The Bespectacled Bounder Doctors

-Champagne, Duchess?

-Your Grace.

A thousand apologies, Your Grace. Champagne?

Young man, I hardly know you.

No better way to cultivate an acquaintance

than over a glass or two of French fizz.

Maybe a small one.

Forgive me, Your Grace. My hand slipped.

Still, might as well drink it now.

If I didn't know better,

I might suspect you were trying to get me drunk.

It'll end in tears. It always does.

PHONE RINGS

Isn't it your day off?

Got fed up mooching around the house.

-Thought I'd come in and so some paperwork.

-There's dedication.

Is Mandy about?

It's her day off too.

She wants us go back to Michaela's. Reckons we need closure.

-And you don't?

-What's the point?

It's not like it's going to bring Freya back, is it?

Still quiet?

On the contrary.

That reality show bimbo has had a boob job,

those talentless twins have brought out another record

and there's a woman in Tajikistan who's given birth to octuplets.

Fascinating. Any real patients?

Actually, Marjorie Page just called for you. I said you'd be here.

-I can see her if you like.

-Sadly not possible.

Heston's her favourite. No substitutes allowed.

Lovely old dear.

Mid-onset Alzheimers with a very active imagination.

-Interesting combination.

-What was it last time?

Alien abduction.

Whisked her off to a distant planet?

Coventry. Friend there, apparently.

The alien joined them for a cup of tea then drove her home.

Like a kind of taxi-driving alien?

Precisely. I'd better put the kettle on.

Good idea. Camomile and mint, please.

For Marjorie.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I've been trying to call you.

Yeah, my phone's been playing up.

I'm not sure it's a good idea.

Why not?

-It's too soon.

-It's time.

Who do you think you are, getting in my face all the time?

"You've got to go back. Time to confront your fears."

Look, I just don't think it's the right time just now.

Maybe later.

And what if it doesn't feel right then?

What are you going to do, pull another sickie?

Do you make tea for all your patients?

Only the special ones.

SHE LAUGHS

Mm! You make a lovely cup of tea. Almost as good as Delia's.

She hasn't made me one for a while.

Why's that, do you think?

She died, Marjorie.

Of course she did. No need to tell me that.

When did it happen, exactly?

Just over a year ago.

I don't know, head just a bit troublesome up there sometimes.

Do you have any biscuits?

Now, I had a call from the Social Services.

I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do?

Well, they sent somebody to see you.

I must have been out.

They could hear the TV.

I was probably watching one of my films.

I don't always hear the bell.

And they've been writing to you.

Letters? I don't think so. I would have remembered.

We have to make sure you can manage.

Of course I can.

I have my films. My visitors.

Do you have many callers?

Delia doesn't encourage it. She's always liked to keep apart.

But she's not there anymore, is she?

That's why I can have visitors now.

Last time you came, you said you'd seen an alien.

Did I?

Yes, and he took you to Coventry.

Coventry?

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind want to go to Coventry?

SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, I did have a very special visitor.

-Yes?

I have found myself a secret millionaire!

Look, I know it's not easy. For either of us.

You seem to be coping well.

You should see me at 3 o'clock in the morning.

You're not the only one with things going on in their head, you know.

Yeah, I know, at least I'm looking for answers.

For what? Answers to what?

Why did you not go and work that day?

Because I bottled it.

Why did Michaela take the batteries out the smoke alarm?

It runs out, you don't get round to replacing it.

Or you burn some toast and the alarm keeps beeping at you,

so you take the batteries out,

because you never know it's going to happen to you, do you?

Why did she have to die?

(I don't know.)

Come with me. Please.

Are you going to keep banging me over the head with this until I say yes?

Yep.

He's younger than I am. Well spoken, like you.

-I like that in a man.

-How did you meet him?

He came to the house. He brought me champagne.

-Do you know what he said?

-What?

"There's no better way of cultivating an acquaintance

"than over a glass or two of French fizz."

Isn't that romantic?

SHE GASPS AND STUTTERS

What is it Marjorie?

I'm not sure. I forget things.

That's why you come and see me, for your dementia.

Yes. Yes.

I'm not going to leave my house.

Nobody wants you to.

Just have someone popping over every now and then to make sure you're OK.

I don't need anyone now. I have my millionaire.

What's his name?

Douglas Lincoln.

Oh...

What?

Turns out he's not what he seems.

He plied me with champagne and brought me flowers

and then I found him rifling through my handbag.

Oh, Dr Carter, I've done a terrible thing.

It's all right Marjorie.

But it isn't. It really isn't.

I thought of going to the police, but I knew they'd lock me away.

No one's going to lock you away for reporting a burglary?

Burglary? I'm talking about murder!

Right, you've lost me now. Who killed who exactly?

Nobody killed anybody. What gave you that idea?

So there's no murder?

Of course not. What do you take me for?

SHE GIGGLES

There's no severed leg in the freezer either.

Of course there isn't.

Good. I'm glad we've cleared that up.

Perhaps I should come and have a look around.

What for?

Severed legs, perhaps.

Are you sure you're quite right in the head Dr Carter?

I must be getting back.

Delia will be wondering where I am.

Let me give you a lift?

But what about your other patients?

I'm sure Dr Cassidy can cope.

That's really very kind of you.

No, this isn't a trick, is it? To get me out of my home?

I want to make sure you can manage.

Of course I can. I'm not mad, you know!

Yes, Mrs Jenkins, I have booked you in for this evening.

Goodbye.

-Dr Tyler. You are indeed a sight for sore eyes.

-What's up?

Dr Carmichael has had to go to St Philomena's with one of her patients.

I need someone to cover.

-It's his day off.

-I'm here now.

It will only be for a few hours.

Sure thing.

I could hardly say no, could I?

And when clinic's finished?

Yeah, OK.

I'll come back and pick you up.

You must excuse the mess.

Looks fairly tidy to me.

I have very high standards. She was the same.

Delia?

My dear, dear sister.

She died.

Just over a year ago.

You couldn't remember that earlier.

That's because sometimes I choose not to remember. It seems easier.

Your letters from the Social Services.

Is that something you also choose not to remember?

I'm afraid you know me all too well, Dr Carter.

-Would you like a cup of tea?

-No, thanks.

I hope you don't mind if I do.

And I must get my dinner out of the freezer.

Would you like a hand?

I'm having Lancashire hot pot.

I make a big one, then I divide it into individual portions.

Means nothing goes to waste.

Very organised.

You won't find it in there.

-Find what?

-The leg.

I thought it was a rather obvious place so I took it out

and buried it in the garden.

SHE LAUGHS

The look on your face!

SHE CONTINUES LAUGHING

Marjorie! You are a rogue.

I'm not as green as I'm cabbage looking.

That's what Delia used to say.

The Bespectacled Bounder.

It's about a handsome young man who pretends to be a millionaire

to woo a Duchess.

She's smitten at first, then it turns out he's a fraudster.

Only after her for her money.

He gets his comeuppance in the end though.

Sounds familiar.

It was Delia's favourite.

We used to spend many a happy hour sitting together watching our films.

Oh, Dr Carter, I do miss her so.

I know you do.

SHE SOBS

I know I forget things, and not always by choice,

but this is my world. I'm happy here.

I know how everything works. Please don't make me go away.

Nobody wants to make you do anything.

But I want the social workers to come and see if they can help you.

I don't need any help.

I know what this house means

and it probably IS the best place for you.

There you are then!

But I'd like you to meet me halfway.

-Talk to a social worker?

-Indeed.

Very well.

I'll give them a ring and see if they can pop over.

Will you come too?

If you promise not to pretend you're watching TV and ignore us.

If I do, there's a key under a flowerpot by the front door.

We'll find a safer place for that too.

My dear Dr Carter,

as long as you're around, I'll always feel safe.

Thank you again, Dr Tyler.

You're welcome. Is Mandy about?

I have not seen her, no.

I trust you have something nice planned for this evening?

Thought I'd catch a movie.

On your own?

Sometimes, being on your own's the best company you can have.

If you see Mandy, tell her I'll call her.

-Ready?

-Yeah. I was just about to call you.

Great.

-Let's go.

-Sure.

Yeah, yeah. OK.

I'll see you later. Right, 3 o'clock.

Any more aliens?

No. But she did confess to a murder.

A millionaire no less, Douglas Lincoln.

That name rings a bell.

A character in one of her films, The Bespectacled Bounder.

Never heard of it.

I'm going to see her later, with a social worker.

-Can you get her number? I better give her a ring.

-Yeah.

Douglas Lincoln?

DULL THUD

Delia?

Delia? Is that you?

DOOR SLAMS SHUT

Oh!

Oh!

SHE CRIES HYSTERICALLY

What ho, old thing.

Champagne?

No better way to cultivate an acquaintance

than over a glass or two of French fizz.

SHE SOBS

PHONE RINGS

Delia? Is that you Delia?

'Marjorie? It's Dr Carter. Are you all right?

Oh, Dr Carter. Thank heavens.

Please help me!

Please, please help me!

-Are you OK?

-Can we go now?

No. We've only just got here.

Look, I said I'd come, and I have.

Kevin, let's just go inside.

It's all locked up.

I went to the agent.

Told them I was Michaela's sister,

and I needed to get a few bits she'd left inside.

I said I'd come. Surely that's enough?

Come on, if you walked away now, could you just draw a line under it?

You coming?

SHE SOBS VIOLENTLY

Marjorie?

It's all right, Marjorie. It's all right.

Can you tell me what happened?

I can't remember.

I can't remember.

EXPLOSION

FREYA SHOUTS

SHE COUGHS

Where's the bedroom?

This way.

You've got a temperature.

-No, I haven't.

-They don't know that.

No, I couldn't.

What do you want to do?

Have a mare of a day at work

or spend the rest of the morning in bed with me?

Kevin!

COUGHING

Where are you?

Kevin!

My friend's in there.

So what happened?

I don't know.

Was somebody here?

I don't think so.

The wind might have blown the door shut.

This can't go on, can it?

What can't?

I'll phone the Social Services, they'll have a chat.

and we'll work out what's best.

I'm not going in a home.

Let's see what the experts say.

Agreed?

Right. I'll phone them now, you wait here.

-Can I put the television on?

-Of course.

You were lucky to get out of here alive.

If I'd got out of bed and gone into work and confronted her,

she'd be alive too.

Tell me what you remember.

Not much, really.

I was going to go in.

I just wanted the day over and done with.

I was going to tell her exactly what I thought of her.

What stopped you? Michaela?

She's the one who suggested the sickie,

but I'm the one who went for it.

Then what?

We'd had a wild night. I was tired.

She went off to run a bath, I drifted off.

When I woke up the room was full of smoke.

I tried to get out but I couldn't.

Then I woke up in hospital.

Do you remember Freya coming in?

Not until just now.

The firemen?

Being put in the ambulance?

No. None of that.

One minute I was in bed,

the next I was in hospital.

She was there though.

Come on, people.

She held my hand.

Then when I woke up again, she was...

HE SOBS

'This is Heston Carter. Please leave a message and I'll call you back.'

Heston, it's Karen. You know that name I knew from somewhere...

I don't know how I got out of the bedroom.

She took Michaela out then she came back for you.

She was brave enough coming in the first time, never mind the second.

And reckless.

It was because of me. If it had been somebody else...

She still would have come back.

Yeah.

Because that's who she was.

Do you know what, Kevin?

Coming back here...

Seeing all this...

It's made me realise.

There's nothing you could have done about it.

Apart from not being here in the first place.

But you were.

Bad stuff happens,

and we don't know why, it just does.

You were here.

Freya came.

She died.

You didn't.

But it's not your fault.

'No better way to cultivate an acquaintance

'than over a glass or two of French fizz.'

'Maybe a small one.'

'Forgive me, Your Grace. My hand slipped.

'Still, might as well drink it now.'

'f I didn't know better,

' might suspect you were trying to get me drunk.'

'That was the intention...

'until SHE killed me.'

I didn't!

'Of course you did. Caught me red handed, going through your handbag.'

You had it coming.

'You pack a hefty whack with that poker, I have to say.

'Wouldn't think so to look at you.'

-'She played a lot of tennis when we were younger.'

-Delia?

'We were women's county doubles champions.

'I carried her, though. Always did.'

That's not true.

'Isn't it?

'Face it, my dear, you don't know what's true any more, do you?'

I do!

'I always knew you'd fall to pieces without me here to look after you.

'And now you're going to let them come in and take our house.'

Dr Carter won't let that happen.

'You'll be in the old folk's home by the end of the week

'with all the other mad old biddies.'

No!

'Or worse. When they find out what you did to me.

'Prison. They'll throw away the key.'

Delia. Help me.

'I can't help you now. I'm like you.

'All over the place.'

Oh, Delia!

'She's gone, Marjorie. Looks like you're on your own now.'

As soon as you can. Thank you.

'Uh-oh. Looks like he's on to you.'

How does he know where to look?

'You told him! Remember?'

Go away!

Peek-a-boo.

SHE GASPS

Don't be so silly. I'm not in there anymore.

You're not real. Go away!

Of course I'm not real. I'm dead.

You killed me. And now the nice doctor's going to lock you away,

like the crazy old woman you are.

Unless YOU do something about it.

-I couldn't.

-Why not? You've killed once. You can do it again.

He's my favourite doctor. He's never done me any harm.

Pilfering your purse is hardly a capital offence.

Didn't stop you giving me a whack, did it?

I'll leave you with that thought. Toodle-oo.

PHONE RINGS

'Heston, it's Karen.

'You know that name I knew from somewhere, Douglas Lincoln?

'He may well be in that film you mentioned,

'but somebody with that name has gone missing.

'It's in the Gazette.

'He was staying at his mum's, but she hasn't seen him for a week.

'Not like him at all, apparently, and she's really worried.

'You don't suppose it's got something to do with Marjorie Page, do you?'

I'm afraid it's got everything to do with me, Dr Carter.

Marjorie? You don't have to do this, do you?

Who is your favourite doctor?

You are.

You're safe with me, remember?

You were right all along, Dr Carter.

I think you'd better lock me away.

I bet she didn't have a second thought going in there, you know.

Either time.

Fancy a drink?

No. Fancy several.

Need to drop these off first though.

Come on then. My shout.

So she really HAD killed him?

Yeah, looks like it.

Dougie Lincoln. Well known to the police, apparently.

Just out of prison, three years for mugging a pensioner.

Maybe some justice was done after all.

Tell that to his mum. Or Marjorie.

What's going to happen to her?

Sectioned, under the Mental Health Act. Then, who knows? It's very sad.

You all right?

Yeah, I'm OK. How was your day?

Yeah, it was good.

We went back to the house, Michaela's house.

Lay any ghosts to rest?

Yeah. I think we did.

I don't believe in ghosts. They're all up in here.

Do you think a little bit of Freya is still there?

You know, back at the house?

Who knows? To Freya.

ALL: To Freya.

Do you even know who Patricia Montana is?

I like you, Imogen Hollins, I'll look at your portfolio tomorrow.

She asked for Heston. Get Heston.

Who are you?

That is Patricia's brother. You have no idea how fabulous this is.

Heads I win, tails you get to play the martyr

and we'll both be miserable for the rest of the day.

It is officially Merlot o'clock!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd