Storm in a Teacup Doctors

MUSIC: "Tea For Two"

-Morning!

-Morning!

-All right, Heston?

-Good weekend?

-Oh, great weekend!

Tell me all about it so I can vicariously experience your youthful exuberance.

-What did you do?

-Oh, well, we just...

We stayed in.

-Yeah, we stayed in.

-CHERRY GIGGLES

Right.

-Morning, Julia!

-Freya!

-You're in early!

-Trying to get a head start.

Well, you won't hear me complaining!

Heston's at the Campus today so you can use his room.

-Brill.

-Oh, Freya?

Um, just a word. I don't want to interfere with your work ethic,

but don't let yourself get caught with getting into competition with Kevin.

Just...be professional and do the best you can. That's all we ask.

-PHONE RINGS

-Of course. I'm sorry.

Mill Health Centre?

Ms Parsons, it's Chanda Malik, from the Clements Pharmacy.

I'm calling about Doctor Wilson's patient, Marcus Tidwell.

-Oh, hang on, she's right here.

-No, I meant...

-It's for you - pharmacist.

Hello, Doctor Wilson.

Doctor Wilson. It's Chanda Malik.

-I'm calling about the prescription you gave Marcus Tidwell last week.

-OK. What seems to be the problem?

I was expecting to hear back from you on Friday.

Erm, remind me...?

You prescribed beta blockers to a man using an inhaler!

-I don't understand.

-If you don't even know what that means, this is an even bigger problem than I thought.

Um...one moment, please.

Yes, I've got his notes up on the computer now.

Did you even look at his history?

Is there a chance it's in his paper notes rather than on the computer?

OK, well, I'll check that out.

Doctor Wilson, I appreciate you're only a registrar,

but you don't seem to be taking this very seriously.

You didn't even return my message which frankly, I find unprofessional.

I see. That's fantastic.

I couldn't agree more.

Who did you say you left the message with?

He was so wasted, I mean, completely hammered, so we got this, er,

-this blue dye stuff that Andy had got from the lab, er...

-Methylene blue?

That's it - it's bright, bright blue, yeah?

We used it to paint glasses on his face,

but in the morning, we couldn't get it off!

He had to get married with these drawn-on specs! Man, it was funny!

-He had his wedding photos like that?

-Yeah!

-That's not funny.

It's very foolish. You're lucky you didn't cause an allergic reaction.

The photos would have been the least of his worries.

Yeah, well, it wasn't my idea. You ever been married, Doctor Carter?

Mind your own business.

It's not a wedding unless something goes horribly wrong.

That's half the fun! At mine and Rob's wedding...

Karen, please, please.

No more horror stories...

Jimmi, tell them. I want everything to be perfect.

Karen's right, if something goes wrong, it gives you stories to laugh about when you're older.

WHEN you're older? Have you looked at yourself recently, mate?

I know this is a difficult concept for you,

all this grown-up stuff like marriage, but one day, you might get it.

-See you later.

-See you.

-Excuse me.

-Morning.

-Good morning, Julia.

-Morning.

Oh, Daniel, Kevin has asked for a one-to-one today.

He's at the Campus this morning and here in the afternoon.

Aww, he must be struggling. What a shame.

Morning, Freya!

How are you this morning? Need a hand with anything?

I'm fine, thank you!

Jolly good.

And that's... 13 pounds and 13 ounces!

-Unlucky for some, eh?

-Not for you - well done!

You've reached your target. I think we can dispense with your medication.

Richard, I must say, I'm very impressed with your effort over the last year.

You look healthy, confident.

And is that a new outfit I see before me?

Oh, yeah. I've, er, got a date, actually.

A date? Wonderful. How did you meet?

Oh, no. Well, it's more of a blind date, really.

I say blind date. I, er...

answered a lonely hearts ad - I know it's pathetic.

Nonsense! Lonely hearts is as good a way as any other of meeting a like-minded person.

I dunno - you should see the place she said to meet.

It's this new tea shop on North Street, all jars of tea leaves, you know.

The sign says they've got over 100 blends!

I didn't know there were ten!

-Tea's just tea, isn't it?

-Not at all!

Tea is ambrosia of the everyman... it sounds like a delightful place.

Well, I'm more of a "fill your flask up at the garage

"and get back in your lorry" sort of bloke, to be honest.

I should just cancel - save myself the embarrassment.

Just go along and be yourself. Carpe diem!

Yeah, well, I'm not really a fisherman, but... Thanks for everything, Doctor Carter.

-Heston.

-Cherry.

Mr Willis?

-Not good?

-I don't think he's coping well on his own.

-Maybe it's time we involve the Social Services.

-Mm. I'll give them a call.

It's sad, really.

To get to that age and not have anyone.

He's probably better off in a home. At least then he won't be on his own.

Hi, Kevin, it's me...again. Can you please call me back?

What is in this? It cannot be good for the environment.

He didn't mean it, you know.

He's not like that. He just... got in with the wrong crowd.

I have an idea.

Come.

Put it in the bucket.

SHOP BELL RINGS

Hello again.

Sorry about earlier. I'm meeting someone.

OK. What can I get you?

Oh, yeah. Er...

-It's all tea, is it?

-All tea.

In that case, I'll have a... pot of...tea, please.

Which blend?

Blend, yes.

Er...

Gunpowder, please.

That's a green tea.

-That's right.

-Any cakes? Biscuits? All homemade.

Better not.

Karen, will you ring St Phil's

and get them to clear a theatre for emergency surgery?

OK! Who's the patient?

Doctor Kevin Tyler.

He needs surgical intervention to remove a mobile phone from his person.

That was a work message.

PHONE RINGS Marilyn, hello.

Well, there's a lovely teashop on North Street

so I could see you there. Yeah, 2.30? Yeah.

Bye-bye.

Have you got a date?

Mr Harper.

-Which one?

-All of them!

How's the tea?

Yeah, it... tastes sort of like...grass.

You don't know anything about tea, do you?

No, not a thing.

You chose gunpowder because it sounded manly?

-Yep.

-Well, if you really want to make a good impression, I've got some nice Champagne Oolong.

It's a little bit more expensive, because it's quite difficult to get hold of,

but that's what makes it so special.

Oolong? Sounds like something out of Doctor Who.

Yes, and it comes in a teapot that's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside.

Sold!

Come.

Ready?

Ah, that is better.

-You want a go?

-Yeah.

Oh, Heston, what do you think of this dress?

-I've got to get off.

-Oh, is it your date?

Please, don't make a fuss.

-It is a date!

-It's early days so I'd rather keep it under my hat, if you don't mind.

-So who is she? What's she like?

-Her name is Marilyn.

She's intelligent, good sense of humour,

-and enjoys travelling, dining out, and long walks in the country.

-She sounds lovely.

-As I say, it's early days.

-Doesn't mean it can't be exciting.

-See you this afternoon.

-Have fun!

-What do you think of this dress?

-It's horrible.

-Really?

-Yes.

-Oh.

-Is Kevin here?

Yeah, he's in there.

It's not like that.

It's not like there's a scoreboard somewhere with both your names on.

Well, could you at least tell me the criteria?

Is it who's the best doctor, who gets on best with the patients, or...

who's the best team player?

All of the above, OK.

Best thing you can do is just get on with your job and not worry about it.

That's easy for you to say. I had to work my nuts off to get this job,

then I find out I've got to compete in front of everyone.

I know, it's not ideal, but I'm positive we're... YOU are going to win.

-Yeah, well, I'll just have to make sure of it, won't I?

-Good.

That's the spirit. Now, Anything else you want to talk about?

Freya!

-What are you doing?

-Um...looking for you!

-Oh!

-How's it going?

Yeah, great.

I didn't think planning a wedding would be your cup of tea.

Oh, well it's not so much the wedding, as the, um, planning bit that I get into.

Well, there's loads to do if you want to lend a hand.

-Yes!

-Great.

-Great!

-OK.

So, what's the verdict?

It's definitely my favourite one so far.

It's a bit flowery but not as perfumey as the Earl Grey.

More like, I don't know, bathwater.

Mm, it's refreshing.

Some people do put tea in their bath, you know.

Green and white tea are very good for the skin, apparently -

-full of antioxidants.

-You know your stuff, eh?

You must think I'm a right uncultured swine.

-So do you think you've picked up enough to impress your friend?

-Oh, well.

I don't think I'll have to worry about that.

-I think I've been stood up.

-Oh. I'm sorry. Here.

A little pick-me-up.

Oh, stuff it. Thanks.

You're welcome.

So...all this is yours, is it?

Every last leaf. It's my pride and joy, this place.

I just hope I can hold on to it. Business hasn't exactly been booming lately.

In that case, I'm glad I could help you out.

What have I spent now? About 400 quid?

You don't look seem to be doing too badly. Plenty of customers in today.

Offices round here, are there?

-SHOP BELL RINGS

-Um...talking of customers...

Course, yeah.

Doc!

Richard! Um, I'm sorry. I arranged to meet someone here

-so I could see what the place was like. I thought you'd be gone by now.

-No, it's fine.

Things seem to be going well - I'll leave you to it.

-These are all mine.

-Oh.

-She never showed.

-Oh, I am sorry.

Probably took one look at me through the window and did a runner.

I'm sure that's not true.

There must be a perfectly reasonable explanation. Have you tried ringing her?

Who am I kidding? I can do something about my waistline.

It's just a shame I can't do anything about the rest of me.

See? Hardly attractive, is it?

Can't even pour a proper cup of tea.

What are you doing?

Lapsang Souchong for two, please, when you have a moment.

I'm not sure whether the flowers should be colour co-ordinated

to match my dress, or the bridesmaid dresses?

I wasn't sure whether to say anything.

-No, you did the right thing. I'll talk to her this afternoon.

-Have you got house calls now?

-Yep.

-I'll walk out with you.

-OK.

Well?

Er...both! They'll complement each other.

Look, Cherry, I've got to go, so...

OK. Just before you do, do you think something like this or something more traditional?

-I'm really boring you, aren't I?

-No, you're not. I just needed...

Do you now what? It doesn't matter. It can wait. Let's have another look.

OK, so...

Lapsang Souchong, finest tea in the world!

There we go.

Sugar?

If you must.

Three?

No milk.

English breakfast?

If you'd be so kind.

There.

I think we have earned ourselves some lunch.

Come.

Don't forget to wipe your feet.

That's better.

Answer machine.

Hi! It's Richard.

It's coming up to half two.

I was just checking whether or not you got held up

before I make a move.

Give me a bell if you're still coming.

Thanks.

OK. Bye, then.

She won't call.

Can't blame her, really.

Classy woman like that.

Might as well.

Who'd notice if I put all the weight back on?

She doesn't deserve you, anyway, keeping you waiting this long.

I should never have agreed to meet her in the first place.

Listen, Richard, you can't force these things.

I know it's difficult

when it seems like everyone around seems to have the perfect partner

and the days where you don't relish going back to an empty home,

but you'll find someone when you least expect it.

I myself... PHONE RINGS

-Hi!

-HE MOUTHS

Oh, no, don't worry about it, it's fine...

Oh, really?

Well, that's great!

Yeah, OK.

I'll see you soon then.

OK?

Bye for now.

She got held up at work!

-Yes!

-I knew there had to be a simple explanation.

She was really apologetic.

-She said she'll be here in the next hour.

-That's great.

Isn't it? Maybe there's hope for me yet!

-I should get back to work.

-I thought you were meeting someone.

I'll give them a call.

-Do you think I could have the bill, please?

-Sure.

-So...what do you think?

-Have you got any more?

You have got a very big appetite for someone with such a small stomach.

My dad's not really into cooking.

Maybe I can teach you how to make a few things, then you can cook for him. What do you think?

That would be cool.

Right, a little more stew,

then we can clear up outside before we start on anything else.

Best of luck this afternoon.

Ah. Marilyn?

Hello, Mum!

You're waiting for Marilyn too?

I don't understand.

-You're all waiting for Marilyn?

-Is this some sort of a joke?

So, who would benefit from...

You?

You arranged to meet all of us?

-Listen, I know it looks bad...

-Forget it.

-No, wait! Ahh!

-Oh!

-Let me have look at that.

-Leave it, I'm fine.

-It's not fine.

-Ah!

-Let's get it under running water. Can you get some clingfilm?

Oh!

-Sorry.

-Oh, you will be!

< Oi!

Get inside!

Now!

It started small. Just one or two meetings a week.

But it went so well, and I thought I'd lose everything

if I couldn't get the customers in.

It just... spiralled out of control.

I suppose I figured being stood up goes with the territory

with the lonely hearts.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

But that must have been you on the phone before.

You asked me to keep waiting!

I wanted to wait until the shop was quiet

so I could tell you the truth.

I didn't want you going away thinking it was your fault.

You don't deserve that.

You're a really nice bloke.

And what about the rest of your "dates". Don't they deserve better than that?

You've took advantage of vulnerable men,

who wanted to find someone to spend the rest of their lives with,

men who find it difficult to get a date at the best of times

and for whom lonely hearts took a lot of courage.

I'm sorry I took advantage of you.

Well, not me, obviously.

It's a good way of getting customers through the door, I'll give you that.

But couldn't you have, like, I don't know, called one man

and one woman and matched them up so they'd at least have a proper date?

That's brilliant. I didn't think of that.

-I think you should show that to your GP.

-Thank you.

-I could stick around for a bit, if you like? Give you a hand?

-Really?

Doesn't mean I've forgiven you or anything.

-Understood.

-Good.

I expect you'll be needing a cup of tea, then?

-If you start with the...

-It's OK, I've been paying attention.

I will leave you in Richard's capable hands.

And...if you are having a singles afternoon, you've got my number.

Thanks.

Hmm, I'm not sure. What do you think?

They both look the same to me. Sorry.

Go back to the other one a sec.

Oh, nuts, it's time I got back.

-Is everything OK?

-Yes. I just have to... I've got to go.

See you later.

Oh, they did not!

You know, they get that from you.

You were always getting into trouble when you were a child!

Maybe I should come and visit,

keep them out of mischief!

Next month, maybe?

Yes, yes,

everything is fine.

It would just be nice to have a holiday, that is all,

get some sun and spend some time with the family.

Yes, there is nothing to worry about.

I am very happy here.

Very happy.

Kevin.

-Have you talked to Daniel today?

-I've spoken to Daniel today, yeah.

You know what I mean.

Have you spoken to him about the mix-up with Marcus Tidwell's prescription?

The mix-up? Is that what we're calling it?

Because I thought it was more like, I don't know, a giant, negligent, life-threatening mistake.

That's a bit over the top, don't you think?

It was just a drugs error - it happens.

It happens if you're incompetent

and don't check your patient's history, yeah.

Kevin, plea...

Please.

It was a silly little mistake.

If things were the other way round, you'd want your colleagues' support.

I wouldn't need my colleagues' support for a silly little mistake

because I wouldn't make a mistake like that in the first place.

You might not think so, but I am a good doctor.

I thought you were too.

Guess I was wrong.

Please open the door.

I have called the police.

-I've got Noel Bryant in my room asking for a flu jab.

-So?

So we don't give flu jabs to 42-year-olds.

I ate the same thing and I am fine.

You're probably immune, aren't you?

Bush meat, was it?

You should have told me.

You should have checked.

-Shouldn't she?

-Absolutely.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]