Blind Spot Doctors

Shirley?

RETCHING

Mouse?

I'll be all right.

RETCHING

RETCHING

SHE PANTS

You'll be off on holiday soon.

A spa break, then to Weston to see your dad.

Yes, I'm going to have words with him, this is all his fault.

-Well, not quite all.

-It was his idea!

"Why don't you have kids, Zara? You'd make a great mother, Zara."

-Well, I hope he's satisfied.

-He's over the moon, you know that.

Well, he better do his share of the babysitting.

Look, you're going to have a great time.

When you come back, it'll be time for a surprise!

Why don't you just tell me what it is?

No, you'll have to wait.

You're going to love it.

Here we...

Here we are.

I'm so sorry.

-It's a sick headache.

-You didn't have them before.

Just need to lie down for a bit.

You and Tom should go to the Book Festival.

It's just a reading, it doesn't matter.

You're not a well mouse, we have to look after you.

I'm getting a doctor.

Oh, there's no need, it's nothing.

Don't you argue, I'm going to get you some peppermint tea.

Settle your stomach.

You are good to me.

Oh, er...

Dr Clay, I have bought you this choral music.

The National Choir of Botswana.

-It's lovely, thank you.

-This is beautiful, thank you.

Oh, it is for your hair.

Oh, Dr Carter, I have made you a cup of Lapsang Souchong,

-just the way you like it.

-Thank you, Mrs Tembe, very kind of you.

It is my pleasure.

So what have you got for Heston?

Oh, it's...

-Oh, it's gorgeous.

-Very generous.

Yes. Well, I know he is very busy. I will give it to him later.

-Hello.

-Oh!

The expectant parents!

-Don't remind me.

-Mrs Tembe, did you have a good trip?

Oh, oh, yes. You have to go to Africa to get some real sunshine.

But now, I...

I have a gift...for the baby.

-Oh...

-Ah.

It is her hormones.

Yes.

Oh, I also have a little something for Mrs Parsons.

-All set?

-Er, yeah, ready to exchange.

Oh, we'll do it over lunch, yeah?

OK.

Dad's made you some tea.

Oh, thanks, Tom.

I'm sorry.

-I know I'm being a nuisance.

-Yes.

Hello, all! Oh, Winnie, did you have a good holiday?

Oh, er, yes, erm, very nice, thank you.

It's great to have a break, isn't it? Recharge the old batteries.

-Choo-choo and I had a wonderful time in Tuscany.

-(Ugh, "Choo-choo"?)

Showed me all his favourite places.

Not that we spent that much time out sightseeing. Ha!

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, Mrs Tembe bought that for Heston.

Oh, you shouldn't have spent all that money on us.

I bought it for Dr Carter.

All right, I'll, er, I'll give it to him, shall I?

Er, I, I was going to give it to him.

No, it's all right, I'll pop it by.

Er, I'd better get back to work.

Call this a cryptic crossword? Right, next clue...

PHONE RINGS

Hello, Peter Bradshaw.

Er, hi, it's Dr Tyler, I'm supposed to be seeing Shirley Bradshaw,

but, sorry, my car's broken down.

'I've phoned the breakdown services, but they're going to be ages.'

Not to worry, I'll come and pick you up.

Er, well...

No, no, no, no, Shirley keeps saying it's nothing,

but I really want a doctor to see her today.

-Tell me where you are.

-'Er, OK, well, I'm on Hunts Road,'

near the corner of Maple Street.

'It's a blue Mitsubishi Lancer.'

Er, don't worry, I'll find you.

Er, that's the doctor, I'm going to fetch him.

You hold the fort here.

I wouldn't worry.

Oh, er, we're thinking of starting up a choir, for Christmas.

Ah, choir!

That is an excellent idea.

I have organised that sort of thing before.

No, you don't need to worry about that,

Marina's organising everything.

Do I hear my name?

Has, er, Cherry filled you in?

We're going to be going round all the hospitals,

visiting old people's homes.

See, I've got THAT many contacts, what with all my volunteer work.

I also have a lot of contacts.

I am very active in my church.

Oh, er, anyway, me and some friends, we did this touring show, once.

You know, songs from the great musicals.

-We even visited a prison once, you know.

-Oh!

I know you have a taste for the amateur dramatics.

I have also visited prisons.

Oh, right.

Gas bill...

gas bill...

-Well, we're ready to exchange.

-Erm, there's a slight problem.

My lawyer's had an emergency dental appointment.

I'm going there after work to pick up the contracts,

-you guys come round tonight and sign.

-Won't Zara notice?

No, she won't be there, she's going swimming.

So, look, shall we go through the master-plan?

It all happens a week today.

-You complete then, and you move out.

-With any luck, yeah.

OK, so then I move all of my stuff, all of Zara's, into your house,

and the surprise is ready for when she gets back. I've also found a tenant for her place

and they move in the same day. Questions?

D'you want any packing cases? We've got loads.

-I'll get some from the supermarket.

-You haven't started packing?

I can't do it while she's there. I'll just blitz it when she's gone.

So, you're going to pack all of her stuff and all your stuff in a few evenings?

Yeah, it's doable, no sweat.

MUSIC: "Ride Of The Valkyries" by Wagner

Dr Tyler, I presume?

Er, yeah. Mr Bradshaw?

Peter.

Ha-ha! Oh!

Your car looks as if it's been in the wars?

Yeah, one of my colleagues bumped into me.

You can see what she's done.

Women drivers, eh? Jump in.

Yes, the, the MILL Health Centre.

M-I-L-L. Yes, as in windmill.

Winnie.

List of Christmas songs for the choir.

Quite a varied selection.

Do not worry, there is not a carol that I do not know.

Do you want to make an appointment or not?!

Slow down, there is a speed limit!

She gets these, er, headaches out of the blue,

often she's physically sick, then they, they just go.

-I want to be sure it's nothing sinister.

-Ahh!

Ahem! We were supposed to be going to a book signing.

I've just had another book published, but never mind.

-Wouldn't you DIE without Wagner?

-Sorry?

-Classical music? CBSO?

I tell you what, I've got their, their spring programme somewhere.

-Excuse me...

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, watch the road!

HORN TOOTS

-Crashed into us!

-He had right of way!

Typical white van man.

Proper menace! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

What? Shocking!

Will you make me behave?

I know, Chi-chi.

It's all my fault...

He's awful, isn't he?

Anyone that makes me feel like a teenager at my age...

-Can I have a word with you about these songs?

-Sure.

-Frosty The Snowman.

-Mm-hm.

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town?

-Walking In The Air?!

-Oh, I LOVE that one.

Every time I hear it, it makes me want to cry.

# Walking in the air... #

I assume that you are not a regular churchgoer.

Maybe you do not know the, the traditional British carols.

Good King Wenceslas, Once In Royal David City.

-Winnie.

-Mrs Tembe.

I think you may have misunderstood.

You see, the point of the choir is to cheer everyone up,

not, er, ram religion down their throats.

But it is Christmas!

Exactly!

We want to celebrate, woo!

Something with a bit of life in it, not some old dirge.

Eh?

Mouse.

-You're looking better.

-I'm fine now.

-Ah.

-This is, erm, Dr Tyler.

-Mrs Bradshaw?

I'm so sorry, dragging you out all this way.

I told Peter there was no need.

Can I make you some coffee?

Er, I'm fine, actually, but, erm, even if you're feeling better,

I might as well examine you while I'm here.

We'll get you a taxi back to your car.

Oh, no, those people drive like maniacs. I can take you back.

We'll sort it out.

Anyway, come through.

Well, there are carols on the list, if you look.

Two! There are two carols!

Cherry, you agree with me, don't you?

Have you seen this list of songs?

We need more carols!

Everyone knows them, they have stood the test of time.

It's meant to be a mixture, something for everyone.

But they are not Christian and THAT is the trouble!

Nobody celebrates the birth of Jesus any more,

they use it as an excuse to eat and drink too much

and buy presents they cannot afford.

It has become godless and meaningless.

The point is, Winnie...

I have asked you not to call me that!

Would you prefer Winifred?

I would prefer "Mrs Tembe".

My apologies.

Oh, look, listen, we can't have all carols, it's too Christian.

But Christmas is a Christian festival!

I think you'll find that it's pagan,

winter solstice, and the Christians co-opted it, but hey!

Listen, I'm out in the community all the time,

I deal with Jews, Sikhs, Muslims, the lot.

They won't want Christian music!

Do you agree with this?

Well, we do work in a multi-faith, multi-cultural community

and...we need to respect that.

Tell you what, I'll throw in a third carol, just for you.

As you wish. It is your show.

Now...

..could you rustle up the lyrics to the songs and print them out for me?

Thanks, Winnie, you're an angel.

There's nothing wrong with me.

I'm terribly sorry.

-But what about your headaches?

-I've been pretending.

You what?!

-Why?

-Peter's a lovely man, so kind.

When my husband died, I never thought there'd be anyone else.

I'm lucky to be with him.

It's just his driving.

You pretend to have a headache every time he suggests driving anywhere?

-Couldn't YOU drive?

-I tried.

I had lessons when I was younger...

failed my test eight times, I'm just hopeless.

I've got an idea.

Couldn't you say you want to examine him

-and then discover some medical reason why he can't drive?

-Like what?

Well, you could make something up.

Something medical-sounding.

Oh, he lectures in philosophy, he doesn't know ANYTHING about science.

I've got a better idea.

Why don't you just tell him?

Oh, I can't.

He'd be so hurt.

-Better than him killing someone.

-I know, he's dangerous!

-We HAVE to do something.

-Whoa, what do you mean, "We"?

I came here on a house-call and you're not even ill.

Sorry, but I've got to go to get back.

Wait, please.

Look at this.

I'm sorry, there's nothing else I can do.

How is the wicked stepmother?

I don't think there's too much to worry about.

-No, she's faking it, right? You are, aren't you?

-Yes.

Dad's worried sick, he thinks you've got a brain tumour or something.

I'm terrified of his driving, aren't you?

-Come on, Tom, do you want to get in the car with him?

-You've lied to him.

He's lied to me as well. Did you know about this?!

-Your dad's been banned from driving.

-There was a court case last week, I found this letter.

-It's a bit extreme!

-Someone needs to talk to him.

-Fine, if you're volunteering.

-He's breaking the law - I should report him.

-It's not like he's killed anyone!

-If he hasn't, it's a miracle.

-That's why we need to talk to him.

-You do what you want. I'm sorry, I have to go to the police.

You're a doctor, you can help, he might listen to you.

If we all do this together, a united front.

An intervention-type thing, you mean?

We sit and lecture him about the error of his ways,

he starts crying and admits he needs help? Very Jeremy Kyle, Stepmother.

I wish you wouldn't call me that.

Your dad's in enough trouble,

do you want him to make it worse for himself?

-I'll talk to him.

-When?

Hello?

Looks like now's your chance.

It's lunch, aren't you having a break?

Mrs Bonnaire has asked me to get the words to these songs.

-They're all carols?

-Yes.

Unfortunately, I could not find the words to Frosty The Snowman.

Yes?

That present you gave us for the baby.

It's lovely...

..thank you.

So, er, what, what's this about? Shirley?

You think it's something serious?

Well, I don't think there are any underlying...

I was faking it.

What? Why? Some kind of sick joke?

-I'm terrified of getting in a car with you.

-She means your driving.

You've been banned!

Doesn't that tell you something?

Well, yes! Another triumph for the health and safety fascists!

Another sign of the PC-obsessed,

infantilised nanny state we all live in!

No.

You're not safe on the road. Mum was always saying...

Your mother did not leave me because of my driving.

Well, yeah, she, she did. Mostly.

-And you sound just like her at her naggingest.

-No-one wants to get in a car with you!

Everyone makes jokes about it,

yet I'm the one that tries to defend you.

Well, look, we have an objective observer here.

You've been driven by me. What do you think?

You are by far the worst driver

I've ever had the displeasure of being in a car with!

You're a menace to yourself, your passengers and the public.

You've planned this!

-It's a concerted attack and you orchestrated it!

-I didn't have to.

We just want you to stop driving.

Oh, I'm, I'm going out.

Traitor! I'm going to the Book Festival. I'm going to do my reading

-and don't worry, I don't want anyone coming.

-Dad, please, come on!

-Give me my car keys.

-No.

You are being ridiculous!

That's rich, coming from you!

-There! Ha-ha-ha!

-Oh, Peter, but, but...

-No. No!

Why d'you have to do that?

You asked me to!

I said talk to him.

You didn't have to be that vindictive.

Music. Beethoven.

Dad, wait!

-STOP!

-What?

-Tom!

-Let me help, I can help.

-Tom!

-DON'T, don't move him!

-Ow! Get off me!

Shirley, call an ambulance, please.

-Tom, you all right, mate? Can you hear me?

-Yeah.

OK, I want you to take some nice deep breaths. Can you do that for me, mate? Good lad.

Ambulance?

Rose Cottage.

-It's off the Hadden Road, my stepson's been hit by a car.

-My leg!

OK, got your cozzie?

Daniel, I'm not seven.

-I'm ready to take you swimming. Whenever you're ready.

-I'm not going.

-What?!

-I'm knackered.

I fancy a quiet night in.

OK, erm, if you're sure?

Tom's going to be OK.

He's got a broken leg, some cuts and bruises.

Good, good. Thank goodness.

I've spoken to the police.

Right.

Well.

I just...

didn't see him, he just... came out of nowhere.

I've never hit anyone before.

Not a person, I hit a sheep once.

I keep hearing the sound...

when I hit him.

It could have been a lot worse.

If you were going any faster you might have killed him.

I've been a nightmare all day.

-No, you haven't.

-I have.

But listen...

about the baby.

I'm not going to have another scan to find out the sex.

People often can't tell from the scan anyway.

It can be a surprise.

I know that we'll love it either way.

And whatever you've got planned for when I come back,

whatever surprise...

I know I'll love that too.

-Daniel?

-Mhm?

-Are you listening to me?

-Yeah...

I was just thinking...

all those books...

-They're yours.

-Yeah, I know, and I've never read them.

So I think what I'm going to do is box them up and give them to charity.

In fact, I'm going to have a proper clear-out while you're away.

Are you feeling all right?

Just my hormones.

SHE LAUGHS

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Who's that?

Er, that's Jimmi and Cherry,

they said they might pop round with some Christmas stuff,

-for the practice.

-Not Princess Pinky!

-Can't we just tell them to go away?

-No.

Tell you what we'll do. I'm going to run you a hot bath,

you'll have a soak and I'll entertain them.

-Perfect.

-OK.

Oi!

Way, there we go!

Hi.

-How are you?

-Yeah, OK.

Thank you.

What's going to happen to Dad?

He won't go to prison or anything, will he?

-He did run you over, mate.

-It was an accident.

It's not like he did it deliberately. He's a great dad.

Basically we...

Yeah, maybe this is a good thing.

He was so freaked out.

Now he really will stop driving.

So, are we ready to do the deed or what?

Shush! Zara's upstairs.

What? You said that she was out?

She changed her mind.

I'm going to get the papers, all right?

Do you reckon we are doing the right thing?

Yes, it's our dream home, it's everything that we want.

No, I meant, for Zara.

She'll be OK.

She hates our house.

-Well, it'll grow on her.

-What if it doesn't?

Tough.

Dr Tyler, thank you.

Thanks for everything.

I didn't do much.

Rubbish, you saved his life.

-Tom, I've got just a few things.

-Thanks, Shirley.

Sorry, I've... I've been an ass.

Yes, you have.

Are you and Dad talking?

I don't know.

Give him a chance, yeah?

Well, here we all are.

Look, I just want you to know, whatever the penalty is,

a fine or even...

..I'll take it like a man.

-Probably deserve it.

-See?

You can chauffeur us, Tom.

Not right now, he can't.

No, I didn't mean right now.

I meant when he's back on his...

Feet?

When you're better.

Meanwhile, we'll, er...

-Taxis, buses, shanks' pony...

-Peter, keys.

Yes.

Of course.

Already got one lot.

I'll give you the spares as well.

And your spare spare set.

All right, if you insist.

Unbelievable.

You don't mean it, do you? Even now. It's all just for show.

-"Look at me being sorry... "

-Leave him alone.

And as for you,

you think you're being grown-up and sophisticated, but you're not. You're just his echo.

I said I'm sorry.

You don't need your keys because I'm going to learn to drive.

I'm going to try again, anyway.

And, Peter, if you ever drive again...

if you go near a car... I'm leaving you.

Oh, come on, Mouse, don't be melodramatic!

Mouse?

Shirley?

I'll leave you to it.

Nice one.

Did you sort out your car?

Yeah, it's in the garage. It had to go in anyway.

One of my brilliant fellow doctors smashed into it...

Oh, dear.

You've helped.

Not just Tom, me as well.

By saying I should learn to drive.

I thought there was nothing I could do, but there is.

It's worth a try. You can't be any worse than him!

Are you always this rude to your patients?

So, what are you going to do?

I don't know.

I shouldn't have had a go at Tom.

Why not? He does make excuses for Peter.

So did I - so does everyone. You should hear his friends,

"Last of the mavericks," they call him.

Colourful. Eccentric.

A rebel, they admire him.

Yeah, bet you wouldn't catch them getting in a car with him, though.

He is a lovely man.

I could strangle him sometimes, but...

he does make me laugh.

If he comes out and speaks to me...

even if we argue, there's a chance.

If he stays in there sulking, we're finished.

So how long are you going to give him?

Long enough.

I should've stood up to him years ago!

-Moment of truth.

-Daniel, are you sure about this?

-Absolutely.

We're sure.

Er, look, it's a huge secret to keep from Zara.

Buying a house without telling her or asking her what she wants.

-Once you've done this, there's no turning back.

-That's fine. I'm sure.

Christmas wouldn't be the same

without her looking down from the Christmas tree.

Sugar plum.

Now you're going to say, "No more running, Ewan".

-No more running, Ewan.

-Amazing(!)

You have no idea how to compromise, do you, Heston?

It's a shame.

-What?

-Given it was diagnosed early, all the other factors...

It's 50/50.

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