Rox My World So Awkward

Mum?

Mm-hm?

What...what are you doing?

-I'm your new teacher, sweetie.

-SHE CHORTLES

Today's assignment.

The Teenage Brain.

Inside...

..Lily's Diary.

Everyone, turn to page 29.

CLASS TITTERS

NO!

So, Lily. You don't think Hitler was evil?

Erm...That's right.

Want to tell us WHY Hitler wasn't evil?

SHE CLEARS THROAT

Erm, Hitler was vegetarian.

And we all know how cows' bottoms create major greenhouse gases.

So he was...an environmentalist.

An eco-warrior, you might say.

Well.

He was a vegetarian.

-The diary dream again?

-Mm-hm.

Now everyone thinks you like Hitler. Ha-ha!

So awkward!

FEEDBACK OVER TANNOY

'Is it on?'

'I don't think it's on.'

STACCATO BUZZING

Oh, why do I bother?!

FEEDBACK AND BUZZING

Arrrgh!

YOU. WILL. DO. AS. I. SAY!

LOW-PITCHED FEEDBACK

Oh! It is on.

Attention, students.

'Big news.

'The national Young Inventors competition is coming to our school.

This is our chance to shine on the national stage.

'Please register your teams by the end of the week.

Don't let us down. We have a real chance of winning this!

BUZZING

'Oh, we have no chance of winning this.'

FEEDBACK

Ooh, look at you, you're beside yourself.

I couldn't be more excited.

Finally, a proper competition!

National!

Team Fish back in action.

Team Fish?

Fi for Fitzgerald...

S for Salford...

H for...Where's Lily?

She's ruining my explanation.

Lils? Did you hear Mrs Griggs, then?

Do you want to team up?

You and me?

Well, I always do badly at this stuff and I figured, if I had you,

I might actually pass something for a change.

What would, what would we be called? Like a couple name, like Brangelina?

What about Mally or...

I was thinking The A-Team.

A-Team's good.

Seeing as I might finally get an A?

Let's meet round your crib for a brain sesh?

Meet round your what for a what-what?!

I thought you'd be happy for me.

I didn't even have to trick him or anything!

Lily!

On a different team?

I think you broke Martha.

But it's just this once. You won't miss me.

You can't spell "FISH" without the H!

Is that the only reason I'm on the team?

-OK, I've come up with a solution.

-What?

-You cancel Matt.

-Excuse me?

It's the only way. Together, we're a perfect, finely-balanced team.

Jas is the protons, I am the electrons and you're the neutrons.

You can't have an atom without the neutron!

I'm sorry, you'll have to cancel the ion.

Who's the ion?

Matt. Is no-one listening?!

This has nothing to do with atomic theory, for once.

You just can't handle change.

I can handle change just fine.

-Can't.

-Can.

Really? Then why do you never change your hair?

Or walk a different way to school?

Or, why do you freak out if someone sits in your chair?

Who's been sitting in my chair?!

I can change. Join Matt's team, I don't care.

But don't come running back

when he wants to invent an edible football, or something.

That is actually genius.

You don't mean that.

You'll cave in and beg me to come back

cos the change will eat away at you.

I'll bet you my Stephen Hawking talking alarm clock I don't!

You're on.

Do you think maybe Lily had a point?

Absolutely not.

You're sitting in my seat.

See?

Easy-going Martha.

Rolling with the punches.

What does that mean?

"Adjust to difficult events as they happen".

I've got something to cheer you up.

SOPPY MUSIC

MUSIC GRINDS TO A HALT

That won't be necessary.

I've already found her replacement.

Roxanne Bunce.

Roxanne Bunce.

Why does that name sound familiar?

She was only the best thing to happen to Year 8!

She was incredible.

A total legend.

Nope. Can't place her.

She beat a thousand applicants

to go to France on an engineering programme.

Can you imagine what Team Fisb will be able to achieve?

Team Fisb?

Ends in B for Bunce instead of H for...

SOPPY MUSIC STARTS AND CUTS OUT

Yeah, I know what it means.

What kind of name is that?

It's the sound of victory.

Where are you going?

Oh, I have to greet this exchange programme girl coming back today.

Mrs Griggs made me Head of Student Body Questions for Exchange Kids.

That's a made-up title.

I knew it!

How's "a" Team?

No, it's "A-Team".

Matt and I came up with an app last night,

that converts texts into audio and vice versa.

It's for the visually impaired.

Well, that's nothing.

Wait till you see what we three come up with.

We three?

I'm glad you asked.

I've replaced you with one of the smartest people in the school.

It's just possible we'll finally solve flying cars

or meals in a pill.

What's up with her?

She's rolling with the punches.

This isn't even my seat.

We're Team Fisb now.

"Team Fisb"?

The B is for Roxanne Bunce.

Bunce.

Why does that name ring a bell?

FEEDBACK

-SPEECH ECHOES:

-Precision engineering.

That is what I hope to achieve in my upcoming trip to France.

Nope. Nothing.

Hello, everyone.

One of our brightest students, Roxanne Bunce,

is returning home from her exchange programme in Paris today.

She will say a brief hello, and then Matt Furnish,

Head of Student Body Questions for Exchange Kids, will ask her

questions about her time there, on behalf of the student body.

Please give her a warm welcome!

Bonjour, tout le monde.

Er...

Uh, I'm sorry. I can't stop speaking French!

But I'm really happy to be back.

Thank you, Roxanne.

Oh, I'm Roxy now, Mrs G.

Roxy?

"Mrs G"?

ROMANTIC MUSIC

Wow.

Matt Furnish.

Who's...Matt Furnish?

You're Matt Furnish!

Me?!

Sorry. I, uh...

He's tongue-tied.

Matt Furnish doesn't get tongue-tied!

Roxy, could you tell us something you learned as part of

your time on the engineering programme in Paris?

Well, I learned that shoes and bags should always match,

and never wear tights with open-toed shoes.

She's matching clothes?

Roxanne Bunce doesn't match clothes!

Am I the only one rolling with the punches here? I like her.

So, what do you think about using open-source speech recognition code?

How do you think she gets her hair so shiny?

She's like one of those Disney animated princesses.

They turn into witches, you know.

I really want to meet her properly, talk to her, but I just freeze up.

Really? I hadn't noticed(!)

Yeah. I just seem to get tongue-tied.

I NEVER get tongue-tied!

I think it's because she's so smart.

Something the matter?

No. I, I just don't like change!

Has this ever happened to you?

Getting tongue-tied around someone.

Yeah.

What do you do?

I text you...THEM.

I, I text them.

That's genius!

You're so smart, Lils. Can you help me talk to her?

Fake fur is made from acrylic polymers

that come from fossil fuels, so the thing is, is to wear fake fake fur,

-if you want to be truly ethical.

-I do! I do!

Who thinks we should begin our brainstorming session

-for the Young Inventors idea?

-Ooh, me!

I was thinking we could do something from the engineering category,

to draw on your expertise.

Oh, sure. We could do that,

but, well, that stuff doesn't get a lot of buzz, though, does it?

-Buzz?

-Yeah, you know.

I was thinking we should be focusing on more famous science?

Stuff that gets noticed, like denim, or cheese in a can?

I LOVE cheese in a can!

PHONE TEXT ALERT

What is it?

Oh, it's this boy from school.

He didn't used to know I exist and

now...he's texting me.

"You were under my nose all this time and I didn't notice.

"But now you've blossomed, like the flower you're named after,

"and all I see is you."

Oh, that's so beautiful!

Can we get back to the...

I don't know what to text back!

He's so cool. And I don't know how to speak cool.

I speak cool.

He called you a flower, right?

Tell him he's a bee you don't mind buzzing around.

And then ask him to meet up,

where you guys can "be one garden paradise".

I can't go on a date! I wouldn't know what to say.

Don't worry about that.

Knowing what to say is my speciality.

Wait a minute, isn't "Lily" a flower?

Er...Roxy's a flower, too. More of a weed, actually.

TEXT ALERT

She just texted back!

She says she wants to form "a garden paradise".

I think she means "date".

But you can't!

You clam up in person, remember?

You'll just have to settle for one of those

wave-across-the-room sort of relationships.

-Unless...

-What unless? There's no unless.

We could use the app!

I could have my phone under the table

and you use the app to tell me what to say.

That actually IS a good idea.

Where was this mind in the brainstorming session?

You and me, Lils, a team.

Together we've invented the app that will set me up with Roxy!

Hey. How's Roxy working out? Terrible, I bet.

As a matter of fact, she's working out great.

Just last night we were talking about

other foods you could get into a can.

Three words - spray-on cake.

Really? No possibility of...

getting me back on the team? There'd be no shame in it.

And lose the momentum of Team Fisb? Never.

I'm normally the one that submits the entry form.

Oh, well, er, things change, right?

We're all rolling with the punches.

As a matter of fact, I'm entrusting Roxy with submitting the entry form.

So, here I go, entrusting Roxy

with submitting the entry form.

Can I get a copy of your new app?

You know someone visually impaired?

I know someone socially impaired.

I'm schooling her in Cool.

Testing, testing, do you read me?

TEXT ALERT

I am actually reading you.

She's coming!

-Hey.

-Hey.

TEXT ALERT

Bonjour.

TEXT ALERT

Yo.

Getting your text was like being hit by awesome lightning.

Well, that's no wonder.

Mobile phones attract lightning.

You shouldn't use them in a lightning storm.

Who is this guy? Her mum?!

TEXT ALERT

I meant like a...happy accident.

Like dropping a chocolate bar in a deep...frier.

What?

Oh, nothing. Just something YOU'D say.

If we're not meant to have a midnight snack,

then why is there a light in the fridge?

You, er, mention food a lot.

TEXT ALERT

Uh, yeah.

Three words - I, sleep, eat.

Jas, is that you?

Lily?

JAS!

Oh, boy.

This was you?

You are the worst date...

How could you help Roxy get Matt like that?

I didn't know it was Matt she liked!

Wait. Why would YOU help Matt get Roxy like that?

So.

Isn't it weird how you don't see baby pigeons?

That IS weird!

Is that true about mobile phones and lightning?

Can we focus, please?

The date!

TEXT ALERT

OK, it's been a lovely date but I've, er,...

..got to go now.

TEXT ALERT

Yeah, shall we do it again?

Ow!

TEXT ALERT

Or not.

Bye now!

OK, OK.

This is good!

-How is this good?

-Think about it.

If we can control what they say, we can make them say stuff

that'll put them off each other!

Evil Cupid!

I don't want them to hate each other. They can be friends.

Just find each other kind of gross.

Right, right. So just ease them apart.

I'll fix everything.

Just get Matt to arrange a second date with Roxy

and we'll break them up in no time.

-Oh, hello!

-What is this? Hmm?

I don't know, you're moving it too fast.

Let me tell you. It says here our Young Inventor Competition entry

is a "global dance craze".

You know, like Gangnam Style. They're very lucrative,

and affect the world in a positive way.

Our invention was a gadget to reduce exhaust gases!

Yeah, I tweaked it.

A dance is not an invention!

Sure it is. It's in the Media category.

And it's not a dance. It's a dance craze. Social data mapping.

We go viral, sit back and let the props roll in, yo.

I don't know what any of those words mean.

OK, so it's one, two, three-flex,

four, five, six, dazzle!

A craze only works when you do it in unison!

OK, from the top.

One, two, three-flex,

four, five, six, dazzle!

Erm, what is this?

Our invention!

That's right.

Which is not only lucrative but affects people in a positive way.

Yeah, Martha's loving it, aren't you, Martha?

OK, so once again from the top.

One, two, three-flex,

four, five, six, dazzle!

SERENE MUSIC

MUSIC CUTS OUT

Is it me, or are you not enjoying change so much as you say?

Look on the bright side.

At least it can't get any worse.

Sorry I'm late.

Our outfits arrived.

Outfits?!

So it can get worse.

OK, but now it can't get any worse.

They're for our dance routine presentation in front of the school.

I'm wrong. There are no limits to how bad this can get.

SHE GROANS

OK, so I got Matt to arrange another date with Roxy. Now what?

What's this?

I've written us a script to follow for this date,

so there are no surprises this time.

And we'll be talking directly into their ears.

So there are no predictive texting problems.

Where have you been?

It's about to start!

Sorry. Mrs Jones grabbed me.

She wants me to stack books in the library!

What?!

It's OK. I know my script off by heart, and I'll bring my phone in.

Let's have a good break-up!

Matt, are you ready?

She's coming!

Hello, Roxy. How it gladdens me to see you again.

How have you been since our last disastrous meeting?

I have been well. Thanks for asking, Matt. And you?

Well also.

But I am troubled.

What about?

Erm, subject or alphabetical?

Subject or alphabetical?

-Huh?

-Oh, just put them up any old way. Mrs Jones won't notice.

I worry that you're too good for me, Roxy.

I worry you're too good for me, Roxy.

Oh, no!

Oh, no.

And you must worry that I'm too good for you.

No, no, no!

No, no, no!

YES!

Yes!

-Why are you doing this to me?

-Why are you doing this to me?

Inferior! You're...

Inferior!

We...

..Would be better off apart!

'You call that easing apart?!'

I'd call that sledgehammering apart!

Hi, I just came to...

..bleed from my eyeballs.

Ollie, can I ask you something?

Please don't ask me about fashion. Please don't ask me about fashion!

Do you think I can handle change?

If I say "yes", will you go back to being normal?

-What do you mean?

-I don't like the new you.

She dresses weird and dances in unison.

You sound like YOU don't like change.

I don't like change! What's wrong with that?

-STEPHEN HAWKING:

-'Wake up and smell the coffee.'

You're right, Stephen. Lily wins. She gets to have you.

'It is a new dawn.'

I'm sorry it went so wrong.

I...got called away by Mrs Jones.

It's not your fault.

It's not like you planned it.

Uh-huh?

I guess she and me just weren't meant to be.

Well, that's what I wrote...Thought!

It's a good thing, right?

We can't affect people in a positive way if you're miserable.

TEXT ALERT

OK, we've got to ease them back together.

Evil Cupid turns good!

OK, so, er, one, two, three, flex,

four, five, six, dazzle.

KNOCK AT WINDOW

Roxy! Come to the window!

I'm sorry I said the things I said.

I don't know where it came from. It was like I was possessed.

It was like I was possessed!

Ask him why he acted that way.

Why did you act that way?

Because I was nervous and...

I was nervous! And I just wanted...

I don't want to be invisible any more!

Then come and be on my team and...

Then come on my team and I'll see you all the time!

Lily?

-Argh!

-Erm, I just wanted to say that you were right, and...

Martha? Can I come back to Team Fish?

I miss you and I liked things just the way they were.

Yeah!

Erm, what's behind your back?

Oh, erm,

it's my Stephen Hawking alarm clock.

So that's everything, really.

In a nutshell, the "Lily" app uses voice recognition to make

people's lives easier, but it can also be used to ask out girls.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

You called it the Lily app?

Seemed to fit.

Where's Roxy?

Oh. She left the team.

Turns out we weren't that great together.

We couldn't talk on our own.

It wasn't like with you.

And now please welcome Team Fish,

with their unique dance craze, the Munka Munka!

APPLAUSE

UPBEAT TECHNO

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

ENTHUSIASTIC CHEERING