Saving Irene Doctors

PHONE RINGS

ANSWERPHONE: 'I'm really, really sorry

'that I'm unable to take your call at the moment.'

Irene? Irene?

I believe it was Socrates who said...

-Heston.

-Come in.

You can be my audience. Feel free to laugh uncontrollably.

"I believe it was Socrates who said,

" 'Always begin a presentation with a quote...' "

-Heston.

-What?

I'm not sure about this symposium.

Why?

I don't know if my speech is up to it.

What a shame.

Although I could...

No. If you feel so strongly, I will get straight onto the organisers.

Hello? This is Dr Carter. I'm ringing about Dr Clay.

I'm not sure he's going to be able to make the symposium.

Are you absolutely sure about that?

You're in the programme,

and people have already been registering interest on the website.

So?

The organiser made it very clear that

if you pulled out it would not put the Mill in a good light.

And my speech will?

I don't think it's as bad as you're making out.

You think it's terrible.

I do not. Tweaks. Tweaks.

Some of your speech is really quite outstanding.

Come on. I heard you with Howard last night.

I don't know what you think you heard.

I heard you loud and clear.

You have no choice. You have to do the speech.

I'm popping into town now to pick up some brackets. I'll fix it

and let you know how I get on, OK? Bye.

Excuse me, please.

I need you to see if I've run over a pigeon.

Yeah. There's no pigeon that I can see.

Are you sure?

OK! I'll check again.

No, still no pigeon.

You've got that checking OCD, haven't you?

Thank you for doing this.

Just making sure I get an invite to the housewarming.

You seem strangely calm.

It's just boxes.

That farm seems to have really sorted you out.

Are Freya's parents OK?

Yeah. They seemed really pleased for me. How's your dad?

He's all right. He's a tough cookie.

He's got my mum and a physio to kick him back into shape.

-That's good news.

-Yeah.

-So you're OK?

-Mm-hm.

-Yeah?

It's done! Let's go.

What have you run over now?

I need to get to Irene's. But there's too many people.

Who's Irene?

My friend. She called me.

She's in trouble.

What sort of trouble?

I don't know. She doesn't like answerphones.

So how do you know she's in trouble?

I just do. She gets sad on her own.

And she's got an irregular heartbeat.

No offence, but it seems to me

that you have a little bit of a Messiah complex.

So where does she live?

Bloxley.

Bloxley? You're going all the way to Bloxley on this thing?

Yes.

How's that working out for you?

It goes too fast.

You could always drive slower.

There's something wrong with the accelerator.

I can't go less than four miles an hour.

You're asking a lot of questions.

Maybe I find you interesting.

Hm. If I'm so fascinating you can walk with me.

If you can keep up.

I'm not going to walk six miles with you.

I don't want you to.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Bad timing?

No. It's fine. What's up?

Just a case I wanted to ask you about. Mr Azmi...

OK. Could you do me a favour first?

-Could you take a look at that and tell me what you think?

-Sure.

You can't tell when you hit something.

You can't even see the road in front of you properly.

That's why cars are lethal.

Well, take a bus.

Not in a million years. Buses are filthy.

A taxi cab?

Same. And a driver groped me a few years ago.

I can walk a bit. But not to Irene's.

Not with these hips.

I'm usually all right on the pavements, when they're quiet.

Roads I can't do...at all.

Can I ask what treatment you're getting?

What for?

The obsessive-compulsive disorder.

-Are you a doctor?

-Yeah, the best kind. A GP.

GPs haven't a scooby about OCD.

You'd be surprised.

I happen to have a friend who's a fellow sufferer.

Oooh(!)

I'm not taking treatment and I've good reason for that, trust me.

HE DIALS ON PHONE

-You can walk with me. But don't try and sort me out.

-OK.

Hold on. Give me a...

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Jimmi, I've stumbled across the most catastrophic case of OCD.

This makes even you look normal.

Congratulations.

Who is the top CBT therapist in Letherbridge,

because they have got to get a load of this?

The best is probably Dr Marsden.

-Graham Marsden?

-Yes.

He taught me at Birmingham. The man's a legend.

-He lives in Letherbridge?

-Yeah.

Thanks for your help. Bye.

You probably won't get an appointment, though. Not at this short notice.

-It's fine.

-Really?

This is for a court case, right?

No, it's for a symposium. I know it's bad.

-It's not.

-It's just...

I feel like I'm in a car and the brakes have failed.

Public speaking's all about confidence, I reckon.

That's fine if you're Heston.

So why don't you ask him to help you?

Oh.

-Um...

-Yeah. Sorry.

Al Haskey? Sorry.

Dr Jimmi Clay suggested I call you.

Ah. I know Jimmi.

Yeah, I work with him at the Mill.

Dr Marsden, I've come across this most extraordinary case of OCD.

I thought you might like to have a look at it.

And is the patient seeking professional help?

-Yes.

-OK.

Well, I may be able to do the week after next.

Actually, I was hoping you could fit us in this afternoon.

Not unless they can get here in the next ten minutes.

We'll be there straightaway.

LINE GOES DEAD

Hello? Hmm.

Irene needs help, not me. Leave me alone.

-What are you so scared of?

-Nothing.

One thing I do know about OCD,

especially extreme OCD like yours, is that it needs professional help.

I'm not going to see another therapist. No way.

Why not? Surely you're speeding now.

I'm going to hit someone.

-Well stop, then.

-You stop!

That man could change your life.

Oh... I don't know when it's safe to get off. Agh!

What happened with the therapist?

No. I'm not telling.

Really? All right, then.

Wait! Please, I'll tell you.

It's just the stupid woman made it worse not better.

How?

Please. I'll tell you. Just help me to get off!

All right. This way. I'm stopping the traffic.

-That's it.

-Oh!

Keep coming. Keep coming.

Keep coming.

Park! Handbrake!

-Oh!

-You finished?

-Yeah.

Now talk.

Oh... She got rid of my compulsions.

But then I got a load more new ones.

And they were much, much more horrible.

Every day was a long nightmare.

I can't go anywhere near potpourri now.

This man knows what he's doing.

If you don't like him, you can walk away.

What have you got to lose?

What about Irene?

Do you not think if she was really in trouble, she wouldn't have

called an ambulance?

Maybe she was just upset?

What you got was a sales call. Nothing more.

Trust me.

Will you come with me to check on Irene?

Of course I will.

Promise?

-Scout's honour.

-OK.

Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

Those lucky enough to make fat fees on the after-dinner

speech circuit swear by the principles of Cicero.

Who?

One of the greatest orators the world has ever known.

Is he around later?

"Prove, amuse and delight" was his mantra.

Karen was right. Start with a joke.

Something self-effacing.

A joke about life as a police surgeon?

Yes, you must have some funny anecdotes.

No.

-A pun?

-No.

-A pithy proverb?

-No.

Well, go online. There are websites for that sort of thing.

Fine. What else?

The important thing is that the audience believes that the

speaker is enjoying himself.

That's my point...

And this starts with body language.

Now...stand on this.

Say your first line.

"Afternoon. My name is Dr Jimmi Clay from the Mill Health Centre

-"in Letherbridge."

-OK.

I want you to imagine that the audience...are stretched

out in a semi-circle.

And I want you to look at every face...and smile.

Smile?

Smile.

-Forget this.

-You have to.

-Why? Because it will make you look even better?

-We leave in ten minutes.

Most people in the world assume somebody else will take

responsibility and sort things out.

But what if they don't?

I think I'd rather just care.

What do you do with that thing all the time?

Look stuff up.

Every few seconds, fiddling away. You're worse than me!

It's research. Look how many hits Dr Marsden's got!

Here's the real thing. Dr Marsden.

Dr Al Haskey.

OK. And this is...?

What is your name?

-Beth.

-Beth.

-Beth Harris.

Delighted to meet you, Beth.

Can I possibly ask you to fill this in?

-Just let me know when you're done, OK?

-Right.

-So you're with Jimmi Clay.

-For my sins.

-How is he?

-He's all right. Nothing compared to...

What do you make of the Mill?

It's all right. I'm hoping to branch out, but for the moment it'll do.

I think that's your patient.

I'll just be a sec.

What are you doing?

He had potpourri.

I'll get him to move it.

Irene needs me!

I'm so sorry. Some people are their own worst enemy.

I imagine she had a bad experience with her last therapist.

OCD is often treated like some kind of freak show.

But to treat it properly, I believe, requires considerable empathy.

But I'm sure I would have told you that on your course.

What advice would you have given her?

Miss Harris, specifically, I can't say. What I often do, though,

is tell my patients to do the most difficult thing imaginable.

When their OCD is screaming at them to be cautious, to be clean,

to be over-sensitive to others, to be scrupulously honest,

I'll tell them to do the opposite.

Beth is terrified of roads.

She constantly needs reassurance she hasn't killed something.

Well, she should drive like a madman.

She'd never do that. Not in a million years.

What are the pavements like around Bloxley?

I have no idea. I imagine it's mostly country lanes.

Right. I'm going to...

I'm going to go. Sorry, Dr Marsden.

No, not at all. Take care.

"So a friend once said, so a friend, so a friend once...

"So, once a fr..." No.

"A friend once said to me, 'Jimmi,

" 'how many death certificates have you signed off for dead people?' "

And I said,

"All my death certificates are signed off for dead people."

That's not going to work, is it? Not going to work.

What are you doing, you strange person?

I can't leave it.

Somebody will get a puncture and they'll crash.

Look, give it to me.

-But...

-Have you cut yourself?

It's all right.

Ouch!

What do you mean, "It's all right"?

I'm beginning to wonder if you fancy me.

I promised to make sure that Irene was OK.

-OK?

-OK.

-Let's go.

SHE KNOCKS

Irene!

Irene?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello!

Hello!

Hello? Hello?

Irene!

Oh, my goodness.

What's happened?

I slipped on the grass. My back's gone.

Let me have a look.

How long have you been like this?

At least ten minutes.

What on earth are you doing here?

I just knew you needed me.

-And I was right.

-You were.

-Who's this?

-This is Al.

-He's a doctor.

-A GP.

No, he's not!

THEY LAUGH

I think it was Socrates who said,

"Always begin a speech with a quotation,"

but then again, what did Socrates know about anything? Socrates...

Tough crowd.

He's looking worried,

but you needn't because this will be really good.

So anyway, speaking of quotations, as we were,

-when I asked my colleagues...

-PHONE RINGS

..what they thought about the loss of the PCT,

the comments ranged from apathy to utter relief...

-COUGHING

-..which is how you're going to feel when I sit down.

Is it me or is it hot in here?

So, um... Yeah.

Are you going to go with them, too?

No. I'll get a taxi.

Can I give you one small piece of advice,

even though it does come from a GP?

Go on.

You don't need to get a lift with them.

-You can make it home all by yourself.

-I can't.

What if I get mowed down, or stuck somewhere?

What would happen to me then?

You'd call me.

But what if I hit something?

Let me tell you something - you are going to hit many things.

Spiders, ants, flies...

You're going to kill time and again.

But I reckon you should set your sights higher.

Aim for a little small bird or a fluffy bunny rabbit.

No, I mean it.

And if you do get stuck, you can call me on this number

and I'll call an ambulance.

What have you got to lose?

But if you can make it home on this beast,

I think you'll feel pretty good.

Will you keep your phone on?

It's never off.

Right.

Doctor.

-See you.

-Happy trails.

All right, Mand!

-What are you doing?

-You left the front door open!

Look at this place!

Wow. Lesbians nest quicker than straight girls. Who knew?

We're here for the house-warming.

-We got sick and tired of waiting for the invite.

-We got pizzas!

-Beer.

-And because you can't move to the countryside...

Aw!

Ta-dah!

Wow. I don't know what to say.

Put some music on, girl.

Yay! Let's have a party!

-Party time.

-Whoo!

Right, open them sweets.

So, without further ado, Dr Jimmi Clay.

SCATTERED APPLAUSE

Terrible audience. Good luck.

FEEDBACK FROM MICROPHONE

Sorry, it's fairly nerve-wracking.

Just, uh...

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Um, as a police surgeon...

Sorry, I've got a voice in my head

and it's telling me, screaming at me,

telling me that this is the scariest thing I've ever done.

I've got another voice, it's a lot quieter, and it's telling me

not to be such an idiot because you lot aren't going to hurt me.

My name is Dr Jimmi Clay...

..and I have OCD...

..which means lots of voices in my head telling me lots of things

that I don't really want to listen to lots of the time.

It can get a bit noisy.

You should hear it on a really bad day.

Living with OCD is...

It's like living with a con artist inside your head, all day, every day.

It's tricky, sneaky.

It gives you a million logical reasons why to obsess, or to panic.

I try my best to ignore it

but it can be very persuasive, very persuasive.

And at times I find it completely crippling.

To work with, to live with,

to love with - TRY to love with.

THEY LAUGH

-I am so jealous! I've never lived on my own.

-Really?

No. Do you know something else?

Go on.

I've never been to a bar by myself. In my life.

-What?

-Yeah. That's what a long-term boyfriend does for you.

You have got some serious living to do.

-I'm ready to start.

-Yeah?

I'm going to go out by myself and see what happens.

Soon as I can.

-You'll probably have the best night of your life.

-Mmm!

THEY LAUGH

Just hold here a minute, mate, yeah?

That's great. Thanks, mate.

So over time, with the right people to help,

I've learned there are ways of living with OCD.

And I don't just mean coping with it. I mean living well.

I hold it together just fine in a place of work,

I'm pretty proud about that.

And I can honestly say I have lots of friends

who rely on me to keep them sane, so...

It's... It's powerful.

It's incurable.

OCD can easily take over your life, no question.

I suppose if there's anything important to say, then it's this -

it doesn't have to.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Is it true you've got one of those infinity pools?

What business is it of yours?

Then there was Carl, who could identify 80 types of tractor

-just by listening to the engine sounds.

-Ooh.

-No comment.

-Did he let you borrow it?

I didn't do no borrowing.

You've got no driving licence, no insurance.

You can tell it's dead classy! There's no pictures on the menu.

It's not a kebab van.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd