Novel Idea Zig and Zag

# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Well, come along for the ride

# You and me and Zig and Zag

# When our weird worlds collide

# It may seem a little mad

# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

# Hold on tight no-one's drive, drive, driving

# It's time to get on with it Not too late

# Start counting Are your engines on? We can't wait

# Count down, it's Zig and Zag time

# Five, four, three, two,

# Time for Zig and Zag! #

-Woohoo! Lunchtime! Lunchtime! Ha-ha!

-Lunchtime! Lunchtime! Waa!

I'm so hungry, Zig, I could eat a horsebox.

Yeah? That's nothing, bro. I'm so hungry, I could eat

loads of food, piled on a plate. Hoo-hoo-hoo!

Aaagh!

Aaagh!

Did your scream mean what my scream meant?

We're all out of tasty foodstuffs! Why does this keep happening to us?

And what's the point in having a fridge if it's only going to

-stand there empty?

-Tch! Lazy fridge!

We could eat it. Mmm! I bet it tastes minty.

Zigmund Ambrose Zogly, what have I told you about eating large

kitchen appliances?

Oh, fine. Then what are we going to eat? My tummy needs yummy.

Ziggidy, there's only one thing for it. We have to hit the

mega-market for a big shop.

Huh!

Noooooooooooooo!

Not a big shop! They take for ever.

It's got to be done, bro. Now let's write a list.

Pen... Pen... Pen...

Ooh, hold on. Look what I've found!

My Mindwriter!

-I didn't know you had one.

-Oh, I lost it ages ago.

Must have been hiding behind the cornflakes.

No, I mean I never knew you had a mind! Huh? Huh?

Ha-ha!

Let's see if this thing still works.

Pens.

Hmm, Nice work, Zig. Now, what else do we need?

-Ooh...

-Cornflakes.

-Mackerel.

-Scotch eggs.

-Cuddly toy.

And toilet roll.

ZIG SIGHS

That should do it. You can stop thinking now, Zig.

-Easy.

-CRICKETS CHIRPING

And let's alouette to the shopping centre.

I thought I told you to stop thinking.

I can't help it, Zag. There's too many things I want.

Ooh, look! Shiny.

Looks to me like some kind of alien mind-control device. Honey.

You think they're up to something, sir?

I repeat - some kind of alien mind-control device, so yes,

I think they're up to something. Move closer.

Zig, we've been shopping for five hours, and I'm in serious

need of a sit-down.

Mm-hm.

Baa.

Looks like there's not a single bench free for your bottom.

But me need a cushy for my tushy.

Wait, look! The perfect chair!

That is the most comfiest,

most perfectest chair on the whole planet! I must sit on it.

-Whoa!

-Urgh!

Help! Men overboard!

Right, chair. Brace yourself for mon petit bon-bon.

ALARM BLARES

Ahem. That chair is strictly reserved for authors.

But I had my heart set on that chair. Not to mention my bottom.

Authors only. For book signings and readings.

So, what you're saying, Mr Fine Purveyor Of Readery, is that

in order to sit in that chair, I have to have written a book?

Mm-hm.

Then write a book I shall. Hand me that Mindwriter, Zig.

I'm going to take the literary world by storm.

BOTH: ZOG DROP!

HAKASTYLE MUSIC

-He-he.

-Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Did you hear that, Honey? He plans to take the world by storm.

-Literally!

-Hmm, are you sure that's what he said, sir?

Of course I'm sure, Honey. For the sake of humanity,

we must get our hands on those plans.

Super comfy chair, here I come. Ready, Zig?

-Ready.

-A-ha-ha!

Once upon a time... No, wait.

Twice upon a time... That's twice as good. He-he.

..in a stately manor house, in outer space, lived Zag The Awesome,

the greatest wrestler, rock guitarist, and championship

footballer in the universe,

and he rode everywhere on his dinosaur.

And with the last of the Octopus Queen's tentacles tied in a knot,

Zag The Awesome rescued the king and won the heart of

the beautiful left-luggage attendant. The end.

Wow, Zag! Just wow!

250 soft, strong, and utterly absorbent sheets of story

brilliantness. Re-sult!

Let's go show Mr Book Guy what a real author looks like.

Ha! I bet he's never read anything like

-The Awesome Adventures Of Zag The Awesome. Ha-ha!

-Mm-hm.

Hello? Coo-ee? Mr Man?

-Where is he?

-I don't know, Zig, but we'd better find him.

Mr Bookshop Man? Hello-oo-ooh?

Remember how I taught you. No, left, left! That's it. No, right.

-Huh? Waah!

-Ooh.

Uh? Ah, excellent.

TOILET FLUSHES

Hello? Mr Bookshop? Hope you washed your hands!

Oh. Don't tell me. You've written a book.

Sure have! Zig, hand him my masterpiece.

Huh! It's gone. Have you seen it? It was right here.

Looks like a loo roll.

Oh... Er, no, sorry.

-Haven't seen it.

-Okey-dokskey, I'll just write it again.

Zig, hit me with another loo roll.

He-he he-he.

Ng! Grr! The end.

He-he!

Don't think so.

Get it, get it!

Euch. Uh-uh.

The end!

Aha!

Er... Whoa!

Waah!

MUTTERING The end. Ah.

-No! Oh!

-Watch out!

Awww!

-The end.

-Ta-da!

-Oh.

-Awww!

This is the last loo roll.

OK, Zigmondo. This is it.

My one last chance to get to sit on that chair.

Twice upon a time... MUTTERING

Sing! Pudding! Aardvark!

Oh.

Now this is the last ever copy of

The Awesome Adventures Of Zag The Awesome.

Oooh! We must guard it with our lives.

Did you hear that, Honey? We simply must get those plans.

The future of the human race depends upon it. Quick!

It's for our nephew's birthday.

He loves books, but we want to get him something different.

-Something unique.

-Something extra-special.

Here you go, Senor Bookyman. One copy of

The Awesome Adventures Of Zag The Awesome.

Huh! Something like that!

Huh! Ha! Whoo! Whup! Wha! Wha!

Back off, Lady Missus. Madam, your hair's fallen off.

I got the plans, Honey! Run!

-Hey, you dropped this. Come back!

-Wait up!

Stop!

Honey, behind here, quick!

-Oh, where'd they go?

-Who cares? Free wig. Hoo-hoo!

And how do you do? I'm the Queen, don't you know?

No time for that, Your Majesty. We need to get my book to the

bookseller feller.

BOTH GROAN

Don't worry. I got this, bro.

Agh, my lovely shop!

BOTH: AAAGH! ZAG: Oh, close.

-Ooh, papercut.

-Mmmm!

Grab some pages!

Ha-ha!

Vol-au-vent. I present my masterpiece.

You can just about read it.

Maybe. If you're really good at jigsaws.

-You wrote this?

-Not as such, I just pulled it all together.

Once upon a time... Good start.

Ha-ha-ha-ha! Well...

A recipe for apricot jam. Daring.

And with the last of the Octopus Queen's tentacles tied in a knot,

Zag The Awesome rescued the king, and won the heart of

the beautiful left-luggage attendant. The end.

Oh-ho-ho-ho. Bravo. This is the best book I have ever read.

It had everything. Mystery, DIY tips, suspense, drama...

-Apricot jam.

-Everything!

So, does that make me an author?

Oh, no, sir. It makes you a genius.

Huh! And geniuses...us es, es, whatever

..still get to sit in the comfy chair, right?

Of course. Although, I'm not sure you'd want to.

My good man, I've wanted nothing more all day.

Ah. Finally! CLEARS THROAT

It was a dark and stormy night.

SPRING POPS Oh!

The captain said...

SPRING POPS Ooh!

.."Take two extra large apricots."

-Oh, he's good.

-He's my brother.

"Put them in a bowl." Ouch! Ow.

"Next, take some lemon juice and..."

SPRING POPS Whoa!

-Right, that was a lovely little sit-down. I'm off home.

-Bye!

This book will revolutionise the world.

-It's started!

-No! It's mine.

I'll call the authorities. How dare you, sir?

People are going mad for your book, Zag. You should write a seagull.

You mean a sequel?

Yeah, that's what I said.

Hmm, well, The Awesome-r Adventures Of Zag The Awesome. I like it.

Next time I need a little sit-down, I'll knock it out.

-Hey, Zag.

-Mm-hm.

-In the seagull...

-Yeah.

-..The Awesome-r Adventures

-Of Zag The Awesome, do you think he could maybe have a sidekick?

-Sure.

# Five, four, three, two...

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Five, four, three, two,

# That was Zig and Zag! #