hungry?

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You haven't touched your sugar waters.

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Eric, I like to eat. A lot.

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SO, if you don't think of a way to get some REAL food,

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like now, I'm just going to

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FREAK OUT!

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I respect that.

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-ERIC AND TREVOR:

-Hee-hee-hee-ha-ha!

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Eric, I know lunch is "really important",

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but should we maybe be trying to save the city?

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On such a perfect day for outdoor dining,

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really, Kitty?

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And you guys don't think having a picnic

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in the middle of a giant ant infestation is a little bit NUTS?

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Come on, you guys, stop worrying and let's dig in.

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ARGH!

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A-HA! NO!

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ERIC AND TREVOR GROAN

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What is that monstrosity?

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Only the greatest anti ant...i...

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anti anti-i, ant ant i anti,

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anti, anti, ant-ant anti,

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an-ti ant...

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anti-ant technology known to man.

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We call it the Ultra-solar Refracto Heatray.

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It looks like a big magnifying glass.

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It's a BIG magnifying glass.

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PREPARE FOR THE ANT-POCALYPSE!

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Meh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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Did it work?

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I don't know. I can't see.

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Um... It kind of worked.

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-Ah.

-ANTS SPEAK GIBBERISH

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I give you Uncle Trevorino's ant trap trattoria,

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the anti-poison ticket back to the other ants and...

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Eh, what's the matter for you?

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Come try the best ant food

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in all of Splitsboro.

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ERIC SPEAKS IN ITALIAN

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Du-u-ude, if you don't know how to fake-speak Italian,

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-just don't.

-But I was...!

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Gah! Nrgh!

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Uh, I don't think it's working.

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Wait for it. Ha-ha-ha.

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GRUMBLING

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That's a-not-a-gonna be good for the business!

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-It burns!

-It stinks!

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-It burns!

-It stinks!

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-BOTH:

-Gah!

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Whoa! Is that the queen?

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Pff! Nice crown. Tacky.

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Of course! The queen is the key.

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The colony won't go anywhere without her.

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OK, Kitty, you and Vana grab the queen.

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Trevor, you lure the ants to the mansion.

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I'LL take care of the rest.

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Is this going to be one of those plans where we do ALL the work

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and you go have a nap?

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Finally, you're getting it. I'm lazy.

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Trevor, are you OK with your job?

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Trevor?

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Oh, I think I can handle it.

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VANA AND KITTY GROAN

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We got her! We got the ant queen!

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Now it's all up to Trevor!

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-BOTH:

-Oh.

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-GROWLING BOTH:

-ARGH!

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THEY GASP

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AH!

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-BOTH:

-O-o-o-oh.

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LOUD KISS

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ANT QUEEN SPEAKS GIBBERISH

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Why is she running away from her colony?

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I think I learned something about this at the ant symposium last year.

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Have you guys NEVER read my symposium blog?

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-BOTH:

-Um...

-Do you people even KNOW ME?!

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A-A-A-AH-HA-HA-HA!

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I was wrong! I can't handle this!

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I can't handle this at all!

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Follow me!

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A-A-AH-HA-HA!

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-SHE GASPS

-Eric,

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you enlargenated the ant farm.

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Trevor, lead the ants in and we'll seal it shut.

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Wait! What?

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A-A-ARGH!

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-Yeah!

-Woohoo!

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Ha-ha! It worked!

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You were A-MAZING!

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Wasn't he amazing, Vana?

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One thing still bothers me, though.

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Why was that queen so happy to leave her colony?

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Guys, I don't like how these ants are looking at me.

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Wait! I remember now!

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Some species of ants eat their queen

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as soon as they're put in a new environment!

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No wonder she was so happy to escape.

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Ha-ha. Ants are silly.

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-BOTH:

-They sure are.

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THEY ALL LAUGH

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