Please Hold Doctors

But the daddy bear realised it wasn't a hat at all.

It was a pair of underpants.

And the little bear wet his pants laughing.

And they all lived happily ever after. The end.

No, no more stories, Ben.

Be good for your mum, OK?

Love you too. Night night.

Everything OK?

Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Erin.

-You're a star.

-I'm more than that.

How dare you imply that I would drink on the job?

I have an important case to get through tonight.

Sorry, sir. I forgot about your important case.

You must be really stressed.

It's no laughing matter, Foster. I will be speaking to your supervisor.

Oh dear. What does he say?

He'll let you off with a warning.

As long as you've got a corkscrew?

Oh.

Right.

Corkscrew.

And I thought you were the perfect PA!

PHONE RINGS Oh, what now?!

It's OK. I'll get rid of them.

Fox Barnaby and Partners. Erin Foster speaking.

Who's speaking, please?

I just need to speak to him. It won't take long.

I'm sorry, he's busy right now. Can I take a message?

Please.

I won't take a minute.

It's urgent.

He says it's urgent. I think you should take it.

What kind of PA are you? Total rubbish!

Hi, Mark Ripley speaking, how can I help you?

Oh!

DIALLING TONE

Crank call.

Perfect. 6.30. I look forward to seeing you then.

Ruby.

-Ruby.

-Who's Ruby?

I thought I was on my own.

Who's Ruby?

She's a respectable woman. She's a medical rep.

She's very senior. She's very...intelligent.

I expect nothing less, Heston. Is she your date for tonight?

My date!

Well, yes, she is my date.

We are dating.

She's lovely.

You will like her.

I won't be there, I'm afraid. I've got stuff to do.

Some mind-expanding reading material.

I'm taking them back to the library to get some fresh ones for Joe's next visit.

Oh! When's that happening?

Nothing's set just yet, but... be soon, hopefully.

Yes.

Ruby!

NERVOUS BREATHING

PHONE RINGS

I'm sorry, I was cut off before.

May I speak to Mark Ripley, please?

Speaking.

Oh...

Hello, Mark.

It's your dad.

Who was that?

Another crank call.

Can I have your attention, please, all of you who are attending tonight's do?

Which includes Jimmi and Al, who now understand their duty

of representing this practice at tonight's prestigious event.

-Have fun!

-Yes, well, it is partly about having fun.

But also about business.

And business and pleasure can be mixed, in the right circumstances.

Now, tonight is our chance to cement our reputation as Letherbridge's

most dynamic practice.

I want you all to meet at least three new people,

take their business cards, give them yours,

but, most importantly, I want you to remind them

of the exciting things we've been up to at the Mill.

Oh aye, Howard? What have you been up to then?

LAUGHTER

Your invention, for example. Tonight's the perfect opportunity

to market that, but we need to speak to the right rep.

Heston's already tracked one down, I hear. Very senior.

-Really? What's his name?

-Her. Her name is...Ruby Simmonds.

You won't know her. She's not from the area. She's from London.

Headhunted.

-Will she be there this evening?

-Yes, but she's off-duty.

She won't be talking shop.

Not when she finds out how good our product is.

Business and pleasure?

We do the business, then you can have the pleasure!

LAUGHTER

Mr Ripley?

Oh, Doctor Granger.

Are you feeling OK?

Yes, I'm fine, thank you.

Are you sure? To be honest, you don't look so hot.

Yes, I'm fine. I've got to go home.

I'm expecting a call from my son.

I am not going to the briefing, or the ball.

Me neither.

Got to wait in for a plumber who probably won't turn up.

What is the nature of your plumbing dilemma?

I've got a leaking pipe under the sink. It's a nightmare.

If he can't fix it, I'll have to bring my washing-up into work.

You do not need an overpriced,

unreliable plumber to fix a leaky pipe.

I could fix it quite easily for you.

Really?

Yes, of course.

I could bring my toolbox around after work,

if that is agreeable to you?

Oh! Mrs Tembe, that would be brilliant.

If you're sure you don't mind?

No! Not at all, I have nothing better to do.

HE WHEEZES

PHONE RINGS

Fox Barnaby and Partners. Erin Foster speaking.

Is Mark there, please?

I'm afraid not.

He's there. I know he is.

Will you please let me speak to him?

It's you, isn't it? The crank caller?

I'm his dad.

I need to speak to him.

Mark, it's your dad.

Get rid of him.

Are you sure?

Get rid of him!

I'm sorry, he doesn't wish to speak to you.

I need to speak to him, will you please put him on...

Ah! Ah!

Hello?

Mark?

No.

I think he's in trouble.

Of course he's in trouble.

No, I mean I think he might be having a heart attack.

He's just trying it on.

Why would you think that?

Why would he ring up and fake something like that?

You don't know him. Just leave it, Erin, OK?

What if he's not faking?

Who cares?

I haven't seen the man since I was kid.

Even before then, he was a stranger to me.

Always working, or so he made out.

He's never cared about me.

-I'm sorry. You never said.

-Because I don't want to talk about him.

Can we stop talking about him?

Let me just call him back, just in case?

I don't have his number. I don't even know where he lives.

He could be anywhere in the world.

What was the name of that place where you grew up - Letherburn?

Letherbridge. I hope he's still there.

I hope he's thinking about me and my mum as he rots there, alone.

You are leaving early?

Yes, just keen to get it over with, you know.

You look...very smart.

Thank you, Mrs Tembe.

You all right, Mrs Tembe?

Yes.

-PHONE RINGS

-Excuse me, please.

The Mill Health Centre. How may I help you?

Hi there. My name's Erin Foster.

Sorry, this is a bit of a random...

I don't suppose you have a patient on your list named Jeff Ripley?

If I did, I could not tell you, that information is confidential.

Of course, everyone's...

I don't care.

Can I just say, if you do, could you just make sure he's OK?

I think he might need help.

I will look into it. That is all I can do.

Thank you. It's just kind of a matter of conscience.

Yes.

I understand. Would you like to leave a contact number?

Yes, that'd be great. It's 61 491 570 156.

That is an overseas number, is it not?

Perth, Australia. But you can call any time.

Not on our budget.

I will let you know if there is any news.

Good night.

Good day, Miss Foster.

I know what you're doing, Erin.

You're a good person.

That's why I love you.

One of the reasons.

But you've done more than enough now.

Please, leave it.

I just think that if it was you...

He's nothing like me.

No, you'll never leave your kids, will you?

PHONE RINGS

Ah!

Mark?

Mr Ripley?

Mr Ripley? Are you OK?

Mark. I'm sorry. I have to tell you.

I have to tell you...

OK, look, it's Doctor Granger calling. You stay where you are.

I'll be right there, OK?

It does the soul good to be in such beautiful surroundings.

Especially when you can run the taps and flush the loo.

Thanks for coming, Mrs Tembe.

It is my pleasure.

There is nothing I like more than a little DIY.

I would have thought most people would prefer to go to the ball.

I can dance a little.

But I know that I am quite proficient at plumbing.

I wasn't that fussed either.

You can get quite lonely in a crowd, you know?

But if I had someone special, though, it'd be different.

I imagine it would be.

No, I didn't mean me...

Isn't there someone special there for you tonight?

Aha! Just as I thought.

It is a simple matter of replacing a faulty fitting.

I think I have one here, somewhere.

Mrs Tembe, what about Heston?

Mr Ripley?

Mr Ripley!

-OK, Let's sit you up.

-HE GROANS

There we go. The ambulance is on its way. What happened?

I need to talk to Mark. My son.

The number's on my phone.

Not right now, OK?

Please, Doctor. There might not be another chance.

He needs to know what I've got.

PHONE RINGS

How did you get this number?

Hello. My name's Daniel Granger, I'm your dad's doctor.

Your dad is here with me. He's seriously ill.

Good for him. Goodbye.

He has dilated cardiomyopathy. It's a critical heart disease.

You may have it too.

He wanted to me to tell you so you could get yourself checked out.

Oh. I see.

Well, thank you for the information.

-You don't want to say thank you to him?

-What for?

On top of everything else, now he could have killed me?

It's not his fault. It's genetics.

Look, I don't know what's happened between you two,

but he may not have long.

It's all his fault. Everything.

Just leave me alone.

At least he knows now.

Do you want to talk?

You're right. You're not like him.

I'm a liar.

A cheat.

I even look like him.

Every time I look in the mirror...

Why did he have to do this? Why couldn't he just die?

Could you? If it was Ben?

Wouldn't you want peace?

I'd never have done what he did.

I know.

And I know you'll do the right thing now.

You are right in the sense that I once had

thoughts about Doctor Carter.

However I am content that we are simply friends, and that is better.

Couldn't you have gone with him tonight as his friend?

I do not want to give anyone the wrong impression.

Who cares what anyone thinks?

I do not want to give him the wrong impression.

If he mistakenly thought that I wanted more,

it could be...very awkward.

But you don't, you just said.

I know.

So...what are you doing stuck here doing this

and he's stuck there on his own

when you could be having a laugh together?

Earlier, when you said how one can feel lonely in a crowd...

..I would hate to think of him there, feeling like that.

Oh! Why don't you do something about it?

Go and keep him company, as his friend.

I couldn't. I have promised to fix this for you.

It's a quick job. You said yourself.

The ball's hardly started.

Get this finished and I'll drop you down there. Sorted.

What am I supposed to wear?

Go as you are. You always look great.

THEY SCREAM

Oh!

THEY LAUGH

SIREN WAILS

They're here. Don't go anywhere, OK?

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Thank you.

I'm not doing this for you. I've got a son.

You could have killed him too.

I'm sorry.

But...you could have saved him.

So...maybe you won't burn in hell.

What's his name?

What?

Your boy.

What have you called him?

His name's Ben...

Hello?

Dad?

Hello?

Mrs Tembe, you are amazing.

I've never seen anyone fix a pipe so quick!

It was God.

What - that fixed the plumbing?

He made me forget a crucial part of the fitting.

It is his way of saying going to the ball is a bad idea.

Oh, no, no! You're still going.

It's my turn to be fairy godmother.

I'm going to run you a hot bath,

pick you a nice dress out from Mrs Fitzwilliam's collection,

and then you shall go to the ball!

I just need you to put the water back on for me!

-Ruby?

-Hi.

Hi, hi. I was beginning to think you'd stood me up.

I just wanted to make sure I was looking my best for you

and your very important colleagues.

No need to worry about that. You look perfect.

Thank you, baby. So do you.

The thing is, apparently this event is for medical professionals only,

so I've told them that you're a medical rep.

I hope you don't mind playing along?

Not at all. I love a bit of role-play.

Wonderful. I knew you'd understand.

What is a medical rep?

You're so cute when you're worried. Come on.

He has dilated cardiomyopathy and moderate heart failure.

When I arrived, he'd collapsed but was still conscious.

PHONE BLEEPS

Do you want me to look at your phone?

It just says Ben. And there's a photo file that I can't open.

Hang on, Jeff. I think I might be able to...

PHONE RINGS

Mark? It's Doctor Granger.

Right. Pleased to meet you.

How is he?

I understand it could be a bit distressing to see him,

especially like this.

But I think he wants to see you.

Dad?

Doctor Granger? Is he all right?

I'm all right.

I'm all right.

I'd been targeting him relentlessly with our products and he kept saying no.

I can't resist a man who plays hard to get.

This is merely a ploy to get me to buy her brand of disposable gloves.

Far from it.

Though if you want to buy me a martini, I wouldn't say no.

An aperitif! Good idea. Can I get you one, Jimmi?

I'm fine with the free champagne, thank you.

Mrs Tembe?

Doctor Carter.

What are you doing here? I thought you said...

I did not like to think of you unaccompanied this evening.

So. Here I am.

So I see. The thing is...

Well, the thing is...

Hey baby. Better put that martini on hold.

I think we're going in for dinner.

Um, Ruby. This is Mrs Tembe, our receptionist.

Mrs Tembe, this is Ruby. My plus one.

It is very nice to meet you, Ruby.

I-I should be going now.

-Didn't you just get here?

-Yes, but...

I am getting a little bit of a headache.

Mrs Tembe, wow, you look stunning.

Mind if I tag along with you for dinner?

Make people think I've pulled a stunner?

Well, if you wish, Doctor Clay. Thank you.

Having a nice time?

Yes, yes. Just feeling hungry.

Sit yourself next to Sir Humphrey.

See if you can squeeze any more information out of him.

I'd rather squeeze that Ruby chick of Heston's.

Just go quickly before the seat gets taken.

Doctor Reid, may I have the pleasure of your company for dinner?

I thought we were supposed to be networking?

I'm sure the others can manage without us.

I don't want any special treatment, Howard.

Of course. I just thought it would be a chance for us to talk.

You haven't mentioned how the carers meeting went the other night.

It was fine. Great, in fact, thank you.

But I really don't want to talk about it tonight.

-I just want to have some fun.

-We can have some fun.

Howard, this isn't junior prom. I'm not your date.

I know. I know.

And I enjoy networking.

In fact, I have my eye on a very handsome chiropodist,

so if you don't mind...

You don't need to take his card?

I'm sorry.

Thank you for making me.

-I didn't make you.

-I wouldn't have done it without you.

You're going to have to in the future, aren't you?

I can still book your flights to London. The perfect PA.

Birmingham, actually.

I'm sorry, Erin. I just have to...

Go home, Mark. The client will understand.

Family's more important.

LAUGHTER

Thanks for that. He bored me rigid talking about his corns.

Every "no" is one step closer to a "yes".

Ruby Simmonds? I'm Al Haskey. Good mates with your man Heston.

And inventor of a groundbreaking piece of blood-pressure technology.

Not now, boys.

No, please, carry on. You know us medical reps.

Never a night off.

Hey, Zara. It's me.

Is Joe still awake?

Can I speak to him?

Hey, little man!

It's Daddy.

I just wanted to read you a bedtime story.

So you're not just getting the clinician market...

But also the over-the-counter customer.

Pretty much anybody who's interested in keeping tabs on their blood pressure.

Which is a huge market these days, as you know.

Absolutely. It sounds brilliant.

So how do you think it compares

to other products you've got in this field?

Really well. Yeah. Brilliant.

It's not really her field. Ruby's speciality is clinical hygiene.

Really? What sort of thing, Ruby?

Gloves, mainly. And swabs.

We do really brilliant swabs. So...

So we're wasting our time?

I'm sure she has contacts across the business, Al.

-What was the name of the company again?

-Which company?

So as I know to avoid it in the future.

-Who do you think you are?

-Shall we dance?

I think your idea sounds rubbish actually. A boring rubbish rip-off.

Excuse us.

Don't know why you were defending him. You should have decked him.

He had too much to drink. And I suspect you have too.

-I can see why you're single if that's the way you treat woman.

-Sorry?

I should charge you extra, making me jump through your stupid hoops.

-Are we going upstairs or what?

-What?

Are we going upstairs, or what?

No! I just wanted some company.

Now give me a peck on the cheek, and I'll say you've had an urgent call.

Disposable glove emergency - yeah, right!

Do you think they'll fall for that?

Thank you, Ruby.

Er, my money?

Where's Heston and what's-her-face?

Oh, Ruby? Or so she says!

But they don't tend to use their real names, the ladies of the night.

Well, I hope you're happy, Doctor Haskey! She has just left.

If you give me her number, I'll call her in the morning and apologise.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Had a lover's tiff, Heston?

I wouldn't worry about it,

I'm sure it'll all blow over by morning, if it's the real thing.

Actually she was genuinely interested in the product

before Al put his foot in it. So we could still do with her number.

I won't, Howard. If you don't mind.

Business and pleasure. Best not to mix, eh, Heston?

-You want me lying down?

-Sitting up is fine.

Adventurous!

That's not him.

-What?

-You're just flirting with some random bloke.

I see you've moved on to a new stage of grieving.

It's not what it looks like.

It's a very special guinea pig.

I couldn't let it go for that little.

What's so special about it?!

Because you really need it.