The Mating Game Doctors

-Got a new watch by any chance?

-Oh, this? Yeah.

Water resistant to 100m,

tells the time simultaneously in four different countries.

Why do you need to know the time in four countries?

He's got an ego that spans four time zones.

Why shouldn't he have a watch to match?

Laugh all you want, but a watch like this can open doors.

That sounds a bit more useful.

It tells people something.

Yeah, the time!

I have a very particular problem.

I was wondering...

if you could help me...with this.

I suppose a nice watch does say something about a man.

Like what exactly?

That he's a bit distinguished. That he'll turn up on time.

You should listen to Karen. She's an experienced, mature woman.

-Oi, less of the "mature", thank you very much.

-I just meant...

Kevin, step away from the spade.

Louise Smith, I'm here to do the IT system evaluation.

-Hi, Kevin Tyler. I'm a doctor here.

-Chris Reid, practice nurse.

OK, guys, I think I can handle this.

I'm the most senior member of staff here

so I think it's only fair that I make myself available

to welcome a visitor.

I think I'll handle it.

So, I'm Karen Hollins, receptionist, would you like to come this way?

Oh, sorry.

Just through here, to the left...

-Mate, you can put your tongue back in now.

-Pfft, what?

Don't suppose you you've heard of playing it cool?

Oh, like you?

"Hi, I'm Kevin Tyler, I'm a doctor here."

Mate, there's a big difference

between asserting yourself

and gawping like a toddler at the toy shop window.

So much to learn, young Padawan.

Right, OK.

When was the last time you even went on a date?

Do you know what? Today is your lucky day.

Uncle Kevin is going to sort you out with a date.

I'm perfectly capable of getting a date for myself,

thanks, "Uncle Kevin".

I don't understand, you're a married woman.

Not any more.

-But surely...?

-He died a week after the wedding.

It was all very sudden.

And you didn't even have time to...?

It's a long story.

I don't understand why you suddenly feel the need now?

I've thought about it down the years

but it just never quite happened.

So why now?

It feels like the right time.

Well, certainly, I think you should forget about this for starters...

..I don't think normal people do things like that...

-..or that.

-I did wonder.

So, what exactly can I do for you?

I just don't want to get it wrong when the time comes.

Well, surely your partner has a bit more experience?

Oh, yes...he's got tonight all planned.

Dancing at Letherbridge Social Club,

then on to his for a candle-lit supper and...

then...

Ah.

I don't know what to say.

It's the most natural thing in the world.

If you really have to do it, just go with the flow.

But...

I just wondered about the mechanics.

Mechanics?

Yes, you see, in the book...

-Trust me, you need to forget about that book.

-But...

Mrs Bedford, please.

Just let your partner take the lead and you'll be fine.

I'll need to speak to a range of system users -

ideally one doctor, a nurse, a manager

and a member of support staff.

Nobody told me that bit.

Is it a problem?

I shouldn't think so. I'll do my best.

Doctor Tyler's just down that way, so maybe best start with him?

Great, I'm going to just nip to the girl's room and then I'll get going.

Why exactly is she here?

She's an IT analyst, whatever that means.

She's got to interview everybody

who's got something to do with a computer. Howard sorted it.

-Are you setting up the interviews?

-Yeah, why?

Oh, I see. Oh, so sweet! You're blushing.

Would you mind if I went first?

-Oh, someone's keen.

-Well, she's lovely and Kevin will just...

Oh, has he put you up to this?

Well, erm...yeah, kind of.

Do you not think you should try and play it a bit cool?

Really? See, I thought I should strike while the iron's hot.

Carpe diem and all that.

Oh, fair enough, it's up to you.

-I'll send her down to the nurse's room first then.

-Yes, thank you!

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Yeah?

-I had a patient earlier, a Mrs Bedford.

-What about her?

How well do you know her?

I've seen her a few times, she's a sweet old lady.

A "sweet old lady" who's about to be deflowered.

Come again?

She's got a hot date tonight.

-Doesn't mean she's about to...

-Oh, yes, it does!

She's been doing her research and everything.

It's really her first time? At her age?

You didn't know?

Surprisingly, it didn't come up in conversation, no.

Well, I suppose she's a grown woman. She can do what she wants.

I take it you read her patient notes?

Yeah, I had a quick look. Why?

So you'll know about the osteoarthritis in her hip?

-Not exactly.

-You got a bit freaked out, didn't you?

-Forgot to do your job properly.

-Not at all!

You're a doctor, you can't just pick and choose

which patients you want to deal with.

So, any general thoughts you have on the system?

Do you know what? I think it's great. I think it's absolutely brilliant.

-Really?

-Yeah, it's fantastic. Best I've ever seen.

-Well done you.

-I didn't actually design it.

Well, your company did, though.

So, you should, at least, take some of the credit.

-It was a bit before my time.

-It doesn't look that old.

Not...that you look old. You don't, you're lovely.

Lovely and young.

What about functionality issues?

Any major improvements you might make to the interface?

What's the interface?

The front end? What you see in the screen, the way it looks.

Do you know what? I'm not really that superficial.

For me, it's what's inside that counts.

OK, I think we're almost done here.

-Unless, do you have anything else you'd like to add?

-Like what?

Any questions, maybe?

What sort of questions?

About the system?

Oh, the system. No, I don't think so.

OK, I think I've got Doctor Tyler up next.

-Erm, yeah, actually, I've got a question.

-What's that?

Erm...

..the F10 key. What does that do again?

I bet he won't even ask her, he's a bottle merchant!

You can spot them a mile off.

Maybe you should give him some help, then?

He's been having a rough time with his dad lately

and I'm thinking a bit of female company would do him good.

I did offer but he turned me down flat.

-Where are you going?

-Sandwich...

and to see Mrs Bedford.

Feeling guilty, are you?

You're up next.

-How did it go?

-Terrible.

-I ended up blabbering like a complete idiot.

-Oh!

Maybe you should try a different approach?

-Like what?

-Go all mean and moody. Yu know, less talk, more attitude.

Think, erm...Al Pacino

or that...Ryan Gosling fella in that film.

Mean and moody?

Yeah. I'm thinking that she's the sort of girl

who likes the strong, silent type.

But I'm not the strong, silent type.

Yeah, but you could be.

You just need to be a bit more mysterious.

Command the room with your brooding presence.

-You reckon?

-Yeah, it's all in the way you look at her.

I don't know what you mean?

If she asks you a question, don't answer her straightaway.

Hold her gaze for a second, with smouldering intensity.

Like this.

You look like you need the loo.

You know what I mean! You just need to be more mysterious.

Like you're weighed down with a dark secret.

OK...like I...killed my mum when I was 15

and buried her under the patio?

Not exactly that, just a bit more angst.

But I'm not an angsty person.

-Well, pretend, then!

-Girls like that sort of thing.

-Really?!

-Yeah, it's different when you're older.

When you get to my age,

you just want someone who's going to pick their socks up

off the bedroom floor! But a young girl like that, you know?

I don't think I can do it.

Oh, yes, yes, you can. Give us your best shot.

-Let me see.

-No.

-You need the practice.

-OK.

That's really good, you see?

So, from a doctor's perspective, any general thoughts on the system?

It's pretty good, I'd say.

Only pretty good?

Well, I've seen better.

Really?

Better functionality, better interface design -

it's all out there.

Technology moves at a rapid pace

but I suppose you already know that.

Sounds like you know your stuff.

Well, I like to keep in tune with the latest developments.

That's interesting, actually.

Is it?

Yeah, I reckon we could use someone like you.

We've been looking for an experienced systems user,

someone who can help us take our product offering forward.

A medical professional who also understands technology.

-Like a consultant?

-Kind of, yeah.

Maybe...might be something for you and I to discuss?

I suppose so.

I'm staying in the area tonight...

erm, maybe I could buy you dinner

and we could discuss the possibilities?

SWING MUSIC PLAYING

Doctor Khella...

whatever brings you here?

I wanted a quick word, if possible.

Well, well, well, what have we here?

-Fred, this is Doctor Khella.

-Oh!

Doctor Khella, this is Fred.

Well, if my doctor's surgery

was filled with beautiful people like you,

I'd develop instant hypochondria!

Would you care to join me in next dance, Doctor?

I'm afraid I didn't come here to trip the light fantastic.

Well, why have you graced us with your heavenly presence?

I need a quick word with Mrs Bedford.

Surely that can wait until I've shown you a few things?

-I don't think you've got anything I really want to see.

-Oh, come on!

-Well?

-"Well" what?

-How did you get on?

-Yeah, good. I think.

You think? What did you find out?

Well, I think she might be single.

How come?

-Because she invited me out to dinner tonight?

-What?!

It's not my fault, it just happened.

You are a selfish little sod! Do the decent thing and cancel.

I must apologise for Fred's behaviour, he's a bit red-blooded.

So I see.

So, what can I do for you, Doctor?

I'm a bit concerned I may have been a bit laissez faire

when you came to see me earlier.

I'm not exactly sure what that means?

I hadn't looked at your records properly.

I wasn't fully aware of your medical condition.

Well, I've made up my mind now.

I didn't come here to try and talk you out of anything...

Good! Because I've made my decision.

So I don't need any more of your advice.

Mrs Bedford, it's my job to be concerned about...

With all due respect, it's only a few hours

since you were telling me to "relax and go with the flow".

I've decided to heed your advice.

Now...if you'll excuse me, I'm on tea duty.

Are you all right?

Yeah. Yeah, fine!

SWING MUSIC PLAYING

-How have the interviews been going?

-Fine, thank you.

-I don't know how you do it.

-Do what?

All that computer stuff! I wouldn't know where to start.

-And I bet you're away from home a lot, aren't you?

-A bit, yeah.

Are you staying in Letherbridge tonight?

-Yeah, I've got another surgery visit tomorrow.

-Oh!

You should try the Letherbridge Arms.

It's very nice and quite good value.

-I'm already staying at the Letherbridge Lodge.

-Oh, lovely.

I bet your boyfriend misses you while you're away?

-I don't have one.

-That's a shame.

-Is it?

-Well, not so much a shame as...

Well, it's a bit of a surprise cos lovely young woman like you,

I thought you'd be fighting them off!

-Shall we get on with the interview?

-Ooh, yes.

So, have the others been helpful?

Yeah, fine, thanks.

There's a lovely bunch of people here.

You know, they're really, really helpful.

-Especially Chris.

-Chris?

Chris Reid, the practice nurse. You met him earlier.

-Ah, yeah.

-He's a good looking bloke, don't you think?

-He's all right, I suppose.

-He's ever so nice.

I mean, he's not too nice. You know, still waters run deep and all that.

I reckon there's a lot more to that lad, if you know what I mean?

I'm not sure that I do.

I'm not suggesting he's got any dark secrets, or anything,

all I'm saying is that he's quite a complex character.

Don't be fooled by the nice guy exterior.

I'm sure you're very busy, Mrs Hollins,

and I really do need to press on.

-So, is it OK if we start the interview?

-Oh, yes.

I'm terribly sorry but would you mind if I cut in?

-A woman's prerogative!

-I beg your pardon?

Changing one's mind.

Nothing's changed, I just want a word with you.

HE CHUCKLES That's what they all say - at first.

Look, we can dance and talk at the same time.

I don't think so.

No dance, no talk.

Talk first, dance later.

Nah-uh-uh!

HE CHUCKLES

One false move and you'll regret it.

-KNOCK ON DOOR Come in.

-Right.

You're still in with a chance.

Oh, mate, forget it. I'm not even bothered any more.

Oh, don't give up now! I've even done some detective work.

-And...?

-She's single.

And she's staying at the Letherbridge Lodge tonight.

Good for her.

And she thinks you're lovely.

-Did she actually say that?

-Of course she did.

With a bit of practice, we'd be very good together.

I wouldn't hold my breath on that, if I were you.

Feisty little filly, aren't you? Luckily I enjoy a challenge.

Does Mrs Bedford know about your passion for a challenge?

My roving eye is well-known around these parts.

It's more your roving hands I'm more concerned about.

I'm an affectionate man, Doctor.

So I see...

and maybe there's nothing wrong with a bit of innocent flirting...

There's nothing innocent about my flirting, I assure you.

As you'll find out yourself, given time.

I beg your pardon?

Let's stop playing games, shall we?

We both know that we want the same thing here.

-I honestly don't think that we do.

-Oh-ho!

-Ah!

-Come on!

-What exactly do you think you're doing?!

Relax, Doctor, feel the music, enjoy the moment.

I'm giving you five seconds to let go of me.

We both know you don't mean that.

-Back off!

-Mwah! Ha-ha!

Ah! Argh! Ah!

-Still here, then?

-Yeah, looks like it.

Everything OK?

-Fine, yeah. Almost finished.

-Anything I can help with?

Like what?

Erm...

I...wondered if you want a coffee or something before you leave?

That's very kind but I've already reached my coffee quota for the day.

So, I was wondering...

Yeah?

Erm...

I was wondering if you wanted to go for a drink with me, erm...

you know, as you're in the area anyway?

-I'm afraid not.

-Oh, go on! What's the worst that can happen?

I'm afraid I'm already going out for dinner

with Doctor Tyler this evening.

Oh.

I hope you cancelled your little arrangement with what's-her-face?

Give us a break, will you? I've not had a chance.

You haven't done it yet?!

I've had patients to see! I was going to go and see her now.

-Chris is in there asking her out on a date.

-Really?

-Thanks a lot, mate.

-It's not how it looks.

-You know about this?

-Not exact... Yeah.

So you've both been laughing at me behind my back? Great.

-Mate, it's not like that.

-What is it like, then, mate?

"Uncle Kevin will help you get a date"!

Who needs enemies with friends like you?

Mate, it's a business meeting.

She asked me and I kind of said yes by accident.

You "kind of said yes by accident"? Right.

HE MOANS

Let me deal with this, I'm a doctor.

Keep that animal away from me!

Oh, for goodness' sake, stop being such a big crybaby.

If you so much as touch me, I'll sue you!

Trust me, I'm not exactly enthused by the prospect myself.

I mean it, I'll have you in front of the highest court in the land.

I'm sure there are a few people in this room

that would back up my plea of self-defence.

So, why don't you keep quiet and let me take a look?

Doctor Khella, what IS going on?

Listen, mate, it really isn't what you think.

She just wanted to talk about some consultancy work.

Consultancy work? Yeah, right.

Honestly, I'm not the slightest bit interested in her.

-I was trying to help you.

-You were trying to help me?

OK, I got...surprised by the dinner invitation

and I said yes and I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.

But you can still go for it.

Kev, don't you think you've humiliated me enough today, mate?

Listen, mate, I'm not going for the dinner, OK?

So, why don't you?

Tell her something's come up for me

and you're going to have to stand in.

She said she wants a systems user with a medical background.

No, I don't think so, mate.

Mate, it's your one chance to go for a date with no pressure.

If it doesn't work out, just say it's a business meeting.

Mate, it's up to you.

But if you don't turn up,

she's going to be left sitting there on her own because I ain't going

and I don't think you're the type of bloke to leave a woman high and dry.

You're still here, then?

I really do need to talk to you, Mrs Bedford.

You've got one minute.

I'm concerned about your welfare.

You didn't seem particularly concerned this morning.

And I was wrong.

I came here because I realised I'd made a mistake.

I was concerned about your arthritis

but now I'm a bit more concerned about your choice of partner.

You mean Fred?!

You thought me and him...?

I wouldn't touch that dirty old letch with a bargepole.

But...

I can see this is a bit strange -

an old woman like me coming to you about something like this

but you're a doctor, it's your job.

Yes, you're right.

Perhaps I should have seen Doctor Tyler after all.

I should have been more professional.

Well, I suppose we can all make mistakes.

I am sorry.

Apology accepted.

So, how's it been lately? Your arthritis?

Oh, well, comes and goes.

And you're sure that you're comfortable with everything?

I'm quite sure, thank you.

Because I'd be happy to discuss it with you.

No, I don't think that will be necessary.

Doctor Khella, this is Clive.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

About time someone taught that old cad a lesson!

Well, we should be going.

Of course we should.

Have a nice evening, Doctor Khella.

-You too.

-Thank you.

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Kevin, Doctor Tyler, he asked me to bring you a message.

He said that he's really sorry but he can't make it.

-Something's come up.

-Is his phone broken or something?

-No.

I just thought it would give me a good chance to explain.

Explain what?

Why I was so weird at work.

I think you're lovely...

and I just get a bit nervous sometimes.

I'm not particularly very good with girls, er, women...

but everyone is always telling me that I give up too easy

and that I need to more assertive.

So...I've booked a table for dinner for us in the restaurant.

Have you now?

Yeah, I just thought it might be nice

for us to get to know each other outside of work.

We can talk about the IT systems, if you want to.

You know, I'm an experienced medical user, with a medical background,

like you said you wanted, so...

-..but, I mean, if you've got other plans.

-Not exactly, no.

I suppose it might be nice to have a bit of company.

-Are you all right?

-I'm absolutely fine. Why?

You seem a bit nervous, your hand was shaking.

Not at all...

..nothing to be nervous about, is there?

Well, of course not.

It's the most natural thing in the world.

Absolutely.

But is it really?

Is what really?

Is it the most natural thing in the world?

At our age, I mean?

Well, I don't know. I assumed...

You assumed what?

That you wanted to.

SHE LAUGHS

Funnily enough...

I assumed the same thing about you.

Really?!

THEY LAUGH

Perhaps we should just go with the flow.

There's no rush, is there?

Of course not! No rush whatsoever.

Would you care to dance?

That does seem...like the most natural thing in the world.

Well, that was lovely.

Yeah, it was really nice.

I must admit...

it does get a bit lonely eating dinner alone in hotels every night.

Well, you should count yourself lucky,

there's thousands of people out there

who'd kill to have a nice meal in a hotel like this.

Fair point, I suppose, but this country's full of opportunities.

If more people took them, they could eat wherever they wanted.

-You really believe it's that simple?

-Of course I do.

Well, try telling that to a kid

who's never seen anybody in his family go out to work.

Sounds like an excuse to me.

It's not an excuse, it's a reason.

-I'm sorry...

-For what?

-I get a bit carried away sometimes.

-You certainly do.

I...work at this youth club and some of the kids...

You don't have to explain everything, you know.

I do have a tendency of getting on my high horse a bit, so...

Maybe your colleague was right about you.

Which one?

The receptionist.

Oh, you... Don't listen to her!

-I'd say there is a bit more to you than meets the eye.

-Oh?

Well, I don't know about that.

You've got a bit of passion in there, when you get going.

I like that.

So do you have strong views on everything, then?

No, not everything.

How do you feel about one-night stands?

Erm...yeah, they're...

-No moral objections, then?

-No.

That's good to know.

Have you got time for a nightcap?

Yep.

You must be very stressed.

It's no laughing matter, Foster.

I will be speaking to your supervisor.

Who's Ruby?

Erm, she's a respectable woman.

She's...a medical rep.

But, most importantly, I want you to remind them

of the exciting things we've been up to at The Mill.

All right, Howard, what have you been up to, then?

May I speak to Mark Ripley, please?

Speaking.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd