Out Damned Spot Doctors

ETHEREAL CHANTING

PHONE BEEPS

Yes! Get in!

MUSIC: "I'm Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO

# I'm sexy and I know it

# When I'm at the mall

# Security just can't fight 'em off

# And when I'm at the beach

# I'm in a Speedo Trying to tan my cheeks... #

LOUD SCREAM

Come on, not far now.

Just a few more steps.

You can do it.

Mum! You promised you'd try!

Come here, you GORGEOUS thing!

PHONE RINGS, SHE SIGHS

Dr Reid.

I'm coming over.

And you're coming with me.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come on! What are you doing in there?!

Yeah, won't be much longer.

You'd better not be doing... you-know-what.

DOOR BUZZER

We're meant to be there before nine.

She promised me she would try.

She did, but the neighbours were watching

-and she gets herself all wound up.

-Where is she now?

Won't come down. She's got herself in a right state.

Perhaps I SHOULD call, tell them she can't make it.

No. She needs this, Jake. And so do you.

I have tried talking to her, but she won't listen.

Well, she'll listen to me.

Talk of the devil!

Emma had to go out on a call so you've got her patients

-till she gets back.

-Yeah, fine, whatever.

What?!

-No "That's not fair - why me"?

-No, that's cool.

Have you got a cold?

You should not come in to work if you have a cold.

No, I haven't got a cold.

Then, why the train-robber look? Someone after you?

No, it's just...

I've got a date, tonight.

Oooh! Who is it?

Melissa. But...I'm going to have to cancel.

She out of your league?

No! It's...

-WHIMPERING:

-It's cos I've got this.

Whoa!

Oh. Oh, I must say.

Now, that is very impressive.

It's a disaster, more like.

Daphne, I thought this is what you wanted -

you know, to get back to your old self?

I do!

But no-one understands what it's like for me.

Well, we are trying to understand.

That's why we've got you your own room.

It's all arranged.

If it's the procedure you're worried about, there's really no need.

It's simple. You'll be home by this afternoon.

This is no good - she's too upset.

We should call it off.

If she misses this slot, it'll be months before she gets another one.

But we can't even get her to open the door, let alone into the car.

What are you whispering about?

Nothing, Mum. We just need you to open the door.

You can't MAKE me go.

Maybe try another day.

Daphne, open this door.

You are going to go today, if I have to drag you there myself.

You are not going to waste everyone's time again.

If you do, I'll cancel the referral and that will be it.

You'll have to stay like that, for ever.

Are you REALLY going to come with me?

That's put a little more life into it.

Getting that doctor round to bully me...

All that whispering.

I'm a burden to you - that's what you think.

Don't be silly. That's your nerves talking.

Maybe it's best I died on the operating table.

Don't say stuff like that. It's bad luck - tempts fate.

Mum...stop this, please.

It'll be OK.

You'll soon be going out again, seeing your friends.

I haven't got any friends, not any more.

Rubbish. All the parties you and Dad used to have?

People still talk about them, you know. Always ask after you.

We were such a handsome pair, me and your father.

He used to say we were like Antony and Cleopatra.

The Burton and Taylor of Letherbridge.

He was such a fine man.

Such good times.

There'll be good times again.

Who knows - you could meet a gentleman friend.

A new Richard to your Liz.

You won't want me around cramping your style then!

All sorted my end. How are you doing in here?

Well, the slap's on and the hair's revived.

I always feel better when I've got my slap on.

Yes,, you can believe that I used to turn heads now.

You STILL turn heads, Mum.

For all the wrong reasons, these days.

-SNAPS FINGERS:

-I need my scarf.

No, idiot, NECK scarf!

NECK scarf, not head! You've just done my hair!

-Sorry, I...

-What about this one?

Here you are - the doctor's found it.

Now, just the coat, then I think that's it.

Don't talk to me as if I'm completely senile.

I'LL decide when I'm ready.

-I wasn't.

-Well, don't.

And what about these? We haven't done these.

-I didn't think we'd need to.

-Of course we do.

A woman feels better with her nails done, doesn't she, Doctor?

We are running out of time, Daphne.

We need to get going.

If I'm not ready, I can't go!

And this is all tied wrong.

Oh, everything's wrong!

How about if I give you something, hmm? For the anxiety?

Like what?

Just a mild sedative. Take the edge off. You'd be like floating on air.

It's now or never, Daphne.

You can take it while I do your nails.

Car's running.

Make sure there's no-one there.

Trust me - you are going to be as beautiful as you ever were.

Come on, Mother. Coast is clear.

Deep breaths, Daphne.

Yes, yes, I can do this.

Don't rush me.

No wonder he was skulking about and hogging the bathroom this morning!

I'm telling you, you can't miss it.

-The, er, kettle's just BOILED...

-Thanks.

THEY GIGGLE

How ZIT going, then, Kev?

Had a SPOT of bother this morning?

Oh, ha-ha, hilarious. You told them!

I didn't mean to, it just kind of came up.

A bit like your spot.

Oh, yeah, yeah, get it all out - go on, mock the afflicted.

Go on, let's have a proper look.

Oh, my God! Krakatoa!

Don't! It'll erupt all over us.

All right, enough! I do have feelings, you know.

Aw, PORE you.

Do you get it? Pore!

Last time I confide in YOU.

If only. Hey, call yourselves medical professionals?!

-Do you think my son's handsome, Doctor?

-Mother!

Of course. He's a real catch.

-Well, he COULD be if he lost a little weight.

-Mother!

Well, it's true. You're on the chubby side.

-I'm on a diet.

-I think you're fine as you are.

-Mrs Morris?

-Yes, she is.

They'll take you from here, Daphne.

Is this it?

Flowers would cheer it up a bit.

You don't think she'll do a runner, do you?

Not if I get her flowers, take her mind off things.

You're very good to her, aren't you?

Well, she gets herself in such a state.

Don't know what I'd have done if she hadn't agreed to take your pill.

Ah, well, I have a confession.

-WHISPERS:

-It wasn't a sedative.

-Sweeteners.

-She totally fell for it.

-That's amazing.

-Well, the mind is a powerful thing.

Oh, good heavens!

No! It will come back far, far worse.

I don't care - I just need it gone for a few hours!

You need to be gentle with it, Dr Tyler.

More...understanding.

I don't think talking to it is going to help.

No.

Understanding what it needs.

Now, this one...

This one needs to be bathed in boiling water and vinegar.

Vinegar?

Oh, yes. To draw out the badness.

And there is a lot of badness.

And then - and only then -

will you be ready for your rendezvous with romance.

They took my nail polish off. After all that!

They look old now, like my grandmother's hands.

You'll be strutting your stuff again soon, Mum - you watch.

See you when you come out.

Hey, she's going to be fine.

It's a small, benign lump on her neck - routine surgery.

I know. It's just a habit.

Can't help worrying about her.

Don't have any REAL sedatives, do you?

I don't think I can handle the wait.

How about I buy you a cuppa? Tea does wonders.

KNOCK AT DOOR

I come bearing toothpaste! And to apologise.

I thought a dab of this might help.

It doesn't actually do anything, though, does it?

I swore by it as a teenager.

Besides, it really isn't that bad,

I was just being cruel - couldn't help myself.

-Balsamic?

-Vinegar's supposed to draw out the badness.

Though I doubt anything will sort this out by the evening.

Why? What's happening this evening?

I've got a date. Melissa from Sutton Vale.

-A FIRST date?

-Yeah. But I haven't actually confirmed with her yet.

You're not seriously thinking of going, though?

Yeah!

Hey, maybe I could use some of your cover-up.

We're kind of the same tone.

No amount of makeup's going to cover THAT thing.

-I thought you just said it wasn't that bad.

-I was being nice.

-Now you're just being cruel!

-Cruel to be kind.

Believe me - with that on your face,

she'll be asking for the bill before the olives arrive.

-Dr Tyler?

-I'll leave you to it.

Yes, hi. Come in.

You usually see Dr Reid, right?

Yeah, Deborah Evesham. I need a repeat prescription.

-Oh, right, for the, um...

-Sorry?

-For the...you know, the, um...

-The pill. Contraceptive?

Six months' supply.

All went well. No problems, no problems at all.

See? I told you. Nothing to worry about.

-You were right - she needed this done.

-You both did.

Things'll change now. She'll get her confidence back.

And what about you?

Well, hopefully after a few days' rest, she'll be up and...

No, I mean about the volunteering you were telling me about.

Oh, the International Citizen Service.

Yeah, sounds exciting. It's not too late, is it?

Actually, I've already filled in an application online.

Oh, that's brilliant!

Haven't put myself forward for any placements yet.

-But, now Mum's on the mend...

-Promise me you'll do it, Jake.

Get out into the real world.

I will, promise.

With a bit of luck, I'll be somewhere tropical by the new year!

OK, so your blood pressure's a little bit raised

but not markedly... Significantly!

But maybe you should come back in a few weeks, just to make sure

-there's nothing else underlying.

-So you think I might have a problem?

No, you're in good health on the face of it... On the surface!

I just meant, um...

You'll be fine.

Just to make sure. Changes in blood pressure shouldn't be ignored.

Annoyance can raise your blood pressure, can't it?

Yes. Yes, it can.

So, do I get my prescription, then?

Yeah. I'm just printing it out for you.

Oh, there's a big blotch on it!

I mean that, not you! I'll print you out another one.

-What is wrong with you?

-It's the printer!

-Yes, I know!

-OK, so I didn't say anything about your...

The point is, you shouldn't have to say that.

-I didn't!

-About the printer. I knew you meant the flamin' printer!

Come on, take a closer look.

Seen enough?

Do you happen to see the person underneath the mark, as well?

There is one. Hello!

-Hello.

-Great.

Now, goodbye.

He's got a serious problem, do you know that?

No, it was the printer!

It had a big blotch on it and she's got a big...

She's right. There IS something wrong with you.

I don't know why she's so upset.

It's not like I said she was ugly or anything.

In fact, if she covered up, I wouldn't mind giving her...

The King of Superficial strikes again!

SHE COUGHS

Hey! Back in the land of the living.

They said it went really well. Removed with no problems.

Perhaps they'll put it in a jar, let us keep it!

Oh, don't be disgusting!

We could put it on the mantelpiece.

SNAPS FINGERS: I want to see it.

It'd be the perfect conversation starter for when the guests arrive.

I don't know why you're being so silly.

Well, it's good news, isn't it?

You'll have to wait till the dressing's off for a proper look.

Oh, Jake, my arm!

Something's happened!

I can't move it!

Hey, where've you been? You missed all the fun and games with Kevin.

I've been having some of my own.

We've been winding him up all morning,

then one of your patients came in.

PHONE RINGS Hello, Dr Reid.

(I'll pop in.)

Say that again.

-Where's my son? I want my son!

-OK.

I've told them to leave me alone!

Daphne, you have to let them help you.

The paralysis may only be temporary,

but they'll need to assess you properly.

You may only need some time to recover and a bit of physiotherapy.

I don't want therapy - I want to go home.

Water, dear.

You don't have to be alone in this.

Either of you.

They have a great rehabilitation centre here.

They could keep you in and give you all the support you'll need.

I'm not staying here. And we don't mind "alone".

We've been alone together for years.

You won't leave me here, will you, sweetheart?

Course not.

RINGING TONE

'Hi, it's Melissa. Please leave a message.'

Hi, Melissa, hi, it's Kev.

Look, I'm really sorry it's taken so long to get back to you.

It's just...something came up.

I think that's her finally off.

She'll feel better after a sleep.

I'll tell them not to disturb.

Thanks for the glass - she's hates plastic.

That volunteering placement.

It's not impossible, you know.

Jake...

The rehabilitation centre really is the best place for her.

She won't stay.

You know that, she'll want to be at home.

Well, don't give her the choice.

She can't rely on you for everything.

Jake...

She's my Mum.

I'm all she has.

I shouldn't have filled out that form, it was a stupid idea.

-Tempts fate.

-Jake!

'You have no new messages.'

I CAN'T be the King of Superficial, can I?

Not if I'm prepared to meet her, warts and all.

I've left it too long, haven't I? I've blown it.

When did you leave the message?

Ages ago. Now there's no texts - nothing.

Well, let that be a lesson to you - never keep a lady waiting.

Leave another message. I would, then she'll know you're keen.

No way, I'll sound a total mug.

I thought you liked her.

I do, that's the problem.

Then, stick your neck out!

Then she'll know you've not gone off the boil.

No pun intended.

HE GROANS

I've been looking for you.

Sorry. Needed some air.

-I've just met your Mum's consultant, Mr Adams.

-And?

There have been some interesting developments.

But what if you're wrong about her? I mean, you could be.

-There's only one way to find out.

-Will it hurt?

Not if she's telling the truth. And only a tiny bit if she's lying.

Hello, Daphne!

Oh! I was wondering where everyone had got to.

How's your left side doing?

Much the same.

No itching, tingling, or any movement?

No, all still completely useless.

Get rid of one thing, along comes another.

Oh, water, dear - pass it to me. I'm parched.

In that case, Daphne, we need to introduce you to this.

What is it?

-A TENS machine.

-A what?

Electrical nerve stimulation.

What does it do?

Stimulates your nerves with electricity.

It's part of your therapy.

-Causes pain to get things working again.

-Pain?

Oh, don't worry. Because you're all numb, you won't feel a thing.

Right, one on the wrist, and one on your elbow.

-I don't really want it, dear.

-It'll be OK.

If we were to do this to me, it would hurt like hell,

but you're all right - you can't feel a thing.

Eventually you'll feel tingling, as the pathways repair.

-I don't want it!

-It's for your own good, Mother.

-Right, what's next?

-Set the voltage.

High as possible, in Daphne's case.

-I don't really think...

-Don't worry, Daphne.

Right, it's cranking up. Hope there aren't going to be any sparks.

-Don't want you going up like Joan of Arc, do we?!

-No! No, really!

Right, get ready, Mother. Five, four, three...

two, one!

No! No!

SHE LAUGHS

Daphne.

Mother.

'You have no messages.'

RINGING TONE

'Hi, it's Melissa. Please leave a message.'

Hi, Melissa, hi, it's Kev again.

Look, I'm really sorry about earlier.

I do really want to see you. Really.

PHONE BEEPS

Hi! Yeah, I was just leaving you a message!

Everything I've done for you! Everything Dr Reid's done for you!

But the machine - it must've cured me.

Dr Reid saw you.

Your lipstick was already all over this.

We know you made it up.

But I wasn't...at first. I couldn't move.

Stop lying!

Well, what about YOUR lies?

Filling in forms behind my back.

Volunteering. Running off abroad.

You heard us?

Yes. So don't talk to me about lies.

All along you've been planning to leave.

All along, saying you weren't, when you were!

I've been so stupid.

I don't deserve this. I've just had surgery.

It was just a cry for help.

No! For once, Mother, you're going to listen to ME.

I am not your butler,

your servant, your Mark Antony, or your Richard Burton.

I am your son, and sons leave home.

I AM volunteering, and I AM going abroad,

and if you can't accept that, then that's it - we're done.

Over. Understood?

-Don't be...

-If you try and stop me, if there's any more lies,

you will never see me again.

And believe me, Mother, I mean it.

He doesn't.

It was just shock.

That's what it was.

Actually, Daphne...

I hope he means every word.

POP MUSIC PLAYS

Melissa?

ETHEREAL CHANTING

-It's the spot, isn't it?

-Well, if I knew you were bringing a friend...

Sorry. I nearly didn't come.

-Is that...toothpaste?

-Oh, yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I meant to take that off earlier.

Snap.

Wow! I thought MINE was bad.

I think we'll need a table for four!

This is very kind of you. My son usually does this for me.

My hands look so masculine without it.

Big knuckles, like my grandmother's!

He'll be off soon, my son, to do charity work.

Abroad.

I'll have to go to a salon, I suppose.

Wants to make something of himself.

Experience the world.

Maybe he'll finally lose a bit of weight.

BOTH: Cheers!

I can't believe I nearly didn't come.

Mm, me too.

All over some stupid spot.

Silly, isn't it? But it's good cos now I know you're the kind of guy

who doesn't care about that sort of thing.

I can be myself round you.

Most guys I meet are so superficial.

They're so worried about what they look like on the outside

and what I look like. It's all about exterior,

but I really think beauty's skin deep.

Do you know what I mean?

Mr Bellamy is returning mid-morning. You know how he likes things.

Shipshape and borstal fashion.

Ah, this is the life!

Better than that old banger any day of the week.

Is it OK if I feel your temples?

Of course. My hijab won't bite.

SHE SQUEALS Oh, my goodness!

You didn't buy that car for ME!

You bought it to impress your other wife!

I just wanted to see you.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd