Mr Sicky Bear So Awkward

CHILDREN CRYING

Please stop!

Trust me, this was the last thing I wanted to happen.

I'm sorry, OK?

I'm afraid it's too late for "sorry".

Three words, Jas.

Best. Performance. Ever!

-I know.

-I think you might be the best actress in the whole world.

-I know.

-Your Juliet was brilliant!

So beautiful! So feminine!

I'm giving you a Double A Star.

Achoo!

And then Mrs Griggs will give us a Double A Star,

and we'll be carried out of the school shoulder high.

Jas, it's one scene from Romeo and Juliet.

It's only for assembly and you can't even get the lines right.

Plus you have a cold so bad it's scaring Ollie.

Stay away from me, you cold-ridden demon.

So what? My Juliet is brilliant.

I'm beautiful. I'm fembidinde.

You're what?

Fembidinde!

And again?

Fembidinde! I am fembidinde, like a girl.

Oh, feminine.

Of course you are.

In a snotty, dribbly kind of way.

So, maybe you should just stay home.

No way! I need to rehearse and I am definitely not contagious.

Achoo!

# Ooh, hoo-hoo

# Ooh-hoo ooh-hoo

# So, so, so, so

# Ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo, ooh-hoo

# Ah ah, ah ah, ah ah.

-# So, so, so, so

-So, so, so, so

# So awkward! #

DOORBELL RINGS

Welcome, welcome.

Where's the patient?

Achoo!

Thank you so much for having her.

I am doing a half day today so I'll be back by...

-8.00pm tomorrow.

-I'm sure she'll be no bother.

Of course she won't.

Now just keep the humidifier on medium for optimum air quality.

I've highlighted her symptoms in my medical dictionary

here, here, here, here and here.

That's my number, the GP, the hospital

and the Institute for Tropical Disease.

I'll need hourly updates via the webcam.

What medication are you using for Jas?

Er...Sugar Puffs?

Great!

I'm not sure about this. He has egg on his top.

Well, eggs are very nutritious. Right, Mr Salford?

Darling, you're not thinking straight.

What if you get egg on your top, too?

I'll... I'll be fine.

Take this...

as well.

SUSPENSFUL MUSIC

Welcome to the party!

Oh, you were hiding.

No, it's just where I sit.

Crisp?

No, thanks.

I'm just going to sit down.

Well, don't get too comfy. We still need to work on our assembly scene.

You're still directing, right?

No, I'm not up to it.

But don't worry. I've found a replacement.

Who knew there were so many books about Shakespeare?!

OK, I've split them up and catalogued them by date

and by theme.

And as long as we don't eat or sleep,

I'm pretty sure we can read everything anyone's

ever written about him by morning.

Guys! Guys, wait.

Look, you need...

I guess it's just you and me, then.

What am I doing?

Playing Juliet.

Er, no. That would be Jas.

I've done my research

and nowhere does it say Juliet was a viral incubator.

And since everyone else has just quit,

you're my last resort.

Aw, that's so sweet.

So you'll do it?

No!

Wait, please, I can't get sick, OK?

I'm not like normal people. I have a very sensitive immune system.

So, please,

if you won't do it for me,

then do it for my mucous membranes.

Oh, please.

Wait!

Please...

help me...

save...

my...

nose!

Get off!

It's ridiculous!

I'm sure Jas will be fine.

Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art that remote control-eo?

Don't tell me...

..it fell behind the sofa.

What?

Stop making it up!

I'm improving it.

Look, there's no point doing this if you're not taking it seriously.

Now, try again and this time try to get at least one of the words right.

Yay! It's Mr Sicky Bear!

Hello, everybody! How are you today?

We're not very well, Mr Sicky Bear.

We've caught the sniffles.

That's what you have to say.

Oh, no, not the sniffles!

Would you like me to chase them away?

Do the song!

There's a song?

# I'm Mr Sicky Bear, and I'm on the sicky chair

# And won't you say hello

# To my sicky, sicky hair!

# My Mr Sick-y Face is really round, not square

# And my sicky tummy-tum, it rumbles here and everywhere! #

Well? Say hello, then.

I don't talk to bears.

That's OK. You can hug me instead.

Hello, Mr Bear.

It's Mr Sicky Bear.

Get the name right.

Oh, OK.

Oh, erm...

..so,

have you washed recently?

LAUGHTER

You don't wash Mr Sicky Bear!

That would be like washing the cushions.

LAUGHTER

Or hoovering the carpet!

Zebra. Three down. Striped horse.

-Thanks.

-Which then makes three across Zulu

and four down, umbrella

and then 17 across is anvil!

Wow! You finished that quick!

You've got time to do the scene now.

For the last time. It's Jas' part.

I couldn't do that to her.

OK, loo... Oh, no.

-What?

-It's Natasha Jones.

She keeps showing me dresses.

Yeah. Martha put her in charge of costumes.

Oh, yeah, like that's an excuse.

Just, er...tell her I'm out.

Hi, Ollie.

What do you think?

Juliet gets to wear that?

I know! I was thinking hair up?

Oh! That would be amazing! I've got a clip that would...

Jas will look great.

Would you mind trying it on?

-I just need to check the hem.

-Really?

I mean, sure, if that's helpful.

I'll help. Whatever.

Ooh, are those the shoes?

I don't know, darling. Is it some sort of dishcloth?

He's a bear, mother.

Fascinating.

What's he for?

Hugs, apparently.

And do you wear some sort of protective equipment?

No, not that I'm aware of.

Oh, dear. Really?

Maybe it's time to open the bag.

Ooh, I don't know.

I don't want to be rude.

No! It'll be a nice surprise.

Anyway, I've got to go, darling.

Client meeting.

The one with the breath.

Right, Mr Wilson. You're up.

You've got five minutes. Shoot.

What do you think?

It's beautiful!

Yes, it is!

You, the dress.

It's like it was meant to be.

No, this is bad.

I shouldn't be doing this.

Take it away!

No, don't.

No, do!

Why are you fighting this

when you should be asking yourself,

"What would the dress want?"

I think...

maybe...

..it would want me to wear it?

I mean, it's not my fault Jas got sick!

And it's definitely not the dress' fault.

So all we're saying is,

me playing Juliet would be the best for everyone.

Including Jas!

Exactly! You're such a good friend!

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got lines to learn.

Don't you give me that look!

I'm doing this for your immune system, too.

Oh, the sweet smell of potpourri.

Lavender and Jasmine. Perfect.

Romeo, Romeo,

what's your favourite cereal?

That's how you should do it.

-Are you all right, Martha?

-Yeah.

I was just wondering if you noticed anything.

Anything different?

Awww. You got crisps!

Hang on a minute.

What?

Juliet can't do the famous balcony scene if she hasn't got a balcony!

We should build one!

You are so right.

Mm, me, me, we need wood, obviously.

Have you still got that glue gun we got you?

Can I just get everyone's attention?

Hello!

Well, first off, I'd just like to thank you all for coming.

Now, obviously, I can only pick one Romeo, but to me you're all winners.

It's OK. I'm only here for the grades.

It was either this or failing English, so...

I mean, yay! Theatre!

I'll go first.

What are you doing?

Plate spinning.

Did Romeo spin a plate?

Dunno.

OK. I'm not sure that Romeo spun a plate,

that's the thing.

I can do it on one leg if that helps?

Sorry, sorry. One sec. One sec.

Congratulations!

You've got the part.

Sorry, Rufus!

Sorry, Jas, I'm going to be Juliet. Sorry, Jas, I'm going to be Juliet.

Ollie's making me be Juliet!

Can't stop, I'm defrosting the freezer.

OK.

It's been nonstop today.

Don't ask me when I'm going to get round to those cupboards!

Um. I won't.

Oh, look at you. Come here.

Is Jas home?

Living room. Shoes off, please, I just cleaned the floor.

OK, Mrs Fitzgerald.

I mean, Martha.

I mean, thanks!

Wow.

I know, right?

It's going to look even cooler once we've finished painting it.

No.

I mean, whoa!

Please don't tell me this is for assembly.

It's the balcony scene from Romeo And Juliet.

Obviously it needs a balcony.

Of course it does.

It's costing me a month's pocket money!

Even my great-aunt Sue is driving down to see it.

-Right.

-From Scotland.

-Oh, boy.

-She's 98!

The doctors say she shouldn't,

but we're just so excited about me playing Juliet!

Anyway, sorry. What were you going to say?

I was just going to tell you...

..about the costume.

I think it'll really suit you.

Achoo!

You don't understand. It was all she could talk about.

I should never have let you talk me round.

-Lily, we've been through this.

-No! I mean it.

And this time nothing is going to change my mind.

Hi, guys. Ready to rehearse?

OK, I've changed my mind.

Hey, Matt. So, any particular reason why do you wanted to play Romeo?

The poetry? The love story?

Er, no. Just want to pass my English.

Right. Me too.

-Really?

-Yeah!

I mean, who cares about the stupid play...

..with all the romance and the kissing.

And the romance and the kissing...

and kissing.

-Are you done?

-Yeah.

Great, so you can both meet up later?

What? Later tonight?

But it's the Champions League semifinal.

Which I won't be watching.

Yay.

Theatre.

Great.

OK, cast, let's do this.

Let's put on an assembly!

Achoo!

Who's ready for their special break-time biscuit?

BOTH: Yay!

Indoors voices, please. Only quiet people get a special biscuit.

But first we wash our hands!

Having fun?

Of course!

In fact, I've got a surprise for you.

Fingernails, please.

You know you said you didn't have time to clean the house?

No, I didn't.

-Yes, you did.

-No, I said we don't want to clean the house.

-You did?

-We like things the way they are.

We'd never even think of...

Is that what I think it is?

Where is he, Martha?

-I don't know.

-Just tell me where he is!

Nooooooo!

Oh, er, surprise!

You washed Mr Sicky Bear?

I think he likes it.

Hello, I'm Mr Bear! I love being clean!

That's not how he talks.

You washed Mr Sicky Bear?!

Be brave, sweetheart. We can get through this.

Maybe you will, one day,

but I'm not sure if I can.

Jas, please, I can explain.

Stay away from me. I need to be alone.

-I hope one day someone washes your bear.

-Oh!

Then you'll understand.

She doesn't mean it.

She's just angry.

Oh, dear.

I never meant for any of this to happen.

Oh, speak again, bright angel,

for thou art...

..as glorious as this night as a...

Yes! Get in!

CHEERING FROM PHONE

I mean...

messenger of heaven.

Achoo!

Was that OK?

We can practise the kiss if you want.

Achoo!

Your mum said to come through.

We were just waiting for you!

Are you OK?

There's no easy way to say this.

Martha washed my bear today.

Oh, no!

I am so sorry.

It's probably better if we just don't ask.

Yeah.

Are you rehearsing?

Have you replaced me?

What? No! We could never do that! It wouldn't be the same without you.

Aw.

What are you doing? No, don't come over here.

What?

# He's a little sicky bear... on the sicky chair...

# On the...

# On the sicky chair with his sicky hair... #

HE SOBS

Oh, please don't cry. You can't imagine how sorry I am.

I'm fine. It's just the paint's got in my eyes.

There must be something I can do.

Can I help?

No need.

But I want to!

I love dirty bits of wood covered in splinters and dust.

And...what a lovely smell!

-I don't think you mean that.

-Yes, I do.

-No, you don't.

-I do! See?

-Careful! You're going to...

-HE GASPS

Oh...good.

I was hoping that would happen!

Interesting.

That was actually quite fun.

That was really fun!

Are you OK?

I'm better than OK, Mr Salford.

Now pass me that drill.

37 degrees. It's rising, it's definitely rising, I can feel it.

How's my neck? Is my neck swelling?

-No.

-OK.

Stay back! You've done enough!

I think I should write a will.

Get me a pen and some paper. And a solicitor.

I want a solicitor! Get me a solicitor!

Ollie, calm down!

Calm down? Calm down?!

This never would have happened if you'd just stayed at home

and let Lily play Juliet!

Let Lily do what?

He's joking.

No, I'm not.

Lily wanted your part so you wouldn't come back.

-STRAINED:

-I think... I think my voice just went.

I'm seeing spots!

You tried to steal my part?

I was defending you!

THEY ALL ARGUE

QUIET!

Thanks. I'm glad I got your attention.

Well, this has been fun, obviously.

But I would love to get home before midnight.

If I even make it that long.

I said, quiet!

Now, there's an easy way to decide this.

Which one of you actually knows the lines?

Well, obviously I...

..don't know them.

Here you go, Lily.

Are you sure?

Of course. I never really wanted it that badly anyway.

Honestly! I've already forgotten. What were we all talking about?

Cos I don't know!

What do you think?

Hmm. Not sure.

Is it a smidge on the bright side?

Nothing a lick of paint can't fix.

DOORBELL RINGS

The important thing is that we don't hold back.

-Just slap it on with our hands, brushes...

-Er, Martha...

I could use my sleeve!

Er...

We were just, er...

Darling, what have I told you about painting indoors?

You have to use a roller for even coverage!

Right. Thanks!

Crisp?

MARTHA: No!

Beautiful. Just beautiful.

I'm not too sure this is such a good idea.

I think you'll be great.

Of course, if you don't believe me, you can always ask someone else.

You dirtied him back!

You look great! Not at all fembidinde!

-What?

-Fembidinde.

You know? Like a girl.

Right, we're losing the tights.

Whoa, whoa! You have nothing to worry about.

Really?

The worst that can happen is everybody just laughs at you...

And maybe throws stuff...

And this goes down in history as the most embarrassing day of your life.

Better?

OK, one last rehearsal, everyone!

Shall we start?

What's in a name?

That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,

retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title.

Romeo, doff thy name,

and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.

Bravo! Well done, Jas. So beautiful!

So fembidinde!

Fembidinde! You know, like a girl!

Oh. Feminine!

It's such a shame it's been cancelled.

Sorry. I thought you said "cancelled".

Well, didn't you get the message?

With so many people off sick, they've decided to postpone it.

But... But we've been...

It's not all bad news!

Rufus is going to do some plate spinning in the break room instead!

Yay!

It's the kind of thing Romeo would have done anyway, right?

How are you feeling?

Much better, thank you. Thanks for having me.

Don't worry, it was the least we could do. Oh, I almost forgot!

Really? Are you sure?

I trust you to keep him dirty.

Sorry. I can't.

I know we talked about this, but...

it's too soon.

Don't worry. He just needs more time.