Cheap Thrills Doctors

AGONISED SCREAMS

Did you hear where it came from?

I am almost certain it was someone in the drawing room, madam.

SHE SQUEALS

-Is he..?

-He's dead, apparently.

So, what was the cause?

Now, how would I know that? I'm just a lowly butler.

Marcus - oh, no!

Which one of you did it?

I could have been at home, feet up, glass of wine,

but no, thank you Heston for promising that this would be fun.

Who could have murdered poor Marcus?

Thank God! He was really getting on my nerves.

Who knew he was coming back from Egypt tonight?

Which one of you could have done such a vile thing?

I, Mrs Hench, could not be responsible. As your loyal

cook for many year's standing,

I was in the...kitchen preparing dinner for your guests.

The Reverend Rushton knows I am telling the truth.

Yes. I came to see Mrs Hench on a personal matter.

And you, Mrs Fyffe-Ridley?

Is that how you pronounce it?

I didn't know, it's got three "Fs" in it.

Sorry. I was dressing for dinner...upstairs.

Professor Bunsen saw me.

I did. I was dressing too and saw Mrs Fyffe-Ridley in the corridor.

Frobisher?

Oh, I was in the dining room,

decanting the claret for this evening.

SHE MUTTERS: Milady.

What?

-(Milady).

-Oh, sorry.

Milady.

And you?!

Vulnavia Rhodes, my brother's fiancee,

you have the most to gain from his death.

-Do I?

-Hadn't he already changed his will in your favour?

I promise you this - you'll never get your hands on the family jewels.

And you, Captain Lennox, who served so gallantly alongside

my dear, dead brother, where were you, his comrade-in-arms?

I was upstairs...with Miss Rhodes.

-Doing what?

-Precious little in this dress!

"It seems, Georgina, you didn't know your brother

"as well as you thought you did.

"For example, were you aware of his opium addiction?"

-Opium? Ah!

-"And where did he get his drugs?

"Look suspiciously at Professor Bunsen."

That's a stage direction.

Can't you get into it a bit more?

It took me half an hour to get into this dress,

that's about as much getting into it as I'm prepared to do this evening.

Why do you have to spoil things?

Well, then, clearly there are dark secrets

that even I am not party to -

though I refute utterly this slander against my brother.

< Perhaps Miss Rhodes drove him to drugs?

There might be clues to the truth all over my ancestral home.

Who found the body?

Ah, well, that explains it - the butler did it.

OK, you're looking for clues throughout the mansion.

Ask each other questions,

and remember, there is a murderer amongst us.

Might be more than one before the evening's out.

Frobisher, you might want to check the upper west wing.

Perhaps we should consider pairing for this evening, Mrs Tembe?

Not Tembe. Mrs Hench, who cannot be certain that the Reverend

is not capable of murdering one of his flock.

He is still a man of God. >

And the devil comes in many different disguises.

You do look temptingly angelic in your costume.

SHE CHUCKLES

Are we supposed to be pooling our resources?

Because this whole opium thing puts you squarely in the crosshairs, by the looks of it.

You may think that, I couldn't possibly comment.

I am curious how you lost your eye, Captain?

Tubruk? Dunkirk? Monte Casino?

No, Paris. Madame Fifi's Knocking Shop. Rogue champagne cork.

Didn't see the blighter coming.

I am curious to know what you are doing here?

You are not a member of the Mill staff?

We'll, no, but I am a friend of Karen's.

She and Rob thought I'd enjoy myself, didn't you?

That was very thoughtful of her.

Mrs Fyffe-Ridley, shall we search for clues together?

-A potential suspect.

-Really?

Excuse me.

Why don't we search Marcus's bedroom?

Hi, Julie, how's Joe doing?

Oh, for goodness sakes!

You know the rules. Everyone else has handed theirs in.

Ridiculous, treating us like children!

Hold your horses, Miss Rhodes.

I went out of my way to arrange this. Everyone else is game.

I don't think hubby's on board, either.

They promised a thrill-packed evening.

It's their first time organising one, so I got a good deal.

Not only is this a cheap thrill,

but we're guinea pigs into the bargain? WAY to get my enthusiasm.

Why are you even here?

I came on sufferance - Emma bailed, clever woman.

-Heston begged me to step in.

-Well, now you're here...

He wants Howard and me to play nicely together.

I'm sure you've had your ear against enough doors

-to know exactly what's going on.

-I resent that.

-Why?

That skill puts you in pole position to win.

Lots of lovely prize money for Karen.

-There's no prize.

-What?!

-It's about having fun - if you know how.

If you help me with the solution, we could all go home.

Save you lying there all night. Twenty quid?

At least give me a hint.

My babysitter charges double after ten.

Something Marcus brought back from his travels?

Sorry?

You were with him in Egypt, weren't you, Captain Lennox?

"Yes. Yes, that's where we met, and we became friends."

You bonded, so to speak?

Yes, I suppose.

Well, I think tonight is a chance for a bit of bonding,

or team building, as you like to put it.

Sorry, are you being "you" or the professor?

-Me, Heston.

-Right, great idea.

That will give us chance to bolster each other -

find ways to strengthen the team.

It's not quite necessary with you and me.

Whereas, you and Zara, a chance for something more sympatique?

Yes, I didn't even know she was going to be here. Where's Emma?

She pulled out at the last moment.

But Zara replacing her was quite opportune.

In fact, I think she's already getting into it.

It was under everyone's nose's in the drawing room.

Good find! Only, we don't know that he was stabbed.

It could be a red herring, part of the game perhaps?

-How should I know? What do you want? Blood?

-That's it?

You're going to coast your way through the evening?

It's the only way you'd have a chance of winning.

So I see, the only way I'd succeed is by you taking a back seat?

-But if you pool resources?

-I gave you the dagger.

Imagine what you could achieve if you work together.

You both bring something quite unique.

I think it's more a case of what some people lack than they have.

If you think there's something that I lack that's so vital,

then please just say it?

OK, I don't believe you have Julia's skills or intuition.

-I think that's most unfair.

-Where are your people skills?

-Where's your sense of leadership and team building?

-I play to win.

Nothing should get in the way of that.

Least of all you.

That could have gone better.

Where do you start with someone like that?

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

FRONT DOOR OPENS

The plot thickens.

Another lamb to the slaughter?

Sorry? Are you the owner?

What's going on?

Murder most foul in the drawing room, Officer,

-but we're on the case.

-I'm not police, I'm a prison warden.

Why is everybody here? Who are you?

I'm Officer Marsden. I came to check you're OK.

A prisoner I was helping move to a secure unit has escaped,

and might be in the area.

Serious? ..Alan?!

What happened?

He overpowered my colleague, attacked me,

and took off in our van - he'll be seeking shelter for the night.

And this is the only place for miles.

-Where did this happen?

-Not far.

The police are on their way but I came ahead to warn you.

-Almost convinced us.

-Sorry?

It's not exactly an Oscar-winning performance.

I'm afraid to say, this isn't part of the entertainment.

I'm Alan Fenwick. This is my wife, Billie.

We're running a murder mystery evening here.

I see. Sort of.

Well, until the police get here...

They're already here, my husband's a sergeant.

Are you?

Yeah, I am. Who were you moving?

A man named Donald Rycart.

Donald Rycart. I see.

Do you know him? Rob!

Are we in any danger?

-I'm sure we'll be fine.

-Safety in numbers.

Excuse me for saying, but neither of you sound confident.

If he took your van, surely he'll want to get as far away as possible?

I found that in a ditch a few hundred yards from here.

It's hard to drive in cuffs.

Will one of you tell us who he is?

They've a right to know.

-OK.

-He's a mentally unstable man jailed for a number of attacks.

He likes to gain entrance to properties and hide.

-And wait.

-And then what? Rob?

-When did he escape?

About an hour ago. Long enough to find a way in.

Why don't we get everybody into the drawing room?

I told you this place was a bad idea.

Yeah, because of the risk of escaped prisoners? What about Nigel?

-Who's Nigel?

-He's the third member of our team.

He's been setting up clues.

-And looking after your phones and keys.

-Why?

So no-one could cheat - you know, search online for info.

-I'd better go warn him.

-I'll come with you.

-Yes, thanks.

-Not without me you're not.

-Don't be daft.

Karen, you come with me to find the phones.

Please tell me that's a prop.

-I'm afraid not.

-The window was open.

The phones and the car keys are gone and there's no sign of Nigel.

-We have to assume that Rycart is here.

-Oh, no.

OK, love, you go with Alan, or Marcus, or whatever your name is,

let everyone know what's happened. Me and you will check upstairs.

No arguments, we need to go about things very carefully, no heroics.

Because if he's left this behind,

it stands to reason, he's got a better weapon.

Come on - we should get everyone organised.

So we're completely cut off?

Until the police get here.

No. We do not have to accept this situation.

What do you propose?

Well, I could get one of the cars started.

I suggest yours, Mr Bellamy.

You're going to what - hotwire my car?

It is the biggest, it can carry the most people.

Now that's a valuable member of staff.

You actually know how to do that?

Yes, of course. Do I have your permission?

-I'll go with you.

-No, I'll go.

Oh, thank you, Reverend.

You'll find the torch in the glove box...if you can get in.

Oh, there will be no ifs.

Meanwhile, let's try and secure as many rooms as we can.

-That's what Rob's doing upstairs.

-Why don't you go and help?

Come on.

Heston, why don't you and Marsden take the rooms downstairs?

That leaves us with the second floor, if you can bear my company.

Fine.

Really?

Assuming you've got SAS training or whatever,

I suppose you're the best man for the job.

And there we go.

How did you do that?

I thought you were going to use this somehow.

That is for our defence.

I have had some experience of these matters.

You are a remarkable woman, Mrs Tembe.

I'm not without exposure to crime myself.

I once confronted some men trying to steal from my last church.

My parishioners called me Go Get 'Em Gordon for a while.

All a bit embarrassing, really.

We could make an invincible pair, though.

Let that man come creeping if he dares.

Oh! I nearly gave myself a heart attack!

It's OK, it's only a prop. Nigel must have been here.

I wish he still was. What if we don't find him?

What if we do?

This Rycart, is he always...?

You mean what kind of psycho is he?

-Possibly.

-It's what most people think, isn't it?

Lock them away, so we don't have to deal with them.

Do you want me to look at that? I am a doctor.

No. It's fine, thanks.

Good grief.

It's a revolver.

It's a dummy from tonight's game.

Pity, could have been useful.

Karen?

Karen? Are you in there?

We heard a scream.

-It was only me.

-Why is this door locked?

-It isn't.

-Is that the armour room?

-Yes.

-Brilliant(!)

What did she say? Why is that brilliant?

Nigel was meant to rig a couple of the doors to get stuck.

We were going for creepy and mysterious.

Well, you certainly did that!

If they've been rigged to be stuck, they'll just have to be unrigged.

Don't worry about that, just put some welly behind it.

That is the problem with modern cars.

If you cannot bypass the immobiliser,

all your effort will be for nothing.

-Can you do it?

-We will know if that red light stops blinking.

The torch, Reverend?

Sorry.

Thank you.

I do admire you, you know.

Hotwiring a car is not an admirable skill, just a useful one.

No, what I meant was...

..I'd really like to see more of you.

I saw movement over there.

Where?

I can't see anything.

I am sure we are being watched.

Perhaps we should go back.

Or perhaps the hunter should become the hunted.

Mrs Tembe!

Mrs Tembe!

I wonder if this Rycart had a military background.

What makes you say that?

The way he works - infiltrate enemy lines, prepare an ambush.

I know where you're coming from.

But I don't think this guy would have made the grade.

Why not?

Well, there are psychometric and intelligence tests.

And there's more to it

than just asking somebody why you want to serve,

or turning down someone who says, "Because I want to shoot someone".

(I thought I saw movement.)

What's through there?

I do not know. Help me up.

Reverend Clement, I do not think it is appropriate

for you to place your hand there.

I don't want you to fall.

I will not fall!

-Mrs Tembe!

-Mr Bellamy, what are you doing sneaking around?

I could have seriously concussed you.

We thought you were the psycho.

DRESS RIPS

Oh! That is it.

I wonder how Mrs Tembe's getting on.

She really shouldn't have gone off like that.

At least she wasn't on her own.

You really should let me check that cut.

I told you, no!

Thanks. It's just a graze.

I'll just go and see...

Sit down.

DOOR CREAKS

DRESS CATCHES ON DOOR

No!

Stand back.

Oh, finally! Thank you. Never mind the nutter, let's just go.

Anyone seen Zara?

She tore her dress, probably gone to change somewhere.

That'll cost. These are all hired.

Yeah, cos that's a priority.

She was changing next to Heston, wasn't she?

I tried there, no sign.

Right. You, take Karen and your wife downstairs.

Howard, shall me and you have a look round?

There might be another door stuck somewhere with an irate Zara in it.

-Please be careful.

-I will.

Any luck with the car?

Mr Bellamy has a very tricky immobiliser.

We got interrupted. Mrs Tembe saw someone creeping round, and...

-Where did they come from?

-Outside.

I think he's been here some time.

Rob and Howard are fetching Zara.

I think we just scarper, even if it's on foot.

-What about Nigel?

-Do we assume the worst?

The police will be here soon. We sit tight.

-I disagree.

-I shall go back to the car and try again.

-We're safer here.

-Like Nigel?

Where are you going?

To look for our friend.

Wait.

It's you.

-I knew there was something.

-What?

-That uniform's too big,

the trousers are too long and the jumper's too big.

You took it off the real prison officer, didn't you?

-He's been keeping me here.

-You are the prisoner?

No, you've got it all wrong.

Where did he go?

BOTH SCREAM

Dr Carmichael!

Get off me, you lunatic! I've lost my dress!

Here, put this around you.

Keep her away from me!

You cannot get away!

I'm not the prisoner!

You cannot deceive us.

-OK, playtime's over.

-But I have caught the prisoner.

-No, you haven't, you've just caught a very scared thespian.

-What?

It's a wind-up, all part of the evening.

-Listen to him!

-So there is no maniac?

I guess that depends on your point of view.

Hang on, I booked a classic murder mystery evening.

We came up with this idea for an extreme murder mystery.

We wanted to offer something unique,

and we thought the way of doing it was to mess with reality.

Crank up the paranoia, take you out of your comfort zone

and make you think you were in real peril.

Then we set about dividing and conquering.

Your imaginations did the rest.

Very clever. So there is no Nigel?

Ah.

There's no Donald Rycart.

I knew all along.

Why were you acting so creepy?

I was being in character. I'd let a prisoner escape.

I was going for it, intense.

Yeah, we did warn you about that, Mr Method.

Well, if you'd provided me with a costume that fit,

then I wouldn't have been attacked by a crazy cook!

I cannot believe I did not see through this.

I am very good at reading people.

So you knew all along that there was no escaped psychopath?

You were playing along?

It was you who said, "Get involved, have some fun."

Not at my expense! Why didn't you let me in on it?

Very clever, but in my opinion, this could have gone very wrong.

That's true, you were lucky.

Your murder mystery could have been Mrs Tembe

in the great hall with the candlestick.

Well, they did promise an evening of thrills.

And we got it.

So, an informative evening.

What did we learn about team-building?

I think we saw that we can still work amicably together.

We already do that.

I see no reason to change the current arrangements.

You mean you still see me as nothing more than a hired help?

That's a little brutal,

but I'm still not convinced you're partnership material.

That's it, then.

You have two options - either admit I'm right, or prove I'm wrong.

Good night.

Good night.

Disappointed?

Earlier on, just for a moment, I thought...

Yep.

Chin up.

And if you think you're getting any nookie later...

You wanted me to get involved, so I did.

I'm damned if I do something and damned if I don't with you.

Why didn't you tell me what was going on?

Because they would have seen through you in a second.

-I can be discreet.

-Oh, yeah.

Nobody knows about you and the cowboy outfit

and the gay bar, do they?

Yet!

As I said, Reverend,

I have had plenty of experience looking after myself.

Besides, Dr Carter will be here any moment.

You shouldn't deny someone the chance to do something for you

because they care.

I would have done whatever it took to protect you this evening.

You are a good man.

The way you tend to your flock is truly admirable.

Mrs Tembe, it's not pastoral duty

that makes me feel this way towards you.

I hope, one day, you'll see that.

Good night. It's been quite an evening, hasn't it?

It's quite swollen, there's a chance it might be fractured.

I'm sure it's just a sprain.

An x-ray will tell us for sure.

We were arguing all last night. I started throwing things, furniture.

I had to leave before I went too far.

I'm worried that next time, you know, I might hurt her.

Six o'clock, then?

1800 sharp.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd