The Ghost Writers of Strange Hill High Strange Hill High

# Creepy ain't the word

# Freaky ain't the word

# Sneaky ain't the word

# See, what I've observed

# Is there's no easy way To describe this geeky place

# Even geeky place doesn't tell you What I need to say

# This is Strange Hill

# Where a talking frog Can eat your face

# It's very, very random

# You'll get use to these debates If you stick around

# Although I wouldn't recommend it

# When they use the name "Strange" Mate, they really meant it

# There's some things in life With which you just don't mess

# On every vest, I got the letters SOS

# Cos you never know what might be Lurking round the corner

# And what it might do If they ever found or saw you

# Keep the lights on in the hallways All day

# Things won't always Tend to go your way

# Watch your back, and be prepared

# Can't wait for 3:30 See you there. #

BELL RINGS

-Where is Mitchell?

-Who?

Our friend? Bit of an attitude? Yay tall?

Sorry, you lost me at "friend".

I want to see what he's doing for his project proposal.

You never know what he's got hidden away.

-Oof!

-Ow!

Hey! What are you doing in there?

The door says "Becky". You've been misfiled.

Are you hiding? Who's after you?

Everyone. I'm a bit behind with some work.

You know, this school would be a lot more bearable without the teachers.

You haven't done your project?!

I haven't had time to give it any thought,

what with all this homework I'm not doing.

What project is it now?

The business proposals for Young Entrepreneurs?! They're due today!

Today's not over. I'll just entrepreneuse something up.

Hey, Mitchell. How's that English project coming along?

Right after I get my English project done.

Tremendous.

Get it to me by lunchtime

and I won't tell the headmaster it's three weeks late.

How can I do a whole project on Charles Dickens in one morning?

All his books are written in...ugh...old-fashioned.

That's why you've had six weeks to do it.

By lunchtime, he said. Incredible!

Hey, Mitchell,

have you got that silver pen you use to write your name everywhere?

I need it for the cover of my Abercrombie project.

There's an Abercrombie project?

Ah! Ow! Ah! Ow! Ah! The Abercrombie project!

How could I forget the Abercrombie project?!

Which one is the Abercrombie project again?

The business proposal! What I was just doing!

Abercrombie's been talking about it in all our meetings?!

Oh! You haven't been to any of our meetings, have you?

Hey, I had better things not to do.

And what is it I need to not do for this one?

We need to come up with some sort of moneymaking proposal.

Like a business plan.

Well, I'd definitely like to be rich

so I don't have to work so hard any more.

Hmmm. What's your proposal?

A not-for-profit artisan workshop collective, making recycled ethnic

hats to raise awareness about those who are not fortunate enough

to have hats.

I applaud your project for its Beckyness, but not-for-profit?

Abercrombie's not going to like that.

Some of us are trying to save the planet with our projects.

What by using every tree for paper?

That's my next project!

My project is a magical chocolate factory

staffed with persons of restricted height.

That's just something you saw in a film.

That's what I told him! It's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory"!

Why would I name my factory after someone named Charlie?!

That's absurd.

I also have proposals for

Templeton's Great Glass Elevator Company

and a farm that will grow giant peaches.

All Roald Dahl!

I don't want to make rolled dolls. I'm a boy.

Enough, Templeton!

Hiding is not the answer. Just do your projects!

It's only a simple business proposal

and a thousand words on Charles Dickens.

Yeah, I can do two words on Charles Dickens, OK.

"Charles" and "Dickens."

Use that brain of yours. Show them what you're capable of.

All right, Mum! I'll do it.

But only to avoid having you yell at me again.

Got to avoid something.

"Charles...Dickens."

998 words to go.

This is impossible.

Eyes. On. You.

Uh-oh! Abercrombie.

Double uh-oh. Mr Garden.

Oh!

A-ha.

Ah, Mr Garden.

Care to stand and stare at these old trophies with me awhile?

Hmm. I'm always up for a little trophy gazing.

Huh?

Cool. A room where I can escape my problems...

SCREECHING

..and find new ones.

"1947 Regional Snooker Champs." Ah, yes, snooker.

Know what I like best about snooker?

Well, second best, really...

Uh, listen, this has been really great,

but I must get to my 11:47 class. Good-bye.

Odd. Didn't even have a watch.

Hello?

Are you our new teacher?

Ahhhhhhhh!

Are you OK?

I've just seen a g-g-g...

Grapefruit?

No! Ghost.

Uh! That's the worst excuse ever. Just do your homework, like I said.

I was doing it! Look... My book! Uh-oh!

Careful, this is where I saw... It.

The g-g-g-grapefruit?!

No, I told you, ghost!

Oh, good. I'm allergic to grapefruit.

Do you always carry that?

You never know where fruit might lurk.

It's an old abandoned classroom!

As all classrooms should be.

Hey! Ta-da!

Aaaargh! Aarrgh!

Ah, phew! It's just a completely terrifying painting.

And I bet that's him in a good mood!

Hey, this is good!

I knew you had a good Dickens essay in you.

Really? I thought it might be 998 words or so short.

What are you on about? It's good. Really good. Stop tugging.

It's not me!

Wahhhhhh! Wahhhhhhh!

Who are you?

Please, Miss, I am Uriah. This is Pettiforth.

And I'm Cassiorellazeliza Landers-Vickerman.

But you can call me Cassiorellazeliza Landers-Vickerman.

How long have you all been here?

A mere 150 years.

Oh, is that all(!)

It's called sarcasm. It's very popular these days.

Did you do this?

We are bound to work until everything is finished,

whereupon we shall be dismissed and may rest in peace.

You're in detention?

The detention of the cursed!

Ahhhhhh!

Right. Er, one moment, please.

Bex. This is incredible!

I know. Evidence of life beyond the grave!

No. Ghosts that finish your homework. We're going to be rich!

My ghost-written English project.

See. I told you you could do it. Except you didn't.

Pfft, details. They're geniuses, my ghosties.

And it's time to turn their hard work into gold.

"Mitchell's Homework Services."

No, no, no. "Tanner Homework Industries."

For Abercrombie's business project?

Huh! Way too good for him.

Besides, he'll just take advantage of us,

pinch our best ideas for himself and pocket the money.

And you're doing what with the ghosts?

Providing them with a tremendous career opportunity.

Ah, yeah, that's what ghosts need, career opportunities(!)

Hey, hey.

I don't run the afterlife, OK, I just do business there.

There's never been a clearer case of

you're messing with forces you don't understand, Mitchell!

Bex, this is my chance to get out of homework forever.

What kid won't want this service?!

Me, for one.

Uh-huh, you'll change your mind.

I never change my mind! Well, there was that once.

Twice. OK, I'm changing my mind, but not my opinion!

If Abercrombie finds out about this, he'll shut you down faster

than Lucas's illicit popcorn ball business.

Psst, Christmas overstock sale?

I'll make it worth his while not to shut me down.

A magical chocolate factory staffed by persons of restricted height?

Rejected.

What?

As for your ethnic hat factory, young lady...

You can't reject my idea!

It was specifically designed to be rejection-free

with all the right buzzwords!

Indigenous! Locally-sourced! Organic, free-range headwear!

Peruvian! You can't reject "Peruvian"!

Whilst I approve of exploiting the vanity of the urban hipster,

last I heard, there is a law against slavery.

Volunteers in a profit-free co-operative.

Miniature chocolatiers. Sweatshop hat slaves.

A delivery service manned by rapping babies.

They've got very low overheads, yo.

I weep for the future.

Crybaby.

Is there no-one in this class with the shark-eyed acumen

to crush opportunity and turn it into business gold?

Tanner? Are you even in this class?

I'm in it and I'm going to win it.

Abercrombie, I'm issuing you a challenge.

If my business makes the biggest profit,

you have to swear never to punish me again.

What's in it for me? If you should lose?

Hmm. You can give me the worst punishment you can conceive.

Oh.

Oooh.

Yes, that's good.

No, no, that one's even better!

You're on, Tanner.

Class dismissed.

And those of you with approved businesses, get cracking!

Mitchell, are you nuts? If you lose...

Don't worry. I can't lose.

I've got ghosts.

COINS CLINK

I hear money.

Good morning.

Oooh!

So we've been stealing, have we, Tanner?

This is all from my business.

Which I know you're dying to know about.

My successful plan.

Is it a chocolate factory?

What? Er, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

I knew it! Children always like chocolate factories!

But what's so special about yours, Tanner?

Right. Hand over your project. I want it now!

Err, to, um, to grade it.

It's in here somewhere...

Are these all your books?

Yeah, yeah. I'm real studious now. Here you go. My business plan.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

I can't run this business on my own.

I need you guys.

I told you, I don't want any part of it.

Come on. This is our chance to prove we don't need grades to be a success.

Smash the system.

I'm happy with the system. I work hard.

I get good results.

Your project got rejected. You got a C in Maths,

and Mr Garden will never give you an A in English because you've got

a crush on him and it weirds him out whenever you sigh.

Hey, kids.

Ahhh! Hmmm!

Listen, Bex, your idea was good.

It was?

Sure. You're like the Alan Sugar of colourful headgear.

You blew their dusty old minds.

And that's why it got rejected.

Are you going to let them win, while thousands go hatless?

If only you were part of a successful,

on-the-move business, you'd show them all!

Do you have your eyes on the prize?

I had no idea this much maths went into making chocolate.

Ah-ha, yes, Oh, oh dear. Hmm.

Battery's dead. How d'you even plug this thing in?

Miss?

What is it, Uriah?

When the work is finished, may we be dismissed?

Just a few more and you can go.

After, um, these, obviously.

Come on, people! Your attitude determines your altitude.

Or whatever.

This is the worst idea since bottled bread.

I don't know what I'm going to do with all this money.

Make the world a better place?

Bex, I'm a grade A student, I don't have to do any work,

and I'm making enough to afford roller skates for my hands.

How could the world possibly be any better?

Well, it could be better for your staff.

Who?

The ghosts. They look dead on their feet.

They're ghosts.

This is child labour.

They're 150 years old.

Slave labour, then. They should be paid, yeah?

No-one pays me to do my homework.

You don't do homework.

Well, maybe if they paid me I would.

OK, would you feel better if I showed you they like doing work?

I mean, all these ghosts need is motivation.

Look at me. I'm a success.

I've got all the time in the world to do what I like.

You, what do you like?

I quite liked being alive.

Pettiforth quite likes when he hasn't got Typhus.

COUGHING

Well, all that and more can be yours!

And I'll tell you something,

you don't have to work your fingers to the bone to get it.

Aaaargh!

-What is it?

-Boney fingers!

That's Mr Treadlewharf. Our late housemaster.

Wake up! You're late!

He passed away peacefully while thrashing a desk senseless.

Hang on. That doesn't make any sense.

Why isn't he a ghost like you?

I haven't finished.

Sorry. Go on.

He died doing what he loved. Thrashing something.

He could move on.

But we have unfinished business in this room.

So with no teacher in charge, you just stayed here?

We cannot leave until we complete our work

and are dismissed by one of the masters.

Those are the rules of our detention.

A detention like no other.

To be honest, it sounds like most detentions.

The detention of... the cursed.

Ahhhhhhhhh!

Why don't you get back to your work

and we'll see about getting a teacher to dismiss you.

See? They love it.

And if they stay here, we are set up for life.

So that's where their chocolate factory is!

I wonder if they make caramel turtles?

Where are the persons of restricted height?

A teacher!

You, you sickly children. You shouldn't be in here.

Pettiforth here does have a touch of Typhus. And Consumption.

And Scarlet Fever. And...

Ughhh!

But our work, sir...

Any work you're doing in here stops right now!

Really? So we are...dismissed?

Out of here.

Come on, let's fly!

Ahhhhhh!

BANGING ON DOOR

Let me out!

This French isn't right.

And this Geography's rubbish.

"Prussia"? "Saxony"? Aren't they the dumb ones in that girl band?

Look, it's just rude drawings of Napoleon.

I thought you said they were geniuses.

How could we be so stupid! They're in detention.

They're not the good kids... they're the troublemakers!

Brilliant. We've employed Special Ed ghosts.

I quite liked Special Ed.

Was he the shimmery one who coughed a lot?

-What are we going to tell our clients?

-We're sorry?

Are you mad? That French homework's Tyson's.

He'll flatten me into a safe play surface.

We could do the homework ourselves.

You don't understand my vision at all, do you?

We'll tell the ghosts to do it again.

We just need to establish our authority.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Hey! You! Ghosts! Stop!

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Boo!

Aaaaah!

Take that!

You guys need to calm down!

After hundreds of years in detention, Miss?

Sorry, we're going to have some jolly.

You've got to get your ghosts under control

before they smash this place to biscuits!

They're not my ghosts. They're pupils.

They'll only listen to authority figures.

Where are the teachers when you need them?

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Weren't you in my Empire class in 1872, young man?

Where'd they go?

Here they are.

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Whoaaaaaah!

What do we do?

There's not really a Ghostbusters we can call, is there?

Vagabonds! Guttersnipes! Come back!

I'll give you some of this! Arghhh!

No, but there's a dustbusters.

Ahhh!

Hmm. That gives me an idea!

I'm going to need those blackout curtains,

the lid of that piano, and the top of that bin.

Templeton. Get on the lights.

What on earth are you doing?

This school's about to welcome a new member of staff.

You're all in detention!

Mr Treadlewharf! He's back!

Aaaaah!

Ha-ha-ha!

You're all in detention!

Aaaah!

D'oh! Ow! Ow!

Get back to your work!

Whoaaaaaa!

That's no housemaster!

It's our old bosses!

You! Shimmering children! Detention. All of you.

ALL: Yes, sir.

How's trade?

All right, I suppose.

A bulletproof business plan.

What else to do with idle hands but put them to good use?

And zero labour costs.

Clear profit from the off.

When Tyson gets a G for his French, he's going to kick me in le butt.

It's la derriere.

I am so toast.

Don't fret. We shall be dismissed eventually.

Perhaps in a few hours. Perhaps in a few centuries.

I hope it's in a few centuries,

cos I have stuff to do in the next few hours.

We should have gone with the chocolate factory.

See, that's what I said!

All we need is to round up some Oompa-Loompas and some snozzberries,

then we'll build a river of chocolate and get some geese

for golden eggs

and a squad of evil squirrels for various assorted purposes...

# All I know is something spooky's Going on

# All I know is something spooky's Going on

# All I know is something spooky's Going on

# All I know is something spooky's Going on

# All I know is something spooky's Going on. #