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All Washed Up Zig and Zag

All Washed Up

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# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

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# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Well, come along for the ride

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# You and me and Zig and Zag

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# When our weird worlds collide

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# It may seem a little mad

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# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

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# Hold on tight no-one's dri-dri-driving

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# It's time to get on with it, not too late

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# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait

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# Count down, it's Zig and Zag time

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# Five, four, three, two

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# Time for Zig and Zag! #

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MRS JONES SINGS

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Don't panic, Mrs Jones, we're here!

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Nothing, nothing, underpants, clear!

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What's going on?

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Is there some sort of emergency?

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That's exactly what we were going to ask YOU, Mrs Jones.

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Yeah. You're the one putting up all the distress flags.

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Distr...

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What? You mean my laundry?

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ZIG AND ZAG: Huh?

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You've no idea what laundry is, have you?

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Ha, silly boys.

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Explainez-vous, Mrs Jones.

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What is this thing you call "laundry"?

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First, you take your clothes off...

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ZIG GASPS Mrs Jones!

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Then, you put them in the washing machine with the washing powder

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and they come out clean.

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Now, that is going to save me a fortune.

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I've been wearing these threads once, then chucking them away.

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And I just keep wearing things till this happens.

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Hmm. Looks like some sort of weapons' practice.

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I think you might be right, sir.

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That's the washing machine, there.

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Oh, so THAT'S what that is.

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Heh, we've got one at a Zogly Manor.

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We've just been using it to knead bagel dough.

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And it makes a mighty mean bagel. Mmm!

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Oh?! Huh. Hmmm.

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Well, if you've got a washing machine, all you need

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-is washing powder.

-Ah, say no more, Mrs Jones.

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To the Mini Mart!

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Wow! So many washing powders! Hmmm.

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"Omegone - makes dirt give up and cry."

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Coo-el!

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"Sniffy-Whiff - smell as fresh as a freshly squeezed daisy."

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My lifetime ambition.

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"Ultra-Breezy - with a hint of wild wind."

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Oh, Zag! How are we supposed to choose?

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NELLIE SIGHS

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Blammo - it's buy one, get one free.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Blammo it is!

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"Blammo - makes your clothes whiter than white."

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Now, I'd have said that was scientifically impossible,

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but, as we all know, Zigmondo,

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adverts never, ever lie.

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So, which one is the free one?

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Oh!

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-TAPPING

-Huh?

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Nellie! Did you know your dad's turning into a statue?

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What? Oh, the cast.

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He broke his leg. Had to go to hospital to get fixed up.

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It got broken? How?

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No idea.

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Clean-up on aisle three, please. Clean-up on aisle three.

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-Measure out one scoop.

-Uh-uh.

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ZIG COUGHS

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Makes your clothes whiter than white.

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This I have to see! Heh.

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Ha-ha!

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Aww, they're not white in the slightest!

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Maybe it only means it gets your white clothes white?

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Haw, not even. Makes them pink!

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What a swizz! I'm going to e-mail them an eloquent complaint.

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How does one spell...? ZAG BLOWS A RASPBERRY

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Three "P"s.

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Hey, Zag! Have we still got that Better-o-matic ray?

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"Dear, liars..." No...

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"Oi, liars!"

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Under the sink, behind the juicer.

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Oh. Ha-ha!

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Uh-huh, huh-huh, pppfffft, and...

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send!

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Oo-ooh!

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Ooh, that looks promising, Zigmondo. Let's give it a go.

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-Are you sure we need all this equipment, sir?

-Positive!

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We can't risk missing the slightest, tiniest hint of anything.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Whoa! Woo!

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Pass me the microphone.

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We must know what they're planning.

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Are you all right?

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Speak to me!

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BURPS

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Hah-hah! Better out than in.

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Not you, the washing machine! Heh! Ergh!

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CRASH, BANG, THUMP

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Stay with us! Don't you dare die on me! Urgh.

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O, Marshmallow Of Destiny, we need help and we need it fast.

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We broke the washing machine.

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Broke, you say? Hmmm.

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Just like Nellie's dad was broken.

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If only there was a place you could go that made things better.

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If only there was a place we could go that would make

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poor Sudsy McGregor better?

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Of course! Zigmund, we can take the washing machine to the hospital.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Zog Drop!

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HAKA-STYLE MUSIC

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The hospital.

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Of course! Aliens can't resist medical experiments on humans.

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So, should we go to the hospital and, more importantly,

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get out of this tree?

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Hmmm, we need a strategy.

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One of us should go undercover.

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We need...an injury.

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-TREE CREAKS

-Huh?

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-Er! ah! Ah! A-ow!

-THUMP

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Ow!

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Er, fast work, sir.

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-TREE CREAKS AGAIN

-Whoa!

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-IMITATES A SIREN

-Woo-woo-woo-wow-woo-woo!

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You, fetch me a doctor!

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You, fetch me an X-ray!

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You, fetch me 50 milligrams of hydromoxapoxafloxapax!

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You, fetch me a banana and mackerel milkshake!

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I'm a doctor. What's the problem?

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Doc, it's bad!

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You've got to take a look at him!

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Tell me he's going to make it!

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My goodness! You've got here just in time.

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In here! Seal off the area. Full quarantine.

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You were right to bring him in. I've never seen spots like it.

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They're hideous.

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Not me. Here!

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You've got to save him! He's got a wife and suds!

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OK, he doesn't, but if you don't save him,

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he'll never have the chance!

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What a waste of time. Get out!

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You know, for a man with lots of patients, you don't have much...

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-patience.

-Security!

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Throw these jokers out.

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Yeah, throw them out.

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-He means us, Zig.

-Uh-oh.

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After them!

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In here!

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PANTING

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-Oh.

-Hmmm.

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I don't know how much longer we've got, bro.

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I can't feel a pulse. We've got to get surgery now!

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Out of the way! We're surgeons.

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Oh, yes, right, yes.

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-Ow! Careful, Honey!

-Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

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I think one of the wheels is wonky.

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Ow!

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YOU'LL be wonky in a minute.

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Just keep an eye out for the alien slime. Ooh!

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I just hope we're in time. Nurse, sponge!

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Who are you calling Nurse Sponge, huh?

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Er, sponge.

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-Antiseptic!

-Antiseptic.

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-Echo!

-Echo, echo, echo...

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-Tin opener!

-Tin opener.

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Mop my brow!

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BEEPING

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FAST, FUNKY DRUMMING

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Funky heartbeats, bro!

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Ha, that's nothing! Wait till you hear my eardrums.

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-MORE DRUMMING Oh, me likey.

-Rhythm.

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There they are!

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Operation in progress!

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Stand back and let the professionals work.

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Nurse Zig, I'm going in.

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I can feel something soft and squidgy.

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Oh! Do washing machines have hearts?

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-BANGING ON DOOR AGENT HONEY: Again.

-Ow-ooh!

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Hurry up, Dr Zag.

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Aww, it's a bagel.

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Must have fallen down the back and got bigified by

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our souped-up powder.

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Mmmm, fizzy!

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It's alive, it's alive!

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That bagel was blocking everything up.

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Sweet surgical skills, bro.

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Now, we can get some serious laundry done.

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BANGING ON DOOR CONTINUES

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Come here!

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Whoa, Zig! I think I've found us a ride.

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Hop on board.

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-Ha-ha-ha!

-Whee-ha! Ride 'em, surgeon!

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Hoo-hoo! Ha-ha-ha!

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-After them!

-Where? Where?

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NURSE: Hey!

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ZAG: Whoa-ow!

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Hey, new improved Blammo really does get clothes whiter than white.

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Result!

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Huh-huh! Time to make a clean getaway.

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Ha-ha!

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Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow...

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My fault.

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Sorry.

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Uh-oh!

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Huh?

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Got you now!

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ZIG CHUCKLES

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-Hee-hee!

-Ha-ha!

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Get 'em! Ha-ha-ha!

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Get after them.

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Faster, faster!

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-Yeah!

-Ha-ha-ha! Woo!

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Faster, faster!

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Faster, faster!

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Ha-ha! Faster, faster!

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SIREN BLARES

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Got you now.

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Eh? Slower, slower.

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Make your mind up.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Whooooaaaaah!

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Huh?

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AGENTS: Arrrrgh!

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CRASH!

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-Hee-hee!

-Huh-ha-huh!

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THEY GROAN IN PAIN

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Ooh! Someone should call them an ambulance.

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You're an ambulance and you're an ambulance. Ha-ha-hoo!

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SIREN Whoa! Now, that is good service.

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THEY GASP

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There they are!

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Uh-oh! Set it to super-spin cycle, bro. We're outta here!

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Ha-ha!

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Wa-ha-ha-ha!

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ZIG AND ZAG LAUGH

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Mr Zogly? I'm from Blammo. We got your complaint that our

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powder wasn't washing whiter than white. I came to apologise.

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Don't worry. It's sorted. Look.

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Wow! How would you guys like to

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earn a year's supply of Blammo?

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Hmmm. Make it 12 months' worth

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and you've got a deal, lady.

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Wow! Zag, think of all the laundry we could do with that!

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Hang on. What exactly do you want us to do?

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Take this, dirt!

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Take that, colour.

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-Hmm-hmm!

-Hee-hee!

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ZIG AND ZAG: Blammo! Makes your clothes whiter than white,

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whatever colour they are!

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And it makes a mega-fizzy bagel!

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-CHOMPING Mmmm!

-Yumm!

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-Ha-ha-ha!

-Huh-huh-ha-ha!

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# Five, four, three, two

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Five, four, three, two

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# That was Zig and Zag. #

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