Bad Loser Swashbuckle

# A band of naughty pirates Took some jewels from me

# I hid on board their pirate ship And sailed off out to sea

# But they weren't watching where they went

# And shipwrecked on the sand

# I want to win my treasure back Will you give me a hand? #

CHEERING

-ALL:

-# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

Will you help me win my treasure back?

Yeah!

-Shall we make the pirates walk the plank?

-Yeah!

Well, let's hear you, then, me hearties!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho!

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers, go Take on the pirates, go, go, go! #

Swashbuckle cheer!

-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harrr!

Ah-ha-harrr!

CHEERING

Ahoy there, me hearties,

and welcome aboard the Scarlet Squid for Swashbuckle!

CHEERING

I'm Gem, and it's great to have you all aboard.

Are you ready for a rip-roaring pirate adventure?

-ALL:

-Yes!

And will you help me win back all of my five jewels

from those very naughty pirates?

-ALL:

-Yes!

Thank you! Now, where are those naughty pirates?

Have you seen Captain Captain anywhere?

BOOING

Oh, stop that booing!

I am not in the mood today.

WHISTLE TOOTS

Cook! Line!

OK, ready, steady...

-go!

-Oh, you win again!

-OK, one more time, one more time.

-OK, OK, OK. Ready...

-Go!

-Oh, and again! You're so good at this!

What are you two squid brains doing?

Oh, hi, Captain!

We're playing the Go Game.

Basically, you win if you're the first person to say the word...

-Go!

-Oh! And again!

You're so good at this!

Will you to stop playing that ridiculous game

and focus on beating the Swashbucklers?!

They've won far too many jewels recently,

and I will NOT lose today.

-Look at this face.

-LAUGHTER

Does this look like the face of a loser?

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, well...

-Kind of does.

-No.

-No.

-Where's the loser? I can't see a loser.

Exactly! Now get ready to play.

Go!

Oh, captain! You win the Go Game!

NOW!

Ho, ho, ho! Captain Captain really doesn't like to lose.

She'd better get used to it, cos we are ready to win back my jewels.

So, Squawk, let's meet today's Swashbucklers.

Playing today, we've got...

Jordan!

CHEERING

Jordan is six,

and he likes playing knights and dragons.

His Swashbuckle name is Black Beard Jordan.

Ahoy there, Joshua!

CHEERING

Joshua is six,

and he loves drawing people.

His Swashbuckle name is Shipwright Joshua.

Next, it's Aidan!

CHEERING

Aidan is eight,

and he likes ham and mayonnaise sandwiches.

His Swashbuckle name is Skipper Aidan.

Swashbuckle cheer for Josh!

CHEERING

Josh is eight, and likes playing on his trampoline.

He'll be bouncing for joy if he wins back those jewels!

His Swashbuckle name is Sea Urchin Josh.

CHEERING

Ha-ha!

Welcome aboard to my new team of brilliant Swashbucklers.

And they are here to help me win back my jewels from Captain Captain.

Let's make sure we're up to the challenge,

and do the Swashbuckle salute. So let me see you all marching.

Put your hands on your heart.

Here we go!

Eye patch!

-AUDIENCE:

-Eye patch.

Pirate hat.

-AUDIENCE:

-Pirate hat.

Swashbuckle cheer!

-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harr!

Ah-harrr! We are ready!

So, Squawk, what do we have to do today?

CHEERING

You daring Swashbucklers need to work as a team,

as you take part in different pirate games.

Every time you win a game,

Captain Captain will give you a jewel for your treasure chest.

Win all five jewels,

and one of the naughty pirates will walk the plank into the ship's mess.

CHEERING

Look down here, Swashbucklers.

This is our treasure chest.

So, when you win back all of my jewels from Captain Captain,

-we'll pop them in here to keep them safe from her.

-Not today, Gem.

# I'm going to win and you're going to lose! #

Oh, yeah! # I'm going to win and... #

-Sorry, you're going to lose.

-GEM LAUGHS

Well, no matter what happens, Captain Captain,

my Swashbucklers will always be winners to me.

-Squawk, what's the first game?

-The first game is Fruity Loot.

The aim of the game is to pick all the fruit

that matches the fruity recipe.

All you have to do is climb the tangled tree,

pick the right fruit,

and throw it in the giant fruit bowl.

But look out, those pesky pirates will try to set the fruit loose.

CHEERING

And here is the recipe for our fruit salad.

We are looking for a pineapple and lime,

a watermelon and an orange,

a lemon and a strawberry.

And they are all up the tree there,

where Cook is fanning himself.

LAUGHTER

And look out for Line as well, cos he will... Ooh!

# Da-da-da da-da da! #

He's dancing with the seaweed, with the fruit on his head.

He looks lovely, doesn't he? BOOING

You have as long as it takes for the octopus to reach out

across the screen and close the chest to play the game.

-Jordan and Josh, will you go first for me?

-Yeah!

-Brilliant!

Are we ready to play? CHEERING

Swashbucklers away!

BELL RINGS

There's a lot of seaweed flying around. What are you doing?!

I think we can throw it back to him.

Come on, team!

As fast as you can!

We need the pineapple and the lime.

That's it.

Ha! They need to go faster!

It's very good for you, strawberry.

Oh, no, that's my pineapple!

That's it, yes, brilliant.

Well done.

Oh, Line's eating a banana, Joshua.

I'm coming down!

Right, Aidan, ready to go? Off you go for me.

You're looking for the watermelon.

And as soon as Joshua's done...

CHEERING

Well done, give me a high-five!

CHEERING

That's the first two. Good work! Look out below.

-That's it, come on, boys, we can do it.

-Leave my fruit there!

-Come on, team!

-Give that back, come back with that.

We've got the watermelon coming down.

OK.

Right, then, Jordan, off you go for me.

Looking for the lemon.

Brilliant!

-Would you like some seaweed?

-CHEERING

-Still got lots of time left, this is good.

-Take a piece out, Line!

Mind those naughty pirates!

-Ha-ha!

-Hey!

-Well done, Aidan! Yes!

You're doing really well!

Come on, boys! We mustn't lose this.

We've got the orange and the lemon coming down.

So we just need the strawberry next. OK, Josh? And who is coming?

That's it, go for the strawberry. Well done!

OK, so we've got the orange down.

Oh, the strawberry, no!

I can see it!

That's it, come on, Jordan!

Great, we got the lemon! And the strawberry...

Ten seconds, nine, eight, seven...

Yes! CHEERING

Boys, we've done it!

Well done, my hearties!

Squawk, you got the bird's eye view, over to you.

SQUAWKING

What a lot of fruity fun!

Jordan was first with the pineapple.

Followed by Josh with the lime.

Cheeky Line helped himself to a watermelon.

So Aidan flung it back in.

Then, a volley of fruit in the last few seconds means...

..it's a win!

CHEERING

Brilliant!

Ha-ha-ha!

Boys, you did it!

Well done! You've won back our first jewel!

So, Captain Captain, you know the rule.

ALL SHOUT: Send down a jewel!

That's not fair! This is the worst day ever!

SHE WAILS

I can't stand losing!

SHE CRIES

CHEERING

Ha-ha!

Oh, look, it's the blue one!

So there you go, Jordan, into the chest, please.

Come on! Yeah!

CHEERING

Ha-ha!

Only four more of those beauties,

and one of the naughty pirates will have to walk the plank

into the stinky ship's mess.

ALL: Eeeew!

THEY GROAN AND RETCH

Oh! I hate losing!

-Losing's, like, the worst thing in the world, like, ever!

-Oh...

There, there, Captain. It's not all about winning, you know?

Not all about winning?

OF COURSE IT IS!

It says here in the pirate handbook,

that I wrote,

that a pirate never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...

..ever, ever, ever, ever...

..ever loses. And I've underlined that bit three times.

-Not even sometimes?

-Never!

-Not even once in a while?

-Never.

-Maybe just...

-Never, ever, ever.

All that matters is...

..YOU WIN THE NEXT GAME!

THEY SHRIEK, LAUGHTER

Well, if we have anything to do with it,

then Captain Captain will lose the next game.

What's it going to be, Squawk?

The second game is...

The aim of the game is to fill in the holes

to finish the pirate picture.

All you have to do is run through the barrel

and find the right-shaped pieces, but be careful -

those pesky pirates will hide the pieces

and try to shake you up.

Here is the picture, with all the missing shapes.

You have to find the correct shapes to go into the correct holes.

-You've got the coconut.

-I have got the coconut here.

-Shall I pop it in there to help us out?

-Yeah.

The other six shapes are through this spinning barrel.

But look at Cook! He's sleeping on the job.

This might make it very easy for us.

Line is spinning the barrel, so do watch out for him, too.

-Josh, will you go first for me?

-Yeah.

-Well done.

All right, my hearties. Are we ready to play?

-ALL:

-Arrr-harrr!

-Then Swashbucklers, away!

Come on, let's do this!

-Wake up, Cook!

-Argh! Oh...!

They've woken up Cook - that's good.

Josh has got the first piece. Aidan, off you go.

Wow, you flew through the barrel, that was amazing!

We've got the first shape. Good boy.

Whee! Ha-ha!

Oh, I don't think it's in there!

Ready? And... Off you go, Jordan.

Very good. We've got the message in a bottle.

Spin it round - a tricky shape, that one.

Well done, Aidan, good job.

Have some of my finest seaweed, instead.

It tastes delicious, I promise.

-No, that one's mine...

-Spin faster, Line!

Well done, we've got the barrel piece.

Off you go, Joshua. Well done, Jordan.

Get that barrel down there. Very good.

We've got plenty of time, team.

Seaweed might slow them down.

COOK LAUGHS Three pieces.

We just need three more. Can you find it?

It's a seaweed party!

Yes, brilliant! OK, Josh, you're next.

Good boy! Well done! Off you go, Joshua.

You've got the telescope. Where does it go?

That's it. Two more to go.

That's it.

Oh, well done, we've got the treasure chest through.

We've got two more holes to fill.

This is the last-but-one - brilliant!

-Yes! We just need the last piece.

-You're not supposed to see that!

Cook hid it under the crate.

Well done, Aidan - he's got it, yes!

Through the spinning barrel, that's it!

Coming up to the last ten seconds, let's get it in there!

There we go. That's it, squeeze it in.

CHEERING

Well done, my hearties!

Squawk, you've got the bird's eye view - over to you.

Our team was shipshape in this game.

Josh caught Cook napping as he brought home the first piece.

Jordan prised a piece from Cook's fingers.

Joshua snuck through the seaweed with another.

And Aidan tipped up a crate to find the last piece.

Well done, Swashbucklers. It's a win!

Yeah! Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, my hearties, you were fantastic. You've won back our second jewel.

So, Captain Captain, you know the rules.

-ALL:

-Send down a jewel!

How could this have happened? What have I done to deserve this?

Well, apart from being shouty and mean all the time.

SHE CRIES

Yeah!

Oh, yes, I like green, too.

There you go, Aidan, into the chest for me, please.

And a big cheer, boys. Come on!

CHEERING

Right. I'm going below deck to plan how to win the last game.

I'm never going to lose...

..ever again...

..in the world, ever!

What are you two smiling about?

Well, Captain, you're not very good at losing, are you?

So we've created a...

BOTH: How To Be A Good Loser Training Camp!

What do you mean? I handle losing very well.

-LAUGHING:

-Good one, Captain!

But seriously, when you lose, you're all like, "Oh! I'm so...

"I'm going to... Moving on!"

-That was bang-on.

-Cheers, mate.

-I do NOT sound like that.

-Well, we'll soon see about that.

We're going to play a simple game to get you used to losing.

It's called...

# Which Hand Is The Coin In? #

-Ooh!

-So, Captain...

# Which hand is the coin in? #

Oh...

I know it.

It's in that one.

Wrong.

-SOBBING:

-Oh, no, no, no! It's not fair!

BOTH: Bad loser!

Oh, can I have another go?

Please, please, please?

You need to try harder.

Oh, I know - this time, if you're a good loser, you win...

This lovely bucket of confetti. Ooh!

I do love confetti.

But if you're a bad loser, we'll cover you in...

This smelly bucket of slop.

Urgh!

Yucketty-yucketty-yuck! No, no, no, no!

I can do this. I can do this. Right...

OK, Captain...

# Which hand is the coin in? #

It's that one.

Wrong.

It's that one.

Wrong.

-What?!

-TRIANGLE DINGS

Mmm... Mmm... Mmm...

I'm fine! I'm absolutely fine.

Well done, Captain! You're finally a...

BOTH: Good loser!

I've lost! And I don't even care!

I'm a good loser.

You hear that, world? I'm a good loser!

Oh, well done, Captain!

And, as promised, here is your victorious bucket of confetti!

SPLAT!

Oops! Wrong bucket.

Now, that is the face of a real winner.

Ha-ha-ha! Oh, I'm feeling confident, now, boys,

that we can win back three more of my jewels

to make the naughty pirates walk the plank.

To get ready for the Shipwreck Rummage,

let's do the Swashbuckle Salute one more time.

Let me see you marching!

Put your hand on your hearts! Here we go!

-Eye patch. AUDIENCE:

-Eye patch.

-Pirate hat. AUDIENCE:

-Pirate hat.

Swashbuckle cheer!

-AUDIENCE:

-Arrr-harr!

Yes! We are ready. Bring it on, Squawk.

The aim of the game is to collect the rest of Gem's jewels

that have been hidden around the shipwreck.

Use the map, because X marks the spot

where each of the jewels can be found.

But be careful - Cook, Line, and Captain Captain

have hidden the jewels well

and they must all be in the chest before the time runs out.

Ha-ha! All right, Swashbucklers,

you have to find three more of my jewels.

Let me show you where they're hiding on the map.

The red jewel is hiding in one of Captain Captain's treasure chests.

On the middle deck, the purple jewel is in the pool of pearls.

And the white jewel is over there, in the shark tank.

Jordan and Josh, you're first. Which colour will you go for?

-BOTH:

-Purple!

-Off to the pool of pearls.

-Are we ready to play? ALL:

-Arrr-harrr!

Then Swashbucklers, away!

BELL RINGS Come on, boys!

Jordan and Josh sprint through the shower of beach balls

and climb to the middle deck.

Do you know which way you're going, Swashbucklers?

-COOK:

-I buried it so deep, you'll never get it!

-SQUAWK:

-Spoke too soon! Found it!

They've got the purple one!

-Where are we going next?

-White.

-To the shark tank?

-Come back!

Well done, Josh! Well done, Jordan! Off you go, Joshua and Aidan.

That's it. Well done.

-SQUAWK:

-You could get a fright looking for the white,

but Aidan and Joshua dive straight in with the sharks!

That was a great jump, well done!

Which shark is it in? Which shark is it in?

It's there somewhere.

-They've got it!

-Yes!

-We've got it, yes!

OK. They've got the white one.

You need to go to the top deck for me for the red one

as soon as they're back.

Quick, boys, as quick as you can! Quickly!

Come on! That's it, well done, Joshua.

Let's go, Aidan. Go, go, go, boys, go!

One jewel left to find!

Josh and Jordan waste no time climbing to the top of the ship.

The red is in Captain Captain's treasure chest.

There's not much time.

That's it! Quick!

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

That's it! Yes!

Come on! Into the chest.

Yeah!

CHEERING

Brilliant! Well done, my hearties, we did it.

Squawk, you've got the bird's eye view - over to you.

Our Swashbucklers left those pesky pirates shipwrecked.

Jordan got his paws on the purple pretty pronto.

Aidan and Joshua fished around in the sharks' mouths for white.

And Jordan and Josh went to the treasure chest

and ran home with red.

Swashbuckle cheer - it's a win!

CHEERING

Yes! Well done, my hearties.

You won back all five of my jewels. Thank you so much.

I'm so proud of you.

I want to hand them out to you to hold on to.

-There you go, Jordan.

-Thank you, Gem.

-You're welcome.

-Can I give the green one to Aidan?

-Thank you, Gem.

We've got the red one for you, Josh.

-I've got the purple for you, Joshua, all right?

-Yes.

The blue one is for me. Let's hear it for my Swashbucklers!

CHEERING

So now we've got all five of my jewels back, my hearties.

You know what that means. One of the naughty pirates

has to walk the plank.

But who's going to be? Joshua, would you like to spin the wheel?

Can I just show you something? Here, we've got a new bit

on the wheel, and if we land on that one,

then all three pirates have to go in for the triple slop drop.

So, who's going to be? Let's spin the wheel to see.

Will it be Cook, with the white hat, Captain Captain, with the black hat,

Line, with the red bandanna, or will it be all three?

It's going to be...

-Line!

-NOOOOOO!

-Line, it's time for you to...

-I don't want to!

..walk the plank!

ALL: Walk the plank! Walk the plank!

AUDIENCE SHOUTS

Oh...oh...argh!

SPLASH!

Yeah!

CHEERING

Urgh!

-AUDIENCE:

-Phew!

Ah, those naughty pirates certainly are good at losing.

We'll see you soon for more Swashbuckle.

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers go

# Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers go

# Take on the pirates, yo-ho-ho

# Hey-ho, Swashbucklers go

# Take on the pirates, go, go, go

Swashbuckle cheer...

-ALL:

-Arrr-harrr!