A XOX For Good Sidekick


A XOX For Good

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# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

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# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

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# Maxum Man is missing Now we rule the school

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# Flying, smashing, bashing stuff and looking super cool

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# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

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# Half-sized superzeros with full-sized super dreams

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# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

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-# Just like superheroes

-Just like superzeros

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# But only half as big! Sidekick! #

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For my photo essay on the super that inspires me most,

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I present Maxum Man, the Untold Story -

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now the told story. First pick...

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LAUGHTER

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Wrong pick! Wrong pick!

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UPROARIOUS LAUGHTER

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Eek!

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EQUIPMENT POWERS DOWN

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CHILDREN GROAN

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Thanks to Herr Needles and his mucus,

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we will now have a surprise blackout quiz.

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You may commence your Eric-pummelling at will.

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Ulp...

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Ugh... Gah!

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Augh... No!

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Gah!

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Well, at least this day can't get any worse.

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ZAP!

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Hmm...

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HE SHIVERS

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Thanks, XOX.

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You're w-w-welcome.

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XOX?!

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Argh!

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Ngh...

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Aah! Eric!

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I can explain - I'm not XOX.

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Gah!

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That's such a XOX thing to say, XOX!

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OK, I am XOX, but not the XOX you know -

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and clearly have serious anger issues with.

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I'm a good guy! THWACK!

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Ow!

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HE GROANS

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Yeah, right - and I'm an evil villain(!)

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Actually, you're the world's MOST evil villain.

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SQUELCH! SQUELCH!

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Let me get this straight - your world is the opposite of my world,

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so in your Splitsboro,

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good is evil and evil is good?

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Right.

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-Meaning wrong?

-No.

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-Meaning yes!

-Stop!

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Go! I'm getting the hang of this opposite stuff.

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In my Splitsboro,

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your opposite, Evil Eric,

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defeated all the supers

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and took over the entire town.

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Cool!

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I mean...opposite of cool.

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As the only super left, it was up to me to stop him.

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Then one night I captured this on my XOX-cam.

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"How do you work this thing?

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"Where's the record button? Oh, here it is!"

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TAPE FAST-FORWARDS

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Heh, it's a...new model.

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Here we go.

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"Yes, my mysterious friend,

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"together we will not only rule this Splitsboro,

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"but every Splitsboro in every dimension -

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"including that of my arch-nemesis, Ordinary Eric."

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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"Ordinary Eric?"

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Does this look ordinary to you?

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I need you to come to the opposite world.

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Help me stop Evil Eric

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before he does to your Splitsboro what he did to mine.

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ORDINARILY I would,

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but I'd rather stay here, in my ORDINARY mansion,

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with my ORDINARY friends, who admire and respect me.

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ORDINARILY.

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Are you through?

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Yeah, pretty much. When can we go?

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ZAP!

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ZAP!

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DRAGON ROARS

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ELECTRICITY CRACKLES

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And when can we go back?!

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Don't worry, I've done this before.

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Stay right behind me.

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HE GRUNTS

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ERIC HUMS A TUNE

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Side door key.

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Right where I always leave it at MY mansion.

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Urgh.

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Shh!

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If we run into Brain, let me, Evil Eric, do the talking.

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I'm a pretty good actor, you know?

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Aah!

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Good evening, master. How may I do your bidding?

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Hah! Yes!

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Er... Line?

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Find out where Evil Eric is.

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Find out where Evil Eric is.

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I mean...I am. I mean...

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Erm... Where would I be if weren't here?

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Which I am!

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Is something wrong, your handsomeness?

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Well, since you ask, I could use a snack. Or a back rub.

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Or a snack rub!

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One snack rub coming right up.

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Enough!

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Where's Evil Eric, you hunchbacked bucket of bolts?

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WEAPONS POWER UP

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Argh!

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Coulda let me do the talking.

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Stupid intruders!

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You wait until the real Master Eric gets back from school.

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He's going to... Ooh! Oop...

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School! Of course! The opposite of where I'd be.

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Maybe he is, maybe he is not.

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Either way, what are you going to do about it?

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Oh, just this...

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-WHINES:

-Come on, let me go!

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I want to find Evil Eric!

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I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want!

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No, no, stop! Desist! I cannot stand the annoyingness!

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THEY LAUGH

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OK, here's us, here's Evil Eric's classroom,

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here's the cookie cupboard...

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The cookie cupboard?

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You don't expect me to fight my evil opposite on an empty stomach?

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No, I guess not.

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Boy, I sure am glad you're here, Eric.

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Ah... TRAP DOOR CLANKS

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-Aaah!

-Careful!

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-CRASH!

-Agh!

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You little... Eric!

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My most evil student!

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What a pleasant surprise!

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ALL CHEER

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-Eric rules!

-Yay!

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I hate you so much.

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-What?

-What?!

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You're just in time to show your imbecilic classmates

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how to properly use the Interrogator Matrix.

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Any volunteers to play Eric's captured super?

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Aah...ooh!

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Oh, great.

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Perfect.

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ERIC GULPS

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BELL RINGS

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Sorry for interrogating you like that. Repeatedly.

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You did what you had to do, to keep from blowing your cover.

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At least when I blacked out the last time

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you found out where Evil Eric is hiding out, right?

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-Er...

-Right?!

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Aah! Ow!

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Er... No.

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But I did get my first A+!

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-Stop right there!

-Huh?

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I knew something was fishy when you restarted his heart.

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You're helping XOX, aren't you?

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I-I can explain!

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Don't bother, Eric.

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There can be only one explanation.

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XOX is controlling Eric's brain!

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Save Eric!

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Grrr!

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Oy!

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He wasn't at the mansion - or at school.

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Hmm. If I were evil, where would I be?

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Hospital.

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No, that's not it.

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Seriously, I need a hospital.

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I think I broke something.

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BONES CRACK

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Make that everything.

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Your medical emergency will have to wait!

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Needles, you fiend! How did you crack my robot security codes?

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He didn't.

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I did!

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EVIL LAUGHTER

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-XOX?!

-Yes?

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I meant my XOX.

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Ordinary XOX. Evil XOX!

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You know - XOX-XOX!

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He was the mystery man from the video!

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WHOOSH!

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Devious, isn't it?

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And now, with the two of you out of the way,

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another Splitsboro will be ours for the taking!

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Robots, destroy Eric and XOX!

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ZAP!

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No! The OTHER Eric and XOX!

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WEAPONS POWER UP

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SYSTEMS WHIR

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ROBOTS: Multiple targets - cannot comply.

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Cannot comply...

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This is our chance! I'll take me - you take you!

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Get us!

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THEY GRUNT

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-Yah!

-Ngh...

-Grr!

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This is getting us nowhere!

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You're right! Switch!

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Oof!

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Aha!

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Switch back! Switch back!

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Aah!

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Too late, sidekick!

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A-ha-ha-ha!

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This is for all the other supers.

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-GASPS:

-Look!

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A baby kitten tied to the railroad tracks...

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-with a nut allergy.

-Ooh, I'll save you, kitty cat.

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Good little kitty.

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Got it! Ha, ha!

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Good guys are SO gullible.

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Ha, ha, ha!

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You forgot one thing, boys -

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in the opposite world, evil always wins!

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ZAP!

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Oof!

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I failed again.

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Now they're taking over your ordinary Splitsboro,

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and you'll be stock here forever.

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Don't feel bad. Opposite Splitsboro is actually kind of cool.

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I haven't been tarred, feathered or wedgied all day -

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and that's a new record.

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You're right!

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And now that they're gone, we can be the heroes of Splitsboro together!

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Put 'er there.

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ZAP!

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Here, take it.

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You can have your ordinary Splitsboro.

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You know, you need to get some new friends.

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Hey, you don't know what you're talking about!

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I have the best friends ever.

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ZAP!

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ZAP!

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THEY LAUGH

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Where've you been, Eric?

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Your picking pictures went viral.

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THEY LAUGH

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I don't know WHO could've posted them(!)

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Booger de Milo has a kajillion hits already!

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It's official - you're the biggest joke in Splitsboro!

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Again!

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THEY LAUGH

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