Hitting the Wall Doctors

MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

# I wake up every day It's a daydream

# Everythin' in my life ain't what it seems

# I wake up just to go back to sleep

# I act real shallow but I'm in too deep

# And all I care about is sex and violence

# A heavy bass line is my kind of silence... #

SONG CONTINUES THROUGH HEADPHONES

But we've to get all this ready this morning.

Oh, I won't be gone long.

I'll help you when I get back.

Oh, what about this? This always goes in your room.

Yeah, definitely. Though I'll probably be back in hospital,

but, erm...

I am not having that by my bed, Mum.

-Have you got your mobile?

-Yes.

-Just in case?

-Yes!

Don't forget your appointment!

So, do you think that we should order the new sofa before we move?

-Erm...

-I just think if we make these decisions now,

-then there's less rushing around when we get to the new house.

-It won't take that long.

For you to get everything the way that you want it?

And we need to order change of address cards.

-Can't we e-mail?

-It's not very personal.

-I can hardly e-mail Auntie Pat.

-Change of address cards, it is. I've got to give this to a solicitor's...

-I'll do it! You're running late already.

-You sure?

Yup. I've got my "can-do" hat on today. I'm like Nursezilla.

-DOOR CLOSES

-In here!

Honestly, give a man a box of Christmas decs and he'll keep himself amused for hours.

-It stops them getting tangled. There's a delay on the Christmas tree delivery.

-That is just typical.

But we can get on with everything else.

Yes, like hanging our Christmas stockings on the mantelpiece?

It'll make all the difference. Sharing Christmas with someone special.

MUSIC: "Bonkers" by Dizzee Rascal

So, blood pressure's fine, X-ray's clear. Any problems, give us a call.

Mr Greene?

Thank you very much. Bye.

# I wake up every day It's a daydream

# Everythin' in my life ain't what it seems... #

Hi, it's Miss Malone here.

I placed an order with you a week ago, but I've filled up the boxes.

Yeah, that's great.

# Some people think I'm bonkers

# But I just think I'm free

# Man, I'm just livin' my life There's nothin' crazy about me. #

I don't think we can get this all on the one tree.

-What we need is one of them revolving trees they've got in America.

-A what?

Well, they're artificial, of course,

but they're motorised and they slowly rotate.

That way you get to see all your decorations.

Yes, I think a genuine six-foot Douglas fir would be a better setting for these, somehow.

And this.

-Oh, that's nice.

-Hand-decorated.

-Oh, Sugarplum!

-Yes, Angel Cake?

No! THIS is Sugarplum.

Isn't she lovely?

Oh! Where have you been?

Book an appointment for next week. I'll take another look

-and I'll change the dressing for you.

-OK.

-OK!

-Bye. See you later.

-Bye!

-Nurse Malone? Something has occurred.

-Yes?

Well, knowing you are a kind and compassionate healer...

Who is it, and where do I need to be?

An agency nurse has gone home sick.

A hangover is not a virus, in my opinion,

-though I am not a medical professional...

-Mrs Tembe?

-A Mr Greenhall, home visit, must be today.

-I'm on it.

She's been part of the family since the 1980s.

Ken and I bought her for Ian's first Christmas.

She's sort of commemorative.

A lot of sentiment for you, then?

It's a tradition. Christmas wouldn't be the same

-without her looking down from the Christmas tree.

-Sugarplum...

There was a sort of set you could get. Sugarplum,

Candycane, and Snowflake here...

and Praline Princess or something....

And you resisted the urge to buy them all?

There's only room at the top for one.

-I think the others were a BIT tacky.

-Imagine that.

Mrs Greenhall?

Oh, I was just looking out for Ewan.

-I did remind him that the nurse was coming today.

-Where is he?

Running.

Running?

Almost every day since they let him come home he has been up and out.

Didn't the consultant say he could have a break from hospital

-if he took things easy?

-Oh, yeah, a rest from treatment,

but he's a law unto himself, and if he feels fine - oh, hang on.

I think you did better than yesterday.

I'm just five minutes out

on the same route I did six months ago.

Not bad, eh?

UP-TEMPO CLASSICAL VIOLIN MUSIC

Heston, do you think, erm...

-Ooh!

-I saw her facing the wall.

Yes, she looked off-balance. I didn't want her to fall off.

You do like her, don't you?

Like doesn't even, erm...

Perhaps she's looking a bit...tired?

Maybe she could do with a bit of a makeover.

Yeah. Put a bit of lipstick maybe there,

maybe a bit of tinsel on the bottom, do you reckon?

Sometimes, less is more. Sherry?

You shouldn't be exercising like that, you know.

I bet your Macmillan nurse isn't happy.

I'm fine. Sitting here - I've got all this energy.

I thought that the deal was that you got...

Time off for good behaviour.

Junior regional champion, 10,000 metres.

Five years in a row. Wow. That's impressive.

-Well, yeah, you know.

-Seven half-marathons.

I bet it gets to the point where

-you're just competing against yourself?

-Well, try your best.

You're not doing yourself any favours by pushing your body like that.

What? Cos things can get worse?

You don't like her, do you?

At least, you don't think she's fit to be seen

at the top of the Carter Christmas tree.

I didn't say that. She's just a little...

gaudier than I'm used to.

Isn't all of Christmas a little gaudy? That's part of its charm.

It's sparkly and tinselly and colourful.

Well, on the top of a pirouetting plastic tree from America,

I'm sure she'd be perfectly at home.

She's at home wherever I am.

Well, you said yourself,

we don't have room for everything - decisions have to be made, and...

And?

Well, isn't Sugarplum more of a time now

-where she's not so much a fairy as, erm...

-What?

..the Ghost of Christmas Past?

It's the painting all over again, isn't it?

Everything OK? Thought you could do with these.

Oh, thank you, but I'm already running late this morning.

You can get dressed now.

Mum's miracle cure - with milk and two sugars.

Don't forget your tablets.

You should see her at the hospital, running up and down,

helping out that tea lady. Being useful.

Well, you see some of the other visitors

and they just sit there, scowling.

I mean, I understand, you know.

-But it can't be good for the patients.

-It's good that you're so positive.

Attitude matters.

Watching the chemo knock him flat took some getting used to the first couple of times,

but then you see him up and raring to go.

No point feeling sorry for myself.

And his running's not slowed.

You saw him. He is fit for the fight.

Makes all the difference.

You should be careful pushing yourself that far, though.

Well, that's everything.

Any problems with the scar, give me a call at the surgery.

As a chemotherapy patient, you get priority.

-Now you're going to say, "No more running, Ewan."

-No more running, Ewan.

Amazing! Who'd have thought having leukaemia would make you psychic?

Seriously. Look after yourself.

I used to worry about all the things that might happen.

-He got in with a bad crowd when he hit 13.

-Really?

Yeah. You imagine all sorts - drugs, gangs.

The athletics saved him.

He had that one, smart teacher got him obsessed with sports.

Lucky me.

I learned you can't protect them from everything,

but you can fight for them.

Yeah. You can.

Going through something like this, it makes you...fearless.

Right now, I'm focused on making this the best Christmas for us.

Did he say, he's doing the Boxing Day run to raise money for the cancer ward?

No, he didn't. That's ambitious.

Anyway, take care. Have a lovely Christmas.

Thank you.

-I'm going out.

-Oh.

I see.

You have no idea how to compromise, do you, Heston?

It's a shame.

You're usually such a generous man.

I'll leave you two to sort out your differences.

Well, he started it.

Right, I'm off.

That nurse did say to take it easy for a bit.

-I'm just going for a walk, I won't overdo it.

-I'll come with you.

Look, maybe I've got some secret present-buying to do.

Ewan! Right. That's it. I'm getting you to a doctor.

I don't want to go back to hospital yet.

So, you saw Nurse Malone this morning?

Yeah. She's OK.

And Dr Chan's given you a couple of days' respite

from your current treatment, which has been quite intensive.

I just felt a bit dizzy.

I'm fine! Look, my mum fussed and insisted on bringing me here.

-You do have one of the more aggressive forms of leukaemia.

-Yeah, and I know it's going to kill me.

-Why do you think that?

-It's OK, it's no biggie.

OK - massive biggie. But I've come to terms with it.

Your chances of surviving this...

Look, I've done my homework. I've been studying the stuff on the internet.

I know I'm only expected to live a couple of months.

That's not necessarily true. And, aside from anything else,

the chemo is giving you a fighting chance.

Look, Doctor, listen, yeah?

I know I'm going to die, so what does it matter if I run myself ragged in the time I've got left?

I'd rather go out 100 miles an hour and say, "What a ride!" than wrap myself in cotton wool.

Listen to me - the combination you're on has had good results.

Yeah, and eight out of ten cat owners say they prefer it(!)

Look, you're young, you look after yourself,

all of which is to your advantage - and I can't guarantee this,

but you could beat the odds.

What?

Given it was diagnosed early,

all the other factors - it's 50/50.

And that's changing all the time with research,

new combinations, your general response to treatment.

You might have a lot of time ahead of you.

-There is hope?

-I think so.

Thank you.

I got a lecture, that's all.

Let's get you home, you can kick back for a bit.

He doesn't really know your case, not properly, does he?

Not like Dr Yeung.

I won't run tomorrow. We'll do all the decorations then, OK?

-I know we said today, but...

-Tomorrow is fine.

You get a proper rest today

and I might let you climb the ladder and hang the paper chains.

Ooh, treats(!)

DRAMATIC CLASSICAL VIOLIN MUSIC

MUSIC BUILDS

Cherry, did you know that Ewan Greenhall had been in?

-No. Is something wrong?

-Dizzy spells, he said.

-He's not been out running again, has he?

-He didn't say.

-I told him not to.

-I bet he didn't like that, did he?

No, not really.

Because he reckons he's only got two months to live?

Well, we didn't discuss that. So, he is terminal, then?

Well, maybe, maybe not - but he's convinced himself he was,

due to some dodgy research on the internet.

When I said he could beat it... took it really badly.

Like the worst thing I could have said to him.

HE SIGHS

Right, so, it's item number X for Xmas, M for Merry, 289.

And it is in stock?

Good. And you do express delivery?

Excellent.

Well, who's laughing now?

I just wanted to talk to Ewan.

Oh. He's resting upstairs.

Everything OK?

Yeah. It's fine, honestly. I just wanted to talk.

-I didn't really get the chance this morning.

-Ewan!

I think Dr Granger read him the riot act.

Again.

It was only a dizzy spell.

Ewan?

Oh.

I thought he was here.

Have you any idea where he may have gone?

He was talking about Christmas shopping earlier.

I bet that's why he snuck out! Wants to surprise me.

-Or maybe he's gone running again. Do you know where he goes normally?

-All over.

The estate, the wildlife park, sometimes he does laps on the old running track at the campus. Why?

Erm, I'm going to go and look for him. If he comes back...

I'll call you.

-Do you want to have a chat?

-You had every reason to go.

-I'm sorry I was inconsiderate.

-What's that?

Well for our first Christmas, instead of "yours" and "mine",

-how about "ours"?

-It's funny you should say that.

We could start afresh, creating our own memories.

So...you went ahead

-and bought something on your own?

-Hmm.

-It's...

"your" choice but "our" decoration?

HE SIGHS

Ewan! Ewan!

-What you doing here?

-I've come looking for you. Are you OK?

In my natural habitat, why wouldn't I be?

Will you please just stop and talk to me?

No, I'm done with talking!

Has this got to do with what Dr Granger said?

-I had it all sorted in my head and he had to go and mess things up.

-How?

He gave me back hope. Why would he do that?

I was all right, I had it all worked out.

I noticed that a lot of your meds were missing.

Ewan, this is important!

How many have you taken?

At least have a look before we go out and pick something else.

-I'm fine now.

-Now, it may take a little bit of getting used to.

-I don't believe it.

-You don't like it?

Sugarplum helped me pick it out.

-Ah!

-Great minds.

-Think I prefer mine.

-Yeah, I think you're right.

THUNDERCLAPS

-You still here?

-So, what's wrong with hope?

Having no hope took away the fear.

That...that nothing-to-lose thing - that's what made me a winner.

-I've got that back.

-So you want to be a champion at dying?

You think that suicide is a dignified thing?

Well, at least it will give me some control.

-So, if you can't have life the way you want it, you don't want to have it at all?

-This isn't life!

Yes, it is. You've got to fight for it. Know how I know it's life?

Because life can be crap.

And then we die.

But I admire the fact that you accept that's what's going to happen. But it's still rubbish.

Thanks. You're really helping me(!)

All day, people run round doing their jobs,

planning house moves, weddings, babies...

and, you know, it might not work.

-That's stupid.

-Why?

Divorce rates, people moving out, leaving people,

finding other people, houses falling down, car crashes. It's all out there, waiting to happen.

Can't think like that.

Just cos I said that life can be useless

it doesn't mean I don't think it's worth fighting for.

If you hit a brick wall, you've got to keep going.

It's the only way that you can get through.

So I could keep on fighting and still go through with the treatment

that will make me feel worse - and still die?

So, why not have as much fun while you can?

Is it not worth the risk? To really be alive

in spite of misery and not die because of it?

To be with the people that really matter to you?

It's all right. It's all right, Ewan. I'm going to call you an ambulance.

I just need you to tell me how much you've taken and what you've taken.

I've got cramp!

I didn't take any.

OK, come on. Just put your weight on it.

-So, is that better?

-I've felt worse.

Thanks.

You said no more running. Is this me?

-Have I been pushing you too much?

-No, it's not you.

Come on, I'll get you dinner.

Dr Granger thinks that Ewan should go back in to hospital

-a bit earlier than planned.

-No, he'll be fine.

You just need a good rest in your own bed.

-Mum...

-What?

I'm not coping.

And looking after me takes it out of you too.

Don't worry about me.

Look, admit it - you're done in, you're always running around after me.

You need to look after yourself.

-We've both got to be strong about this.

-But, listen...

Look... I don't know how long I've got.

A couple more treatments, you will be home free.

-Mum, I could die.

-No!

Is this your doing? Filling his head?

Listen to me. I'm fighting it,

but I need you for the long term because I want to beat it.

-You said you were.

-Look, I was certain I wasn't.

You told me Dr Chan said everything was OK...

They don't know. 50/50, they say.

Ewan's been protecting you.

I'm going to give the Boxing Day run a miss.

Hopefully - hopefully - the year after.

MUSIC: "Awake, Asleep" by Fyfe Dangerfield

# Come

# Come out of the dark and play

# Be gone

# Take another holiday

# Don't grow, you can stay

# Life

# Will you ever make a man of me?

# In flight is all I ever want to be

# My unborn child So much to say

# A light

# A spark

# Scatter through the lovers' snow

# Whispered in the breeze unknown

# You missed the greatest show... #

-Evening.

-Hi.

-Busy day?

-Ah, full of surprises. Why have you got two Kaiser Chiefs?

One of them's probably Daniel's. So, I had a call from the solicitor...

Oh, I forgot, I'll do it first thing.

What's wrong? Nursezilla finally run out of steam?

OK, I admit it. I thought that I was broadband,

but it turns out that I'm just a carrier pigeon

with a wonky wing. Round and round all day,

and felt like I got nowhere.

You did your best.

Yeah...

Well, I kept going.

And tomorrow, I'll go even further.

Sound's scary.

You ain't seen nothin' yet.

You OK?

Yeah.

Someone helped me make a decision today.

In fact, we both decided.

To do what?

Hope.

# What else could I hope to know? #

Just my arthritis playing up.

Ah, I've been taking some great pills for my knee.

Oh, really?

No pain for a month now.

Stop trying to emotionally blackmail the poor man.

-Better than shameless flattery.

-I haven't...

-Ladies, please! Enough.

Are you sure you don't want me to come?

No, I'll handle it.

He's not good at facing things like this.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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