Ultimate Bucket So Awkward


Ultimate Bucket

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97,864.2?

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Correct.

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So, with both teams neck and neck, we come to the final round

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of the Cranmede maths quiz.

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What do you think it'll be? Algebra? Trigonometry?

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That's right.

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It's the Rob Edwards numbers around.

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That's right.

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Contestants must now answer maths questions

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on the subject of Lily's boyfriend.

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This is perfect. You'll know every answer.

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Erm, I guess.

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How many goals did Rob score for the Cranmede first XI last term?

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-BUZZER

-100?

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Incorrect.

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28. I'm not Lionel Messi.

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How long has Rob been using the same toothbrush?

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Six months?

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-Three years. Everyone knows that.

-BOOING

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Final question.

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What is the name of Rob's left shin pad?

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-That's not a maths question!

-BOOING

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-I thought you cared about me.

-I do!

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-But I just don't know this stuff.

-JEERING

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It's like you don't even know me.

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He's got a point, Lily.

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Not only are you a terrible girlfriend,

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but you're the official maths quiz loser.

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ALL: Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser! Loser...

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So, what does Rob call his left shin pad?

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Nothing, it's just a dream.

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The point is I obviously feel I don't know enough about Rob.

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It's because we don't spend enough time together.

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He's always doing football practice

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and I'm always at after-school clubs.

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-Ba-dum-dum!

-Don't do banana penguin now, Jas!

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I need date ideas.

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Romance. Quality time.

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Why? It's not like any of your weird dreams ever come true.

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With you in a sec, Lily. Just need to put Jim and Alan in my locker.

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# Ooh, ooh, ooh!

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# Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

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# So! So! So!

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# Ooh, ooh, ooh

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# Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh!

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# So! So! So! So!

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# So Awkward! #

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Throw me and Maxwell off the maths team?

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I'm sorry, but as team captains,

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Ollie and I have decided to freshen things up a bit.

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But we're key members of the Algebrainiacs.

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Yes, without us, we would never have won last term.

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That's highly debatable.

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Mmm, yeah, I don't remember it like that at all.

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7.3.

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Eight times root two!

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-Four.

-I knew that!

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-Five eighths!

-I don't think my buzzer's working.

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87,943...

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..point one.

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They keep buzzing before we have a chance!

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I know, it's their lightning fast reflexes.

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Curse their youth.

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They're making it look like they're better at maths than us.

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94 degrees.

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Do you know how much we improved the team's performance last term?

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-BUZZER

-28%.

-Correct.

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You carry that around with you?

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Look, it's not about throwing you off the team,

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it's about giving Lily and Jas a chance.

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What's that?

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Ah, we were just saying how you're looking forward

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to being on our maths team.

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I can take it or leave it, to be honest.

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THEY LAUGH

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Talking in opposites again! Typical Jas.

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-What will she do next?

-Huh?

-Oh, nothing.

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Better not keep you, I'm sure Alfie needs help

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-setting up the room for the quiz.

-Tell me about it.

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Cute kid, but walking disaster!

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Are you ready for the best date ever?

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-Basket-weaving?

-Very funny!

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I've got cakes, sandwiches, everything.

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And I've found an amazing spot on the playing field.

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We can spend some real quality time together.

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Sounds cool. Count me in.

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Unbelievable!

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Right, you lot,

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Mrs Griggs is making me run a lunchtime club,

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starting today for anyone who's failing history.

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Now, I won't tell you who, because it wouldn't be fair on Rob.

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But Rob loves history!

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He likes the battles and the gory stuff

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but there is more to history than that, unfortunately.

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The thing is, we kind of have plans.

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So did I. There's a new TV in the staff room and it's Doughnut Monday.

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But apparently, my lunch doesn't count.

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It's just a picnic. We can always do it another time.

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Yeah. It's not like we'll grow apart

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and realise we have nothing in common and end up hating each other.

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-Right.

-I'm not worried!

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Monday lunchtime, Rob's now got to do history club.

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Wednesday and Friday, Rob's got football practice.

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And Tuesday and Thursday, I've got to practise for a maths team

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-I don't even want to be on.

-Yes, you do.

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This is your big chance to win the maths trophy.

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I've got plenty of trophies.

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What I need is more time with Rob.

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Look at this.

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Fizzy Stuff magazine? You don't buy that, do you?

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No! It was in the dentist's.

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Anyway, apparently rapper Amy Zalian

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has split with her boyfriend Jake Spink.

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Reason? "Our busy schedules meant we were spending too much time apart."

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Yes! Well, luckily you and Rob aren't Kelly Thingy and Jack Stink.

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-Anyway, changing the subject,...

-What, no!

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You've got to help me.

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I need one of your crazy yet brilliant ideas

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to save my relationship.

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Like paying someone to be Rob's stand-in.

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Or hypnotising Mr Malone.

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Or talking about something other than your boyfriend for a change?

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Well, how's that going to help Rob?

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Rob, Rob, Rob! That's all I ever hear.

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Jas is right, Lily. We should be focusing on the maths quiz.

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-Thank you.

-It means a lot to Ollie.

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He loves maths.

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You've only got to mention quadratic equations and his eyes light up,

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and he does this funny thing...

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Call me when one of you has something to talk about

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other than your boring relationships.

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What? I'm not in a relationship.

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Oh, no! Ollie's late.

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He always gets engrossed in some task and forgets the time.

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I suppose it's endearing, really.

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-Bye.

-No, don't go!

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We won't talk about boyfriends.

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-It's sisters before misters, right, Martha?

-Of course.

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No, not there!

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That's Ollie's seat.

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Are you sure you've got the ladder, guys?

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-Yes!

-Why would Martha and Ollie want us off the team?

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We push them, we challenge them, we correct their mistakes.

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You'd think they'd appreciate that!

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Can you tell it's left over from December?

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-No.

-Ugh!

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The poor old things must be suffering

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from some kind of delusion.

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Burn-out. It can happen to the brightest minds.

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Really not going brilliantly up here.

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We'll just have to show them that they've made a mistake.

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Ugh!

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Alfie?

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Mmm?

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Whoa!

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Commiserations, Jeff. Heard about the history club.

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-Don't.

-I offered to run a geography club

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but all my kids' grades were too high.

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It's not exactly hard to learn four different types of lake.

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There's slightly more to geography than that.

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The secret to good teaching is to get the kids

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to actually like the subject.

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-Fantastic history lesson, sir.

-Oh, thanks very much, Rob!

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-I'm sorry, you enjoyed it?

-Yeah, it was amazing.

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Any more secrets you want to share?

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I'm pretty sure you can let the ladder go now.

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It was terrifying.

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My whole life flashed before my eyes.

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Right. Because from what I saw, you didn't really fall.

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Or slip. Or injure yourself in any way.

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There's so much I haven't done.

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Well, I guess you do have to seize the day while you can.

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Rather than wasting your life worrying about

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quality boyfriend time or pretending you don't have a boyfriend

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-when he's pretty much all you talk about.

-I've always said that.

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I should write a bucket list -

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everything I've always wanted to do - and just do it.

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That's a brilliant idea! I can help.

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So, what have you always wanted to do?

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Go into space.

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Live underwater.

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Win the heart of Martha Fitzgerald.

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Thing is, Alfie, you have to focus on things that are realistic.

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-So?

-Let's forget the Martha stuff.

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-Picnic time!

-Is that the same food from yesterday?

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It might be. I'm sure it'll be fine.

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Sorry, Lily. Got history club.

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-Again?

-Mr Malone says we needed more sessions.

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How about this evening? We could go bowling.

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I've got maths team practice.

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-Sorry.

-Go on!

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Very popular.

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-I wonder what they're doing in there.

-Don't know.

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Nobody knows. Nobody will tell me.

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No-one will tell me a thing.

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Not that I care, obviously.

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No. Seems like you don't care.

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Good. Because I don't.

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Write a song for Martha Fitzgerald

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and sing it outside her bedroom window?

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-Definitely not.

-Climb Mount Everest?

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Not totally impossible.

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And abseil back down with Martha Fitzgerald by my side.

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Alfie, there's more to a bucket list than impressing some girl.

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-Like what?

-I thought you'd never ask.

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Two words. Escape-ology.

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Isn't that just one?

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Now. This is real bucket list material.

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Imagine getting out of this lot in under a minute.

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Wow. But isn't that a bit dangerous?

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Totally! Right, let's get started.

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We just want you to know we understand.

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Even the world's greatest geniuses make mistakes.

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So, we're more than happy to put you back on the right path

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with a demonstration of our maths prowess.

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My theorem on quadratic forms?

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It's basically unsolvable.

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In under six minutes, I know.

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But with your permission, I'd like to attempt it in five.

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-What do we do?

-Stay calm. She'll never do it.

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No!

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I mean, I mean, "Oh, no, is that the time?"

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Right, because, we're late for, um...

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..a table-chair club.

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-Is that a thing?

-Mmm, yeah.

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Furniture appreciation is huge right now.

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Huge. But this was fun.

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So, keep up the good work.

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This is a tricky situation.

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Mmm, I'm glad you came to me.

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-I haven't said anything yet.

-Oh! I'm trying predictive listening.

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It's where I observe body language to discover what you're going to say

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before you say it.

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-I'm thinking about starting a...

-Ah!

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Is this about the smell in the stationery cupboard?

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-No.

-I'm thinking about starting...

-Are you sure?

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I'm thinking about starting a geography club.

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Oh, are your pupils struggling to remember

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the different types of lake?

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-Geography is about more than just lakes.

-Hang on, hang on.

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Ah! You're worried that Mr Malone's history club

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is proving weirdly popular with the children

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and you're jealous that he's finally becoming a better teacher than you.

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Definitely not!

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That's the wrongest thing you could have said.

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If this was a wrong competition, then you'd have just won. Yeah.

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Oh, can't always get it right!

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She nearly solved my equation.

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No-one solves my equations.

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I may as well just give up. Stop challenging myself.

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And just buy a calculator.

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No! You must never doubt your ability

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to normalise integrals unassisted.

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OK. I've decided. I can't be on the maths team.

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-What?!

-We need you.

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No, you don't. Get Cassie or Maxwell.

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-BOTH:

-No!

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But me and Rob are never going to spend

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any time together at this rate.

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Our whole relationship is at stake.

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OK. What's more important, your relationship, or maths?

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My relationship?

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Oh! I was pretty sure you were going to say maths.

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Sorry, guys.

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Look, it's fine. We'll just find someone else.

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At least we still have Jas.

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Hi, guys. Listen. I've got to quit the maths team.

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-BOTH:

-What?

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Yeah. I've got to help Alfie out with this bucket list.

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It's pretty full-on.

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I swear I knew where the key was. It must be somewhere!

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What are we going to do?

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With Lily and Jas off the team,

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we'll have to reinstate Cassie and Maxwell.

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And have them answer all the questions

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thanks to their superior buzzer skills? No way.

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All right, well, how about this?

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Lily only left the team because she wanted to spend more time with Rob.

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If we put Rob on the team,

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she'll stay, and we'll still have four members.

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Put Rob on the team? The man can barely count his arms and legs.

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We'll be answering the questions, silly.

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And it means we can keep Cassie and Maxwell off the team.

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Yes. It could work.

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As long as Cassie and Maxwell don't find a way around it.

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Don't worry, I bet they've already forgotten about it.

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"Justice for the Algebrainiac Two?"

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We're campaigning for reinstatement

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to save you from your own poor judgment.

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Do you mind? We're a bit short on signatures.

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Nice try, Maxwell, but is it any wonder?

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No-one cares about the maths teams.

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I'm afraid your campaign is doomed to failure.

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Attention, pupils!

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Get your homework done here!

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That's right, free maths homework done with every signature.

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KIDS CHATTER

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-Yay! You did it.

-Yay...

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No-one's ever roller-bladed eight times around the hockey pitch.

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At least not in quite so much mud.

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I know! I loved how you kept on falling over and getting back up.

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-Thanks.

-Well, I think you're pretty much done.

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-Oh, good.

-With the sporty challenges.

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Time for something more...

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Something special.

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Something that will get the feeling back in my legs?

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Step this way.

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The dirtiest cupboard in the school.

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Abandoned, untouched by any cleaner until now.

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-Did something just move?

-I hope so.

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Otherwise, how else are you going to complete number four

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on your bucket list? "Kiss a creepy-crawly".

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I know Rob's perfect and everything,

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but he wouldn't be my first choice for the maths team.

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Ollie and I think he has hidden talents.

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Yes, look how good he is at football.

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To score those free kicks, he has to deal with angles,

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force, trajectory, and...

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And keep score.

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That wasn't a kiss, it was hardly a peck!

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And of course, if Rob's on the team, you can spend more time together.

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And...save your relationship.

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Aw, that's why you're really doing this, isn't it?

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Because you care so much about me.

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Yeah, that's exactly it.

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I'll tell Rob the good news.

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I've already tried that.

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Have you been here all morning?

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No. No, I...

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No, I'm just reading this - "In case of fire, press here".

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-Good to know.

-Brilliant! That's absolutely...

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All right, everyone, just keep it down.

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THEY LAUGH AWKWARDLY

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Look, I know it's been tough, but look how far you've come.

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Now, this one, you'll really like.

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What? I just have to eat a cake?

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-OK.

-Yes!

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And not just any old cake. Chilli cheese muffin.

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Number eight on your bucket list.

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"Try the spiciest cake Jas could find on the internet."

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Argh!

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Don't worry, a simple glass of milk

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should take that burning sensation away.

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MOBILE BEEPS

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Reminder. Buy milk. Whoops!

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Do you think not having Cassie and Maxwell on the team

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is making us a bit unpopular?

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These things usually just blow over.

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Hello, Mrs Thomas.

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Hello, Martha and Ollie.

0:18:170:18:18

Good news! Almost the entire school signed our petition.

0:18:180:18:22

Thanks, Mrs Thomas.

0:18:260:18:28

And we're confident that Mrs Griggs will make you reverse your decision

0:18:280:18:31

and get us back on the team.

0:18:310:18:33

SHE GROWLS

0:18:330:18:34

Everything's going to work out just the way it should.

0:18:360:18:39

You're worried about the lack of gluten-free options in the canteen?

0:18:490:18:53

Predictive listening, it's where I use body language to...

0:18:530:18:57

Forget it. Carry on.

0:18:570:18:59

It's about the maths quiz.

0:18:590:19:01

We know Cassie and Maxwell have a lot of support, but...

0:19:010:19:04

Which ones are they again?

0:19:040:19:06

Small, kind of cute, intense stare that goes right through you?

0:19:060:19:11

You read their petition, right?

0:19:110:19:12

Let me show you something.

0:19:120:19:14

This is every petition anyone's sent me this term.

0:19:150:19:18

Every letter, every campaign.

0:19:180:19:20

Do you know what I do with them? I put them in here and ignore them.

0:19:200:19:23

What? Even my campaign to close the...

0:19:240:19:27

-Yeah.

-Or my request to reform the...?

0:19:270:19:29

I wouldn't know. So, what's going on?

0:19:290:19:32

-It's the maths quiz. We'd...

-Nothing.

0:19:320:19:34

Right!

0:19:370:19:38

We just wanted to remind you that it was happening this Friday.

0:19:380:19:42

As if I'd forget that!

0:19:420:19:44

The what quiz?

0:19:450:19:46

Come on! What's not to love about dry-land scuba?

0:19:500:19:53

It's all the fun of diving without boring fish and coral.

0:19:530:19:56

Alfie! Where are you going?

0:19:560:19:58

To successful plans!

0:20:010:20:02

Yes, in an uncertain world, you can always rely on

0:20:020:20:05

Mrs Griggs not to do the paperwork.

0:20:050:20:08

Is this maths practice?

0:20:080:20:09

Ah, welcome, fellow Algebrainiac.

0:20:090:20:12

I always thought I was a bit rubbish at maths.

0:20:120:20:14

See, you have to believe in yourself more.

0:20:140:20:17

You're right. I'm going to give it 110%.

0:20:170:20:20

Don't feel you have to answer any of the questions, though.

0:20:210:20:24

Ah! Running in the corridor...

0:20:270:20:30

-What's up with him?

-I don't know, I'm trying to help him!

0:20:320:20:36

Well, I'm no expert in body language,

0:20:360:20:38

but are you sure you're offering the kind of help that he wants?

0:20:380:20:41

-ALFIE:

-Write a song for Martha Fitzgerald...

0:20:410:20:43

Abseil down Everest with Martha Fitzgerald...

0:20:430:20:46

I just want her to notice me.

0:20:460:20:48

Right.

0:20:490:20:51

Er, what are you talking about?

0:20:510:20:53

It's OK, Alfie. I may have an idea.

0:20:530:20:56

Agh!

0:21:060:21:07

Predictive listening is a lot harder than it looks.

0:21:070:21:10

You students just aren't meeting me halfway!

0:21:100:21:12

Well, the thing is...

0:21:120:21:14

Wait! I can do this.

0:21:140:21:16

SHE INHALES

0:21:160:21:17

You quit the maths quiz to help Alfie on some wacky

0:21:190:21:22

but well-meaning task, but now realise the best way to help him

0:21:220:21:25

would be to put him on the team,

0:21:250:21:26

so he can finally get the attention of Martha Fitzgerald?

0:21:260:21:29

-Yeah, pretty much!

-Yes!

0:21:290:21:31

So, what do you think?

0:21:330:21:34

I have to make things up to Alfie, it's for his bucket list.

0:21:340:21:37

Bucket lists are very important.

0:21:370:21:39

I had our beloved Mrs Rennison type mine up just this morning.

0:21:390:21:42

"Do some work."

0:21:450:21:46

SHE GROANS

0:21:460:21:48

I already told you what is going on in history club -

0:21:500:21:53

brilliant teaching, that's what.

0:21:530:21:55

You can't keep secrets from me, Jeff.

0:21:550:21:57

It's my brain, it's too clever for you.

0:21:570:22:00

And I'm already working on a cunning plan

0:22:000:22:02

to infiltrate your classroom under your very nose.

0:22:020:22:05

I'm not scared.

0:22:050:22:06

HE GROANS

0:22:140:22:15

100% is, like, everything, and you can't give more than everything.

0:22:200:22:25

-See?

-Sort of.

0:22:250:22:27

I'll explain later. See you after history club.

0:22:270:22:29

It's me, Rob.

0:22:330:22:34

You're late. We've already started.

0:22:360:22:38

-SHE SCREAMS

-No!

0:22:540:22:56

A-ha!

0:22:570:22:58

This was your cunning plan? Barge your way in?

0:23:000:23:03

Well, whatever works.

0:23:030:23:05

So, this is history club, is it?

0:23:050:23:07

Yes, and?

0:23:070:23:09

You're just watching movies!

0:23:090:23:11

Yeah, history movies.

0:23:110:23:13

This one's called One Million BC.

0:23:130:23:15

It's very educational, it's got dinosaurs in it, and everything.

0:23:150:23:18

So that's why it was popular?

0:23:180:23:20

-See, I knew you'd be like this.

-You were just slacking.

0:23:200:23:23

You're not a better teacher than me!

0:23:250:23:26

No, but who is?

0:23:260:23:28

Are you going to tell Mrs Griggs?

0:23:280:23:30

Should do.

0:23:300:23:31

Then again, you have just made my day.

0:23:310:23:35

So, dinosaurs...

0:23:350:23:37

I can't believe Jas got me on the maths team.

0:23:410:23:43

She's amazing.

0:23:430:23:44

Maxwell, we made an error relying on Mrs Griggs.

0:23:440:23:48

It would appear so, Cassie.

0:23:480:23:49

Right, better go practise some equations. Big day tomorrow.

0:23:490:23:52

Wait a second. You're just abandoning Jas's list?

0:23:560:23:59

After she saved your life?

0:23:590:24:01

And got you onto the maths team?

0:24:010:24:04

I suppose that is a bit ungrateful.

0:24:040:24:06

You could at least try number 12.

0:24:060:24:08

Welcome, everyone, to the Cranmede maths quiz.

0:24:130:24:17

Hang on to your hats as we prepare for an exciting hour of equations,

0:24:170:24:21

arithmetic and formulas. Whoo!

0:24:210:24:23

Right. Let's welcome our first team, the Algebrainiacs.

0:24:270:24:32

Oh, I'm afraid I've made a slight tweak

0:24:350:24:36

to the line-up in the interests of entertainment.

0:24:360:24:39

Alfie is replacing you, Lily.

0:24:390:24:41

Sorry I'm late. Item 12 took longer than I thought, but I did it.

0:24:420:24:45

Memorise every cookbook in the library!

0:24:450:24:48

Well done, meatballs... I mean, well done, me.

0:24:480:24:50

But I'm supposed to be with Rob.

0:24:500:24:52

Well, you're not joined at the hip, you two.

0:24:520:24:54

You can watch him from the audience.

0:24:540:24:55

'Mix the ground almonds with the polenta, flour and baking powder...'

0:24:550:24:58

Look, it's my school, I'm in charge.

0:24:580:25:00

Let's have no more nonsense and get on with the quiz.

0:25:000:25:02

-You stand next to Alfie, Martha.

-It's OK, we've got this.

0:25:020:25:04

Yeah. At least we won't get outshone by Cassie and Maxwell.

0:25:040:25:07

Right! And now, let's welcome our second team, the Mathmagicians!

0:25:090:25:13

Cassie and Maxwell joined the Mathmagicians?

0:25:170:25:19

Ah... This couldn't be worse.

0:25:190:25:21

'Heat oven to 190 degrees, gas five,

0:25:210:25:23

'boil the potatoes for four minutes to cook the onion in the pan...'

0:25:230:25:26

X to the power of four.

0:25:290:25:31

-Correct.

-Yes!

0:25:310:25:32

They're still too fast for us.

0:25:320:25:34

'Start whisking from the centre...

0:25:340:25:36

'Drawing the flour into the egg...'

0:25:360:25:38

Combine the flour and sugar. Rub in the butter!

0:25:380:25:41

And that takes us up to the quickfire round,

0:25:410:25:44

for which I need one volunteer from each team.

0:25:440:25:46

Algebrainiacs, who's your volunteer?

0:25:460:25:49

'Vol-au-vent...' Me!

0:25:490:25:51

-What? No!

-It's OK, Martha.

0:25:510:25:53

I'm ravioli... I mean, ready.

0:25:530:25:55

What is the result of multiplying the complex numbers two plus...?

0:25:550:25:59

-Parsley!

-No.

0:26:010:26:03

What is the square root of pi?

0:26:030:26:05

Lightly whisk it with an egg, and add a dash of cinnamon.

0:26:070:26:10

No, but remind me to get that recipe off you.

0:26:100:26:13

My buzzer's not working. It happened last year.

0:26:140:26:17

It's a conspiracy. I demand to know who wired these things up.

0:26:170:26:20

Next question for both teams.

0:26:200:26:22

What is 56% of...

0:26:220:26:25

-Ollie?

-Erm, 196.

0:26:250:26:28

No. I'll finish the question.

0:26:280:26:31

What is 56% of 300?

0:26:310:26:35

-168.

-Correct!

0:26:350:26:37

Yes!

0:26:370:26:38

BUZZER

0:26:390:26:41

Congratulations, Mathmagicians.

0:26:430:26:45

We lost. We lost!

0:26:460:26:49

Hey. You know I'll always make time for you, right?

0:26:500:26:54

Of course I do. And it's good that we're both busy.

0:26:540:26:57

It means we're interesting people.

0:26:570:26:59

And, it makes the time we are together all the better.

0:26:590:27:01

Yeah. So, are you free now?

0:27:010:27:04

Actually, there's someone I need to talk to.

0:27:040:27:07

Next history club, Cisco Kid Rides Again.

0:27:080:27:11

-Is that history?

-It's cowboys.

0:27:120:27:14

It's set in the past.

0:27:140:27:16

Fair enough.

0:27:170:27:19

Hi, banana penguin! Oh, hi, banana penguin.

0:27:200:27:23

I thought you'd be with your boyfriends.

0:27:230:27:25

Ollie isn't my boyfriend!

0:27:250:27:27

She means we're not.

0:27:270:27:29

We thought we could take these to my house.

0:27:290:27:31

Just the three of us. If you've got time.

0:27:310:27:34

I can probably squeeze you in.

0:27:340:27:36

20-25 minutes, at 180 degrees, until light and fluffy.

0:27:380:27:43

# Ooh, ooh, ooh! #

0:27:470:27:49

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