Four in a Bed Doctors

SNORING

SNORING CONTINUES

Oh, sweetheart,

you look like you've lost a pound and found a penny.

-Tummy still bad?

-Yeah.

Did you not sleep at all?

-What, with Garry's snoring?

-Oh, you poor thing.

Hey! I had one of me prophetic dreams last night.

-Yeah? Go on.

-Turned out that

the trouble with your waterworks was because you were pregnant!

Sheila! I'm on the pill.

It's not going to happen!

You never know! Look at Doreen at number 34.

Her daughter had triplets and she was on the pill!

Garry's little soldiers might be Olympic swimmers!

I doubt it.

Besides, we've not exactly been red-hot lovers recently.

Well, I hope he's pulling his weight.

Good-looking girl like you.

Oh, don't worry, Sheila.

He's an animal.

Oh. Looks like it!

And sounds like it!

Oi! A bit of respect, please.

I am the man of the house.

Cheers, Howard. I appreciate it.

-Give him my best.

-I will. See you tomorrow.

-Hey, what's going on?

I'm taking today as one of my annual leave days to spend with Daniel.

Are you serious?

When did you ever take a day's leave to spend with me?

Cherry, he's in a complete state.

Last night he phoned everyone Zara knows, then got in the car

and drove to Weston-Super-Mare on the off-chance she'd be there.

OK, fine. Maybe you should've married him if he's that important.

What's gotten into you?

-So? How was last night?

-Oh...

-Did you celebrate in style?

It was brilliant! We had a proper meal out.

A meal out?

What? "Supachef Rob" didn't cook?

"Supachef Rob" needed to let his hair down.

Think we had one too many, actually.

Fortunately, Jack and Immie got us home safe and sound.

Everything all right?

Oh, it's just not going to be the same without them.

Karen, they haven't gone yet!

I know, I just want us all to do something wonderful together

-before they go - especially me and Immie.

-Like what?

Well, I don't know. Something girly?

I'll have a think, if you like? Oh. Stand by your beds.

First customer of the day. Good morning!

How's your breakfast, love?

Smashing, thanks.

Ooh, look! It's Jenny J!

Jessie J!

Well, whoever you are, you look gorgeous!

Garry?

Yeah, you do. You always do.

I was just showing Garry my dream seating plan for the wedding.

Flipping heck, Sheila. Where we having it, the NEC?

-I got a bit carried away.

-We can whittle it down.

-We'll have to!

The way things are at the moment, it'll just be the three of us!

We'll get there, darling.

Anyway, it doesn't matter to me if it's next year or in five years.

As far as I'm concerned, you're my daughter already.

-I don't need a piece of paper...

-Oh, Sheila!

Oh, I don't know what I'll be like on the day.

I daren't wear mascara. I'll look like a raccoon.

How come you're so dressed-up this early, love?

I've got to get my test results from the doctors. I want to look nice.

-I'll give you a lift if you like.

-You sure?

Yeah, yeah. I'll fetch me coat.

I'll see you later, then, Garry.

Yeah, babe. Have a nice day.

Love you.

Yeah.

Katie Peete?

-If you'd like to come in?

-Thanks.

Sheila, you don't have to come in.

I thought you'd want me to, love. You don't mind, do you?

It's not really up to me.

There's nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetheart.

I've heard it all before.

-Are you sure about this?

-Yeah, it's fine.

Fab, aren't they?

You'd swear they were Louboutins.

Are you into shoes?

Um, not massively, no.

-Right...

-Have you got Katie's results?

Is she pregnant?

-Um, no. Have you been trying to get pregnant?

-No. I'm on the pill.

Sorry wishful thinking. Pretend I'm not here.

Right, well,

I'm afraid the test results confirm that you've contracted chlamydia.

-What?

-What?

How serious is it?

Well, it causes inflammation.

That's probably what's causing the pain you've been feeling.

Untreated, it can damage the fallopian tubes.

It can even affect fertility.

But don't worry. It's easily treated.

How do you get it?

-It's sexually transmitted.

-Oh!

Do you have a partner, Katie?

And do you have unprotected sex with him?

Hang on. You mean...

-my Garry's given it to her?

-Is Garry your boyfriend?

I can't believe this is happening to me.

It happens to people all the time, Katie.

It's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

So Garry's been dipping his wick elsewhere!

That's what you're saying?

-That's why she's got this clammy-whatsit?

-Chlamydia.

Just wait till I get my hands on him!

How are you feeling?

Yeah, better.

What is it with bacon butties and hangovers?

It's the fat.

-And the salt.

-And the ketchup.

Ooh. Do you remember that night at Crash?

What was it? Tequila bombs and...

-No, Jaeger bombs and Tequila.

-Yeah!

Man, that was the mother of all hangovers!

Yeah, you were sick all over the steps.

Remember that waiter came out

with the ice bucket full of water and sluiced up?

-And I threw up again on his suede shoes.

-His face!

How was Jed?

Blunt and to the point.

He doesn't trust me with Joe.

Do you want the last one?

Nah, I'm stuffed.

Why don't we get some fresh air? Clear your head.

Yeah, OK. I'll take a shower.

How could he do this to you?

-I brought him up to be a gentleman!

-Don't. You're just making it worse.

There's me banging on about the wedding

and he's just sat there, knowing full well what he's done!

Maybe he made a mistake? We don't know...

Why are you making excuses?

He's given you a disease, Katie!

I'm not making excuses, but this is between me and Garry.

Promise me you won't say anything.

Let me speak to him after work.

Please?

Oh, all right. But he doesn't deserve you!

Oh, come here.

OK, byee!

What's this?

-For you and Immie.

-"Experience a red carpet makeover for two"?

My sister bought it.

Said we could do it as a sibling bonding experience.

They give you a makeover, then take your photograph.

-I can't accept this.

-You'd be doing me favour.

The thought of bonding with Hilary over anything fills me with dread.

Are you sure? I'll ring Immie!

Hiya. Have you got a minute?

Um...

It was me who slept around.

-I mean, Garry might have as well, I dunno.

-Right.

-I know what you're thinking.

-What?

-That I'm a tart. But I swear it was a one-off.

-I wasn't thinking...

His name's Marlon. He was my first big love.

I hadn't spoken to him in years,

then he starts messaging me on Mates Reconnected.

-Are you on it?

-Um...

I'll have to look you up. Anyway,

Marlon keeps messaging me... He's got such a way with words.

Garry's not exactly the most romantic bloke.

Marlon's different.

-I suppose he wore me down.

-Right.

The night we spent together was incredible.

You had unprotected sex?

Yeah.

He gave me the chlamydia, didn't he?

Unfortunately, it is common for infected individuals

to carry the bacteria without showing any symptoms,

-so he'll need to be tested ASAP.

-I knew you were going to say that.

-What am I going to do?

-About what?

About everything!

Garry's gone off sleeping with me.

Then Marlon goes all quiet after we hook up.

What am I? The kiss of death in the bedroom?

Ah! That was quick!

Well, I want to know what the big surprise is!

-Mum! Come on, just tell me.

-We're having a makeover.

-What?

A "red carpet" makeover, no less!

Don't tell me this is one of those discount offers

where they take your mug shot at the end?

No, it's a professional picture! Remember Ange had one?

She looked a million dollars.

More like 50 pence! There's no way I'm doing it, Mum!

You are unbelievable, do you know that?

Any other teenager would be jumping up and down, but you? This is...

My only daughter is leaving home forever

and here's one last girly thing we can do together

and I'd even get a photo at the end of it.

Oh, all right!

-You mean it?

-Yes.

Hee-hee! Come on!

'Your call cannot be taken at the moment

'so please leave your message after the tone.'

BEEP

Hi, Marlon, it's Katie. Hope you're well.

Look, I really need to talk to you.

It's important.

Please call me back when you get this. OK? Bye.

'Please leave your message after the tone.'

BEEP

Hi, Marlon. It's me again!

I just wanted to thank you for a really great night.

Especially the STI you've given me!

You might want to mention that to your girlfriend.

She's probably riddled too.

Oh, and don't ever contact me again.

MUSIC: "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

There you go. Get your laughing gear round that.

What?

-Fresh air?

-It's got a beer garden. What more do you want?

Cheers. How did you find this place anyway?

Stumbled across it by accident.

I think the phrase is "off the beaten track".

If this was on your track, you'd beat it off.

You've got your sense of humour back, then? I use the phrase loosely.

-Fancy getting your ass whupped at table football?

-You reckon?

Yes!

This is where the actual magic happens.

Oh, wow!

Thank you. So what kind of look are you going to give me?

Well, I think the main thing is to give you an update, really.

You know, something a bit more on trend.

-Where's your plus one?

-Immie!

-This is Cheryl.

-It's "Sheryl", actually.

Oh, sorry, with an S?

No, with a C. Can I get you both a coffee?

I'll have a skinny macchiato with an extra shot. Mum'll have a skinny cap.

Cup of tea will be fine, thank you.

Right, so what are you actually going to do to my mum?

Well, for me personally

as a professional hair and make-up artiste,

it's all about bringing out the individual's inner beauty -

-you know, the person they really want to be.

-Don't worry about that.

-Just knock ten years off and I'll be happy as Larry.

-Mmm!

This is fantastic!

Hiya, love.

Hiya. Fancy a cuppa?

I'm fine, thanks.

So, you got your prescription, then?

You'll feel better in no time.

I'll feel better after I've spoken to Garry.

He already knows, love.

What?

-I'm sorry. Me and me mouth.

-What exactly did you say?

Just that he's given you this thing.

-And what did he say?

-Nothing. Just stormed off.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

I'm just so ashamed of him.

I had a good mind to throw him out!

-Oh...

-No, don't.

I've said I'm sorry.

What...?

Hey!

-You realise I'm letting you win to make you feel better.

-Keep telling yourself that.

That'll be us one day.

Already is. Two old farts making one warm pint last a whole afternoon.

Cherry will walk in with a blue rinse, and Zara...

Yeah, I don't think so.

You've a kid together. You'll always be connected.

That's exactly what ripped us apart.

Meaning?

Nothing.

Fine.

It just...wasn't what I expected, OK?

What wasn't?

Being a dad.

You're already a dad.

I've seen you with Izzy and Joe. You're a great dad.

Well, I screwed up royally this time.

-I don't think Zara will let me near him again.

-Because you slept around?

-What?

-I just assumed that's why she took off.

No.

What, then?

I took it out on Joe.

Took what out?

I resented him. I resented him for taking Zara away from me.

Having a baby's a huge adjustment in a relationship.

You're knackered all the time.

It's bound to make you ratty with each other.

At one point, I actually hated him.

If he hadn't have been there,

everything could have gone back to how it was before...

when we were happy.

What did you do?

Nothing.

I...I didn't mean it.

I was just a little rough with him.

I've got to go.

You won't believe what's happened now.

Actually, I am on lunch.

Oh, it's all right. Carry on.

You were dead right about Marlon.

-He's shacked up with some bint.

-Really?

And Sheila told Garry I've got chlamydia.

She thought he'd given it to me.

So I had to tell her all about Marlon. It was awful!

Look, Katie, isn't there someone else you can talk to about this?

Your mum, maybe?

She died when I was little.

Oh. I'm sorry.

I've really screwed up.

-Did you tell Garry he'll need to be tested?

-Will he?

We've not had sex since before I slept with Marlon.

We've not been getting on.

What am I going to do about Sheila? She probably hates me!

What would you do? You're so good at this.

-At what?

-This. At counselling!

Look, Katie, you need to speak to them, not me.

It sounds to me like you and Garry have wider issues to sort out.

You're right.

And maybe if I can sort things out with Garry,

then Sheila will come round.

You're amazing! Did you know that?

Thank you so much!

Come on, Im. Have a look.

I can't look.

Why not? Come on.

She's only joking. Come on, sweetheart.

Are you having a laugh?

-What? It's not that bad, is it?

-Mum, you look like a drag queen.

How much do you get paid to inflict this?

Not enough to put up with your gob.

Right, well, we want a refund.

Either that or someone who actually knows what they're doing.

I'm a fully-fledged makeup artist, actually. I've got qualifications.

From where? The undertakers?

It's not that bad. Is it?

You look like you had a fight with a spray tan machine.

She was pasty. What do you expect me to do?

-Do you want to look like Edward Scissorhands?

-I'm not pasty.

Um, your blusher looks like tyre tracks.

-Oi!

-She's not exactly got Kate Moss's cheekbones, has she?

Excuse me, that's my mum you're talking about!

Is that what you meant about her inner beauty? I'm glad you didn't try and find mine.

I'd have a job.

That's it. Get me your manager.

I can't work under these conditions!

Best news I've heard all day.

What about our photo?

Oh, we're having it. We've paid for it!

Here. Get that muck off your face.

I'll try and deflate your poodle.

TV PLAYS

Hiya, Garry. Can we talk?

I'm busy.

I'll leave you to it.

That makes a change.

Could you turn that off, please?

TV GOES SILENT

Thanks.

Look, Garry, I'm sorry.

I made a stupid mistake.

Do I know him?

No.

Are you going to see him again?

No!

-Fine.

-TV RESUMES

-That's it?

-What do you want me to say?

I thought you might at least get angry!

Don't you want to know if he was any good?

Better than you?!

Seriously, Garry!

When was the last time you were a proper boyfriend to me?

You haven't shown me the slightest bit of interest in weeks!

Well go on, then. Dump me!

What? I'm the one who slept around!

YOU should be dumping ME!

What is it with this family?

Sheila, I know you're there!

Is everything all right?

Worried you've missed something?

I'm going to go and pack a few things.

I'll be back for the rest of my stuff later.

You're leaving?

Well, that's what you both want, isn't it?

TV PLAYS, SAME PROGRAMME

Fire up the games console if you want?

Eh, I'm not in the mood.

OK, how about I pop to town

and grab a few beers, maybe grab us a pizza as well?

-Yeah. Here.

-No, I'm fine. We can sort that out when I get back.

-OK.

-Mate, listen. I was just trying to cheer you up.

You have.

-Good. I didn't mean to wind you up about Zara.

-It's fine.

I just assumed you'd gone behind her back.

Let's face it, with your track record...I just...

I never even considered it could be postnatal depression, OK?

This is all your fault, Garry Webb!

If only you'd grown a backbone and been a proper boyfriend to Katie!

Me? You're the one who has to stick her nose in every five minutes when it's not wanted!

So if you keep having problems, come back and see me...

PHONE RINGS

-Hello, campus surgery.

-Dr Khella?

-Yes?

-It's Katie Peete.

Could you come over? They're tearing strips off each other.

I don't know who else to turn to.

I've got a better idea. Why don't you speak to Dr Cassidy?

This is much more her thing.

Your mess, your responsibility.

-'It's her fault, not mine!

-It's not her fault, it's yours!'

Hello? Are you still there? Please! I'm begging you.

What do you think?

Oh, you don't like it?

It's...

It's me.

Who were you expecting?

It's lovely.

What's wrong now, Mum?

You made me look gorgeous.

Yeah, because you are.

What about your makeover?

Oh, it's fine. I'll stick to my own handiwork.

I'm going to miss you, sweetheart.

I'm going to miss you too.

I'm back.

VIDEO GAME PLAYS

You changed your mind then?

Yeah.

Right...

I'll grab us some plates.

Thanks for coming.

I'm really not sure I can help.

Hi, everyone.

I thought that if we could all sit down with Dr Khella,

maybe we could sort this out.

Come on! Big smile!

Oh! The camera loves you.

Hey, you should give her a job! She's good.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Right, I'm putting it on timer.

You know what I said earlier - I was wrong.

You're true to yourself

and that's something to be proud of.

I'm proud of you really proud!

Mum!

Maybe you all just need some space apart?

Or maybe not. Garry?

What about you? What do you think?

-She cheated on me.

-Because you were taking her for granted!

Sheila, I really don't think that's helping.

But how can he have gone off her like that? You were best friends!

I haven't. It's just...

What is it, Garry?

Maybe it's because we were mates first, and then started dating.

I really care about you,

but just not... you know.

Like that?

Is that what you were going to say?

We WERE really good mates.

And you still can be.

-So...

-So why did you propose to her, you great lummox?

Because we'd been dating for three years.

Plus you kept nagging me to!

So it's all over?

Katie can do better than me anyway.

But I love you, Katie.

-Please don't leave me.

-Oh, Sheila.

Now what? What did I say?

Garry, I don't know if you've noticed this

but...Sheila and Katie have grown quite...attached to one another.

Am I right, ladies?

I never had a mum.

I never had a daughter.

We can sort something out, sweetheart.

Don't go.

-Garry can always move into the box room.

-Eh?

So you forgive me, then?

Of course I do, sweetheart.

Oh, I love you.

I love you too, Mum.

Erm, what about me?

Thank you for everything, Dr Khella.

It was nothing, really.

Katie said you were amazing.

Are you one of those psychiatrics?

Psychiatrists? No.

Look, I'm glad I could help

but I'm really much better at just good old-fashioned general medicine.

She's so modest too, isn't she?

I know.

Here.

You don't like my Garry, do you?

You'd make a lovely couple.

'Here they come!'

GUNFIRE

I was only joshing about you having an affair.

Leave it, Jimmi.

-So it is that?

-It's got nothing to do with that.

-What, then? The PND?

-I said leave it!

Mate, postnatal depression is nothing to be ashamed of.

Get your own house in order before start dishing out the free advice.

Taking it out on me won't solve anything.

I understand why you're upset. You lost control.

I'm not a patient. I'm not sick and I don't need your advice!

Listen to yourself! You're in denial.

Just cos you have mental problems, doesn't mean the rest of us do.

Whoa, I'm trying to help.

-You have to admit you have a problem before you can solve it.

-Back off.

-Come on, you can get through this.

-I said back off!

-Daniel, what are you...?

-Get out!

-Come on, mate!

-All right...

-Out!

-Daniel!

DOOR SLAMS Daniel!

-What's that? Have you burnt yourself?

-Um, yeah.

Imogen?

Is she blonde, arty, just finished her A-levels?

Yeah, that's her. Do you know her?

Yeah, she's mates with my girlfriend.

-I dunno how to say this.

-Jimmi, you're making me nervous.

It's Daniel.

He knows!

FOOTSTEPS

He knows I'm here.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd