Zollercoaster Zig and Zag

# Five, four, three, two Five, four, three, two, one...

# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Well, come along for the ride

# You and me and Zig and Zag

# When our weird worlds collide

# It may seem a little mad

# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

# Hold on tight no-one's drive, drive, driving

# It's time to get on with it, not too late

# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait

# Count down it's Zig and Zag time

# Five, four, three, two,

# Time for Zig and Zag! #

Mmm. Nothing like frozen peas to cool a fellow down.

Yumsters!

I prefer the more sophisticated flavour of this

cheese and tomato lollipop.

-Ugh. Gnnnnnnn.

-CAR HORN HONKS

Uuuuuurgh!

-Hello, boys.

-Ow! Ugh.

Look! Mr Jones is mutating into an alien!

Well, there goes the neighbourhood.

Eh? These? I got them at Zoomworld, the theme park outside town.

Oh, you should go. It's such fun. I've never seen the kids so excited.

-Look!

-Huh?

-Huh?

Either that photo's upside down or I am.

Zig, help me flip Mrs Jones over.

Oh, it's Brie and Stilton that are upside down. They're riding

the Zoomadoom - the scariest roller-coaster in the world.

Oh! This is the best photo ever!

Upside down and super-fast all at the same time.

We need a photo of us like this in our lives, Zigmondo!

How do we get one? How? How?

How?!

Go to... Zoomworld?

Challenge accepted, Mr Jones.

Come on, Zig. I feel the need...

The need for speed!

Yeah!

Too fast. Too fast!

Look, Zig. If we're going to ride the world's scariest roller-coaster,

we need to get used to supersonic speeds and gargantuan g-forces.

You're right as ever, Zagnatiius.

Let's go for the burn. Twice as fast!

-Hahahaha!

-Heeheeheee! CAR HORNS HONK

-Hahaha.

-Heehee...

Here we are, Zag. The magic gates to adventure, excitement...

And enormously long queues.

And a child sticker for my cat, Mr President, please.

Flippety flip-flops!

We'll have grown beards by the time we've reached the end of that.

Leave it to me, Zig.

I'll just use a bit of the old "Je m'appelle Zag" charmerino.

CROWD CHATTERS EXCITEDLY

Wow, Zag, when you turn on the charm, you turn it on good.

Yes, yes. It is us. Pan au chocolat, ladies. One at a time.

OK, let them through. Plenty more chances to see them inside.

Great costumes by the way. Strange seeing you with clothes on.

Well, it is a Wednesday. Heh heh.

-WHAT is he talking about, Zag?

-I dunno.

-Ooh, haha.

-Ooh, heehee.

What do you say, Ziggy-dideroo? Straight to the...

Zoomadoom!

Mm. Well, maybe we should work our way up to it by going to

something smaller first, like...

..the gift shop? That looks pretty exciting.

OK, bro. We've got the whole park to enjoy first. Let's go!

CROWD CHATTERS EXCITEDLY

Why do they keep doing that?

Not a clue. I suggest we find a disguise and go incontinento.

Hee hee hee.

-Hahaha.

-Oooh!

Woooow! Hoo hoo hoo!

Aarrrrr.

Aaaaargh!

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Ooooh... Oh... Oh!

Hoo hoo!

What do you say, Zig? Feeling up to it?

Let's rock and roller-coaster.

That's m'boy.

Hey, watch where you're roping.

We're here to ride the Zoomadoom and get our fabby photo.

Oh, sorry, we've had to close this ride down for repairs.

Some old lady dropped her false teeth on the corkscrew.

-Couldn't you have held them in?

-And let go of Mr President?

You heartless monster!

Argh! So how long are you closed for? Five seconds? Ten? 15?

-Could be days I'm afraid.

-Days?! We can't wait days for our

upside down, super-fast roller-coaster photo.

I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do. We have to wait for the engineer

to get here. Wherever those teeth have got to,

they've jammed up the whole mechanism.

But it's got to be fixed, Mr Coaster-Operator, sir.

We have to get on that ride!

I have an ingeniuous idea.

Too fast!

Too fast!

Hey, guys. I love your enthusiasm, but it's nearly time to clock off.

I think you'll find it's nearly time to blast off.

Mm-hmm. One subparticle spanner complete with remote control.

Hey, what do you call a subparticle spanner without a remote control?

-BOTH:

-Useless! Hahahaha!

One blammer hammer.

Whoa!

Nice action.

-What's that?

-What kind of intergalactic

adventurers would we be without a lighty-uppy screwdriver?

True that, girlfriend.

Now, let's go find Mrs Eyebrows' troublesome teeth.

Time for some precision engineering!

Uh-huh. Lefty Loosey. Righty tighty.

Who got the blammer hammer?

I've got the blammer hammer!

Blam! Blam! Blam!

Found them!

Hahaha. Good work, bro.

Now we just need to put the coaster back together

and, most importantly, get our photo.

Hmm.

Remember which bit went where, Zig?

Yeah.

-No.

-Me neither.

But how hard can it be?

Whoa!

Ha-ha!

Hahahaha!

I knew this would come in handy. Aaah.

-Looking good.

-Hmmmmmmmm

There's always a few bits left over when you do DIY.

Always.

Oh, now we finally get to ride this thing!

And get our scream on for that supercool photo!

-BOTH:

-Zog drop!

THEY SING HAKA STYLE

Uuuuugh...

I can't reach the start button.

Allow me.

-Who's got the blammer hammer?

-You've got the blammer hammer!

-Aaaaaaaaaah!

-Oooooooaaaah!

Closed means closed!

Oh! Hot! Hot! Ooh!

-Aaaaaaah!

-Ooooooh!

-Whooooo!

-Whoooaah! Hahaha!

Again! Again! Hahaha! Hahaha! Again!

In a minute, Zig. First, let's check out the photo.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oi! What do you think you're...?

Oh. It's you two.

We fixed the coaster. We're just waiting for the photo.

Fixed it? But you're just the park mascots.

What? We're not mascots.

Hey, lady, we don't work here.

What?! Come here you trespassers.

Wait, wait. Uno momento, my good fellow.

I know exactly how to sort all this out.

-Huh?

-Run!

Where'd they go? They're around here somewhere.

-Ah-choo!

-Oi!

Rrrrraarrrgh!

Grrr.

Oof! Grrrr.

Grrrrrr!

When I get a hold of you...

Faster, Zag. I don't know how, but he's gaining on us!

Then take over, Zig.

-Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

-Too fast! Too fast!

Ooh hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

I'll get you!

That man was so rude. After WE fixed the roller-coaster.

And then broke it. And then fixed it again.

And we never even got to see our photo.

Oh, never mind. Let's give Mrs Eyebrows her teeth back.

I'm sure she'll say, "Shank you very mush."

Yes, boys? Can I help you?

You sure can, Mrs E. You can open wide.

Ooh. That is better. So, boys, what's it like being wanted?

-Wanted? Us?

-Haven't you seen the paper today?

-Cool! Hoo-hoo-hoo. We got our photo after all.

-Indeederoonie.

But why have they put "Wanted" and "Reward" underneath us?

It seems somebody went and rearranged the Zoomadoom.

They're very keen to have a word with you.

Not another word, Mrs Eyebrows. Pas de petit pois.

What are we going to do, Zag? I'm too lazy to go on the run.

We're going to do what any good citizen would do, Zig.

We're going to turn ourselves in.

-BOTH:

-We're really, really sorry.

Sorry? What do you mean sorry?

What do YOU mean, "What do you mean sorry?"

And what do YOU mean "What do you mean what do you mean sorry?"

We could be here a while. Go make a cup of tea or something.

Hey, now listen, if anybody should be sorry, it's me.

Nobody told me you'd come to soup up the Zoomadoom.

I don't remember any soup.

You made the world's scariest roller-coaster more terrifying than ever.

Now everyone wants to ride it.

So when the paper said "Wanted" and "Reward"...

We wanted to find you so we could give you a reward.

-Hmm.

-Put like that, I don't see how you could have made it any clearer.

With our compliments, two lifetime passes to Zoomworld,

complete with queue-jumping privileges.

-BOTH:

-Photo time!

# Five, four, three, two...

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Hey! Hey! Hey!

# Five, four, three, two...

# That was Zig and Zag. #