Swings and Roundabouts Doctors

I'm sorry.

Can we talk about it later?

I just want to sleep.

Don't worry, he had me convinced it was stomach cancer till all the results came back negative.

Well, I certainly fell for it. All these tests have blanked.

He tries it on with all the doctors.

Consider Mr Jensen as a rite of passage.

Did he claim a family history?

He did.

What a waste of NHS resources.

I feel like such a rookie sometimes.

Better an innocent than a cynic. Excuse me.

Silly cow.

Oh, you sneaky, lying bitch!

All right?

Yep. Fantastic.

Don't you want your tea?

How did you hurt it?

I slipped, getting out of the bath.

How hard was the fall?

Did anything break the fall?

What do you mean?

Like the side of the bath?

I slipped and fell, OK?

I'm just trying to assess the impact. OK?

You say it still hurts?

It's quite swollen. There's a chance it might be fractured.

-I'm sure it's just a sprain.

-An X-ray will tell us for sure.

-An X-ray?

-And a cast if it's broken.

I've got classes today, I don't want a fuss.

-I'm not fussing.

-But an X-ray will take all day.

Possibly, but you might get lucky.

-Can't we bandage it and see how it goes?

-If it's fractured,

it could heal itself, but quite possibly badly.

You're a student, right? So how important to you is typing?

You might get RSI, you could have limited movement, a weak grip,

-you could develop arthritis...

-OK, I get it.

OK. Well, St Phil's isn't very far. I'll write you a referral.

Is there anyone who can help you out at home?

I live with my boyfriend.

-Did he bring you in today?

-No. Why?

I just wanted to talk about how he might possibly be able to

help you with things like showering, cooking, lifting things.

Max isn't very domestic.

Anyway, we don't know it's broken yet.

True. So how did you get the black eye?

Do I need to have that X-rayed too?

Sorry.

I'm really tired.

OK. Well, the X-ray unit isn't very far from the main entrance.

I'll highlight it for you.

Sorry, have I come to the wrong place?

I was going to go to the counsellors on campus...

No, no. I can help. I just...

Tell me more about these violent fantasies.

About a month ago, she was on the couch,

chatting away with her ex online, ignoring me and pretending

not to notice me watching - she thinks it's funny that I get upset.

What do you mean, upset?

Jealous, of course, and angry.

So I started to imagine dousing the couch with petrol

and dropping a match.

When I imagined the flames, catching her dress,

burning her hair, it...like...

It put me into a trance.

-Did you still feel angry?

-No. So I keep thinking about it.

Whenever she upsets me I picture it.

It makes me feel like I'm getting even. But now...

This morning I looked up the price of a jerry can online.

It's 25 quid.

-Did you buy it?

-No.

Have you ever been violent towards your partner?

No. that's why I am here, I love her.

So, why did you look up jerry cans?

No reason. No, that's not true.

We were arguing all last night.

I started throwing things, furniture.

I had to leave before I went too far.

I'm worried that next time, you know, I might hurt her.

OK, there are two courses of treatment,

we can get you seen by a counsellor, which could take six weeks.

Six weeks! I can't wait six weeks!

If you had been violent towards your partner you'd be referred immediately.

Are you asking me to lie?

No, I'm just asking you if you have been violent towards your partner.

I already told you nothing's happened!

Please, sit down.

Look, I have to tick certain boxes.

That's just the way the system works.

If it was me, I'd have you seen immediately.

Now, I'm going to put you on the waiting list for counselling,

and get you on the next anger management course.

That way we have two options on the go.

In the meantime, if anything changes, come and see me straightaway!

-Morning.

-I call this "afternoon". I thought today was the day you were going to conquer that

mountain of paperwork you've been moaning about.

Yeah, sorry I got a bit hung-over, so thought I'd better have a lie-in.

Generation Y. Such an inspiration(!)

I was joking.

Grow up!

You always take a joke too far.

Just to remind you, I was covering Emma at the campus this morning.

Of course you were. Sorry.

Are you OK?

Yes. No. I had a...

..distressing patient who needs help for anger management.

I asked him if he was violent. I think he was lying.

-Was this the young guy I passed coming in?

-Yes, Max Braidwood.

I sense something's happened, but maybe it's just me.

I had a young girl come in at the campus this morning with a wrist injury and black eye.

I think she said her boyfriend's name was Max.

What's her name?

Edith Gillam.

There's an Edith Gillam at the same address.

I thought she was lying. Poor girl.

I sent her to St Phil's for X-rays. She'll be there hours.

-I could try talking to her again.

-Don't do that, it'll scare her off.

So we just wait until she's hurt again?

That's all we can do. Try and help them.

If they come back in.

We do our best.

-OK. Paperwork it is.

-Good man.

There you are.

Captain Lennox.

Yes... Last night was, er...

Fun?

Illuminating.

I'm trying to organise a partners' meeting for tonight.

We need to settle what to tell Julia.

Unless you need more time?

No. That's fine.

Six o'clock then?

Eighteen hundred, sharp.

Yeah, I'm worried. Speak to you later, OK?

Hi!

Oh, hi. You were right, it is a fracture.

I'm waiting to get a cast put on.

Oh, good.

How long will I have to wear it?

Usually around six weeks.

Oh!

This is such a pain. I've got loads of assignments due,

and every little thing is going to take twice as long.

Why don't you go back home? You mentioned your boyfriend, Max?

That he isn't very helpful.

This is different, he'll help out.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ask. Did Max do that?

-No.

-You've got a black eye, you look like you haven't slept all night

and I'm supposed to believe you just slipped?

It's OK, we see this all the time, so you're not on your own.

Did he do it?

I can't believe it's broken.

And the eye? Did he do that as well?

No, that actually is a tennis injury.

But the wrist? He did that?

How did it happen?

He threw me across the room.

It's never happened before. He ran off.

I think he was as shocked as I was.

It's not safe for you to go back.

-It'll be OK.

-No, it won't be OK.

He really loves me, he just gets jealous.

I was out with some mates.

I said I'd be home by midnight,

but I lost track of time and I'd turned my phone off.

So, I got home at three. He was really worked up with worrying.

So he was upset. Does that justify hurting you?

No, it doesn't, but then we argued all night.

We were both exhausted by morning It was an accident.

I hope he's OK.

Is he often jealous?

Sometimes.

Does he always want to know where you are?

Look. He's had a really hard time. His dad's a pig

and his mum died last year.

Max is very emotional, he's really raw.

You mean needy?

No! He just needs reassuring.

I mean, I'd need reassuring if I had his upbringing.

Is he verbally abusive?

He shouts a lot.

Edith Gillam?

I'll wait here. I'll give you a lift home.

-No, I'm OK.

-No, I want to.

Did you have a big sleep?

And did you drink all your milk for Julie?

-PHONE: 'Doctor Carmichael?'

-Hold on, darling.

Hello? Yes, I'm here.

'Your credit rating's come back as very good, so in principle, we can organise that loan.'

That is great news. Good news, little man.

'Obviously. this is a verbal agreement.

'You'll need to bring in supporting documentation before we give you anything in writing.'

-Sure. I'll be able to bring that in tomorrow. Hold on... What was that?

-'Sorry?'

That's OK, let him play with his truck, I have to go.

So, is seven OK? Thanks very much. Bye-bye.

You're still there? Sorry about that.

I can bring in the documentation tomorrow between two and four.

Could you just please run by me again what I need to bring in?

Are you sure I can't take you to your parents?

It was just a one-off. It won't happen again.

-It usually does.

-He needs me.

He needs professional help.

Edith? Who's that?

Hi. Please, come up.

Otherwise he won't believe you're a doctor.

OK.

We're coming up, hold on.

Who's this?

This is Doctor Tyler, he gave me a lift home from the hospital.

Oh, Edi. I'm so sorry.

It's OK.

It's fractured.

I'm so glad you came home.

I'm so sorry. I wanted to apologise.

But that's not enough.

I promise I won't ever do it again.

Look, this is the first time I've ever...

I'm disgusted with myself.

I went to the doctor's as well. I told him what I'd done

and he arranged counselling.

-I went and talked to someone today.

-That's great!

That's a pretty fast response - a counselling session already?

-I was lucky. They had a cancellation.

-And you managed to get the shopping done?

I was at the hospital a long time.

-It's a lot to fit into a few hours.

-You think I'm lying?

Sorry, did I see you this morning? At the Mill?

Yes. I work there as well as at the campus.

Well, you do get around. And what's with driving her home?

-What?

-Does this service extend to all your patients?

Or just the young and pretty?

Just the ones I think are at risk.

-What the hell do you know about us?

-Enough.

-So you thought you'd come around and stick your nose in?

-Calm down.

-I think you'd better leave.

-Edith, are you sure you want to stay?

-Get out of my house now!

-Edith, I don't think it's safe for you.

-You're the one that's not safe!

-You'd better go.

You need to come with me.

-Max!

-Come on!

Max, leave my stuff alone!

Come and get it.

He's just trying to draw you back in.

I can't leave him like this, he's so upset.

But he's directing his anger at you!

I know, but he doesn't mean it.

He gets really worked up, but then he feels terrible afterwards.

Max, don't do this!

Do what? You're the one that's leaving!

Bet someone will like this one.

Mind you, almost anyone would look better in it than you!

Come on.

Edith!

Did you leave a sandwich?

I did, about an hour ago.

I put it in the fridge.

Oh, how very sweet of you.

-There you go.

-Thanks.

I hear you do party tricks.

Kids' party tricks, or Houdini?

-Kids' party, definitely.

-Cheap tricks then.

-Very cheap.

-No way. How do you do that?

Bring it back, bring it back! You have to show me how you do that.

-I can't be giving away my secrets.

-Oh, yes, you can.

OK, right. Well, first of all, they're not called tricks.

-They're called "effects".

-Effects? I like that.

It starts there, slides down,

and just slips into there.

-Just slips into where?

-There.

-Oh!

I never would have guessed that's where you had it hidden.

Thanks so much.

I'm not sure what I would have done if you hadn't been there.

I'm glad I was.

I was stupid to think it wouldn't happen again.

Sometimes when you're inside a relationship, it's impossible to see what's really going on.

Yeah, a clean break. that's the best thing.

-Do you want me to go inside with you? Talk to your parents?

-No.

You are going to tell them?

Yeah. Of course.

OK, will you come and see me later on in the week?

OK. But I'm really worried about Max.

Is there anything we can do for him? Do you know anything about this counsellor he saw?

There's no way he got in to see a counsellor already.

Look, counselling will help,

and it's great that he's going to do that, but he won't change overnight.

You need to look after yourself first. OK?

Yeah, I know. Thanks.

You've been avoiding me.

Huh.

I thought we could still be friends.

I have friends, I don't need another.

Can you have too many?

It's the quality that counts.

Do I need a friend that leads me on for weeks?

I never led you on.

We went out all the time.

There were compliments. You came round to my house at night, alone.

I don't remember any romantic gestures.

There weren't any flowers or champagne, unless you think darts are romantic?

I'm sorry that you see things differently, but I never led you on.

I've just never thought of you in that way, you're just Al.

Well. I'm so unattractive that it doesn't even occur to you to think of me that way?

What? You're twisting my words.

It's not you, it's just that I'm not looking for anyone.

"It's not you, it's me". Seriously?

Thank you.

Just to let you know I ran into Edith at St Phil's.

-Edith?

-Edith and Max, from this morning?

-Ran into?

-I tried to talk her out of going back to him,

but she wasn't having it.

So I drove her home and we both talked to him.

-Was that wise?

-It was lucky I was there - he went ballistic.

I think something's finally clicked for her.

She just wants to get away from him. So I took her to her parents.

I'm glad she wasn't hurt, but I doubt that's the end of it.

When the writing's on the wall, it's best to make a clean break of it.

You know that.

Indeed.

PHONE RINGS

You know how I've been seeing a lot of Al lately?

Hanging out, drinking beer, playing darts.

-Yes?

-He kind of got the wrong idea.

-HE LAUGHS

-What did you expect?

-Not you as well!

You're a good-looking girl! You can't blame him for thinking about the jiggy-jiggy.

-You never did.

-That's different.

When we met, you were with Aran. The lines were completely clear.

So you can only be friends with the opposite sex

if you're already in a relationship?

-Yeah.

-I don't get it.

You're a single girl now. You've got to be careful with guys' feelings - we're delicate creatures.

That's not my responsibility.

I mean, Al seems to think the way he feels is my fault.

It's so tough being young, beautiful and sexy.

Hold up, that sounds a whole lot like the old asking-for-it line.

You know, the old mini-skirts and rape?

Haven't we moved on from a woman's sexuality being

responsible for how you lot feel?

Argh!

I need to get my coat.

Thank you for staying late tonight - especially Zara.

I imagine you've had to extend your childcare.

Right, I'll try and keep this brief.

We need to give Julia an answer. Now, there are two possibilities.

Either I take over Julia's share, or Zara does.

That is, if Zara has the finance in place to back up her offer.

-I do.

-OK, so in the scenario that Zara wants to increase her

investment, you'll have three partners, all very busy doctors.

I'd be happy, at this stage, to stay on as practice manager,

but there is a possibility that my working conditions may become untenable.

-Are you sure?

-I can't possibly continue without the confidence of all the partners.

-Yes, but you have.

-All but one.

For goodness' sake, I merely pointed out a few shortcomings.

I would have thought as a mature professional, you would have been able to handle criticism.

That was no peer review. It was a character assassination.

And actually I have a number of reservations

about your professional judgment as a partner.

For example?

You abandoned this practice at a very difficult period,

and although you've produced a very comprehensive

hit list of the staffing issues that went wrong during this period,

you've shown no interest in the positive additions.

That is not true.

You know hardly anything about the new staff.

Where did Jas train? What's Al's special interest?

Zara has nothing to apologise for - she has every right to take care

of her child as she sees fit. Being a new mother is very stressful.

This is a medical practice, Howard. Care is our priority, not management objectives!

That perspective suits you - you've pretty much taken yourself out of the picture for personal problems

as well. OK, every business has room for flexibility.

Personal problems come up, but instead of reaching

out for help, Zara wants to take a bigger stake. Is that really wise?

Are you really in a position to take this up?

That's her business, not yours.

-Well, it's not yours either any more.

-Let's not get personal.

We need a break, I, for one, need a moment to think.

# If I wrote you a symphony

# Just to say how much you mean to me... #

Max!

# If I told you you were beautiful... #

I am so sorry, Edi.

I am such a...

I'll buy you a new laptop and another dress.

I'll give you a month of massages.

I'll take the rubbish out every night, for ever.

Give me another chance?

No, Max.

I promise I won't hurt you again.

Please.

-Will you keep seeing the counsellor?

-Of course.

You DID see a counsellor?

Yeah! And they were really helpful, showed me where to start,

but I can't do it alone, I need my Edi.

Please, come home?

Good idea.

Howard had no right to attack you like that.

You didn't help.

What?

You had no right speaking on my behalf.

I thought you'd appreciate some support.

You made it sound like I wasn't coping as a mother.

Joe had nothing to do with me leaving.

It was you I had to get away from.

You're the only one that understands.

I love you.

No-one is to blame for the situation we're in.

Daniel and Zara have been absent for obvious reasons,

and Howard has done his best under very difficult circumstances,

but the goodwill has gone.

We're just tearing ourselves apart,

so we should just accept the inevitable.

Forget the whole thing and dissolve the partnership.

-Scabies?

-You haven't got scabies.

Actually, do you know what -

I think I've got the beginnings of a verruca.

-You want me to look at your foot now?

-Would you mind?

-Things have changed...

-Changed?! From where I'm standing? Not enough.

You tried scanning nutrition panels with it yet? It's amazing.

"Warning - high sugar... Warning - high fat..."

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

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