Parent-Teacher Night of Doom Sidekick

# We are Splitsboro kids and we go to Sidekick School

# Learning to be second best while playing by the rules

# Maxum Man is missing

# Now we rule the school

# Flying, smashing, bashing, stomping, looking super cool

# I'm a sidekick, sidekick - that's the life for me

# Half-sized super zeros with full-sized super dreams

# Sidekick, sidekick What an awesome gig!

# Just like superheroes

# Just like superzeros

# But only half as big Sidekick! #

TYRES SQUEAL

No, wait!

Please, please, please...

HE CHOKES

Don't make me go to... Ew!

..parent-teacher night!

Ow!

Argh! Oh...

I am your legal guardian, so it is my duty to go.

Plus, I would never miss hearing what a bad student you are.

OK, you're enjoying this way too much.

Ow! OW! Argh...

-How am I doing, Trevor?

-A little more...

-CRASH

-A little more.

Go forward.

More, go up. Rotate rightways.

You're good.

Namaste, fellow child inspirers. Peace and love.

"Child inspirers?" That's not even a word.

-Promise you're not going to embarrass me.

-Fear not, Sun Child.

Embarrassment comes from within.

Yeah, sometimes it comes on a bike.

BIRDS SINGING

Fly free, my friends.

Caw-caw! Caw-caw!

Why can't you just be normal? Like Kitty's parents!

BOTH: Come along, pumpkin.

SHE SCREAMS

Must protect.

Ha! Wow!

How lucky is it that my parents - who are perfectly normal -

weren't crushed to death?

-SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

-So lucky.

That's how lucky.

Excuse me, I've got to go repair someone. I mean, something.

'Parents and students! Parents and students,'

thank you for coming and welcome to the parent-teacher night of doom.

MANIACAL LAUGHTER

Why is everything at Splitsboro always "something-something of doom?"

Ow.

Eric is hands down my worst student.

-Ever. Seriously, ever!

-Ah. There's the doom.

For his science project,

he handed in what I believe to be an automatic waffle maker.

What? Everybody loves waffles.

So...dare I ask?

Trevor cheats, lies, destroys things, burns them, then blows them up.

Huh. He's got me pegged.

And now, the bad stuff.

-MUFFLED:

-I see your point.

Und Vana has always been a top-notch student. A real delight.

-For example...

-Ooh, you look tense.

What are you doing? He was about to tell you how amazing I am!

-Are... Are you touching me? I think she's touching me.

-Relax.

-Be at one with your body, your mind, the universe...

-This is an outrage.

HE SHRIEKS

HIS BONES CRACK

But I already told you,

there is no need to go through Kitty's old tests.

They're all As.

BOTH: Incorrect. Kitty received one B.

Ah. Ja.

Well, nobody's perfect, right?

Unacceptable grade alert. We must have grade perfection.

Initiating massive destruction.

THEY LAUGH

Und on top of that,

it's powered by an incredibly dangerous collapsed star

-which could destroy the planet.

-HE LAUGHS

KABOOM!

I couldn't find any batteries.

Oh, my RAM hurts from laughing so hard.

And Trevor is lazy, self-centred, loves destruction,

and is quite possibly totally evil.

In short, he will make an excellent sidekick.

What?! That's a lie.

La-la-la-la-la, I'm not excellent, I'm not excellent at anything!

You must be so proud.

TREVOR GROWLS

HE LAUGHS

'Right, everyone.

'I hope the parent and/or guardian-teacher interview process

'was less painful for you than it was for me.

'Und speaking of pain, let the pain begin.'

Pain? What?

-STRAINING:

-We have to show our families

what we've learned at Sidekick School.

We've got to attack them and win.

This is going to be so good.

'Remember, if you defeat your family members, your grades go up.

'If you lose, you must attend night school, overnight school,

'pre-breakfast school and back-in-time school.

'Parents, students...

'attack at will!'

YELLING

'I love this part.'

Look, I know you're all about peace and love

and other useless stuff, so I promise to take it easy on you.

That is so sweet of you, dear.

Om...

Come back! I have to defeat you.

But I don't want to fight you.

Grades aren't that important to me!

Unacceptable!

Destroy us, pumpkin, and increase your grades.

If you fail to comply, we will destroy you.

Never!

Take your best shot, Trevor.

You need all the grades you can get.

You've had this coming for a long time, Dad.

YELLING

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-Ow!

-That smarts.

-Ow!

Where is she?

I'm right here, sweetie.

Watch your breathing, dear. In...and out.

Would you...stand...still?!

SHE SCREAMS

Hey! You don't have to try so hard.

No, no, no.

It is being my absolute pleasure.

It is not hard at all.

Fine. Then I'll give you something hard.

Waffle-iron hard!

Ugh.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Well, this is annoying.

Pumpkin is attempting to leave school early.

Initiate tough-love mode.

We know what's best for you.

And what's best for you is to get good grades.

Or be destroyed.

Oh, no. Please.

MANIACAL LAUGHTER

Come on, son. You have to defeat me or you're going to fail.

Oh. OUCH!

I believe my son has defeated me

with this devilishly masterful paper-cut plan.

'Pure genius, Trevor.

'A pass for you.'

And once again...

PFFFRRRT!

-BREATHLESSLY:

-I can't... do this...any more.

So tired...

You wouldn't have this problem

if you just learned to breathe, sweetness.

In with the good...

And out with the bad.

In... Out...

PANTING

That's it. In... Out... In... Out...

I win!

Wow, that breathing stuff really works.

GROANING

KITTY YELLING

Last chance, pumpkin.

Fight us, or we will destroy you.

All right. I didn't want to, but you made me do this.

Destruct procedure Alpha Bravo.

Voice authorisation, Kitty Loves Eric.

OK, fine!

Now you know. My parents are robots.

-There, I said it.

-Duh!

-Yeah.

-It explains so much.

So you don't think it's weird?

Oh, that is such a relief.

-Put me down!

-When I am about to defeat you

and condemn you to an eternity of schooling?

-Ha! That is a good one.

-Then you've left me no choice.

-Haven't we been through this before, Waffle Boy?

-This, yes.

But not this.

-HE GASPS

-Uh-oh.

-'The collapsed star!

'Even Eric wouldn't be foolish enough to...

'Yes, he would.'

-SLOWLY:

-Nooooooo!

SLOWLY: Why the overly dramatic reaction?

-SLOWLY:

-'It will collapse the entire planet!'

Oh...

Then...

Oops?

SILENCE

PFFFRRRT!

In case nobody heard it earlier, I did say, "Oops."

-Well, technically, you did defeat Maxum Brain, so you pass.

-Yay!

And for making terrible waffles...you no longer pass.

Oh, man!