Friendundancy So Awkward

I love mufti day. Doesn't everyone look great?

They look OK, I guess.

But I was hoping for much more, Natasha.

Do you know what I really want?

ROUSING MUSIC PLAYS I...I want to be amazed.

I want some girl to walk through the door and blow me away.

Not just to wear any outfit, but an outfit to end all outfits.

THEY CHEER Thank you, thank you.

You mean like this?

No, that's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about THE most incredible outfit in the world.

THEY GASP

I would go out with that girl in a second.

But I guess it just isn't going to happen.

Don't be so sure about that.

Lily, you look so cool. And so do all your friends.

Tell us something we don't know.

Would you take my coat?

Lily, why are you wearing chicken legs?

THEY ALL LAUGH

ECHOING: Why are you wearing chicken legs? Why are you wearing chicken legs?

-JAS GIGGLES

-Chicken legs?

Your worst nightmare is turning up on mufti day in chicken legs?

-That's extremely unlikely.

-Yes, but HOW unlikely?

I'm not sure, but I can do the maths for you.

Lily, it was just a dream. That stuff doesn't happen in real life.

I guess not.

OK, panic over. Shall we?

Lily, you've dropped, er...

# So, so, so, so

# So, so...

# So, so, so, so, so

# So, so...

# SO AWKWARD! #

-No! Absolutely not!

-What do you mean, no?

-I'm always in charge on mufti day.

-I mean no.

-But I haven't even said what...

-Please, I'm begging you.

No more home-made T-shirts.

-At least we weren't in uniform.

-I took my tie off!

-I've got it! Why don't we...

-No, we're not going as zombies.

Every year you try to.

I suppose you'd like to dress like that boring Natasha Jones.

I don't care about Natasha.

With her gorgeous clothes, and her perfect hair...

I've got it! Why don't we have a trying-on party?

Lily's house tonight?

-Come on, it'll be fun.

-Um, I guess we could, but...

-Where's Ollie gone?

-Under the table.

-Oh, no, not again.

-You were talking about clothes.

-Where was he meant to go?

-I thought we'd got past this.

Ollie, please!

Are you guys finished? Because I'm not coming up until you've finished.

-SHE SIGHS

-For goodness' sake.

Yes, we've finished.

Interesting. You were under there 3 minutes 40.

You're getting quicker.

I'm not asking again - stop timing me!

-You have got to be joking.

-But we agreed.

We all wear the same colour and take a photo.

-Nobody mentioned pink!

-I didn't say pink.

-I said a lovely shade of rose.

-Rose is so in right now.

-How about a lovely shade of no?

-Come on, Matt.

Why are you fighting this? You know you always dress up with us.

There's always yellow.

Yellow? The colour of maths. Yay!

OK, I'm going to go.

You are a genius.

-Yellow is so in right now.

-How did we not think of it?

HE MOUTHS

-Lily, you're doing it too, right?

-Me?

-Er...

-Well, it was your idea.

-Your ideas are so in right now.

-Even Matt's doing it.

-Um, I guess.

-Great. Welcome aboard.

I'd better go.

-Lucky escape.

-Hmm?

Natasha - she's about as boring as King Boring of Yawn Town.

-King what of where?

-It's my new catchphrase.

-So, what time do you want us round?

-Erm, for what?

Our trying-on party. You didn't forget, did you?

No - trying-on party, great!

-Maybe we can try on some yellow things.

-Yellow?

Ugh, no way. I'd never dress you in yellow. Don't worry, Lily.

This is going to be cooler than King Cool of Chill Town.

HORROR MUSIC

HORROR MUSIC

Oh!

Oh, there you are. Why are you wearing earmuffs?

-SHOUTING:

-I can't hear you. I'm wearing earmuffs.

Can you take them off?

-SHOUTING:

-Why don't I take them off? Then I can hear you.

-What?

-Nothing.

OK, I've been studying you all day,

and I've put the data into this chart.

It's a list of what clothes scare you the most. What do you think?

-You can't use a table to measure my fear of clothes.

-Why not?

Well, for one thing, you haven't even put a formula in column B.

You've put camisoles next to skirts, and I find blouses a lot scarier.

Interesting. What if we base it on how long you hide?

But we would have to factor in running away.

Good point. This is complex.

Work on it later?

My place? Excellent.

Martha! There's a thing.

Basically - Jas, Natasha, pink, yellow, mufti day.

-Maths book!

-I see.

Trying-on party. Photo. Matt Furnish.

-Oh, that IS awkward.

-Can you come over tonight?

-I'm busy, I'm afraid.

-It's fine.

-Please!

-I need you to help me talk Jas out of making us over.

-I promised Ollie.

-I REALLY don't mind.

-Bring him along?

-Oh, good idea.

-Have I gone invisible?!

-Great. See you later.

-Perfect.

Now, where were we?

-Lily! All set for wearing yellow tomorrow?

-Oh, yeah.

-Well, you see, the thing is...

-Great!

We're meeting first thing in the break room. 8:45 OK?

Er...yeah, can't wait.

Hey, Lily! All set for the trying-on party tonight?

-Uh, well, you see, the thing is...

-Great. We're meeting at yours later.

-Five o'clock OK?

-Er...yeah, can't wait.

SHE WHIMPERS

-SHE SIGHS

-I know, right?

Can you believe someone just left this in a skip?

-I look like an evil caretaker.

-Which is a very fashionable look.

Yeah, in horror movies. Mum, tell her!

Maybe with a belt?

Fine. I'll be right back.

Oh, cheer up.

I used to love mufti day when I was your age.

Once we even snuck into the boys' changing room

-and stole their clothes!

-THEY LAUGH

-When did you give them back?

-We didn't. We just let them freeze!

There were a lot of colds that year.

Richard Pearson got pneumonia.

-SHE GIGGLES

-How we laughed about it.

When he got out of hospital.

OK, so just to recap -

you're fine with socks and cardigans...

-No problems.

-..but not shrugs?

-No.

And the less said about tights the better.

You didn't even warn me!

Well, I can't. It would invalidate the results.

-OK, next item.

-Look, can we just take a break?

It's not that I don't appreciate any of this...

HE WHINES

-Ollie, you're ruining the experiment!

-This isn't science, OK?

It's torture. It's an abras... I mean, ABUSE of my tights.

-I mean, rights!

-I thought you were a scientist.

I just can't do it, OK?

I'm just one brason. I mean, person! I mean...

Bras and big pants!

So, are you ready for your new look?

-And what's great is, it comes in a range of different shapes.

-Right.

And you can just adapt the style however you want.

That's because it's a tablecloth.

Now you're just being difficult!

It's still got jam on it!

-SHE SIGHS

-Look, I'm not asking for Cinderella's ball gown...

-Ooh!

-..and I don't want to look like Natasha Jones...

-Ugh!

..but I am not wearing this.

-I could make a ball gown!

-No, you couldn't.

-£2.50 says I can.

-£5 says please don't.

-OK, it's a bet.

-I'm not sure I agreed to a...

-DOOR OPENS

Oh, my word.

-Ta-da!

-What have you done to her?!

Martha, are you OK?

Listen, you don't have to wear this.

Yes, I do. I look fantastic!

OK, so we meet first thing, girls' loos, 8:45.

-8:45?

-Yeah, what's wrong with that?

We're meeting first thing in the break room. 8:45 OK?

Um, how about we make it 8:40?

Someone's keen to lose their cash!

Seriously, though - thanks for trusting me with this task.

Any time.

Night, then. See you tomorrow.

-Is she going home like that?

-I'm sure her mum will love it.

Hello, darling. Did you have a nice time with your friends?

I did, actually. We had fish fingers, peas, and I'm a goth now.

That's nice, darling.

-Goodnight, Mother.

-Sweet dreams.

-I'm sorry, Lily.

-It's OK. No-one can make a ball gown overnight.

-I didn't expect...

-I'm sorry, Lily, because you're out of £5!

What do you think?

-Er...

-The sleeves were the tricky bit, but I got there in the end.

It's OK if you hate it.

No, I love it!

It's...

so...

-..green!

-Great!

EERIE MUSIC

Six people,

a door and a locker. Interesting.

-Oh, no, left my coat behind.

-Didn't you just have it?

-Nope, better go and get it.

-OK, but don't be long.

I want us to plan our big entrance.

-Erm, OK, where are we making this big entrance?

-You'll see.

-Just meet me here at break.

-Break, OK, I'll catch you up.

Five minutes, yeah?

Oh! What are you doing?

Sorry, can't talk!

Oh, not the robot.

THEY GASP

Lily, you made it.

Did you not get the e-mail? We loved your idea and everything,

and then we were like, "What's even cooler than yellow?"

I'm going to guess red.

Yes, how did you know? You're so switched-on to fashion.

Red is so in right now.

-You can borrow my jacket.

-Thanks, Natasha.

Meet us back here at break. We're taking a photo with the whole gang.

-I'm in your gang?

-Of course.

See you later.

-Well, I guess she just wants to make us look nice.

-You already do.

You know, Lily, I really wanted to tell you something.

-What?

-You just grabbed my hoodie and threw it over your head.

I was just...trying it on.

Do you know what? This really isn't my size. See you later.

OK, I have had an extraordinary morning.

So far I've had over 50 responses to my outfit,

and there is a definite pattern.

I can start to break this down by tracing...

Looking fabulous, everyone. Are we all here?

Yes!

Can I maybe try something?

Perfect.

-Thanks, Natasha.

-I'm just glad you could make it.

-And if you ever want to borrow...

-I've got to go.

-See you in art.

-Yes, art.

Jas doesn't do that - neither do many other people.

They're missing out. All the more art for us, eh?

-There you are. I've been looking for you.

-Where, in a sauna?

Ha-ha-ha(!)

What's that?

Oh, how did that get there? Ha-ha-ha(!)

-OK, crazy, ready for our big entrance?

-Definitely.

I thought we could make our big entrance in art.

-You don't do art.

-I switched last week, I told you.

-Uh-huh.

Ugh! Stupid, pointless art...

Stupid! Ah!

Ow!

HE LAUGHS

Why are you in the boys' loos?

Well, I might ask you the same thing.

-Right, well, I was just doing a...

-Don't need to know! Just testing.

Well done, cos that was a tough one. Have fun.

Don't forget to dry your hands.

-Scaring people? Me?

-Yes, all over the school.

People are terrified.

They're just doing what you tell them and you don't even have to ask.

Well, if I'm not saying anything to them, then...

how can they do what I tell them?

I don't know but that's what makes it so scary.

How are you doing it?

Well, I'm not sure, to be honest with you, but I'm working on it.

-Do you want to see?

-Oh, no, no, you stay there.

I think the real question here is,

"Can you get those boots in my size?"

Hey, crazy, are you painting today?

Yeah, I'm just protecting my dress.

In fact, I might keep this on all day.

Brilliant, why are we shouting?

Ha-ha-ha(!)

I don't know. OK, let's go do some art.

It's not what it looks like.

It looks like you've ditched something I spent hours making

-and you lied to me.

-OK, it is what it looks like.

-You traitor.

You're worse than a traitor, you're King Traitor of Traitor Town.

-Don't use your stupid catchphrase on me.

-I thought you liked it.

I was being nice.

I'm sorry, OK, but you and I have very different taste in clothes.

Maybe I should put THAT on a T-shirt.

-I didn't mean that.

-Wow.

-Jas, come on.

None of this would have happened if we'd done zombies.

So first off, I'd just like to say thanks for coming to this meeting

and your friendship's been appreciated.

-We've had some fun times, haven't we?

-Yes.

Course we have, but there comes a time when the fun stops

and the work has to begin. I'm sorry to say, it's just not working out.

-I'm going to have to let you go.

-Are you firing us?

Your friendship isn't meeting its targets, it's not performing,

-it's redundant.

-Ollie, you can't sack your friends.

Of course not, not without the proper paperwork.

"Official Contract of Friendun..."

Friendundancy, I'm making you friendundant.

You just need to sign here... and here.

And if you ever need a reference, just give me a call...

but it might not be that good.

-Let's just go to lunch.

-What makes you think I want to?

Maybe you should go and eat with your new friends.

Fine, maybe I will.

-This is for you.

-What is it?

I'll be in the nurse's office. I need a lie down.

Oh, I love your dress...

Oh, so we've all agreed,

we're going to be wearing blue for the rest of the day.

-Blue is so in right now.

-I know, right.

Seriously, how many outfits did you bring?

KNOCK AT DOOR Ollie, are you in there?

No, I'm not. Try next door.

-Please, we have to talk.

-About what?

Have you got some old pants to show me, or do you want to see

how many times you can knock me over before I start to cry?

-Unbelievable, you're writing that down, aren't you?

-No, I mean...

No, I just wanted you to have this. It's the report of my findings.

"The Scary Clothes Effect,

"by Martha Fitzgerald and Ollie Colton."

I couldn't have done it without you.

Well, bye, then.

Wait!

What happened to the hair?

Oh, erm, it was getting in the way.

Let's just say it went to a good home.

-GIRL SCREAMS

-Oh, so afraid.

Ha-ha-ha!

-Ready?

-Have I said that I think this is insane?

-About 100 times.

-Excellent, shall we?

"Wear this"?

"Check locker". Yes!

Hee-hee. Ha-ha-ha!

-This isn't blue.

-I know.

I love it, how did you get that look?

Jas?

It's very simple, you take an old top, any colour will do.

You give it a few rips, a bit of sparkle...

FABRIC RIPS

-Looking fabulous, guys.

-Zombies are so in right now.

THEY GROAN

-Oh, I can't believe it.

-I hate to say I told you so.

-No, you don't.

-No, I really don't.

-It's fascinating stuff,

I can't wait to tell Ollie.

He'll be...

Please sign and confirm that you are A, feeling better,

B, feeling worse, or C, none of the above.

-Thanks, Mrs Rennison.

-BELL RINGS

I'll be fine. I just need to take it easy.

Phew.

ZOMBIES GROAN

OLLIE BREATHES HEAVILY