Tales of the Unexpected Wild & Weird

# Marauding mice and walls of ice and sharks on a golfing spree

# Cicada swarms and Martian storms and fish walking out of the sea... #

Really?

# Elks in trees and foaming seas and giant mayfly mobs... #

Huh?

# Zombie snails and friendly whales and completely frozen frogs... #

You what?

# They're wild and weird, wild and weird

# Really, really wild and really, really weird

# They're wild and weird, wild and weird

# They're really, really wild

# They're really, really wild and weird. #

Today, expect the unexpected as a man does impression of animal...

We meet the elephant seal who thinks he's a pedestrian...

And the bears who like nothing more than a quick dip.

There's a bear in my hot tub!

# Now, there's a moose on the loose...

MOOSE BELLOWS

# There's a bear on the chair. #

Naomi?!

There's a moose in the treehouse!

Where? Where?

Right here, behind the sofa.

What's a moose doing in the treehouse?

I don't know, someone's left it here.

-Well, is it safe?

-Hm... I don't know.

-I mean, it's been out of the fridge a while.

-Fridge?

But it's still in date. Yes!

-Oh, you're talking about a chocolate mousse.

-Well, yeah.

Oh, yeah, of course, cos you wouldn't find a real moose up a tree.

That would be totally weird.

Actually, that reminds me of something.

This tale of the unexpected took place in Sweden,

if I remember rightly.

And late one night, local resident Per Johansson

went out to investigate some unusual noises

emanating from his neighbour's garden.

It was late evening

when I came home from work in Gothenburg...

He appears to have a mouse stuck to his jacket.

Yeah, that's normal. It's just how they roll in Gothenburg.

And it was a very stormy, windy night, much rain,

when I heard a scream.

It was like...

HE GROWLS

The sound was spooky.

So I went a little bit more,

I heard the scream again.

ANIMAL GROWLS

Something was moving in a nearby tree.

I wonder what it could be!

And I had taken a few steps more,

and it was a moose.

Moose?

No, I'm fine, I've already had one, thanks.

Hey, this next picture is pretty weird.

Are you ready?

As I'll ever be.

No way!

No, we're still in Sweden, but I told you it was weird.

It's up a tree?!

That's not normal!

No, it isn't.

You see, normally you find them

two to the dozen eating the trees in the forest that surround the town,

so to find one in your neighbour's apple tree,

well, that's less common.

I can't quite get my head around it.

Well, look, if it makes it any easier,

here's Per with a dramatic reconstruction.

It's like this, you know.

And it's trying to get free again, you know.

HE GROWLS

There you go, any better?

-Not really.

-No?

-It doesn't explain how he got up there.

-Ah!

Per, moose re-enactor extraordinaire,

had his own theory.

It had walked around the neighbourhood

and eaten a lot of apples,

and it's fermenting in the stomach, you know.

So let me explain.

Here is an apple, OK?

Inside every apple is...

-Sugar!

-Exactly.

-And it's this that the moose is after.

-Ah.

However, if the apples are left too long,

they overripen, and what happens then?

They start to make alcohol.

Exactly, they ferment.

Thus, making cider.

And the trouble is, too much cider

will make you lose your balance.

So, in the case of this moose,

while reaching for an apple in a hard-to-reach place,

he probably lost his footing and got well and truly wedged.

So how do you get a moose out of a tree?

I knew you were going to ask me that.

Well?

-SIRENS IN DISTANCE

-Ah.

You call the fire brigade.

To the rescue was this man.

Who's that?

-HESITANT

-Urban Bomgren...

HE SPEAKS OWN LANGUAGE

'Hang on a minute, we need subtitles.'

That's typical, every time you need the remote, you can never find it.

-You're sitting on it, you're on it!

-I'm not!

-You're not sitting on it.

-Quick, we're missing it!

Oh, do you know what, don't even worry about it, it's Swedish.

-I've got this.

-Oh...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Right, locate moose in tree,

stand around in high-vis jackets and trousers,

point at the moose...

Er...

'Roads, probably...

'Oh, a winch, "vinsch", yeah.'

Hey, wasn't Per there? Shouldn't he know?

That is a good plan, yeah.

Take it away, Per.

-Oh.

-Oh.

The tree was nearly 90 degrees, you know,

and you wonder...

The moose fell out, "plop",

and just lay down.

Pull up the head and look at us.

It looks very tired

and looks maybe a little bit hungover.

So, after a well-needed snooze,

here he is a few days later, none the worse for wear.

Although, presumably, he was off the apples for a while.

# There's a moose on the loose... #

MOOSE BELLOWS

# I climbed a tree. #

I've got a story for you now about an elephant seal.

Elephant seal?

They're not real, you've just made that up!

Oh, yeah, let's put them in the same bracket as whale shark,

shall we, or lion fish(!)

-All real, Tim.

-Yeah, yeah, right.

And I bet sheepdogs are real as well, aren't they?

HE CHUCKLES

Anyway, you will never guess where this elephant seal showed up!

Zebra crossing in Rio de Janeiro, maybe?

-How do you do it?

-Is it?!

Sure enough, in Brazil, back in March 2013,

startled onlookers were amazed when a four-metre,

three-ton elephant seal

went for a stroll on a busy road.

Well, at least he used the crossing.

Pretty unexpected, isn't it?

Yeah, makes a change from, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

-Probably because a massive great elephant seal was chasing it.

-Yeah.

So, back it up 20 minutes,

and on Brazil's idyllic coastline of white sandy beaches,

this marine leviathan emerged from the Atlantic.

Hang on, we're in Brazil.

Aren't these bad boys normally found in Antarctica?

That's right.

Their favourite hunting grounds are the rich waters of Antarctica.

This is where our seal should have been in March 2013.

But how did he get it so wrong?

We're in need of some expert intervention, I think.

-How's about Patrick Robinson?

-Ooh.

He's one of the world's foremost experts on...

Pedestrian crossings. Yeah, what a guy.

Elephant seals, you doughnut.

Oh, right. Yeah, of course.

They can travel upwards of 4,000 or 5,000km away from their colonies

during a typical migration,

and they have two migrations per year,

so that adds up to quite a bit of distance and swimming per year.

Wow, that is incredible.

Puts my 100 metres to shame.

Oh, have you had that since you were little?

No, I got that last week.

Hardest four lengths I've ever done.

There is no inherited navigation ability.

We've looked at individuals that have never been to sea before,

and compare those to their mother's satellite tracks

that we've collected, and we see no correlation there.

You know, seems to me, it's just a bit of a random choice

in the very beginning, during their first migration.

So we think it's just a bit of a random choice in the very beginning,

during their first migration.

HE CHUCKLES

I reckon I could get used to this expert-analysis malarkey.

Given it looks approximately four or five years old,

I'd say it's probably hadn't locked into its adult pattern yet.

The seal is approximately four or five years old.

It probably hadn't locked into the adult pattern yet.

Anything else, smarty-pants?

No, my work here is done.

Ha! You missed a bit!

It may have still been exploring

and trying to find a good strategy.

Well, yeah. I mean, yeah, of course,

but that goes without saying, doesn't it?

Still, it begs the question, why did he leave the beach

and go into the town?

Maybe it was carnival season.

Oh, true that, yeah.

The Rio Carnival, highlight of the year.

CARNIVAL MUSIC

BOTH: Carnival!

Oh...

Going into a busy area, especially with traffic and people,

is quite rare.

It's not abnormal for a seal to venture away from the coast -

they do that frequently -

but they typically do not enter populated areas like that.

Whatever his reasoning, a few hours later, his city break was over

and he headed back out to sea.

Hey, do you want to see a bear in a hot tub?

Too right!

There's a bear in my hot tub!

LAUGHTER

BOTH: "There's a bear in my hot tub!"

-Oh, play that again.

-Yeah.

There's a bear in my hot tub!

Right, I am so confused.

-That's an American black bear, right?

-Uh-huh, yeah.

Normally shy and retiring, they prefer their own company?

Mm-hm, yeah.

Foraging for berries and grubs?

Yeah, well, if you like that sort of thing, which bears do.

All in all, brilliantly adapted to a life in the wild?

Correct again.

So why on earth is it in a hot tub?!

-I don't know!

-Why are we shouting?!

-I don't know!

-Why is your voice so high?!

It's...not.

-Do we need an expert?

-Yes.

Anyone in mind?

The one and only Ted Oakes,

bear expert extraordinaire, springs to mind.

Black bears spend all winter in dens,

which are often very, very cold places.

And so they have thick, thick fur.

But in the summer, because the fur is black,

the fur absorbs heat almost like no other material,

and they really, really heat up.

Oh, I see, so they head to water to cool down.

But why not find a nice lake in the forest?

Aren't they supposed to be shy and avoid human contact?

Oh, are you asking me?

No, Ted.

They might not actually come to a house to find water to cool down.

They might actually come to a house to find a bird feeder.

But once they're at the house

and they see that the house not only has a bird feeder

but a swimming pool,

that's when the party can start for a black bear.

MUSIC: The Birdie Song by The Tweets

Enjoying the party?

No, it's rubbish.

What are you talking about?

-There's no pool.

-Ah, and arguably,

that's when the party really gets going for us bears.

Have you not found one?

We're in a treehouse.

Come on, let's go.

That was weird.

Yeah, not as weird as this, though.

This is bad.

I've got them swimming in my pool.

They use the pool more than us.

Why didn't they go in Dr Bob's pool?

-That's what I want to know.

-I don't know.

Yeah, why didn't they go to Dr Bob's pool?

Hasn't he got slides and inflatables?

-And sun loungers.

-Yeah!

They would have loved it there!

-Who are you calling?

-Dr Bob.

Hey, Dr Bob, it's Tim.

Can me, Naomi and the bears come over for a part...?

We CAN go for a party.

See you in five minutes.

Cheers, bye.

It's on.

You have to call the cops, Daddy. You have to.

'Huh? It's not illegal for a bear to go swimming.'

No, it's not the police they need, it's a lifeguard.

Health and safety, guys.

It does beg the question, though,

how do you get a bear out of a swimming pool?

Well, probably with some kind of mobile crane to winch him out,

then a tranquillising gun.

You don't want that bad boy awake while that's happening - messy.

A heavy-duty stretcher, a couple of Marines, maybe, to seal the area,

you know, that kind of stuff.

Let's find out.

Hey, get out of there.

Get out of there!

No.

Or you could just ask it to leave.

Yeah...

Oh, my gosh,

get the bear out of the hot tub.

# Don't go down the woods tonight

# You're gonna get a big surprise. #

Shut the door!

Lock it.

Oh, I can't find it anywhere.

Naomi, have you seen my towel?

-Yeah, it's here.

-Where?

Oh, there it is.

Nice. I'm off to a swimming pool party at Dr Bob's with the bears.

-Are you coming?

-Er, no.

Do I really need to point out the dangers of swimming with bears?

That's a good point, actually.

Ah, there they are...

my armbands.

Would never have got the 100-metre badge without these bad boys.

Come on, one last chance.

No? All right, catch you later, yeah?

Bye.

Bombs away!

# Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

# Wipeout! #

See you next time.

# Wild and weird, wild and weird

# Really, really wild and really, really weird

# They're wild and weird, wild and weird

# They're really, really wild

# They're really, really wild and weird

# Wild and weird. #