Tail to Tow Doctors

Ah, Miss Parsons!

Morning, Barry.

Not for farmers. They could do with more rain.

Just as well that you're a security guard, then, eh?

Let's not be narrow, nasty and negative.

Oh, sorry, I wasn't...

-That's Eliot.

-Who?

The great TS Eliot.

Oh, right. Yeah, of course. Listen, I've got to get on.

-Colour suits you.

-Thank you very much.

Not many women your age could carry it off.

No.

Mrs Parsons, um, Julia...

Oi!

Evel Knievel! You do that again, you'll need a puncture kit - and not for your ruddy bike!

It hasn't boiled.

-Who?

-Not who, what. The kettle.

-Slow down.

-Don't tell me what to do.

-I'm worried about you.

-I'm fine.

-No, you're not.

All right.

We only have one round left.

And while they're still frozen, I feel like I have a choice.

The first one was A1 and nothing, so...

If we do go ahead with this and it doesn't work...

..there's no hope.

-Good morning, Dr Carmichael.

-Not now, Mrs Tembe.

Dr Carter, Mrs Tembe here. This is the second message I have left you.

If you have a spare few minutes, could you telephone me, please?

Thank you. I am at the Campus Surgery. Goodbye.

Do you know if Dr Carter is in today?

Ah, yes, I spoke to him earlier at the Mill.

-Got a problem?

-Can I help?

-Did I say there was a problem?

-No. Sorry.

It is I who should be apologising.

I am so sorry, Mrs Parsons, for being so rude.

Off-day, Mrs Tembe. We all have them.

Do you fancy a cup of tea?

PHONE RINGS Oh, Mrs Tembe, is there no hiding place?

Are you avoiding her?

I fear she wants me to help out at St Leopold's fete this weekend.

You might enjoy it.

Judging a children's painting competition is not a joy,

it is a thankless task, which offends all but one child's parents.

I would rather give a donation and spend the afternoon with Maria Callas.

Well, if you've got a date, I'm sure she'll understand.

Did it get lost in the post?

-What?

-My invitation to your engagement party.

Ah, it's not been arranged yet.

You must want to celebrate, surely?

Of course I do, but Jimmi's busy. We haven't had a chance to discuss it yet.

What is there to discuss?

An engagement is a light and carefree precursor to the matrimonial shackles.

So stop procrastinating and set a date.

Well, I should talk to Jimmi first.

No, come on, do it.

Well...

A special anniversary, perhaps?

Next Tuesday?

Why Tuesday?

It was on a Tuesday that me and Jimmi first...

Ah-ha.

Next Tuesday it is.

DOG BARKS

Your owner needs a lesson in canine care as well as how to park.

Will you not speak to me in that tone?

-Why don't you take a break?

-I do not need a break, thank you.

Maybe a short one.

Have you got a patient with only half a brain?

It's possible, I suppose. Why?

An innocent dog is imprisoned in a car down there, without any open windows.

-Oh...

-And it's not in an allocated space.

-The dog?

-The car.

Right, I'll see if I can find out who it belongs to.

Are you all right?

My sixth sense with dogs.

Sometimes a blessing, at others a curse.

I'm feeling that dog's distress, its dejection at being left to suffer.

Sigourney Weaver had the same with gorillas.

Karen says you're appointment-free for the next 20 minutes.

-Yeah, what do you want?

-Mr Fielding, lovely chap, needs his stitches removed.

I'm running a bit late, and thought you might...

Yeah, sure.

-How are your plans for the engagement party?

-Yeah, good.

-Excellent. Make it a day to remember.

-It will be.

No, that's totally inadequate.

The secret to a good party is in the planning.

So I've written down a few ideas to get the ball rolling.

Ice sculptures. Very much the in thing these days.

We could have a pool party, with an ice sculpture in the middle of the pool.

And have seats for me and Jimmi, garlanded with flowers, hanging from a diving board.

Mr Fielding!

Ah, stitches?

# o, just call out my name And you know wherever I am

# I'll come running to see you again. #

Barry, what are you doing?

Just look at that face. Doesn't it get you right here?

The car doesn't belong to anyone in the surgery.

-What about the rest of the building?

-Nothing. I was waiting on you.

-So?

-The dog's life's at stake, there's no time to waste.

Divert your eyes while I get out my tool.

I beg your pardon?

What you don't see, you can't get into trouble for, so look yonder.

You can't just break into someone's car.

I can, I will...

and I have.

CAR ALARM SOUNDS

Told you, didn't I? # You've got a friend! #

Here, you take him. He'll need a leak.

So do try to keep your feet up.

-Thanks.

-Bye, Mrs Lane.

Dr Carmichael...

-You frightened the life out of me.

-I am sorry.

-I will leave.

-No, no, no. Stay.

Headache?

No. But my mind is troubled.

I have given this dilemma much thought

and I still do not know what to do.

Tell me about it.

A neighbour of mine left his 10-year-old son alone overnight.

Yesterday, the boy locked himself out of their house.

What did he do?

He waited for his father to return but I could not stand by

and do nothing so I invited him into my home.

Where's his mother?

She has left them.

It has put me in a predicament that I would much rather not be in.

Should I go and speak to the father,

or maybe I should go straight to Social Services and tell them?

Has the father done it before?

I do not know. They have only recently moved in.

Does the boy look neglected?

No. If he did, I would have no hesitation.

It is tricky.

If it was just this one time, it would seem harsh to report him.

Even so, the kid's too young to be left alone.

Life here is so different from when I was a child.

By the time I was 10 years old, I had many, many responsibilities.

I would walk to and from school every day,

and, when I returned home, I would make a meal for myself and my brothers.

Is there anything else that you've seen or heard that gives you cause for concern?

No, nothing that alarms me.

Cameron is a very pleasant boy.

You like him, don't you?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Why didn't you have any children, Mrs Tembe?

That is a very personal question.

I just...

And why do you assume that I do not have children?

Ah, a temporary visitor.

What?! Fleas, germs and worms. Why would anyone want a dog inside their house?

Oh, I don't know, they're very good company...

There's always someone there to greet you when you come home at the end of the day.

Just take them out for a few walks, give them a bowl of cheap meat,

pat them on the head and they're happy.

Sounds like Daniel!

THEY LAUGH

-Mrs Parsons, have you paid your road tax?

-Yes, of course I have!

Because your car is being towed.

What?!

DOG BARKS

It seems I am not the only one who has a weak spot for waifs and strays.

You're ridiculous.

No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey.

-What are you doing? This is my car.

-It's being removed, madam.

-Yes, why?

-Your car was illegally parked.

Don't be ridiculous.

There's no need to shout.

No, I'm sorry. Mr..?

Dooley.

Mr Dooley, I'm allowed to park here.

That's what they all say.

Excuse me, madam.

No, no, no. Just stop doing that.

I'm the practice manager. I'm allowed to park here.

Practice makes perfect.

I demand you put my car back.

-No can do, I'm afraid.

-Why not?

It's been lifted now. I'd need permission to put it down again.

-You're just a jobsworth, aren't you?

-Thank you, madam. That's what I get paid for.

And let this be a lesson to you. Next time you park, just take a little extra care to do it properly.

That's company property, get off.

THIS is my property.

That is some guest list.

The more the merrier.

Theme, you must have a theme.

-Doctors and nurses?

-Not very imaginative.

-What's your favourite film?

-Pretty Woman.

We'll come back to that one.

Balloon rides?

Mind you, you'd need a zeppelin with this lot.

We've got to think of something.

A Roman theme - you can be Venus, Goddess of Love.

I like that.

-Jimmi could be Vulcan.

-I don't think he'd want to wear the ears.

No, Vulcan was a God. He married Venus.

Guests could wear togas. You can have columns, vines, harps.

-And games? We can have games.

-Definitely.

-Karaoke. Jimmi would love karaoke.

-Karaoke, Venus and Vulcan - a first!

CARS HONK HORNS

-What's your car doing up there?

-Ask him.

Will you ask this woman to get out, so I can get on?

Congestion takes priority.

If this jam goes back to the lights, the Derby Road could come to a standstill.

-All right, Julia?

-Hi, Daniel.

CARS HONK HORNS

Barry, you've got to sort this out.

-Egg and cress?

-Oh, get stuffed!

What do you want?

Oh, lovely. I wish I hadn't bothered.

Yes, you do. I'm not discussing it.

OK, if the IVF doesn't work next time, we have other options.

I don't want to adopt somebody else's child, I want my own...

OUR own.

It doesn't have to be adoption. We could look for an egg donor.

Great, your sperm, somebody else's egg and I'm the oven.

I'm trying to be supportive.

If I wanted support I'd buy some surgical stockings.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Yes?

Can I put you down for next Monday's drop-in clinic?

Do what you like!

I'm getting it sorted.

What?

CARS HONK HORNS

I'm not getting out, I've done nothing wrong.

I'm entitled to park here.

And I'm not being bullied by the likes of him.

How dare he touch my car! This is my property.

That's theft and I'm not having it.

The tops of your ears go red when you're angry.

Barry, please.

Make him put my car back.

He's just got to go through the proper procedure.

How are your children?

They're fine, thanks.

Seems odd calling them children when they can't be far off my age.

Far enough.

Do your grandkids call you Granny or Nanny?

You know what, Barry? I'm really not in the mood for chitchat right now.

Fair enough.

You should learn to relax more.

You don't want to bring on another one of those funny turns.

What funny turns?

You know, last year, when you were one sandwich short of a picnic.

I had Lyme disease, Barry.

Ah, right, yes...

Please go and have another word with Mr Dooley, or whatever his name is.

I'm dying for the ladies'.

I've just finished a jar of mayonnaise. You could use that.

I could rinse it out.

Julia...

..do you fancy going out for a meal some time?

Not now, Barry.

Keep your legs crossed!

-Did you put me down for the clinic?

-Yes.

-I'm sorry about snapping earlier.

-You are far too short tempered.

I said I'm sorry, didn't I?

Sorry.

Let's put it down to...

that we both have troubled minds.

Did you give any more thought on my dilemma with the boy?

No, can't say I have.

When it comes to kids, I'm not the best person to ask.

There is an old African parable about three women.

One who always intended to have children

but who never got round to it and forever regretted it.

The second was barren, and had to learn to accept it,

and only then could she enjoy life.

The third woman became a mother, but she lost her own identity.

It transpires that Mr Dooley was given the wrong instructions.

Obviously.

You seem the car that the dog was locked inside is the same colour as yours, though a different make.

Cut to the chase, Barry.

They were going on what I'd told them.

So this is all your fault?

It's part of me job.

You must've been playing on my mind because I gave them your car details instead of the doggy car.

Right, that's it. I want my car taking down now!

If we're getting picky, your car was three inches over the allotted space allowed.

-But I let...

-Oh, shut up and just get it sorted!

The dog has done his business on the staff room floor.

-Oh!

-It is most unhygienic.

I know, I'm sorry, just deal with it.

Mrs Parsons?

Yep, at least 100.

Yep, next Tuesday. And you won't forget the banner?

Great. OK, thank you, bye.

-Balloons done!

-You have been busy.

I still can't think of a theme, though.

Jimmi won't want to wear a toga, not with his legs.

Some of us have the figure, others not.

Hey.

Something up?

No, not at all. I'll leave you to it, old boy.

Leave us to what?

Jerry?

I've got a patient to see. See you later.

Ah, Mr Biglow.

I've come for Albert.

-What is his surname?

-I don't know.

I will need a description.

Short, hairy, bad breath and he likes to lick his...

Good, I was just coming to find you.

Albert, how are you, fella?

He's fine. Which is more than I can say for the rest of us.

How do you know his name?

I had to find out who owned the dog and the car, so I called my police contact.

Turns out the car were stolen from round the corner.

The owner left her keys inside.

The perpetrator must've seen the dog, panicked, and left it here.

And what about my car?

All sorted.

Thank you. Barry, in future, I'd be grateful

if you would keep the surgery out of any more dog liberations.

Understood.

I know you don't mean to, but you do seem to seem to draw in other people.

I don't see you as other people.

I see you as a friend.

Dog was en route to the vet's. It's got an infestation of fleas.

This'll come in handy.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Come in.

-Hi.

-Hey.

I can't keep this to myself any longer.

You're scaring me. What are those?

We are going to have an engagement party next Tuesday.

Great, what, a few people round ours?

No. A proper party. I've drawn up a guest list.

We'll have balloons, karaoke, fancy dress, games.

You will love it.

Jimmi?

Is it too much?

No, it'll be great.

See, that's why I love you.

-I'm going to go and tell everyone.

-OK.

Calm, calm. Everything's going to be fine.

Julia?

I forgot to ask. Did you make it to the lavvy on time?

Oh. Yes, thanks.

I understand, you know.

Understand what?

Why you don't want to go out with me.

And why do you think that is, then?

You think I'll show you up.

I don't always engage brain before opening gob.

Maybe I've been out with too many men who say one thing and think another.

Is that a green light?

No. Goodbye, Barry.

Bye.

Mrs Tembe.

If you really want my opinion on what to do about the boy,

I'd say just keep an eye on things.

That is prudent advice.

I would much prefer not to contact Social Services,

not unless I genuinely feel there is a need.

It is a difficult situation to be in, but reporting someone can be corrosive

and even the gentlest criticism about someone's parenting can easily be misconstrued.

I expect you have had experience of this situation.

Occasionally. Unfortunately, it is difficult not to get involved.

And your natural abrasive manner must make it difficult.

Nice to know you think so highly of me.

I shall do as you suggest.

In life there are many paths one can take.

It is reassuring to have some guidance.

But what if you take the wrong path and it turns out to be a dead end?

Unless you have made the journey yourself, you will never know.

Dr Baxter, it's Zara Carmichael.

I've made a decision regarding my next treatment.

Am I the father? It's a simple question, Lou.

TELL ME!

This family's falling apart, so you either agree

to come this afternoon, or you find yourself somewhere else to live.

You shopped me to Social Services!

I can assure you I did no such thing!

Well, someone did.

Come on!

You and me, outside!

Or do I have to smash this window?!

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