Charming Doctors

Oh, face of an angel.

It's the perfect way to start the day.

I didn't mean to wake you.

I drank too much last night.

It didn't seem to affect you.

It was fun, wasn't it?

We used up all the champagne.

And the yoghurt.

Did we?!

I love to treat you.

Listen, there's something that I want to talk to you about.

Sounds serious. What is it?

Just let me get a quick shower first, yeah?

I just want to clear my head.

KNOCKING

-Yes?

-Are you winning?

Another few hours and I may have broken the back of it.

I've just found this.

-More?

-It's only a little bit of admin.

-Otherwise known as the inner circle of hell!

At least you don't have to deal with any tricky patients.

I'd take a tricky patient over this any day. It's boring!

Oh, get on with it!

A guy's just fallen over on the lawn!

The gardener's left the sprinklers on in the same place for too long. It's a bog out there!

I know what it is you're going to say to me, Jonathan.

Hey, listen, we've been together three months now

and I think that's long enough...

You want to finish it, don't you?

..to know that I love you.

Marry me.

Please.

Don't! You don't mean it.

You're making fun of me.

Of course not.

Why would you want to marry me?

Because you're beautiful.

I've seen the way people look at us.

Who cares what people think?

You'd soon get fed up. Find someone else and leave.

-I can't go through that again.

-I'm nothing like your ex. I'm not going to hurt you.

You say that now, but...

I want us to be together for ever. Marry me.

Every part of me wants to say yes.

-Then say it!

-If something's too good to be true...

That's rubbish. I adore you. Marry me.

I'm scared of the way I feel about you.

Marry me, Mary-Anne. Marry me.

-Marry me!

-When?

Friday?

What, Friday?!

The day after tomorrow! Why wait?

-We can fly on Thursday morning.

-Fly? Where?

-Las Vegas!

And I'm paying for everything.

Is this yes?

Jimmi, I know you're busy. I'll take Mrs Thornhill off your hands.

-Letherbridge Lane? Your home visit?

-OK, thanks.

Why that one in particular?

Pamela Thornhill is a novelist whose work I like and admire very much.

Mrs Thornhill is all yours. But it's for her mother, Doreen.

Pamela made the call, though, so she's likely to be there.

Good.

Have fun!

I don't want men falling at my feet while I'm buying frozen chips!

Yeah, look, I'd better go, Sophs. It's getting really mad out here. OK. All right. Bye.

-Hi. Can I help?

-I phoned earlier. I'm a friend of Zara's.

Really?

I'm Mary-Anne. She's expecting me.

It's weird, isn't it, when two friends are so...different?

We have quite a lot in common, actually.

We were on the yachting team together at university.

Amazing! I can't even go on a pedalo myself.

Will you let her know I'm here?

Hi, Dr Carmichael. Mary-Anne's here to see you.

OK. Bye.

She won't be a minute. Do you want to just, um...

..take the weight off your feet?

Dr Carter!

-How lovely to see you.

-How lovely to see one of my favourite novelists.

Flattery's always very welcome. You're too kind.

But you do know that it's my mother who needs your attention today?

Yes, I read her notes, Mrs Thornhill. Is it her dementia?

Partly. And today, for some unknown reason, she thinks she's Scottish.

How intriguing.

These strange delusional episodes come as fast as they go.

Great material for a novelist, Mrs Thornhill.

Follow me, Dr Carter.

And, please, call me Pamela.

Lead on.

I thought you said my friend had arrived.

-She has. She's in the waiting area.

-I'm looking at the waiting area and she's not here.

-With the magazine?

That's not Mary-Anne.

I thought it was unlikely. That's who she said she was.

Excuse me.

Zara!

Mary-Anne?

I suppose it has been a while.

What happened to you? You must have gained five stone!

Same old Zara. Straight to the point.

Sorry.

I suppose I have put on a bit of weight since the divorce.

I've got the family gene. I'm starting to look like my mother.

Well, it's good to see you.

Do come through.

How's your latest book coming on?

I'm halfway through. The Lady Ravaged.

It's a whodunnit with themes of sex and death set in the Chilterns.

-Sounds like a page-turner.

-I think you'd enjoy it.

I need to fill you in. I'm heading off on a research trip for the book.

-A few weeks going round graveyards and talking to farm hands. You know the sort of thing.

-Wonderful.

I was planning to hire a care worker to look after Mother when I'm gone,

but since she got wind of it, she's suddenly become ill.

Wheezing, coughing, complaining about being too hot or too cold.

She doesn't want me to go. I'm convinced she's attention-seeking, putting it on, but...

You can't be too careful about these things. I'll check her out. And this Scottish stuff?

She's eccentric at the best of times. That's the added complication.

I've been telling her all morning a doctor is coming, but she won't have it.

She insists it's her old friend, Billy MacDougal,

visiting from the Highlands.

-Does she know a Billy McDougal from the Highlands?

-Probably not, but who knows?

What I do know is that the best way to deal with her when she's in this mood is to play along.

Well, I do have some experience of amateur dramatics.

A Scot, eh?

Perhaps this will help you get into character.

It was my husband's.

There's nothing wrong with how you look. It's probably down to the antidepressants.

Zara, I didn't come here for medical advice. I came to see you.

Eddie's not back on the scene, is he? Creepy little suntanned power freak!

I haven't seen him since the divorce.

He lives in New York now with the new girlfriend.

Portuguese. Young.

Lecherous scumbag.

You do pick them.

And you always see through them straightaway.

Am I that bad?

No, you're lovely!

Anyway, I'm over him now.

So, what brings you to Letherbridge?

My new boyfriend!

We spent the night in a hotel nearby, celebrating our anniversary.

Three months.

Three months? Well, that's nice.

Is it serious?

I think he's really special. And I want him to meet the people who are special to me.

I want him to meet you.

You want me to give him the once-over.

Yes, but not too much flirting, please!

We're going to be married on Friday.

Friday?! That is serious!

Congratulations! It really is too bad of you not to tell me sooner.

He only proposed this morning.

He's arranging it now.

Las Vegas!

When did you move into the fast lane?

OK, come on, you must have a photograph.

His name's Jonathan Bone. He models clothing.

We met at the yacht club. He was posing in trunks for a shoot by the lake.

He's gorgeous...

..for someone who must be barely out of the sixth form!

He's in his 20s.

You're marrying a toy boy!

There is an age gap. Will you meet him?

Absolutely.

You don't think he's too good for me, do you?

Don't be stupid. You're too good for most men.

OK. It's lovely to see you, Billy. Thank you for coming.

-BAD SCOTTISH ACCENT:

-Lovely to see you too, Doreen. Your heart is still beating.

It's been well-exercised over the years. All those boys!

-A wee bit fast, but not so bad.

-I need to pop out for some printer ink.

-Essential supplies?

-MOUTHS: Fantastic accent.

It'll only take a few minutes. I don't want to take advantage, but...

As long as it's only a few minutes.

Right, Doreen, I need to take your blood pressure.

Has Pammy gone, Billy?

Oh, not for long.

She wants to put me in a home.

No, she doesnae!

It makes me sad.

Do you think I might be able to get up for a moment to stretch my legs?

Aye, of course you can.

While the cat's away, the mice will play, eh?

Sorry?

Slow down! Tell me what happened.

Don't be upset. Keep calm!

Of course it's not your fault.

Oh, of course you haven't let me down. Darling, don't be silly!

Look, I'm on my way to you now. Don't do anything.

Just wait for me to get there.

OK, bye.

Was that your boy?

He's trying to call the wedding off.

Zara, Jonathan.

-Hello.

-Hi.

I feel awful.

So, what happened exactly?

I was trying to pay for the flights and hotel. And I found out that my account had been hacked online.

And apparently my password wasn't secure enough,

so they're not even sure I'm insured.

-I feel like a complete idiot.

-Oh, you poor thing.

Yeah, I need to get a drink. What are you having?

Do you know what, actually, scrap that. I can't even afford to pay for that now.

I'll get them. I need one too.

Sorry, Zara. I was really looking forward to meeting you.

I just wish the circumstances were different.

-Mary-Anne talks so highly of you.

-I know next to nothing about you, I'm afraid.

Except that you model underpants.

It's a silly job compared to yours, though.

But, I mean, look at you! You've got amazing bone structure

and really beautiful eyes.

My agency would definitely take you on,

if you ever think about a career change.

"The Lindsey Gingold Model Agency."

I'll bear it in mind.

Smiles again?

There's nothing else to do, is there?

So, it does look like the wedding will have to be postponed.

So disappointing.

I've had a thought.

Can I speak to you privately?

Right, I want to take your blood pressure now.

No. No more tests, Billy. Let's have a nice time instead.

I'll put some music on.

What are you doing?

You like music, don't you, Billy?

Aye, but I have nae time for that now.

You've listened to my heart.

You've looked in my ears and my eyes.

And you can see that I'm fine.

I havenae finished.

I've been feeling melancholic. I just want to listen to some music.

Be nice to me, Billy.

Will you keep still?!

Don't be cross! We were so close in the old days.

Don't you remember, Billy? Don't tell me you've changed!

We're still pals, but be reasonable, Doreen. It won't take a jiffy!

No! I won't do it!

Unless...

Unless what?

Dance with me, Billy. Just like we did in the old days.

I'll do all your tests, every one, if you'll just have one dance with me.

But it's thousands of pounds.

I can afford it.

Why should we let money get in the way of doing what we want to do? Please.

But I wanted to pay. Some of what I planned was going to be a surprise.

Well, it still can be.

I'll give you the money and you can spend it however you want.

I was going to get a new suit, too.

It's back on. Just need to phone the bank.

You're a lovely mover, Billy.

One dance and then I'm taking your blood pressure.

Oh, don't spoil it! Hold me tighter.

Do you remember the summer of 1964?

This song. Do you remember?

Aye, aye.

In that church hall.

And then we ventured outside in the icy cold,

and we saw the northern lights in the sky.

And then you kissed me, didn't you, Billy?

No, no, I don't remember that.

Of course you did!

I think it's time that we...

I've been so lonely since you left, Billy.

That's a shame.

But now, here in your arms, I feel like a woman again.

Right.

Oh, kiss me, Billy.

Kiss me like you did back then.

Kiss me!

Do you like him?

He's quite flirty.

I know.

He's attractive. And very easy to talk to.

But?

Well, three months isn't very long.

I love him. And I trust him.

I know that, but...

What?

Well, his job isn't very secure.

When did you become my mother, Zara?

And he seems to be relying upon you financially.

He's just been robbed!

Exactly.

You don't believe him?

I didn't say that.

What are you saying?

Just be cautious. Slow down.

The last few months have been the best time of my life.

But how much do you really know him?

Talk to him a bit more, Zara. You'll see he's a good man.

-Don't be shy. I know you'll respect me in the morning.

-That's enough!

Shall I take my clothes off here?

No! Keep your cardigan on, Doreen.

Oh, you want it kept on, do you?

Saucy!

Come on! I need cheering up.

I am not Billy McDougal, I am Dr Heston Carter, GP, so will you please unhand me?

You're a doctor?

Yes.

You've been fooling me!

Well...

You're here to take me to a home!

-No!

-Oh!

Doreen!

Of course I miss you.

Let me finish my business here, yeah, and I'll be round.

Yeah?

All right. Put that dress on I like.

We are going to have a lot of fun.

I promise.

I love you.

I don't want to go to a home!

Doreen, let me explain.

Sod off!

Please come out!

You lied to me!

I'm sorry.

GLASS SMASHES

Doreen! What are you doing in there?

Doreen!

I overheard your conversation.

-What conversation?

-I hoped you wouldn't play games.

On the phone? That was my agency.

Do I look that stupid?

I think you're a great friend to Mary-Anne, but you're letting your imagination run away with itself.

-I'm giving you the chance to explain. I know what I heard.

-Are you certain?

-You're behaving like a guilty man.

-I love Mary-Anne.

But what are you trying to hide?

That's the bank sorted.

Everyone happy here?

I'm worried about you, Doreen. Now, please open the door!

OK, stand back. I'm coming through!

I don't want to go to a home!

Dr Carter!

What are you doing?

I know what I heard.

Did you ask him about it?

Of course and he was very evasive. Said it was a "work call".

Well, it probably was.

"Wear that dress I like." "I love you."

I don't know what to think.

Here we go.

Zara's been telling me about your phone call.

I think I know what might have happened.

This'll be interesting!

There's this bloke at the agency - Tim. Tim Dreyfuss.

He's got this really quirky sense of humour.

I was on the phone to him when you were eavesdropping.

We've got this game. It's silly really. We call each other sweetheart and darling.

There's so many luvvies in the modelling world. I think you overheard some of that banter.

Well, that sounds like the biggest crock of...

-I knew there'd be a silly explanation.

-You believe it?

Young blokes having a laugh! The bank said you could collect the cash from the Letherbridge branch.

You're giving him the money in cash!

Jonathan's account's been compromised. It's safer.

Thanks, darling. I'll be back soon.

Mary-Anne...

People like me don't get many chances of happiness.

Living a lie isn't happiness.

Who knows how many women he's got on the go?

To believe that I need proof.

OK. I will get you proof.

Jonathan!

I concede defeat.

I think I misread the situation and I want to apologise.

I think I know why I've been behaving the way I have.

Can I buy you lunch to explain?

Where's Mary-Anne?

Massage therapy at the hotel spa.

Least I could do to make it up to her.

What do you want to talk to me about?

Jonathan, you are a very attractive man.

It's OK.

I know I don't stand a chance.

I know how you feel about Mary-Anne.

I'm flattered.

Let's not rule anything out.

No?

Well, I am still single.

Getting married's a big step.

It's very confusing.

Well, in that case...

..have you still got your room key?

No!

-It was a test...

-She set me up!

..and he failed.

How could you do this to me? Both of you!

It was a moment of weakness. It's you that I love.

I phoned his agency and Tim Dreyfuss has been in a meeting all day.

He hasn't spoken to anyone. He made it up. Conclusion - liar!

No, I can explain!

Just keep away from me!

What have you done?

-Give me two minutes.

-Go away!

-I don't want to lose you.

-It's too late!

-Nothing happened!

-What about the woman on the phone?

-There was no woman on the phone!

-You're lying!

-It was my daughter!

It was your what?!

My daughter.

My little girl. You can phone her. She lives with her mum and stepdad.

Why didn't you tell me?

I couldn't find the right time.

People don't want their toy boys to have kids. It ruins the image.

And I didn't want to lose you.

What's her name?

Amelie.

-She's ten.

-That would have made you...

16...when she was born. Her mum was 24. People don't like that, either.

Look at the state of you.

I meet the woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with and I've blown it, haven't I?

She's very upset.

It would have been easier if you hadn't been gone for so long.

-Yes, I'm sorry. But even so...

-She's terrified you're going to put her in a home

-and is desperate for affection.

-It's hard coping on my own.

I know we have a problem.

I can't give her the time she needs.

Well, in retrospect, playing along with her fantasies is probably not a good idea.

Yes.

No real harm done though, eh?

Find a care worker she can trust who isn't pretending to be someone else.

He was a strange man.

Yes. I think we treated him rather badly.

This is my daughter, Amelie. This is who I was on the phone to.

She's beautiful.

She is.

Is there any hope for us?

Well, Zara thinks you're a sponging gigolo

who keeps secrets from me.

And to a certain extent,

she has a point.

Except I don't want your money and I don't want any other woman.

I can see why you kept your secret,

even though you should have told me.

But I can forgive you for that.

Let's not forget he was nearly in bed with me a little while ago,

with thousand of pounds of your money in his pocket.

You tried to seduce ME, Zara. I didn't stand a chance.

There's some truth in that.

I was going to spend the money on you, Mary-Anne.

Is he all bad, Zara?

It's your decision.

I've made up my mind.

We will go to Vegas.

And we'll have a brilliant holiday.

But we'll save the wedding for next year.

See how we get on.

What do you think?

I'll prove myself to you.

Now go and wash that mud off. You look ridiculous!

Is this going to come between us as friends?

Zara, you haven't changed a bit!

You've always been like this.

You were exactly the same with all my boyfriends at uni.

Flirted and questioned and investigated.

Only to make sure you weren't being taken advantage of.

Which is why I wanted you to meet Jonathan.

I knew that after a few hours with you, I'd know everything about him,

and exactly where I stood with him.

You're not seriously going to go ahead with this, are you?

I want to be with him.

Even after today?

I think you're a fool!

I know.

He's not good enough for you.

I know it might not work out, but on the other hand, it might.

And I'm going to have fun along the way.

Well, I do hope that you prove me wrong.

Ah, here she is, my little worker bee!

Raring to go! Just tell me where you want me.

Oh, yeah, how are the deformities, your Highness? Still scratching?

I had two cases of the bubonic plague

and a machine gun-wielding baboon.

-What are the odds?

-Amazing!

No one's perfect, eh?

Break a leg, please!

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