99 Cool Things to Do with a Time Machine Strange Hill High

# Creepy ain't the word, freaky ain't the word, sneaky ain't the word

# See what I've observed

# As there's no easy way to describe this geeky place

# Even geeky place doesn't tell you what I need to say

# This is Strange Hill, where a talking frog can eat your face

# It's very, very random, you'll get used to these debates

# If you stick around, although I wouldn't recommend it

# When they used the name "Strange" mate, they really meant it

# There's some things in life in which you just don't mess

# On every vest I got the letters SOS

# Cos you never know what might be lurking round the corner

# Or what it might do if they ever found or saw you

# Keep the lights on in the hallways, all day

# Things won't always tend to go your way

# Watch your back and be prepared

# Can't wait for 3:30

# See you there. #

BELL RINGS

We've got to get to school fast!

I don't agree with any of that statement. What's the big rush?

You do not want to be late to Strange Hill.

The last student to be late was Matthews. He got put on litter duty!

Hello, friends!

The headmaster and school secretary delight in handing out

punishments for lateness, particularly Miss Grimshaw.

Huh...Grimshaw.

Look at the clock! We'll never get to class on time and the moment

it strikes the hour, we're late, then we'll be punished

and it will go on our records and we'll never get into university

and we'll end up being teachers who delight in marking kids late...

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey, you're in a Beckyloop! There you go.

There's only one thing we can do - make sure that clock doesn't strike.

Hup! Mmm!

Mph!

Or, I could just be late for class. Meh, climbing's fun.

Huh! Mmmh!

Ugh!

Waaaaaaah!

Hnnnh!

This is very dramatic. I wish I'd brought popcorn.

Here. I popped it myself.

Gah! Nnnnh!

BELL RINGS

'It's Monday morning, 9am.

'All pupils should be in class in three, two, one...'

What. Was. That?

I'm fine, by the way.

OK. Mr B, I know it LOOKS like we're late and rather sweaty,

but if you look at the school clock...

it has not yet struck the hour, so we cannot in actual fact be late.

Nor are we panicked!

Of course you're not late. In fact, you're rather early.

I don't sleep in my classroom.

So we just witnessed something really odd.

Yeah, Mr B in his nightshirt.

No, no, I mean that we seem to have gone back in time

and the clock tower may be some sort of time machine.

Look. My popcorn's unpopped itself.

And everything here looks like it was before the bell rang.

Yet we all heard the bell ring, remember?

You're right. This is SO five minutes ago!

And she fell right on her big fat bottom!

That's so funny!

That's so sad!

Yo, check out my flash new medallion!

Do you even know who Malcolm X was?

Course I do! He was one of the X Men! Innit!

Bonjour. Je m'appelle un pomme de terre.

Look, they're posting the exam schedule right now!

This very moment, our fate is sealed.

Oh! It's Exam Week. I knew it was some week I had to prepare for.

Mitchell, they take exams very seriously here!

More seriously than anything,

even students getting attacked by the wolves on the school moors!

WOLF HOWLS

Now Abercrombie's placing the exam answers in the safe.

This is all EVER so serious.

Ha ha ha!

I guess I could prepare a bit. But not enough that it looks like I care.

Well, we're going to help you study, aren't we, Templeton?

We're going to DO something? Excellent!

Monday - no exams. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, nothing,

then on Friday - NO WAY!

English, Biology, Chemistry, History, History of Chemistry...

RE, CDT, IT, Ancient Greek, Algebra, Algebra en Francais

and lunch - all of our exams, every single one - ON ONE DAY!

Would you mind terribly if I went berserk?

Ahhh, haaahhhh, ahhhhh!

Mitchell, you're good at not caring. Can you teach me not to care?

Sorry, Becks. It's a talent you're born with.

Also, I don't care enough to pass it on.

Ahhhh, haahhhh, ahhhhh!

Ahhhhhh!

Ahhhhh!

And that, pupils of Strange Hill, is what will happen to cheaters!

Who you calling a cheater, cheater?

-You think you can steal the answers to the exams?

-No.

-Exactly!

-He's not listening to a word I'm saying.

-Behold!

The most advanced security system available -

to a lesser-ranked, publicly funded school -

children, I give you... the Electric Sphinx!

It's got blinking lights and a clock that's counting down!

-Impressed?

-No.

And a time-lock.

The safe will not open

until midnight after the last exams are over.

So don't even think of trying to peek at the answers, Mitchell.

-OK, Melvyn.

-Silence, potential cheater thiever deceiver!

I'm doing you a favour by merely

placing you three on litter duty for the rest of the term!

Oh, yeah, who's the man! I've still got it!

I can't be on litter duty! I'll smell like eggs!

-What are we going to do?

-Well, we're not going to stand here like idiots,

-scratching our behinds and moaning....

-Ahh, that's got it!

Anyway, it's time for action!

We're going to go back in time and make this never happen!

And then study. Right?

Memo to Spiderman: climbing up the inside of a structure's

a lot easier than climbing up the outside.

Memo to Aquaman: caution. There's no water here.

Now all we have to do is reset the clock.

-Aahhh!

-I don't suppose either of you is an expert clockmaker?

No. I'm just a simple popcorn machine. Ruuh, ruuh...uhhhhhh...!

Is it time to cry yet? cos I'm ready.

We clearly can't alter this clock

and we've lost a chunk of exam study time, so I say tears are in order.

Here's one now.

Wait! We're going to do what I always do

when faced with a complex, difficult-to-solve problem.

We're going to stare it squarely in the face...

..and say, "I'm going to ignore you and find some other way to do this."

Ooh, I like this!

So when I wound the clock back 15 minutes,

time itself went back 15 minutes.

So if I can figure out how to set the clock back to

right before Abercrombie caught us... Templeton! Bad!

But how will I know how it works if I don't take it apart and break it?

Oh...!

Uh!

Hey, a key! That's it!

Uh, oh...ahhh!

Let's go change history!

And she fell right on her big fat bottom!

That's so sad!

And funny!

Yo, check out my flash new medallion!

Do you even know who Malcolm X was?

Of course! He was a great civil rights leader in the '60s. Innit!

So we somehow made Bishop smarter?

Hmm, a most unfortunate side-effect.

Listen, we have to be very, very careful.

All we need to do is not repeat our mistakes and we're home for...

-Argh!

-Samia, advance warning, might want to put your brakes on.

Merci, Mitchell! Je veux un gateau.

Yeah, yeah, all the exams are on Friday. Get over it.

Ahhhhh...!

Ah ha ha ha ha!

Doof! Ah!

Wooaaahh!

Argh!

Hah-hah!

Hmm. Carry on.

Do you see what this means?

We have a time machine.

Think of all the cool and amazing things we could do with it!

N-n-nope. I've got nothing.

Huh! Well, I can think of 99 things! And you know what number one is?

I want to see me some dinosaurs!

How many...how many more turns now?

Well, assuming we need to travel back 65 million years to see

a dinosaur - you only need to turn the hands of the clock

another 47 billion, 449 million, 999 thousand, 998 times.

And how many have I done?

Two.

Uh! What I wouldn't do for a nice big bronto-burger.

-I'm hungry. When's lunch?

-Not for another hour.

Lunch isn't an hour away! Not any more!

We have a time machine!

Cool-thing-to-do-with-it number 2 - have lunch any time we want!

I'd love a chocolate swirly log, but they only serve those on Tuesdays.

-Today's Monday.

-Not any more!

# If you could travel through time Where would you go?

# Into the distant future or the past long ago?

# Change the whole world or just your life on its own

# Pick a year, pick a day Pick a time, let's go. #

BURP!

This time machine is quite filling.

I'm not sure I can keep running up and down those tower stairs.

I'm 70% chocolate log.

But we need to go to Mr Balding's history study class to study history

for Mr Balding's history exam for Mr Balding's history class...

Oh, sorry, got stuck on a chocolate log loop. Burp!

-Hm.

-I have an idea!

Man, it's amazing how hard my brain works to avoid work.

Mr Balding's painfully slowwww, right?

-Yes.

-What if...

Of course, the only thing more interesting than

the history of bread... is the history of butter.

Three, two, one... ALARM CLOCK RINGS

-SPEECH IS SPEEDED UP

-Now butter is formed...

-That's more like it!

-But Mitchell, are we learning anything?

I'm learning how to enjoy history class.

BELL RINGS

And that is the history of butter, in its entirety.

Have a good day.

Yes! On to...number 38 - fun with Abercrombie!

Exam week! Exam week!

If you're not panicking, you're not taking it seriously enough!

You there - why aren't you panicking?!

Sorry, sir! Just taking a breather. Ha ha ha ha! Ooo hoo, ooh hoo hoo!

That's more like it!

Heh heh heh!

MACHINERY CLATTERS

We must treat exam time with the utmost seriousness!

THEY LAUGH

What's so funny? Do I entertain you?

Yes! Yes, you do.

While I really do enjoy Funky-disco-crombie,

we can't keep putting off studying.

There's only two days left till all our exams!

Hmmm. "Put off," eh?

No peeking! And...

open!

Where are we? When are we?

The future! Midnight on the day the exams finish.

-What?

-The security system goes down at midnight.

We can just take all the answers to the questions!

But that's...CHEATING!

It's not cheating if the exams are already over.

Plus, this is the future. Cheating might be legal by now.

Mitchell Tanner, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!

I AM NEVER SPEAKING TO YOU AGAIN!

Hold that thought. Come on, Templeton.

If this IS the future, I might have rocket shoes.

Rocket shoes engage! NNNNNNN!

No.

Beezers! If Mitchell was here, and he's not,

and if I was still talking to him, and I'm not,

I'd tell him how much trouble we're in. Hold up!

-Why are you wearing a fake moustache?

-So I can blend in.

SNIFFS

Huh! I smell trouble.

Either that or it's the remnants of today's Halibut Supreme.

Or is it Halibut Surprise?

The moment it hits midnight...

Eh, heh heh heh!

Oh! Pretty.

Ahhh!

Aaaaarrgghhh!

Aha!

Intruder alert!

Stop those humanoids!

Why do they have blast doors at a school?

As a precaution against the lunchroom's goulash?

No!

There's no choice. To the clock tower!

I never realised that time travel could be so exhausting!

-Ahhhhhhh!

-He's coming up the stairs!

Just pray it's some sort of hideous monster and not Abercrombie.

-There's a difference?

-Out of the way!

Hnh!

Ah-hah!

DRILL WHIRS

-Wahhhh!

-This is clearly a very bad thing!

Hold on!

Waaaaarrggghhh!

Ooofff!

Whoops. On the plus side, I don't hear Abercrombie.

If there even is an Abercrombie! Our new headmaster could be a robot!

Or a caveman! I hope caveman, cos it'd be funnier.

MACHINERY CLATTERS, CLOCK CHIMES

We did it! We're back where we were!

We got three days to prep for exams and I've got the answers.

'All pupils to the hall for the first exam.

'The first exam begins in five minutes.

'Oh, ha ha! I'm sorry, four minutes. Ah, ha ha!'

-What?

-Ahhh... We must have messed up our re-entry - it's exam day!

I haven't studied and I'm going to fail and the only university

I'll get into is clown college and I'll have to be one of those

clowns whose trousers fall down but it's going to be fine

because clowns are a respected profession these days, right?

Please tell me it's so!

There's nothing more respected on earth than a trouserless clown.

You have one hour, so don't mess up.

Unless you have your sights set on being a school teacher.

You may begin.

Time's up. Please stop writing.

What? No, wait! That was hardly any time at all!

Mitchell, you've had the same time as everyone else.

The same time?

My, this is taking a while.

Becky!

Goo? Bethany Goo. Huh-huh!

Templeton! Whoa!

You have one hour. You may begin.

What?!

No! This cannot be happening!

Time's up. Please stop writing.

This exam is taking for ever, dearie.

Waaahh, wahhh, I'm terribly sad. Wahh, wahhh!

We've got to get out of here!

You have one hour. You may begin.

Goo goo!

'In three, two, one... In three, two, one...'

Mitchell, honey, I do believe you've broken time.

Then I have to find a way to fix it!

Not to worry you, but I'm getting older.

And I think that baby whose name I've forgotten is getting younger.

We don't have much time.

We've got to get to school first!

It's us!

Wait! It's the first day! The first time I turned the clock back!

Oh, I remember that. Oh, the good old days!

-If I can get up there before... well, before

-I

-do...

and stop myself turning the clock back that very first time,

I could stop all this from ever happening!

# Da da, da ding-ya da da... #

He either agrees or he needs changing.

Good enough for me! Here!

Mitchell! STOP!

No time to explain! No time at all!

OK, second Mitchell.

Mitchell! MITCHELL!

MITCHELL! Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH THE HANDS!

What?

It's me! I'm you from the future!

Don't touch that clock, darn it!

Wow. Future me's got kind of an attitude problem.

No. I...you...

We have to stop time falling apart, to save Becky and Templeton!

I have no idea what I'm talking about,

but I seem to be pretty persuasive. OK! How?

Aaargh!

Don't do it!

I think...I think you'd better let me drop!

What is THAT?

I said, I think we were never supposed to meet, let alone touch!

Wahhhhhhh!

EXPLOSION

Warrghhhhhhhh!

Warrghhhhhhhh!

Are we...do you think we're...?

-Hello, friends!

-And we're back.

-I think...I think it might be easier if I just studied this time.

-Oh, yes.

This time round, it's time I left time alone.

Little help here...

# If you could travel through time, where would you go?

# Into the distant future or the past long ago?

# Pick a year, pick a day, pick a time let's go. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd