Jobsworth Zig and Zag

# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Well, come along for the ride

# You and me and Zig and Zag

# When our weird worlds collide

# It may seem a little mad

# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

# Hold on tight No-one's drive, drive, driving

# It's time to get on with it, not too late

# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait

# Count down it's Zig and Zag time

# Five, four, three, two,

# Time for Zig and Zag! #

-..the shopping centre.

-I want to see all the shops.

POW POW POW

Oh, no! I've broken the shopping centre.

Ooh.

Hey, Zag, it's that man off the telly!

Hi, I'm that man off the telly and congratulations,

you are our 1,000,000th customers!

-I'm shaking!

-He-he-he!

-Strong.

Here's a big money prize for you to spend in our wonderful

shopping centre.

Coo-el, a fan.

Zig, that's not just a fan - it's fan-tastic!

With this money, we can have huge smiley faces

just like those humans, from buying lots of stuff.

# Me got da money, Me want-a de stuff. #

He-he!

SNORING

ALARM CLOCK BUZZES

Buying lots of stuff, like earthlings do, is so much fun.

Ahh. Hey, now we're awake, let's go buy more stuff

-we don't actually need but just...

-BOTH:

-..gotta have.

Ha. One mill... One?!

-THEY GASP

-Oh, no. We've only one note left.

Don't fret, Frankie Fretfrace.

-One is all we need.

-Huh?

We'll just copy this one, using the Multiplier 3,000.

All right, what did you copy?

12 doughnuts is never enough for a growing alien,

or 12 multiplied by 2, which is twelvety...twelvety...

Ugh, 24, 24! 2 x 12 is 24.

That's what I said.

Well, you overloaded it and now it's broken and how many times have

-I told you not to put your hands in it until it's finished?!

-Sorry...

-Now, how are we going to get more of this money stuff?

-Mmm...

A-ha! I'll just go and walk in and out of the shopping centre

until I'm the 2,000,000th customer. Ha!

Hmm, not a bad idea.

But there must be another way to get Earth money

and we've got to get to the bottom of it.

"Bottom".

HE HUMS

Ah, good morning, Mr Jones.

We're the aliens from across the street and we were wondering

if you could help us with an Earth-type problem.

I don't have time for you two right now. I'm running late.

How do you get money when your Multiplier 3,000 is broken?

-Your what?!

-We want to buy more stuff.

Well, get a job, then.

-A "job", eh?

-Yes.

You need a job to get money and if I don't get a move on,

I won't have a job to go to.

And where would we get one of these mysterious "j-obs"?

Down at the job centre, of course.

Ah, yes, the Centre of Jobs.

Now, if you don't mind, Mr Jones,

we can't hang around here chatting all morning, we've got j-obs to get.

-Yeah, Mr Jones.

-Bye!

So, Ziggy boy, if we get one of these jobbie whatsits,

we get paid in money

and money means we can buy more stuff.

Let's scoot.

He-he-he. Too fast. Too...

HE WHIMPERS

-Sorry, I'm late, Honey. I had to fire my housekeeper.

-Another one?

-Yes, I found this speck of dust on the coffee table.

-Outrageous, sir.

Now, what's the latest on the alien slime?

From what I could hear, Agent A Gent, they are looking for a job.

Textbook alien invasion stuff.

They start off small with an ordinary job and they work their

way up until they get the biggest job of all, President of the World!

-Ah.

-But that's not going to happen, Honey.

But how can we stop the aliens from getting a job?

By giving the aliens a job.

I don't think PANTS - Prevention of Alien Network Takeover Squad -

would be too happy having actual aliens working for us.

They won't be working in PANTS.

I'll give the extraterrestrial terrors a job

so we can watch their every sneaky move.

HE CACKLES

Ow!

So, let me get this straight,

you claim you're aliens from outer space

who've crash-landed in Burb Street, but just decided to stay

because Earth is - and I quote -

"like totally the coolest planet like ever, girlfriend, innit"?

Yeah, innit!

You've absolutely no Earth qualifications, whatsoever.

However, on planet Zog, YOU were a model?

Supermodel.

And you claim to have had a number one hit song in the iZog Charts.

# I'll take a ring from planet Neptune

# And I'll put it on your finger. #

And you're looking for a job that pays 1,000,000 a week where

you only actually work between the hours of 11 and 11.05am?

And 3 and 3.30pm?

I can't miss my soaps.

And, finally, you want complementary donkey rides?

Yep, that about covers it. So, er...what you got for us, lady?

We can be flexible on the hours!

But the complementary donkey rides are a deal-breaker.

Ha-ha. Well, that went well.

Yes, but, surprisingly, she didn't give us a job.

And no job equals no money, and no money equals no stuff.

Yeah, and no stuff equals no... er, stuff.

Hey, why are you humans dressed up like aliens?

Because there's this really cool job going

for two genuine aliens from outer space to do housekeeping

but, er, they saw through our pathetic disguises.

Er, yes, if only there were a pair of genuine aliens

looking for a job, they'd be so lucky.

Oh.

Whoa! A complementary donkey ride is included.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yeah, we should SO get a puppy.

-No, that job - it's perfect for us!

-Oh, yeah!

BOTH: Zogplan!

Thanks for the tip, silly men in bad...costumes.

-Hey, does my bum look big in this?

-Best behaviour, Zigmund.

As long as the alien invaders are working for us,

we can keep an eye on them.

So, they won't make their way up the job ladder,

become President of the World and then take over the planet.

-Got it.

-And, not only that, I get the enemy to clean my house.

HE CACKLES

It's the perfect plan, sir.

Ah, hello, Martian menaces.

You must be here to take over the world.

Erm...I mean...you must be here for the housekeeping job.

I'm Mr Mister and, er, this is Mr Sister.

Ooh, tres moderne.

Well, come in and we'll get you started.

I'm Zag and this is my brother Zig and we're here for the job money.

-Cash upfront.

-Hmmph.

-Kerching!

Wow, this is just like a house you'd see on TV.

Yeah, it's so nice and clean.

Well, except for the foul-smelling footprints

across this very posh rug. Ew!

-HE GASPS

-My precious rug!

-Oops.

-Cleaning, that's going to cost you.

-Hmmph.

-Kerching!

Don't worry, I'll sort it.

Remember, sir, as long as they're working for us, the Earth is safe.

Weird. The vacuum cleaner was in the garden shed.

Argh! That's not the vacuum cleaner,

that's the leaf blower!

-Wooah!

-Woo!

-Ha! This chandelier isn't going to fix itself. That'll be extra.

-Argh!

Kerching!

-Argh!

-Kerching!

AGENT A GENT SIGHS Kerching!

That's not the washing machine!

Grr...

Oh, Honey, we need a plan B.

Well, I do have an idea, sir,

but I'm not sure you're going to like it.

And how, exactly, is this going to work?

Well, this way, at least they can't break anything else

and we still get to keep an eye on them.

Here's your triple chocolate, banana and bacon smoothie.

-And your vanilla, chocolate and fish finger...

-Oh, thanks, boss.

Now, I don't mean to be an annoying ninny,

but I did say triple chocolate and this is clearly double,

but don't worry, I'll fix it myself.

No, no, no! Your new job is to just sit there and do nothing -

nothing at all - where you can't do any more damage.

And we still get paid?

-Yes.

-Kerching!

Oi! Check this out.

Woohoo! Wayhay!

-Aw, 8.5?

-Perfect closed pike but a little heavy on the entry.

OUT!

But, sir, what about our plan to keep an eye on the aliens?

I don't care if they take over the whole universe -

it's them taking over my house I can't stand for a moment longer!

I'll have that back. Hmmph!

ZIG AND ZAG: Aaaaaaaaaah!

Hey!

-Does that mean we don't have a job any more?

-Och.

I think that's what earthlings call "being fired".

And no money equals no...

Stuff.

But not to worry, Ziggy boy,

-we've still got something that money can't buy.

-Each other?

No, a complementary donkey ride.

Yeeeah!

Yee-ha!

Ha-ha-ha! I've a wonky donkey.

-PARP

-Ooh! And it's got a puncture.

THEY CHUCKLE

# Five, four, three, two...

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Five, four, three, two,

# That was Zig and Zag! #