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Opossum Man! Sidekick

Opossum Man!

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Transcript

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# We are Splitsboro kids And we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best While playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff And looking super cool!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! That's the life for me

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# Half-sized super zeros With full-sized super dreams!

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# I'm a Sidekick! Sidekick! What an awesome gig

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-# Just like superheroes

-Just like super zeros

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# But only half as big! SIDEKICK! #

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SIRENS WAIL

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DOGS BARK

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CHUCKLING

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Why did we take Crime Street?

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-Meh.

-It's a short cut to Safe Avenue.

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-Right.

-Hoo-hoo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

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-ALL:

-A-A-ARGH!

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A-ha. I, Master Criminal, the masked crook,

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has found himself some suckers.

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Best villain name ever!

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Figures. The one day I bring my piggy bank collection.

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MONKEY SCREECHES, MONEY CLATTERS

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Well, you picked the wrong sucker to try to...

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erm...sucker and...

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Stop right there, evil-doer.

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THUMPING

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I am Opossum Man

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and I make crime play dead,

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because that's what possums do.

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It's that cool new super everyone's talking about.

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Ooh, he's so dark.

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Boy Vermin, take it from here.

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You got it, Furry Knight.

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Uh... Hey, Eric, isn't that your old pal Glenn?

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Yo! Ah!

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It might be him. Hard to tell without the ragged clothing and stink cloud.

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But what's he doing with a super? That's MY thing.

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I'M the famous orphan pulled from obscurity

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and thrust into the limelight to work as a sidekick

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to world's most famous superhero, not him!

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CRICKETS CHIRP

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Erm, not that I care.

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Wow! He's a sidekick, just like you!

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No, NOT just like me.

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Did you not listen to ANYTHING I just said?

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You're right. He's nothing like you.

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His super is actually fighting crime

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instead of disappearing all the time.

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And Glenn seems to be a talented and trustworthy sidekick,

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unlike YOU, who is, well...

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you.

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And look, he even has fans.

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What fans?

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-CROWD CHEERS

-Hee-hee-hee.

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Oh.

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Well, I have fans, too.

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And look how he fills out that uniform.

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Rrrrrr.

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Having only see him in action for 7.9 seconds,

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I can easily say that he's better than you

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at everything.

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CHIRPING GrrrRRRRR!

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Eric, is that you?

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Eri-i-ic!

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Oh, hi, Glenn.

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My boyhood hero, my pal, my idol.

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Nnnnngh.

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Look at me, would ya?

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Oh, I'm looking.

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-Ho-ho-ho, yeah.

-Yeah-huh.

-Fo' sho'.

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We're both sidekicks to awesome supers.

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It's our dream come true, buddy.

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Twinsies.

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Back to the Opossum den, Boy Vermin.

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My job here is...

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all done.

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BANG!

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That's my cue. Got to go.

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WHOOSH!

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Well, most new supers go bust in their first year, you know!

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Ha-ha-ha! That'll never happen to Opossum Man.

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He's the greatest hero ever!

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CHEERING

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Woohoo!

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They're down for an account, Opossum Man.

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Cool. He's got catchphrases, too.

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Heh. It takes more than a snappy catchphrase

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to be a REAL sidekick.

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ERIC CLEARS HIS THROAT

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I, a REAL sidekick,

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hereby declare this super minimart open...

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Never fear...

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Opossum Man has arrived.

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-ALL:

-Who-o-o.

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And don't forget Boy Vermin.

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CHEERING

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Nrgh!

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Thank you, Opossum Man and Boy Vermin

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for keeping our city safe

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AND opening this over-the-pants

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-underwear store.

-CHEERING

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-You're welcome, Mayor Swift.

-GRRRR!

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HE HUMS

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Dah!

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Ha! Hoo-hoo! Nippy-dippy-doo!

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Boy Vermin thinks he's so great

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with his awesome catchphrases and superhero who is actually there.

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-Maxum Brain, you've got to help me!

-No time, Eric.

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Opossum Man has offered me a position in the new Opossum den.

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He is so pleasant.

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Well, I can always count on my pals.

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BEEPING

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-VOICEMAIL:

-You have reached Vana, Kitty and Trevor.

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For some reason, we share an answering machine.

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We are also NOT out cheering for Opossum Man.

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GRRRR!

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I, Opossum Man, vow to put criminals where they belong!

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CHEERING

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Into my protective pouch.

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-Ha!

-ALL:

-Who-o-o.

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A-ha! Trai-tors!

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Sorry, Eric, but Opossum Man is just so awesome. Look!

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He gave me this official autographed Opossum Man possum keepsake!

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POSSUM CACKLES

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A-ha-ha-ha! A-a-argh.

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It's trying to make a nest out of my scalp.

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Chill, Eric, even you got to admit Opossum Man's pretty cool.

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VERMIN BOY HUMS SIDEKICK THEME MUSIC

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Gah! Heh. Glenn gets to do all the coolest sidekick stuff

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AND he's totally rubbing my face in it!

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Sweeping up loose Opossum fur is totally rubbing your face in it?

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Eurgh. Heh-heh.

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Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

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It's great to see you, Eric.

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Hey, I almost forgot,

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Opossum Man is thinking about adding a GIRL sidekick

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to the dirt-digging duo.

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Do you know anyone who might be interested?

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No. No, I do not.

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-BOTH:

-Do I!

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-Glenn, check it out!

-No, look at me!

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-Me!

-Argh!

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My Verm alarm. Opossum Man must need me to sweep up

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more of his fur droppings.

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Fur dropping show-off.

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I bet I could sweep better than him.

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He's such a great guy.

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-Yeeh!

-Argh!

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Taking all my glory,

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my fans, my fur-sweeping. I'll show him!

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The new Opossum den lunch buffet is a-a-awesome!

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The Opossum back massager...

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heavenly.

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And, you know, Glenn is the nicest, kindest, best person I EVER met.

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Oh. So, how would you like to destroy his superhero and ruin him?

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Um, sure. I got nothing else going on.

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Ha-ha-ha. The marsupial signal will lure them in.

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Opossum Man won't be such hot stuff once I expose his secret identity -

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supers hate that.

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This Maxum de-costumator ray will do the trick.

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Ssh, here they come.

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Never fear, Opossum Man has responded.

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Wait! My rat sense is tingling.

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Something's not right here.

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A-ha!

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LASERS BLAST

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ZAP!

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Trevor, quick, the Maxum re-costumator ray!

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Re-costumator!

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No problem.

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The intra-dimensional agitator.

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O-o-o-oh.

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We just set up this booby trap

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and suck Opossum Man into the void of nothingness.

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Then it's goodbye super and - by association -

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goodbye sidekick!

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I don't know. That new Opossum den is pretty tough to get into.

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Front door has a lock.

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No problem.

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All super HQs share super sewers. Neugh.

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Regular pipes can't handle super sewage.

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It's a Splitsboro bile-off.

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-Gah.

-Whoa-ho-ho.

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Better bring the hand sanitiser.

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Hey, potential possumites.

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While Opossum Man and I are on patrol,

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keep watching the den, OK?

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I sure will. Oh, no, you don't, Opossum Hog!

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-CRASH!

-Ah-ya!

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-A-ya-a-argh!

-Argh!

-Ya!

-Ye-e-eargh!

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Heh-heh.

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-Wah!

-Nyah!

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Mm-heh-heh-heh.

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TOILET FLUSHES

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Done.

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One press of this and that pink-nosed pest

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and his precious sidekick are out of my life for ever!

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-Heh-heh-heh!

-Eric?

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Trevor? What are you doing here?

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Glenn, ha-ha! Er...

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aren't you on patrol?

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I forgot the throat roughener spray.

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Opossum Man isn't the same without it.

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-HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:

-Hurry along, Boy Vermin, I have crimes to...

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deal with.

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A-A-Anyway...

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You know, Eric, I've been thinking.

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-About you.

-Stop, Glenn.

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I've been thinking about you a lot.

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Stop smiling at me.

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I've been thinking about two kids from the orphanage

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who used to wear tissue boxes for shoes.

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Stop reminiscing.

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And how those kids are now the town's most awesome sidekicks.

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Eugh-eugh-eugh.

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-Eric...

-STO-O-O-OP!

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..how about a hug?

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Nng-a!

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Wait. Hatred...draining away.

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Jealousy...being snuffed out.

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Friendship...rekindling.

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Hug feels...

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nice.

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And to think I was going to use this to...

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Hey, where did it go?

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-Mwa-ha-ha-ha.

-No, Trevor, my anger and jealousy have been hugged away!

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Grrrr.

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Ah! How could I forget Trevor's obsession with red buttons?

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OK, buddy, I'll give you anything you want,

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just, please, don't press it.

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A-A-Anything?

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Wow! The mind boggles. What should I...

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-Ooh, ooh, I know!

-Ah.

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-I want to press the button!

-ERIC GASPS

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BEEP! BEEP!

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What's the hold-up, Boy Vermin?

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I have evil to...

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do stuff to.

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-ZAP!

-A-a-argh!

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It's only an endless dimensional wormhole.

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No biggie, right?

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Hug?

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I will have my revenge. Witness the birth of the Dark Boy Vermin.

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HE COUGHS

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That's better. It's so dry in the Opossum den.

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-I know.

-Is it ever.

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So very dry.

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-Want to pummel him.

-Me first.

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Stop! STO-O-OP!

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THUMPING

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