No Secret So Close Doctors

MUSIC: "White Winter Hymnal" by Fleet Foxes

-Thanks for your help.

-Thank you.

-Take care.

No disasters so far?

Why would there be?

Well, without Zara snapping at your heels.

-I don't need stabilisers, thank you!

-Ooh!

Dr Tyler, erm, Julia just rang, she needs you over at the Mill pronto.

-What have I done now?

-There speaks a guilty conscience.

-No. I'm busy.

-Oh, I think Freya can manage.

Yeah, of course I can. You go and see Julia. Violet Gray?

-After you.

-Go on, Doctor Tyler. Chop chop.

HUMS TO HERSELF

Soap dish, bathroom? Used to keep earrings in it, so bedroom.

Hmm! HUMMING CONTINUES

'She's turned packing into an art form.'

Every object's colour coded or labelled. It's organisation heaven.

Ha! I'm surprised you're not over there making sure the boxes have hospital corners.

-She won't let me, she says it'll take too long if I help.

-OK, so...

I'm going to go round and read my meter at 1400 hours,

my removal van leaves 15 minutes later, ETA your place 1500 hours,

during which time I'll give my tenant the new key,

-you move OUT at 1430.

-Are you sure Zara's going to be OK with this?

Yeah, trust me.

I have added Mr Brown to your house calls.

-OK, thanks, I'll be along in a sec. ..See you on the front line.

-Yes.

-What's this?

-Details for my move.

-That's what your phone's for, mate.

-Just the man I'm looking for.

-I didn't do it.

-Julia wants you to take a sexual health awareness stand to the student union.

-Oh!

-An important part of student health.

-They're going home for Christmas!

All the more reason to educate them

-before they're...

-Oops!

-Been on the sherry?

Festivities started early? Joke! Though, you do look a bit peaky.

I haven't eaten yet!

-I'm fine.

-Glad to hear it.

Yes?

-How about we do a deal?

-What do you mean?

If I tell Freya Julia wants her to do this stall and you back me up...

-Mmhm?

-..I'll set up your phone so you synchronise everything.

That way nothing can go wrong.

I've taught you well.

Nice!

PANICKED BREATHING

SHE SIGHS

Oh, hello, er, I'd like to make an appointment, please.

Elaine Cassidy.

Today?! I wasn't expecting...

No, no, that's good. KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in!

-Could I have a word?

-One minute. No, that's fine, I'll be there.

Thank you.

-Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.

-It's OK.

Could you give me some advice on, erm, anger management?

-Is someone winding you up?

-It's not me, it's for a patient.

Could we do it later?

-I've got loads to do and now I've got an appointment to go to.

-Sure, yeah.

-See you later.

-OK.

# Frosty the snowman... # < DOOR OPENS

SHE HUMS TO HERSELF

Ah, good thinking! I've packed the kettle.

-Aren't you supposed to be at work?

-House calls.

This is a house.

Hmm! I can't believe how long all this packing stuff takes.

-Yeah, well, if you'd let me help you.

-If I don't pack myself,

I won't remember where I put it and won't find it at the other end.

Well, no-one remembers everything.

-If I pack a box, I remember exactly what's gone in each box.

-If you say so.

Try me.

That one?

12 forks, 12 knives, soup spoons.

-That one over there?

-DVDs.

-Ah, yeah, but what DVDs?

In alphabetical order...

Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, Love Actually,

My Best Friend's Wedding, My Big Fat Greek Wedding,

Notting Hill, Sleepless in Seattle, There's Something About Mary...

OK, I believe you! Maybe I should patent you!

Let me get on or we'll never get there.

-I can't believe how smooth it's going.

-Ssh! Don't jinx it!

Hmm!

SHE HUMS "Frosty the Snowman"

-Is that it?

-For now. But they're like buses, there'll be ten along in a minute.

-Better get a coffee now, then. Do you want one?

-Oh, no, ta.

Julia wants you to take this over to the union

and man a sexual awareness stall, or should I say "woman" a sexual awareness stall?

-And you expect me to fall for that?

-She thought a women's touch will be better.

No, what happened is she asked you, you didn't want to do it,

you know Zara's not here today, so you thought you could shimmy it along to me.

You can ask Julia if you want, but she's in a bad mood, but if you feel the need.

-Ooh, Julia's moods are legend!

-Come on, she asked him, it's obvious.

-Ask Daniel, he was a witness.

-Little boys aren't going to stick together?

-It makes sense that Julia would prefer a woman's touch.

-I don't think she liked my jokes.

What's worse than lobsters on your piano?

Crabs on your organ!

Must be a boy's joke.

Yeah, I think Julia's got a point.

This is definitely not a job for little boys.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello?

What?!

Are you serious?!

Oh! It's all right, I'm a doctor.

Thanks for helping!

-Good to see you again.

-I'm sorry I haven't kept my regular appointments.

Theoretically, it's a good sign.

-Theoretically?

-If clients genuinely don't feel the need to see me,

that suggests they're coping.

Exactly! Well, since my holiday, I've felt so much better.

So you said.

-Managing to keep off the sleeping tablets?

-Yes.

-And how are you doing at work?

-Really well.

Good. So I assume you're here to draw our sessions to a halt?

Am I?

Well, you're off the tablets, you're coping with work, you don't need me.

-But..

-And even if none of the above was true,

then the lack of honesty that would imply

suggests it isn't working anyway.

-Right.

-So, either way,

I don't think we should carry on, do you,

at least for a while.

'Hi, this is Cherry, leave a message. Bye!'

Cherry, when you get this, phone me, it's urgent.

Well, goodbye, then.

Thanks for coming.

I'll be in touch.

Fine, but not too soon.

Erm, when therapy is finished, it's a good idea to give it time

to be sure a dependency hasn't developed.

But...

But?

Thanks.

No problem.

-How long should I leave it?

-It's your call.

Right.

Hiya.

Erm, do you want something?

It, it's OK. You don't have to be embarrassed.

Erm, if you don't want to talk to me here,

you could book an appointment at the campus surgery. I'm a doctor.

-Doctor Foster.

-Are you OK?

-Can you smell something?

-Like what?

-A fox.

No.

I see them here sometimes, playing, the cubs like biting each other.

I don't think they're likely to come in here.

They have a really pungent smell.

OK, why don't we sit down for a minute? Yeah?

Come on. Just take a seat.

There you go.

I'll just take... OK, OK.

I'm just going to take a look at you, all right?

Yeah, that's a really good idea. We can paint the shells gold.

Ah, no, sorry, Mum, I don't like sugared almonds, they're predictable.

Why does SHE want to come?

I've only met her once. I'm sure she doesn't like me.

Well, that's everything.

I can't believe that this is actually happening.

Yeah, you can come round when we've moved in properly.

You'll love the garden.

How about you just tell me your name?

Are you a student here?

Is there anyone that I can ring for you?

Have you got a mo...?

Listen, darling, I just want to help you.

I don't know how it got in.

But it was moving around chasing, chasing its tail.

OK.

I really think that we need to get you to the surgery.

It's OK.

I'm just going to help you.

Dr Foster went to Gloucester,

stepped in a puddle right up to his middle.

Ssh.

All right, let's try standing up. OK? It's all right.

Come on. That's it.

Come on, darling.

Take it easy.

If the drape man doesn't get back to me soon, I'll cancel and go somewhere else.

He can always...

Where's the van?

It's gone.

Well, we better catch them.

-What?

-We better get over there.

Er, Mum, I'll call you back. OK, speak to you later.

-We need to catch the van.

-Why?

They've had to postpone things.

Postpone? I, I, I, I don't understand.

-The vendors, they can't sell us their house just yet.

-They can. We've bought it, it's our house.

We don't actually buy until we exchange the contracts.

But we agreed the date.

The wife has been rushed into hospital, they were moving to the US.

He's not going to have nowhere to live over Christmas. They won't exchange.

-But...

-I'm sorry, we're moving in January.

-You jinxed it.

His wife is seriously ill, I didn't have anything to do with that.

-What are we going to do? All our stuff!

-Daniel! Daniel's stuff.

He's going to be here soon, I'd better let him know.

-I can't believe this is happening.

-Why is everyone always on their phone?!

Daniel and Zara's stuff is going to be arrive soon,

so I'm going to have to stop them.

You stay here, don't go anywhere.

Where exactly am I going to go?

I'm sorry. We'll sort it. At least we've got a roof over our heads.

Not long now. You're doing really well.

Do you want to tell me your name?

Look, at least let me take your bag for you.

It's OK!

What have you done?

I'll have to ask Doctor Carter.

If Heston could cover afternoon surgery,

I can't leave here until I've handed the key over.

OK. Thanks.

Cheers, guys.

To the second.

OK, now he's officially late.

Come on.

-Oh, hello, Crystal.

-D'you know her?

-Yeah, she's a patient.

-Um, can you look after her, then, please? Don't let her out of your sight.

OK. ..It's all right, love. Come on, this way.

We'll go in here.

What's going on?

We need to call the police now.

What's in the bag?

You don't want to know, um...

-Gav, it's a...

-Hey, hey, it's OK.

Pull up her notes.

Oh, my...

And you took this off Crystal?

I think we need to call the police.

Let's see if we can find out what happened here first.

-I would have thought that was obvious.

-It might not be.

What could be clearer than a dead baby?

-We don't even know whose baby it is.

-Oh, yeah we do.

Crystal last came in here six months ago

asking for the morning-after pill. I'm phoning the police.

Erm, she's, er, bleeding.

Would now be a good time to talk about what I was talking about?

-When I said it was a patient, I meant...

-Not now, Heston!

I just need to do something.

-Yeah, I'll come back later.

-Good idea.

Dr Granger is busy with his move and will not be back for afternoon surgery.

There are patients out there that need attention!

Why did he not book his afternoon off, like Doctor Clay?

-I have booked this afternoon off so I can get my paperwork done.

-OK, OK.

You get on with your paperwork and, Mrs Tembe,

let's see what imaginative ailments present themselves this afternoon.

It's all right, you're all right. Crystal's such a lovey name.

-Crystal Henshaw.

-Henshaw, that's right, I remember.

Er, OK, Crystal, the bleeding has stopped,

there's nothing more we can do for you until we get you to the hospital.

-Have you called an ambulance?

-Yeah, it's on its way.

As you know, you delivered a baby.

-Crystal?

-Oh, a miscarriage, was it?

No.

Was it last night?

Do you remember having the baby last night, Crystal?

I remember my room, the smell of foxes.

She keeps talking about foxes, has she taken something?

Gnawing and gnawing.

Did you know you were pregnant?

I couldn't make it stop, it was hurting me.

Oh, so you knew you were in labour?

Foxes bite, they nip and bite, all the time, nip and bite.

The sooner you face up to this, the sooner we can help you.

Aren't you being a bit harsh?

We found a knife.

The baby's...

FLEET FOXES: # I was following the

# I was following the I was following the

# I was following the... # HE SIGHS

OK, then, little one...

Erm, the ambulance's on its way,

and the police said they'll meet us at the hospital.

It's a boy.

-Why did she kill him?!

-I don't think she did.

But the, the knife?

Probably just to cut the cord. There were no wound marks.

Post mortem will tell us for sure, but...

it's most likely this little one died

-cos the cord got caught round its neck.

-But then, why hide the baby?

You've heard of puerperal psychosis?

It can be triggered by a trauma.

What could be more traumatic than delivering your own dead baby?

So much for prenatal care.

Maybe she didn't know she was pregnant.

She came in for the morning-after pill. I think she had a good idea.

Maybe she thought it worked or she's been in serious denial. I mean...

How do you cope with something like this?

-What are you doing?

-We're wasting time.

-Anyone we can call? A friend we can get in touch with?

-Friend?

Was anyone with you last night? Like the baby's father?

-Father?

-Oh, sweetheart, were you on your own?

One minute, she makes no sense at all, then the next, she comes back to Earth.

Hiya. Erm...

..it's a boy. I thought, I thought you might want to hold him.

-Is this a good idea?

-Just give it a minute.

I'm not going to make you do anything that you don't want to do.

I just thought that you might like to hold him.

Him?

It's a little boy.

I thought...

I thought it might help you talk about...what happened last night?

You, you must've been in a lot of pain.

Noise, I remember the noise outside, er, the pain.

It must've been really frightening.

I could hear things in my head, making my stomach hurt.

There's a noise outside, people laughing, I couldn't sleep,

the smell of foxes, the pain.

And after the pain?

-After?

-Yeah.

When it stopped hurting, do you remember that?

Do you remember what happened then?

There was this thing, a tiny little cub, hardly big enough...

It didn't make sense, but I wanted to keep it.

But not here.

I have to take you somewhere safe.

No-one must take you away, I have to keep you safe.

It's OK.

You just hold him and say goodbye, OK?

There is absolutely nothing that you could have done.

SHE SOBS

-I just jumped to conclusions.

-You still looked after her.

-Did what needed doing.

-Yeah, but I shouldn't have judged her.

-It must've been a shock.

-She was exhibiting all the classic symptoms,

and I just go and jump off the deep end again.

-Easily done.

-No... You spotted it straight away.

It was easier for me. You'd been on the front line,

looking after a distressed woman and then finding the baby.

Zara is going to roast me alive.

She only needs to know the facts, that you did a good job.

You are going soft.

Come on, the police are expecting us.

I'd forgotten about them.

-I'll drive.

-Oh, I'm perfectly capable of driv...

Thank you.

Thank you. OK.

You should be at your house. What's going on?

-Get the key back.

-What?

-You can't let Zara's house.

It's a done deal. Would you calm down and tell me what's wrong?

-Stop stressing me out and tell me what's going on.

-We can't buy our house.

My stuff is arriving at your house now.

-The sale's fallen through, you have to stay here.

-I can't stay here.

-Our vendor's pulled out.

-What? Why?

-This isn't real, this is not happening!

-Er, it's real!

OK, what we going to do about it?

HE SIGHS

OK, fine! You can stay with us for Christmas.

-With you?

-No-one should be homeless at Christmas.

But you're the one with a tenant moved in, aren't you?

-You're the one with no house?

-Since when?

-Ha...

Since you sold us your house.

We haven't moved out yet, so we haven't completed.

-That's splitting hairs.

-Call it what you want. At this moment, it's still my house.

-A man's word must count for something.

-So do squatter's rights!

-You're not serious?

-Possession is nine tenths of the law.

-I've got a pregnant girlfriend!

-I've got a seriously neurotic girlfriend who won't take to being homelessness.

-Hang on!

So you're telling me, with Christmas coming and a pregnant girlfriend,

-there's no room at the inn?

-No, no, no, no, no! I'm not saying that.

All I'm saying is that, technically,

you'll be staying with us, it's just the other way round.

-Sometimes, you are a pedantic old...

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Oh, Cherry! I am so dead!

How am I going to tell Zara we're spending Christmas with Pollyanna?

You think Cherry will enjoy opening her presents with The Grinch peering over her?

-Oh, boy!

-At least there'll be lots of alcohol.

-Yeah, Zara can't drink.

-Well, we can.

Oh, dear. Cherry talks more when she's drunk.

Christmas dinner's going to be tough.

Zara will be ready to carve Cherry up by then.

Maybe we should never leave them alone, ever.

-It's going to be hell.

-Yep.

Ready to face the music?

MUSIC: "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues and Kirsty Maccoll

-Another pint?

-Yes, please.

-Yeah, another pint.

As any doctor worth his salt will tell you...

Mrs Tembe!

Mrs Tembe!

-Oh, my goodness! Is she dead?!

-Pulse is slow and steady.

Call an ambulance. Elaine?

Elaine.

Elaine, can you hear me?

Ambulance, please.

Elaine?

Oh, my God! Simmsy!

Now I understand what it is that attracted Kate to the TA.

We did get a bit drunk in the mess last night.

Oh, I remember those.

I told everyone to wear white blouses and you're wearing red!

Just think of me as a festive bauble.

I enjoy discipline, but I prefer dispensing it.

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