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Meet the Robo-Parents Zig and Zag

Meet the Robo-Parents

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# Five, four, three, two

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# Five, four, three, two, one!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Welcome along for the ride

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# You and me and Zig and Zag

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# When our weird worlds collide

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# It may seem a little mad

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# But you can't close your eyes or you'll miss it

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# Hold on tight no-one's dri-dri-driving

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# It's time to get on with it, not too late

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# Start counting, are your engines on? We can't wait

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# Count down It's Zig and Zag time

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# Five, four, three, two,

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# Time for Zig and Zag! #

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Urgh! Urgh! STOMACH RUMBLING

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Ooh! I've got thunder-tummy cos I'm hungry

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and it's already half-past my breakfast!

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We do indeed seem to be lacking in breakfast comestibles.

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Right, what have we got in the bank of Zog?

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Some change, a button and half a sucked cough sweet?

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Ooh, gimme, gimme, gimme!

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Mmm, mmm, mmm. Minty.

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Mmm, mmm, mmm. Hairy.

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It's yummy!

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What to do, bro of mine?

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Our tummies are empty and we've only got...27 pence.

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Hmm. We could scrape the dried-up food off the dirty plates

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and make stir-fry. Mm-yum!

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I like your thinking, but I've got a better idea.

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Let's hit the Mini Mart

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and see what delicious delights we can purchase for 27p.

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AGENT A GENT: Alien slime sighted proceeding in a sinister manner along Bird Street.

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-AGENT HONEY:

-Sinister, sir?

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Let's get closer, Honey. We need to find out what they're up to.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Wow!

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I lovva da pizza!

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ZIG MAKES SLURPING NOISES

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It's doughy, it's roundy, it's tomatoey, it's cheesy, it's...yummy!

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-Oi!

-Eh? Ciao, signore! Benvenuto and arrivederci Roma.

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How much pizza can we get for 27 pence.

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-COCKNEY/ITALIAN ACCENT:

-Nothing, boys. We ain't open yet.

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BOTH: Awwww!

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But later, we're having an opening night special.

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All-you-can-eat family buffet. Kids eat free.

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BOTH: Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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Mwah, mwah! Signore, you are an officer and an edelweiss.

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Er, you'll need at least one parent,

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carer or grown-up with you to take up the offer.

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But we don't have...

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Don't worry, Zigmund, I have an ingenious idea.

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BOTH: Ha-ha!

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Huh?

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CRASHING AND BANGING

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Huh? I knew it! The alien slime are creating an army of killer robots.

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Oh!

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BEEPING

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-Hello, Zag.

-A-ha!

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Hello, Zig.

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-BOTH:

-We are your robo-parents.

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This is a great moment, Zigmund.

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Our very own Earth parents, and you know what that means.

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Er...

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BOTH: Free pizza! Zog Drop!

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Family photo, family photo!

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BOTH: Cheese!

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-Huh?

-Er...

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You wish for cheese. I am Robo-Mummy.

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It is my role to provide cheese.

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We haven't got any.

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-Cheese.

-CAT MEOWS

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Ha-ha, just as well we programmed them

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to learn from their environment, Zig.

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Oh, yeah. Robo-Mummy, that is not cheese,

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that is a cat.

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Oh, that is not cheese. That is a cat.

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I am Robo-Daddy.

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What is my role?

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I don't know. Put up some shelves or something.

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Ha-ha-ha.

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We need backup and we need it fast, Honey.

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We've got to get hold of PANTS!

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Prevention of Alien Network Takeover Squad.

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This is Agent Honey calling from Burbia.

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RADIO STATIC

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We need boots on the ground, planes in the sky,

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choppers and lots of tanks!

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But didn't the general warn us about unnecessary expenses, sir?

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-Lots of tanks!

-Oooh!

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Oh, hi, Mr Jones. What's the haps?

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I was just wondering if I could have my could have my...

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-DRILL WHIRS

-Ooh! ..drill back?

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Ah, Mr Jones. So nice of you to call. May I introduce our parents?

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Your parents?

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-Yes-ah-de-doo-dah, that's what he said.

-Hello.

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Hello.

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ROBO-MUMMY: Hello. Are you cheese?

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Ah, this is not cheese. This is our neighbour.

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Greetings, neighbour.

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Ooh, ow, ooh!

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Impressive handshake.

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I see you're putting up some shelves.

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That is my role.

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Phew, tell me about it. Just come to borrow my drill back.

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Hey, what say you good people pop over to meet the family?

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ROBOTIC NOISES Oh, yes? Oh?

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Fetch Zig and Zag's mummy a coaster for her cup.

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Good boy.

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Good boy?

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Good boy.

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Stilton, have you done your recorder practice?

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I'm not going to tell you twice.

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And, Brie, have you tidied your bedroom?

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We don't want to send you to the naughty step, do we?

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-Naughty...

-step.

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BOTH ROBOTS: Further information required.

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You can't send me to the naughty step!

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I created you. Ah!

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No fairzeez! Now I can't turn you off!

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I'm not going to inform you twice.

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Advance to the naughty step.

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Aww! Flippety flip-flops!

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Hmph! But I don't want to practise the recorder!

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Then proceed to tidy your room.

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-What's happened to them?

-They're learning from their environment.

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-MRS JONES:

-Cooo-eeee!

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Sorry to be a bother, but Mr Jones and I were wondering

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if you would like to join our neighbourhood watch scheme?

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-Neighbourhood...

-Watch?

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We keep an eye on things.

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You know, to make sure everyone's behaving themselves.

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Oh.

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ROBOTIC LAUGHTER

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ZIG AND ZAG: Uh-oh!

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MRS EYEBROWS: Oh!

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ROBOMUMMY: No littering.

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Naughty, naughty.

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HUFFING AND PUFFING

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Keep off the grass.

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-Clean that muck off your face.

-What the...hey!

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Zig, do you know this is a nightmare?

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No, but if you hum it I'll play along.

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No, our robo-parents!

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They're on an over-parenting rampage.

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-I told you to tidy your room.

-What?!

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The ceiling has not been vacuumed.

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Aw, come on!

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SINGING AND BANGING FROM OUTSIDE

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ROBO-MUMMY BANGS WINDOW PIZZA MAN SINGING

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No! She's going after the pizza man!

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-Nobody messes with the pizza man.

-TRILLS ON RECORDER

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-What's the matter with you, eh?

-This is a neighbourhood what area.

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It is our role to watch the neighbourhood.

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Hey! Put the pizza man down, Robo-Mummy!

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It is our role to watch the neighbourhood.

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Now, I'm impressed with your enthusiasm, neighbour, but maybe...

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-ROBODADDY: Go to your room.

-Ooh!

-At once

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-MRS JONES:

-Don't you talk to my husband like that!

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ROBODADDY: You are grounded.

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-MRS JONES:

-Excuse me?!

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That's it. No pizza for anyone tonight.

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ZIG AND ZAG: Whaaaat?!

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PIZZA MAN: You can't do that!

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Watch me. Daddy, bring on

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the naughty cage.

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Naughty cage! Run!

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Stay. No moving.

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We can't wait for backup.

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We're going to have to take them out ourselves.

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The future of the planet depends on us.

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AGENT A GENT: Uh?

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BOTH AGENTS: Argh!

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Well, well. What have we here?

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Sunglasses must not be worn indoors.

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To the naughty cage.

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Oh! Ah! Help us, o mighty Marshmallow of Destiny.

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The robo-parents are controlling the whole street.

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And the more you fight them,

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the more powerful they become.

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Embrace your good side.

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Huh? Embrace your good side?

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That's it, Zigmund! If we do exactly what they say,

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it'll totally confuse their parenting circuits.

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So, all we have to do is...

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Act like the best children ever!

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RECORDER TRILLS

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ZIG LAUGHS

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Well done.

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Would you care for another cushion, Mummy dearest?

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A cup of tea perchance, pater?

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Foot rub? Chocolates? Oil change?

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Z-z-z-z...because...I... z-z-zay z-so...

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ZIG AND ZAG: Yes, Mummy, whatever you say.

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Go to your...

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room.

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Yes, Daddy, whatever you say.

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And that is...cheese...

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naughty... people...incarcerate...

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Not working...shut...

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..down

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The baddest, best-behaved boys in Burbia.

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Result dot com.

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Hee-hee-hee!

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Rescue has arrived!

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Our parents have, shall we say, powered down.

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LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

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Sounds like they've abandoned the mission.

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Excellent news, sir.

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Fly, my pretty ones, fly!

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Thanks, boys. All right, everyone, who's 'ungry?

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I think we all deserve some pizza after that ordeal -

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and it's on me.

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Is it just for...

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..families?

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Nah! Pizza for everyone!

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THEY CHEER

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Ah. Free pizza, sir?

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Hmm, in a moment, Honey.

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I have a feeling there's something we've forgotten.

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SIRENS, HELICOPTERS, RUMBLING NOISE

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Lots of, er, tanks?

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Ahh, yes!

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Another free pizza, please. Extra banana!

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As much as you like, boys,

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and thanks for recommending the new staff members.

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Aha, don't you mean

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'reprogramming' the new staff members?

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-More cheese.

-MEOW

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LAUGHTER

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# Five, four, three, two

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Hey! Hey! Hey!

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# Five, four, three, two

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# That was Zig and Zag! #

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