A Minus So Awkward

Thank you, Alan, for your presentation on static electricity.

-Martha?

-Thank you, Mrs Benson.

Today, I will be demonstrating cloning.

Cloning myself.

CLAPPING

It's only home-made,

but I managed to tweak the DNA to make her hair black.

I call her Marsha.

I cloned myself as well.

She's got blonde hair. She's called Martina.

What? We're the same person, you don't think I'd make one too?

MARTINA CLEARS HER THROAT

She's called Karen because I ran out of variations on Martha.

KAREN GIGGLES

Any more?!

Come in, Martin.

Hey.

KAREN GIGGLES

CLASS MURMURS

# Whoo-hoo-hoo

# Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo

# Whoo

# So, so, so, so

# So, so

# Whoooo

# Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo

# Whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo

# Double-double, whoo-hoo

# So, so, so, so

# So, so, so, so

# Whoo

# So awkward! #

So, provided I've won at history...

"Won at history"?!

OK... Beating everyone else in the exam - whatever...

I'll be the first student to come

top of the class seven months in a row.

You'd think the novelty would wear off, but it doesn't.

Where are we going?

I don't know, I was following her.

Oh, I was following Matt.

He's like a magnet.

This is happening a lot.

I like it.

-We're seeing parts of the school I've never seen before.

-Sorry.

I try bumping into him, but he's always walking the other way.

We should hang out. People who hang out hook up.

You could be better at this.

Like walk in the opposite direction.

I've got a better idea. I've been working on this.

Four words - romantic leads school play.

Three words - I can't act.

OK...

Stuck. In. A. Lift.

Are they all four words?

Lost. In. A. Forest?

I. Will. Keep. Thinking.

Getting exam results is like Christmas, isn't it?

Remember what we said about not saying things out loud.

I got a B! Thanks, sir!

It's definitely your handwriting.

I know this because I used it to rewrite your school reports.

Oh, very funny.

Seriously, don't do that.

DRAMATIC STRING MUSIC

SHE GASPS

SHE HYPERVENTILATES

Are you OK?

Use your words.

It's all right.

Breathe.

-Sir?

-What's wrong, is she choking?

Is she having some sort of a fit?

No, you gave her an A-minus.

Ssh! She's trying to say something.

SHE GASPS Please... Tell me...this is a stain.

You got Anne Hathaway, Shakespeare's wife,

muddled up with Anne Hathaway, the actress.

It's an easy mistake to make, don't worry.

DON'T WORRY?!

I can fix this.

You're welcome.

Tough crowd.

How am I going tell Mother?

And the weather here is terrible.

They say it's going to last all week. It really is just...

What is that? What are you doing?

I'm making small talk.

I asked if you got your exam results.

Sorry, didn't hear you. Digital interference, I guess.

So?

Soap?

-Where were you?

-In the study.

I thought you were in a different country.

Country, room...

So, your results? What did you get?

Oh, results, that's what you said.

Um...

Well...

I got an A...

-Plus...

-Great!

Plus an extra little symbol on the end...

..next to the A...

..which was...a...

..minus.

The anti-plus.

A...minus?

You're disappointed.

SHE SQUEALS AND STAMMERS

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT

-STAMMERS:

-It's fine. It's fine.

Let's hop on the study bus...

Oh, this is...weirdness.

It's no big thing...

She got an A-minus!

HE SQUEALS AND STAMMERS

That's fine...

It's...it's...it's...

It's...it's...it's...fine.

I'm still me, you know!

Yes, of course you are, darling.

There's nothing wrong with me!

It wasn't my fault, it was Anne Hathaway!

Is that a bully? Are you being bullied?

She's an actress.

She's Shakespeare's wife!

Science!

-I can still be top of the class with the science test tomorrow.

-Yes.

Wait, where are you going?

Sorry, Ollie, I can't study tonight. I've got to...

..study.

OK, so what about - you and Matt get on the wrong bus,

and it's an express so you can't get off?

And you talk and talk for hours and you fall asleep on his shoulder.

Where's the bus going?

It doesn't matter where it's going, it's the wrong bus!

It's going to...Lovesville!

Well, at least I'm trying.

Tutor...

I could tutor him!

Ugh, boring.

There's a reason why there's no Twilight Saga - Breaking Algebra.

OK now, class, your fruit flies are on the side.

You may now begin your practical exam.

Where's Martha?

Jas, she's turned into you.

Where have you been?

I overslept.

I was up all night studying.

I'm now an expert on the old Drosophila melanogaster.

Fruit fly.

Are you OK?

Martha.

Oh, sorry, micro-sleep.

I'll get the flute fries. I mean, fruit flies.

FLIES BUZZ, JAS GASPS

I think she's going to faint again. Catch her!

What happened to her?

She got an A-minus. Yep,

and released 800 fruit flies into the atmosphere.

Mrs Griggs,

Martha's been feeling quite stressed about her grades.

We were wondering if there was maybe something you could do to,

er, take the pressure off?

Hm. What you need is a tutor.

TUTOR!

Me...never...need...tutor!

No, not that kind of tutor.

What you need is a fun-ness tutor.

Someone to help you lighten up.

Is that a thing?

It is now.

Who is fun?

You mean like Matt Furnish?

Ah! I'm going to assign

Matthew Furnish as your funness tutor!

-LILY AND MARTHA:

-Matt Furnish!

Like, I said LIKE Matt Furnish.

And you don't get rid of him until you've passed having fun.

It's not my fault Martha stole your "hanging out with Matt" idea.

Well, you gave it away!

You say tomato, I say tomato.

That's the same thing!

Look, I think you're totally blowing this out of proportion.

It's not like Martha's going to hook up with Matt instead of you, right?

-Ha!

-JAS LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

THEY LAUGH

Cos that'd be all my fault!

I'll find you another way to hang out, I promise.

But, hey, look on the bright side -

at least Martha's going to have the worst time.

# Trigonometry

# You and me, and love makes three

# It's perfect trigonometry

# Take away the rain And add the sunset

# You and I together equals Triple Threat... #

'Lily?'

Lily?

Were you thinking about Matt and Martha just now?

What? No!

Good, because there's nothing to worry about.

Martha doesn't hook up.

I know.

What if you and Matt got arrested?

Got thrown into a prison cell overnight?

We can make it into a Robin Hood-type crime

if you're worried about breaking the law.

How about we just drop by?

See how Martha's getting on.

Your house is like one of those pretend rooms from Ikea.

I don't need a tutor, you know.

You're only here because Jas's a blurter.

Can I see your course plan? I assume you have one.

Uh-huh.

When you said drop by, I assumed you meant through the front door.

What, turn up unannounced?

Pff!

Wouldn't want to intrude.

What are you doing here?

What are YOU doing here?

Martha's got a new study buddy.

I don't know what I did wrong.

You didn't do anything wrong.

It was Jas.

I blurt. I'm a blurter.

Are they singing yet?

What?

Tomorrow we'll put this under Mr Malone's chair,

-so when he sits down...

-Yeah, I know how it works.

Did you know the Emperor Elagabalus used a version at dinner parties

in Roman times?

-How do you do that?

-What?

Make everything boring. That's some trick.

I don't know what you hope to teach me.

WHOOPIE CUSHION TOOTS JAS LAUGHS

(Shut up!)

So juvenile.

It's just a shame they can't do the smell as well as the sound.

Please. It's just hydrogen sulphide and ammonia.

I could do that with my lab kit.

No!

Come on, we've got another hour together.

If we don't do that, I'm teaching you how to burp

the national anthem.

GROANS: I'll get the hazard suits.

That's MY hazard suit!

Oh, come on, you two! She's hating it.

There's clearly no chance of them hooking up.

Can we go home now?

OK.

I'm staying.

How did it go last night?

We invented pizza, amongst other things.

I'm sorry.

I tried to have fun, I really did,

but then he mixed banana and kebab meat.

Banana and kebab meat!

She's miserable.

See, that's great news! I told you, didn't I?

WHOOPIE CUSHION TOOTS

Ugh!

CLASS GROANS

-It smells.

-That's disgusting.

BELL RINGS

Why don't you just talk to her?

Well, I don't want to come off as needy.

I was talking to Lily.

Oh.

Cos I'm not bothered.

What's one little high-five?

I mean, she practically took his eye out.

You're really OK?

It's completely gone from my mind. Really, I'm fine.

Wait a minute, where are we going?

Lily!

Shh!

They're turning round!

They can't know we're here.

It's time to bring out the big guns.

I was saving this one for me,

for the day I decided to move things on with Colin Wodarsky.

He's not ready yet.

See that?

You think raising money for donkeys

is going to bring me and Matt together?

I haven't told you the best bit.

Two. Person. Costume.

You walk around collecting money...

Joined together...

A two-person onesie?

That's your big idea? A twosie.

Its simplicity belies its genius.

Look, you're forgetting something here -

Matt's already got Martha to have fun.

It's over now.

They'll go their separate ways.

I've got nothing to worry about.

I've decided to tutor Matt.

WHAT?!

I think he needs it.

I'm experiencing a really strange emotion.

Is it love?

No. Sympathy.

Where are you going?

To volunteer for charity.

OK, tonight we're going to learn how to waste time.

I brought my game system...

I've got a different idea.

I thought we could work on your history project.

I'm the funness tutor.

Grades are fun too.

Getting results is like Christmas.

Hang on a second,

aren't you the one that thought

Anne Hathaway was Shakespeare's wife?

She IS Shakespeare's wife.

Do you want to improve your grades or not?

Look, you like shocking teachers, right?

Well, this is just another way to do it.

MOBILE RINGS

What?!

'Ollie, we have a plan, we need your help.'

We'll distract Matt with the sponsored fancy dress,

but we need you to do something for us.

'Are you crazy? I'm not getting involved'

with one of your schemes.

'I know what happens.'

I've seen the suffering.

Oh, yeah? How's spying working out for you?

Ollie, what are you doing?

Um...

If you'll excuse me,

I'm just in the middle of a very important call.

OK, I'm in.

What do I have to do?

Where is he?

Ollie, where are you?

Operation Long Shot's about to start.

He's coming.

You think we could change the name of the operation?

What's wrong with it?

Well, it's a bit of a downer.

Operation Hot Romance?

Sorry, I had a problem with the laminator...

Wow. Ollie. That's impressive.

Of course it is. I don't do adequate.

And neither do I.

What is that?

It's a twosie - for you and Matt to wear.

What is it, roadkill?

It's a two-headed donkey - anyone can see that.

Shh, they're coming! Just go with it.

What's that?

Ah, this?

Ugh. You wouldn't believe it -

they've signed us up for this year's charity event.

Look what we have to wear.

Is that a two-headed donkey?

Thank you!

I know. It's really annoying.

At lunch, we have to practise walking as one.

SHE SIGHS

But we're studying at lunch.

-But we need to practise.

-But we're studying.

-But we need to practise.

-But we're studying.

-But we need to practise.

-But we're studying.

-We need to practise.

-We're studying.

-We need to practise.

-We're studying.

And, in 1804, Napoleon made himself Emperor of France.

-Hey, well done!

-Whew!

-Yes!

We need to finish his history assignment. It's due tomorrow.

Yeah, well, the charity event's today.

It's a shame. He was finally getting it.

Hey.

So...

You may have noticed I've been acting a little crazy lately.

Truth is, there's something on my mind.

The fate of the donkeys.

Not the donkeys.

I've been a little...jealous, I guess,

of you and Matt.

You want a funness tutor?

If anything, you're TOO fun.

I don't want a funness tutor.

I want what you have with Matt.

But we don't have anything.

Really?

It looks to me like...hooking up.

You don't know what that looks like, do you?

Not really.

I wouldn't do that to you. You're my friend.

Well, I have something for you.

I think you should finish your assignment.

But what about the charity collection?

Don't worry about that. I've got it covered.

Jas, this way, come on, I said...

Ollie, no, come this way, we need to co-operate.

-I am!

-Thank you.

THEY ARGUE

THEY YELL

Remember, whatever happens, we had fun.

We did NOT have fun - at all.

We researched French history for longer than there was actual

French history.

What?

You'll see.

Congratulations, Mr Furnish, a B-plus.

That's an actual B!

I didn't even have to fake it.

What are you saying?

-Nothing?

-Hm.

High-five.

You are really bad at that.

I know...

Hey, Martha, you got an A-plus.

Oh, yeah. Whatever.

Do you think you could tutor me for the maths exam?

Um...

I don't know. I'm a little busy.

Got to work on my high-fives. But I think Lily's free.

Yeah, cool.

Once again, Jas saves the day.