Saving Irene Doctors


Saving Irene

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PHONE RINGS

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ANSWERPHONE: 'I'm really, really sorry

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'that I'm unable to take your call at the moment.'

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Irene? Irene?

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I believe it was Socrates who said...

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-Heston.

-Come in.

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You can be my audience. Feel free to laugh uncontrollably.

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"I believe it was Socrates who said,

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" 'Always begin a presentation with a quote...' "

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-Heston.

-What?

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I'm not sure about this symposium.

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Why?

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I don't know if my speech is up to it.

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What a shame.

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Although I could...

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No. If you feel so strongly, I will get straight onto the organisers.

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Hello? This is Dr Carter. I'm ringing about Dr Clay.

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I'm not sure he's going to be able to make the symposium.

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Are you absolutely sure about that?

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You're in the programme,

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and people have already been registering interest on the website.

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So?

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The organiser made it very clear that

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if you pulled out it would not put the Mill in a good light.

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And my speech will?

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I don't think it's as bad as you're making out.

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You think it's terrible.

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I do not. Tweaks. Tweaks.

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Some of your speech is really quite outstanding.

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Come on. I heard you with Howard last night.

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I don't know what you think you heard.

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I heard you loud and clear.

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You have no choice. You have to do the speech.

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I'm popping into town now to pick up some brackets. I'll fix it

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and let you know how I get on, OK? Bye.

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Excuse me, please.

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I need you to see if I've run over a pigeon.

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Yeah. There's no pigeon that I can see.

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Are you sure?

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OK! I'll check again.

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No, still no pigeon.

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You've got that checking OCD, haven't you?

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Thank you for doing this.

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Just making sure I get an invite to the housewarming.

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You seem strangely calm.

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It's just boxes.

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That farm seems to have really sorted you out.

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Are Freya's parents OK?

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Yeah. They seemed really pleased for me. How's your dad?

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He's all right. He's a tough cookie.

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He's got my mum and a physio to kick him back into shape.

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-That's good news.

-Yeah.

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-So you're OK?

-Mm-hm.

-Yeah?

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It's done! Let's go.

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What have you run over now?

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I need to get to Irene's. But there's too many people.

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Who's Irene?

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My friend. She called me.

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She's in trouble.

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What sort of trouble?

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I don't know. She doesn't like answerphones.

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So how do you know she's in trouble?

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I just do. She gets sad on her own.

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And she's got an irregular heartbeat.

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No offence, but it seems to me

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that you have a little bit of a Messiah complex.

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So where does she live?

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Bloxley.

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Bloxley? You're going all the way to Bloxley on this thing?

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Yes.

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How's that working out for you?

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It goes too fast.

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You could always drive slower.

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There's something wrong with the accelerator.

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I can't go less than four miles an hour.

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You're asking a lot of questions.

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Maybe I find you interesting.

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Hm. If I'm so fascinating you can walk with me.

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If you can keep up.

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I'm not going to walk six miles with you.

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I don't want you to.

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KNOCK ON DOOR

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Bad timing?

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No. It's fine. What's up?

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Just a case I wanted to ask you about. Mr Azmi...

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OK. Could you do me a favour first?

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-Could you take a look at that and tell me what you think?

-Sure.

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You can't tell when you hit something.

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You can't even see the road in front of you properly.

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That's why cars are lethal.

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Well, take a bus.

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Not in a million years. Buses are filthy.

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A taxi cab?

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Same. And a driver groped me a few years ago.

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I can walk a bit. But not to Irene's.

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Not with these hips.

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I'm usually all right on the pavements, when they're quiet.

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Roads I can't do...at all.

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Can I ask what treatment you're getting?

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What for?

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The obsessive-compulsive disorder.

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-Are you a doctor?

-Yeah, the best kind. A GP.

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GPs haven't a scooby about OCD.

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You'd be surprised.

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I happen to have a friend who's a fellow sufferer.

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Oooh(!)

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I'm not taking treatment and I've good reason for that, trust me.

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HE DIALS ON PHONE

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-You can walk with me. But don't try and sort me out.

-OK.

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Hold on. Give me a...

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PHONE RINGS

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Hello?

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Jimmi, I've stumbled across the most catastrophic case of OCD.

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This makes even you look normal.

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Congratulations.

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Who is the top CBT therapist in Letherbridge,

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because they have got to get a load of this?

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The best is probably Dr Marsden.

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-Graham Marsden?

-Yes.

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He taught me at Birmingham. The man's a legend.

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-He lives in Letherbridge?

-Yeah.

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Thanks for your help. Bye.

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You probably won't get an appointment, though. Not at this short notice.

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-It's fine.

-Really?

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This is for a court case, right?

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No, it's for a symposium. I know it's bad.

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-It's not.

-It's just...

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I feel like I'm in a car and the brakes have failed.

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Public speaking's all about confidence, I reckon.

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That's fine if you're Heston.

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So why don't you ask him to help you?

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Oh.

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-Um...

-Yeah. Sorry.

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Al Haskey? Sorry.

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Dr Jimmi Clay suggested I call you.

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Ah. I know Jimmi.

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Yeah, I work with him at the Mill.

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Dr Marsden, I've come across this most extraordinary case of OCD.

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I thought you might like to have a look at it.

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And is the patient seeking professional help?

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-Yes.

-OK.

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Well, I may be able to do the week after next.

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Actually, I was hoping you could fit us in this afternoon.

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Not unless they can get here in the next ten minutes.

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We'll be there straightaway.

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LINE GOES DEAD

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Hello? Hmm.

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Irene needs help, not me. Leave me alone.

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-What are you so scared of?

-Nothing.

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One thing I do know about OCD,

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especially extreme OCD like yours, is that it needs professional help.

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I'm not going to see another therapist. No way.

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Why not? Surely you're speeding now.

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I'm going to hit someone.

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-Well stop, then.

-You stop!

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That man could change your life.

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Oh... I don't know when it's safe to get off. Agh!

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What happened with the therapist?

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No. I'm not telling.

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Really? All right, then.

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Wait! Please, I'll tell you.

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It's just the stupid woman made it worse not better.

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How?

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Please. I'll tell you. Just help me to get off!

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All right. This way. I'm stopping the traffic.

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-That's it.

-Oh!

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Keep coming. Keep coming.

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Keep coming.

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Park! Handbrake!

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-Oh!

-You finished?

-Yeah.

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Now talk.

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Oh... She got rid of my compulsions.

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But then I got a load more new ones.

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And they were much, much more horrible.

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Every day was a long nightmare.

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I can't go anywhere near potpourri now.

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This man knows what he's doing.

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If you don't like him, you can walk away.

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What have you got to lose?

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What about Irene?

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Do you not think if she was really in trouble, she wouldn't have

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called an ambulance?

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Maybe she was just upset?

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What you got was a sales call. Nothing more.

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Trust me.

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Will you come with me to check on Irene?

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Of course I will.

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Promise?

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-Scout's honour.

-OK.

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Mirror, signal, manoeuvre.

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Those lucky enough to make fat fees on the after-dinner

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speech circuit swear by the principles of Cicero.

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Who?

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One of the greatest orators the world has ever known.

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Is he around later?

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"Prove, amuse and delight" was his mantra.

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Karen was right. Start with a joke.

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Something self-effacing.

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A joke about life as a police surgeon?

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Yes, you must have some funny anecdotes.

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No.

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-A pun?

-No.

-A pithy proverb?

-No.

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Well, go online. There are websites for that sort of thing.

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Fine. What else?

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The important thing is that the audience believes that the

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speaker is enjoying himself.

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That's my point...

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And this starts with body language.

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Now...stand on this.

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Say your first line.

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"Afternoon. My name is Dr Jimmi Clay from the Mill Health Centre

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-"in Letherbridge."

-OK.

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I want you to imagine that the audience...are stretched

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out in a semi-circle.

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And I want you to look at every face...and smile.

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Smile?

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Smile.

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-Forget this.

-You have to.

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-Why? Because it will make you look even better?

-We leave in ten minutes.

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Most people in the world assume somebody else will take

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responsibility and sort things out.

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But what if they don't?

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I think I'd rather just care.

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What do you do with that thing all the time?

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Look stuff up.

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Every few seconds, fiddling away. You're worse than me!

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It's research. Look how many hits Dr Marsden's got!

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Here's the real thing. Dr Marsden.

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Dr Al Haskey.

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OK. And this is...?

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What is your name?

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-Beth.

-Beth.

-Beth Harris.

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Delighted to meet you, Beth.

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Can I possibly ask you to fill this in?

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-Just let me know when you're done, OK?

-Right.

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-So you're with Jimmi Clay.

-For my sins.

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-How is he?

-He's all right. Nothing compared to...

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What do you make of the Mill?

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It's all right. I'm hoping to branch out, but for the moment it'll do.

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I think that's your patient.

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I'll just be a sec.

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What are you doing?

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He had potpourri.

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I'll get him to move it.

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Irene needs me!

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I'm so sorry. Some people are their own worst enemy.

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I imagine she had a bad experience with her last therapist.

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OCD is often treated like some kind of freak show.

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But to treat it properly, I believe, requires considerable empathy.

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But I'm sure I would have told you that on your course.

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What advice would you have given her?

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Miss Harris, specifically, I can't say. What I often do, though,

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is tell my patients to do the most difficult thing imaginable.

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When their OCD is screaming at them to be cautious, to be clean,

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to be over-sensitive to others, to be scrupulously honest,

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I'll tell them to do the opposite.

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Beth is terrified of roads.

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She constantly needs reassurance she hasn't killed something.

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Well, she should drive like a madman.

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She'd never do that. Not in a million years.

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What are the pavements like around Bloxley?

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I have no idea. I imagine it's mostly country lanes.

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Right. I'm going to...

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I'm going to go. Sorry, Dr Marsden.

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No, not at all. Take care.

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"So a friend once said, so a friend, so a friend once...

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"So, once a fr..." No.

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"A friend once said to me, 'Jimmi,

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" 'how many death certificates have you signed off for dead people?' "

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And I said,

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"All my death certificates are signed off for dead people."

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That's not going to work, is it? Not going to work.

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What are you doing, you strange person?

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I can't leave it.

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Somebody will get a puncture and they'll crash.

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Look, give it to me.

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-But...

-Have you cut yourself?

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It's all right.

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Ouch!

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What do you mean, "It's all right"?

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I'm beginning to wonder if you fancy me.

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I promised to make sure that Irene was OK.

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-OK?

-OK.

-Let's go.

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SHE KNOCKS

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Irene!

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Irene?

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Hello?

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Hello?

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Hello!

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Hello!

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Hello? Hello?

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Irene!

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Oh, my goodness.

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What's happened?

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I slipped on the grass. My back's gone.

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Let me have a look.

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How long have you been like this?

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At least ten minutes.

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What on earth are you doing here?

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I just knew you needed me.

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-And I was right.

-You were.

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-Who's this?

-This is Al.

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-He's a doctor.

-A GP.

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No, he's not!

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THEY LAUGH

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I think it was Socrates who said,

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"Always begin a speech with a quotation,"

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but then again, what did Socrates know about anything? Socrates...

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Tough crowd.

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He's looking worried,

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but you needn't because this will be really good.

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So anyway, speaking of quotations, as we were,

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-when I asked my colleagues...

-PHONE RINGS

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..what they thought about the loss of the PCT,

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the comments ranged from apathy to utter relief...

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-COUGHING

-..which is how you're going to feel when I sit down.

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Is it me or is it hot in here?

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So, um... Yeah.

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Are you going to go with them, too?

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No. I'll get a taxi.

0:19:510:19:53

Can I give you one small piece of advice,

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even though it does come from a GP?

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Go on.

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You don't need to get a lift with them.

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-You can make it home all by yourself.

-I can't.

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What if I get mowed down, or stuck somewhere?

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What would happen to me then?

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You'd call me.

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But what if I hit something?

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Let me tell you something - you are going to hit many things.

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Spiders, ants, flies...

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You're going to kill time and again.

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But I reckon you should set your sights higher.

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Aim for a little small bird or a fluffy bunny rabbit.

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No, I mean it.

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And if you do get stuck, you can call me on this number

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and I'll call an ambulance.

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What have you got to lose?

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But if you can make it home on this beast,

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I think you'll feel pretty good.

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Will you keep your phone on?

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It's never off.

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Right.

0:21:010:21:03

Doctor.

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-See you.

-Happy trails.

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All right, Mand!

0:21:300:21:32

-What are you doing?

-You left the front door open!

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Look at this place!

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Wow. Lesbians nest quicker than straight girls. Who knew?

0:21:360:21:39

We're here for the house-warming.

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-We got sick and tired of waiting for the invite.

-We got pizzas!

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-Beer.

-And because you can't move to the countryside...

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Aw!

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Ta-dah!

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Wow. I don't know what to say.

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Put some music on, girl.

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Yay! Let's have a party!

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-Party time.

-Whoo!

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Right, open them sweets.

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So, without further ado, Dr Jimmi Clay.

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SCATTERED APPLAUSE

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Terrible audience. Good luck.

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FEEDBACK FROM MICROPHONE

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Sorry, it's fairly nerve-wracking.

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Just, uh...

0:22:280:22:30

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

0:22:300:22:32

Um, as a police surgeon...

0:22:430:22:47

Sorry, I've got a voice in my head

0:22:530:22:55

and it's telling me, screaming at me,

0:22:550:22:57

telling me that this is the scariest thing I've ever done.

0:22:570:23:00

I've got another voice, it's a lot quieter, and it's telling me

0:23:000:23:03

not to be such an idiot because you lot aren't going to hurt me.

0:23:030:23:06

My name is Dr Jimmi Clay...

0:23:080:23:11

..and I have OCD...

0:23:130:23:15

..which means lots of voices in my head telling me lots of things

0:23:170:23:20

that I don't really want to listen to lots of the time.

0:23:200:23:23

It can get a bit noisy.

0:23:230:23:25

You should hear it on a really bad day.

0:23:250:23:27

Living with OCD is...

0:23:310:23:33

It's like living with a con artist inside your head, all day, every day.

0:23:360:23:43

It's tricky, sneaky.

0:23:430:23:46

It gives you a million logical reasons why to obsess, or to panic.

0:23:480:23:53

I try my best to ignore it

0:23:550:23:56

but it can be very persuasive, very persuasive.

0:23:560:24:00

And at times I find it completely crippling.

0:24:000:24:04

To work with, to live with,

0:24:050:24:08

to love with - TRY to love with.

0:24:080:24:10

THEY LAUGH

0:24:110:24:13

-I am so jealous! I've never lived on my own.

-Really?

0:24:130:24:17

No. Do you know something else?

0:24:170:24:19

Go on.

0:24:190:24:20

I've never been to a bar by myself. In my life.

0:24:200:24:24

-What?

-Yeah. That's what a long-term boyfriend does for you.

0:24:240:24:27

You have got some serious living to do.

0:24:270:24:29

-I'm ready to start.

-Yeah?

0:24:290:24:31

I'm going to go out by myself and see what happens.

0:24:310:24:34

Soon as I can.

0:24:340:24:36

-You'll probably have the best night of your life.

-Mmm!

0:24:360:24:39

THEY LAUGH

0:24:400:24:41

Just hold here a minute, mate, yeah?

0:24:540:24:57

That's great. Thanks, mate.

0:25:010:25:03

So over time, with the right people to help,

0:25:140:25:17

I've learned there are ways of living with OCD.

0:25:170:25:19

And I don't just mean coping with it. I mean living well.

0:25:190:25:23

I hold it together just fine in a place of work,

0:25:230:25:25

I'm pretty proud about that.

0:25:250:25:27

And I can honestly say I have lots of friends

0:25:270:25:29

who rely on me to keep them sane, so...

0:25:290:25:31

It's... It's powerful.

0:25:340:25:36

It's incurable.

0:25:370:25:39

OCD can easily take over your life, no question.

0:25:390:25:43

I suppose if there's anything important to say, then it's this -

0:25:440:25:48

it doesn't have to.

0:25:490:25:51

Thank you.

0:25:530:25:55

APPLAUSE

0:25:550:25:57

Is it true you've got one of those infinity pools?

0:26:090:26:12

What business is it of yours?

0:26:120:26:15

Then there was Carl, who could identify 80 types of tractor

0:26:150:26:19

-just by listening to the engine sounds.

-Ooh.

0:26:190:26:21

-No comment.

-Did he let you borrow it?

0:26:210:26:23

I didn't do no borrowing.

0:26:230:26:24

You've got no driving licence, no insurance.

0:26:240:26:27

You can tell it's dead classy! There's no pictures on the menu.

0:26:270:26:30

It's not a kebab van.

0:26:300:26:32

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