Scratch the Surface Doctors

-# I can call

-I can call him

-# When I need him

-When I need him

-# Father!

-Father, Father!

-# Up in heaven!

-Up in heaven!

-# I can call

-I can call... #

Mrs Tembe!

Hi, Akono!

I did not expect to see you here!

Oh, yes, sometimes it is nice to get away from the noisy patients

and their spoilt children.

You are looking much happier, Akono.

I feel much more better, thank you!

I knew sending you to Reverend Stanhope

would restore your faith in humanity.

His lectures are very inspirational, that is true.

It is better for you to consort with people of high moral character.

I am sorry for what you were exposed to on Tuesday.

Oh, Mrs Tembe, there is no need to feel sorry.

It is good for me to see such things.

Which is why I have decided it's time for me to experiment.

With drugs and prostitutes.

What?

No, no, I'm just joking! Look at you, eh?

No, no, no. I am going to ask Jack if I can go out with him

for another night out to the student bar.

No. No, no, no!

Akono, this is a very, very bad idea.

Your father did not send you all the way to England

to be morally corrupted!

He sent me to England to be enlightened,

and that is what I intend to be.

At least let me find a suitable escort!

Ah, Jack Hollins!

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Come in.

I hear some kid chundered on you earlier!

Yeah, twice! Crotch. Shoes. Brilliant! Had to go home, obviously.

But I found this on the doormat. Invitation to drinks tonight.

-To welcome us to Stepford?

-Come on, it might be a nice evening.

-We should go.

-Oh, you're not serious, Daniel?

This is the sort of hideousness I was dreading when you moved us there!

Making small talk with Mr and Mrs Dullard because they live next door.

We'll tell them "thanks," but definitely "no, thanks."

So anyway, I texted him saying,

"No offence, but it's not going to happen."

And he was all like, "Why not?" and I was like "Get over it."

Only problem is we can't crash the uni bar any more. He had his uses.

Hey, isn't your brother a student there?

-Er, yeah.

-Think he could get us in?

-I could ask him.

-There's this DJ I totally do not want to miss!

So what do you say, girls? Shall we say seven?

-I'll be there.

-Great, I'll see you there.

This brother of yours. Is he cute?

No.

You can't have everything.

-How are you doing?

-Hey!

I am very happy I have found you. I have something I'd like to ask.

May I?

-You wanted to ask if you could have a chip?

-No.

-But that would be funny, would it not? Yeah?

-Oh, yeah.

-Yeah.

-Jack, even though you have not travelled,

you are a man of the world. You have experienced many things.

I, on the other hand, have seen a bit more of the world,

but yet, I am less worldly.

I think there is something we can learn from each other, you and I.

What are you going on about?

-You are going to the student bar tonight?

-Yeah.

-I would very much like to accompany you.

-I don't think so.

Why not?

Well, don't take this the wrong way,

but it's been a really long week and I just want to chill tonight,

maybe meet some girls. And I don't want you cramping my style.

I promise I will not make a nuisance of myself again!

The answer's no.

Don't take it personally. I think you're a really great bloke.

It's just...we've got nothing in common.

I'm sure you'll find plenty of mates who are a bit more...like you.

That is what I am afraid of.

I am very sorry we cannot be friends.

Akono, wait!

Look, on second thoughts, maybe I was a bit harsh.

Everyone deserves a chance to put themselves out there.

Socially, you know?

-Not in the slightest.

-I'm saying you can come with me.

This is wonderful news! You will not regret it!

-Hi! I've been thinking.

-Still no.

Come on, Zara! It's not like we've got anything else planned. We don't have to stay long!

-I don't want to go at all, isn't it clear?

-If I just understood why.

OK. I have nothing nice to wear since I ballooned out of my clothes.

I can't stand for more than five minutes with swollen ankles.

I hate being asked "What do you do?" It'll be the catchphrase of the night!

They could be great people! We could be living next to potentially

good friends and you won't even meet them!

After we move, we won't be living next door to them any more, will we?

So what's the point?

You're right.

You're right, I screwed up buying that house and I'm sorry.

You would never have gone behind my back like that.

And it's unfair of me to pressure you.

So if it's all right with you, here's what we'll do.

We'll go home, I'll run you a nice hot bath,

I'll prepare us some supper, and then we'll settle down on the sofa

and watch a movie of your choice. How's that?

I'll see you.

Damn it!

-Hey. I need a favour.

-I'm late.

-Are you going to the student bar tonight?

-Maybe.

-Say about seven o'clock?

-What's the favour?

I want you to get me and some friends in.

-God, talk about being plagued by nerds today. Forget it!

-Why?

I don't want to hang around with you or your mates!

Oh, Jack! When do I ever ask you for anything?

Do you have any idea how much it sucks repeating a year?

-Nina's about the only girl who doesn't think I'm a freak!

-Nina?

The one with the..?

-What, I'm not allowed to notice?

-Will you or won't you get us in?

-Yeah, I'll get you in.

-Thank you.

No, thank you!

Come in.

Ah.

I've been thinking...

Maybe it wouldn't be such a terrible idea

to have a quick drink with the Dullards tonight, after all.

-It wouldn't be?

-Well, just because we intend to move,

doesn't mean we can't show willing, I suppose.

Why the change of heart?

Because I know you want to.

But if you're not going to enjoy it, then...

Look, I've been less than gracious about the house recently,

even though I know you were just trying to do a nice thing.

So, let me make it up to you.

But if it turns all Abigail's Party, all bets are off!

Mm-hm. Come on, you know you love a bit of Demis Roussos!

MUSIC: "Weapon of Choice" by Fatboy Slim

HE HUMS ALONG TO MUSIC

KNOCK ON DOOR

Jack! Stop hogging the bathroom!

You're not the only one going out, you know?

Shut up! You're only going cos I'm taking you!

Argh!

Come on! Come on, Daniel!

-All right! It's hard!

-Get it up there! Be a man!

-It's stuck!

Ah... Oh... Oh... Ah!

What's wrong?

Sorry!

So, how do I look?

Like you're about to sell me insurance! Haven't you got anything a bit more casual?

My father always taught me, "If you want to impress the ladies,

"you have to make them believe you are a big earner."

I don't think jeans and an untucked shirt says that!

Now, do not stay out too late, Akono!

I will try, Mrs Tembe.

And try not to drink too much alcohol!

I will not, Mrs Tembe.

And do not consort with the wrong sort of girl!

I will stay away from troublesome ones.

Did a bottle of aftershave explode on you?

Hey! I like the English sense of humour!

That wasn't a joke.

Come in! Thank you so much for coming!

-Thank you for inviting us.

-I'm Hannah.

-Daniel and Zara.

-How are you finding the new house?

-Great! Great! Oh, hope you like red!

Love it! Thank you!

Mike's just upstairs putting our little girl to bed.

We're running late as usual.

Thankfully, the rest of the neighbours are too!

-Oh, we could come back later if you prefer?

-No, no,

I'm thrilled you're here. Now I can have a guilt-free glass of wine!

Let me take your coat.

-Oh, how wonderful! I had no idea. Congratulations!

-Thanks.

-Is it your first?

-Yeah.

-Mine too. Poppy's just seven months.

-Let me guess... You're about 30 weeks?

-31.

Not long now, then! May I?

Oh, I think he's asleep. Or is it a she?

We want it to be a surprise.

Let me get you a drink.

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

Right, while we're in 'ere, no Bible talk whatsoever!

I don't care if someone's dying and asking for the last rites -

nothing to do with God, you understand?

Is that because the girls would not like it, or you would not like it?

-Both.

-OK.

You can chat up anyone you want, except Nina.

She's the one that I'm after!

Oh, and Imogen, my sister. You can talk to her, but no chatting her up!

Is that because your sister would not like it,

-or you would not like it?

-Both.

-OK.

Just play it cool, follow my lead, and try not to embarrass me.

-Sure.

-It's all right, mate, they're with me.

Nina, this is my brother Jack. Jack, Nina.

-Pleased to meet you.

-Likewise.

And I am Akono.

Nice to met you. Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.

-Shall we get a table?

I thought you said your brother wasn't cute?

-DOORBELL CHIMES Thank you.

-What do I do?

Hannah and I moved here, ooh, four years ago?

It's a great place to raise a kid. Well, you'll find out, of course!

-And you're an aerospace engineer?

-That's right. Worked on

a few passenger planes, nothing too exciting. Although I'm about to move

-into enhancement designs for racing cars.

-You are not!

I know. I keep expecting to wake up in my eight-year-old body

-and go, "No-o-o!"

-Wow!

OK, so if it changes at all, like, if it gets bigger

or if it changes in colour, you need to go and see your GP.

Excuse me. Can I borrow Zara for a minute?

-I am so sorry!

-At least the mole wasn't on his bum, I suppose!

Let me guess, it all started with the question "And what do you do?"

Don't you just hate that?

Everyone thinks I should go into modelling

but I'm, like, "I have a brain!"

Exactly! Not that you wouldn't be an amazing model.

Maybe I should, just to annoy my parents. They want me to be

a good little corporate stooge just like they are. Thanks, folks,

but I'm not ready for my lobotomy just yet!

Jack tells me you are a talented artist.

-He said that?

-Yes.

I think he's very proud of you.

Anyway, I'll probably end up in the media or something.

-Really? What, TV? Journalism?

-Whichever involves travelling,

partying and a whopping salary!

So, tell me more about your art work.

Oh, well, it's mostly conceptual really.

I combine photography, painting, sculpture and video.

Whatever I think is best to depict a reality or a truth as I see it.

Wow, that sounds really lame, doesn't it?

Not at all!

One of my favourite artists is a woman from my country

called Ndidi Dike. She combines painting and sculpture,

using different materials to depict the world around her.

It is like looking in a person's dream.

Wow, she sounds amazing! I'd love to see her stuff.

And I was so trollied that I ended up getting into the cab

without my purse, can you believe that?

You know, when people think of Africa,

they see only diseases and poverty.

But Nigeria is one of the fastest-growing economies

in the world. Tourists travel to see the beautiful beaches,

and cities full of life and culture.

I ended up having to give the cabbie my watch, which was worth ten times the fare!

I thought my dad was going to have a stroke!

There is corruption, because we are rich in oil,

and the riches are not equally spread,

so people have to fight for justice.

Have you ever actually got caught up in anything yourself?

I am happy to say I grew up in a peaceful village,

near the border of Cameroon.

But I knew many boys not so lucky as me.

I think more blood has been spilled in the name of oil

than there is oil in the world.

Deep.

Looks like it's love at first sight for those two.

In all honesty, I think it's the car.

Have to say, I'm a little relieved.

ZARA LAUGHS

So, at the risk of asking "what do you do?"...

-Because THAT would be VERY uncool.

-Exactly.

But have you...gone back to work since you had your baby?

Yes. I took two months' maternity leave.

Mike's company gave him time off, too.

It was wonderful, truly. But...we're both glad to be back at work.

I love my job.

Good...

-Lo-ove it.

-OK, you win. Tell me what you do.

Just when I thought we could be friends. I'm a drugs rep.

ZARA LAUGHS

I'm studying law but I'm really into journalism.

I've written quite a few articles for the uni paper.

-Then you must be brave.

-Brave?

In my country, journalists risk their life every day to expose the corruption.

Yeah, well, here they mostly expose celebrity scandal.

Why don't they just snog each other and get it over with!

-They're only talking!

-Why talk when you can drink?

What do you say we get this party started?

-And what did you have in mind?

-Vodka.

Ah! I've always wanted to try vodka!

-Maybe you should stick to the beer. You're not used to the hard stuff.

-Come on. We ALL have to do it.

-Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots! Woo!

-Yeah, I'm in!

OK, but don't say I didn't warn you.

(Thanks.)

I've been meaning to say,

I've got a ton of baby clothes upstairs Poppy's grown out of.

You're welcome to take whatever you want.

Oh, no, that's fine, really.

Don't worry, there's nothing pink in there. If it turns out to be a boy, I mean.

We didn't want to know either so it's wall-to-wall beige, I'm afraid.

You preferred not to know?

Well, I say WE. It was more Mike than me.

Tell me about it.

Right. Gotcha.

Personally, I don't think it ruins the surprise.

-Just comes a little earlier.

-It's like exam results. They don't get announced on graduation day.

Exactly. What's wrong with a little heads-up, people?

(Between you and me, I already know what it is.)

(Seriously?)

(I had a secret scan at...)

HE SLAMS DOWN HIS PLATE

-Daniel...

-Has this been some kind of a power trip for you?

-What?!

-We agreed you wouldn't have a scan, then you went ahead and did it anyway!

It's not that big a deal.

Not that big a deal?! You went behind my back and then you lied about it!

This isn't the place to talk about this!

When did you have it? Go on, I'm intrigued. When was it?

What difference does it make?

Was it during a certain dentist appointment?

I cannot believe you. I CANNOT believe you!

It's a bit late for self-righteousness, Daniel.

-You bought a HOUSE without telling me.

-Don't you dare turn this round on me!

How the hell are we going to raise a child together if THIS is how you behave?

-What's that supposed to mean?!

-That means you've behaved like an utter bitch through this pregnancy.

-I don't believe for a second... >

-HE TURNS THE MUSIC UP

That's better.

Fine.

I'm a terrible person.

-Can we go now?

-No.

-There's something going on and I want to know what.

-There's nothing going on.

-There's nothing going on!

-So you're going to lie to me about that as well, are you!

-You have no idea what this is like!

-Then explain it to me!

I feel like...my body doesn't belong to me any more.

It belongs to the baby.

It belongs to you, it belongs to our doctors!

I just needed to take back a little bit of control.

You'd better get used to losing control, Zara,

cos when the baby arrives you'll have to look after somebody else for a change!

I know, and that terrifies me!

There, I've said it.

Having this baby scares me to death.

Well, of course it does, you're going to be a mother!

(I don't know how I can.)

Do you think I should go out there?

I'm staying well out of it. Anyone for a top-up?

Down in one!

AKONO COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

It feels like being punched in the lungs!

SHE LAUGHS

I think I'd like another one.

So, do you fancy going to a club after this?

I'll have to take Akono home first but I could meet you somewhere.

-Why take him home?

-I don't think clubbing would be his scene.

Are you sure you're not just scared of the competition?

This is so typical of you!

After all that we went through to get pregnant!

-And you could've stopped it at ANY moment!

-I didn't want to!

-So what's changed?

Has it suddenly occurred to you how hard it'll be?

You are supposed to be telling me that everything'll be OK!

Well, it's not going to be OK, Zara!

If you don't grow up and stop acting so bloody selfishly, it'll be a complete nightmare!

All right! Enough with the tough love! I have had just about all I can take!

-I'm sorry, I feel like this is all my fault.

-It's not, erm...

-We just need to talk. If you can give us a minute.

-Then can you keep it down?

(Poppy's asleep upstairs.)

(I don't want to hurt you.)

I know.

If we're going to do this, we need to be honest with each other.

And if you're not up to it, then...I need to know.

I'm not going to freak out and run away...

and leave you holding the baby like Lisa did...

if that's what you're worried about.

I was...a little.

It's just a lot to take on board.

Knowing the sex...

means at least I have some idea of what to expect.

I'm sorry about how I went about it.

I really am.

But I'm not sorry I know.

It can still be a surprise for you.

I promise you, until this baby is born

I won't even hint what it is.

OK.

(OK.)

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

CLUB MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY

-Jack!

-Your mate's a real cow, you know that?

-You weren't saying that when you were all over her!

-I just think you could do better.

-You don't even know her.

No, and I don't WANT to.

-Akono, get your coat.

-Leave him alone. He's having fun.

HE SLURS SLIGHTLY: I'm having fun. I'm most definitely having fun.

Yeah, I'm really happy for you but I told Mrs Tembe I'd get you home in one piece,

so I'm off to the bog and then we're going.

Whatever you say, my friend.

-A couple more for the road.

-I think that he's had enough.

I think that he can think for himself.

Go on, it's how the English celebrate having new friends.

SOFT MUSIC PLAYS

HE TURNS THE MUSIC DOWN

Look, we're really sorry, everyone. It was never our intention to ruin your party.

-You haven't.

-Even so, I think it's time for us to say good night.

(Daniel, could you find my coat?)

-Daniel?

-You really don't have to go.

Well, the idea was to get to know each other better,

and to be fair, that's exactly what we've done.

THEY LAUGH

-That's very sweet of you but I think it's best if...

-Hang on a minute...

Yesterday you caved in on Cassandra as a potential name.

Why would you do that when you said you hated it?

-Everyone's heard enough of our business.

-You know it's a boy.

Unless, of course, you knew I'd work that out, in which case it's a double bluff and then...

OK, for goodness' sake...!

We're having a boy, OK?

(We're having a boy?)

We're having a boy! I don't believe it! Ha-ho-ho!

-Congratulations!

-We're so happy for you.

I've got some cigars.

What? For special occasions.

-Are you OK?

-(Yes.)

# One more time... #

-Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

-Jack, I'm sorry, I couldn't stop him!

Take your top off!

-CHANTING:

-Off, off, off, off, off, off!

-CROWD:

-Ooh!

CLAPPING AND WOLF WHISTLING

Akono, that's enough now! Get down!

Oi, can you stop that, please?! Get down!

Get dressed.

This has been the best night of my life!

Great(!)

I'll get the coats.

-Did I offend you?

-What do YOU think? You were just totally snogging Nina.

The girl I've been trying to talk to all night?

Oh... I'm-I'm-I'm so sorry. I went on the table and she just kissed me.

Forget about it.

-I've been a...complete nuisance.

-It's fine. I wasn't all that fussed, anyway.

Me and the girls are going to a club. Are you coming, Akono?

-I don't think so.

-I'll just give you my number, then, shall I?

No, thank you.

I told you they were gay. Let's get out of here.

-You can count me out.

-What?

You just use people, Nina. And d'you know what? It's boring. YOU'RE boring.

-Wow, you really are a freak, aren't you?

-Yeah, maybe I am.

# One more time, we're gonna celebrate

# Oh, yeah, all right, don't stop dancing... #

AKONO IS LAUGHING

HE STUMBLES THROUGH THE DOOR

HE PANTS AND CATCHES HIS BREATH

Mrs Tembe...

I have not noticed your slippers.

HE SLURS: I want a pair of slippers exactly like that.

What's the matter with my underpants?

Don't feel very comfortable.

I don't remember putting this in there at all.

Akono, I think you should go to bed

and we will talk about this in the morning.

-As for you...

-I think I'm going to be sick!

AKONO CAN BE HEARD VOMITING

Jack Hollins...

You're too young for those places.

I didn't drink. You can smell my breath.

A-Akono, is everything all right?

There was not a problem with your presentation?

-She doesn't want what you sell.

-Not what she says.

So you're only a man from the waist down.

-What is he from the waist up?

-Fairy.

-No comment.

Thank you, Zara.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]