Pick Up Artist Doctors

LOUD DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

< Terry!

SHE TURNS THE VOLUME DOWN

What are you doing in here?!

You're not seriously thinking of going to THAT seedy place?

That's none of your business.

RINGING TONE

'Morning.'

Hi, Karen, is this a bad time?

No! Not at all.

I know this is a long shot, but are you and Imogen free for lunch?

I've got the day off so I thought of doing a Bolognese.

Oh! I've just said I'd work through lunch.

Oh, that's a shame.

SHE SIGHS

It's just that Terry's applying to one of those arty courses

and he could really do with Imogen's help.

He could give her a ring later.

I just thought it would be nice to get us all together,

'especially as Imogen's leaving so soon.'

We haven't seen you in ages.

It has been a while.

I know how much Terry misses you both.

How's he doing?

Oh, you know, same old, same old.

I'll tell you what, let me see what Imogen's doing

and I'll give you a bell.

Thanks, Karen. Terry will be so grateful!

OK. Bye.

Immie!

Oh, come on. It won't be that bad.

I'm really not in the mood for awkward small-talk today.

You won't have to, Terry's applying for some art course,

so you'll have loads to talk about.

I said I'd help Jack.

I'm going to help him write some wedding invitations.

Wedding invitations?

For the concierge service.

But don't you want to spend time with me?

We won't be able to have lunch together when you've gone.

I'm moving to London, I'm not dying.

No, but I am going to be lonely without you.

SHE GROANS

Fine, but it's the last time you use this card, Mother!

I have a terrible headache.

Late night?

Mrs Jackson and her wailing daughter Maud.

Maud?

Yes, a newborn.

Since when did granny names become so fashionable?

That poor girl's going to have to live with Maud

for the rest of her life.

-I think it's quite original.

-Well, that's one word for it.

So I take it you and Jimmi aren't jumping on

the geriatric-name bandwagon?

Me and Jimmi?

Morning.

I know you, Nurse Clay, you have a list of baby names up your sleeve.

Mandy, could you see if Maud Jackson's test results have arrived.

I should probably check she isn't dying before I send her home.

Sure.

I thought you were working today?

No, the new rota starts tomorrow.

You making Bolognese?

Yep.

Who's coming over?

No-one. I just thought I'd make us a proper lunch for a change.

-It better not be Dirty Dennis.

-I asked you not to call him that.

-Everyone calls him that.

-Do you think he wants to come here again

after you were so rude to him last time?

So this is just for me and you?

Of course.

It's a bit out of the blue, isn't it?

No, it was always part of the plan.

-Was it?

-Yeah, I've always wanted to have kids.

Cherry, do you not think it's a bit soon after what happened?

That was a mistake.

Yeah, but maybe you should let the dust settle?

I slipped up once, why should that stop me having a baby?

I just think you should wait until you're ready.

I AM ready.

OK. It's your decision.

Thanks for your approval.

SHE SIGHS

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh! I'm so glad you could make it! Come in, come in.

Hi, Terry! Haven't seen you for ages.

-I hope you're all hungry.

-Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

-..all over my shoes!

-Gross.

I had to turf him out, which was a shame

as he wasn't bad looking for a dentist.

Poor guy, he was probably just nervous.

Nah, it would have been all that vodka we drank.

Work was hell on Saturday.

I should have skived off like you.

I did no such thing. I'm only part-time.

I didn't know you were one of them. You still studying?

I wish!

It's just hard getting anyone to take me on full-time at the moment.

I'd enjoy it if I were you.

I'd do anything for a couple of days off.

You should have seen the way your mum stood up to that bouncer,

she had a right temper on her when she was young.

I did not! I was all calm and ladylike.

It's so nice you could join us. Terry hasn't seen you in so long.

I hear you're applying to do an arts course.

No, I'm doing Sound Design at Letherbridge Uni.

Oh.

But he was thinking of maybe doing an evening course.

Like those ones where you draw naked people.

You'd enjoy that, wouldn't you, Terry?

I've been a model in a life-drawing class.

Terry, why don't you tell Imogen about your music?

He's very talented.

He spends hours in his room making pop music on his laptop.

It's not pop music, it's dubstep.

It's all the same to me.

SHE CHUCKLES

Excuse me for a sec.

You're not a natural, are you?

The plates are too big.

It's easier if you hold them like that.

That does make a lot more sense.

Don't worry, I was just as rubbish as you when I first started.

I can't believe it's only lunchtime.

You part-timers are all the same, can't handle a full day's work.

I wouldn't go in there for a few minutes.

OK.

-Maybe I could listen to your dubstep while I'm waiting?

-Yeah.

Is everything OK?

Of course.

You sure? Terry seemed a bit surprised to see us.

Really? I can never tell what he's thinking.

You worried about him?

No more than usual.

OK.

It's a bit personal.

Go on.

I caught him looking up a massage parlour.

He's probably just curious.

I always think about joining the gym but I never actually do it.

I need to show him it will happen naturally.

It should be with someone that makes him feel comfortable,

someone he already knows.

Someone like your Imogen.

Is that why you wanted me to bring her round?

No! It's just...

whenever you talk about her, she always seems so open-minded.

Open-minded? What exactly are you trying to say?

DUBSTEP MUSIC PLAYS

-What do you think?

-I really like it.

I was worried it was a bit too angry and slow.

That is the best kind of music.

Some people only like music they can dance to.

I'm not much of a dancer.

Me neither.

THEY LAUGH

I just thought they might...

What? You thought they might what, exactly?

Well...

I think it's time to leave.

What would you do if one of YOUR kids were in the same position?

Imogen!

Oh. I better go. It was really nice seeing you again.

You too.

< Imogen!

-What are you doing here!

-Getting my lunch.

Can't you go somewhere else?

What's YOUR problem? I'm being supportive.

Fine. Just choose something quickly and leave.

OK, OK. I'll have a tuna and sweetcorn baguette.

I'll be two seconds. Don't do or say anything.

Hi, have we met before?

Nope.

You sure? Have you ever been to The Mill Health Centre?

-Never even heard of it.

-Must be from somewhere else then.

So you're a doctor, then?

-Indeed I am.

-I should have guessed.

Well, it was nice meeting you.

What bit about "don't do or say anything" didn't you understand?

-She is cute!

-Just stick to the Icon in future.

You're not going to be able to keep this a secret.

Letherbridge is tiny. Sooner or later, someone will notice.

So, what's wrong with Crystal?

What ISN'T wrong with Crystal?

OK, how about Emerald or Ruby?

I think we should stay away from the gemstone theme.

Oh! Ow!

You OK?

Just spilt coffee everywhere.

You should cut down, maybe actually give it up.

-Give up coffee?

-'You know the drill.'

We need to keep an eye on your cheese intake,

and I would tell you to avoid pate but I know you don't like it.

-Jimmi, I love pate!

-No, you don't.

Since Carrie's wedding.

-Why are you arguing with me about pate?

-We're not.

Maybe you're pregnant already.

I need to get back to work.

Yeah, I should head to the station. Love you.

-Love you too.

-Bye.

Have you forgiven me?

It'll take a lot more than a bit of software to bring me round.

Well, that's why I've got you a pint as well.

Come on, drink up.

You expecting someone?

-Course not.

-What are you up to?

Nothing. I told you, I just want to apologise for earlier.

Thought you said we were going to the best bar in Letherbridge.

This IS the best bar in Letherbridge.

There's two-for-one drinks before 7.00pm.

Why do you have to be so embarrassing?

What was all that with Imogen Hollins?

I felt like stabbing myself in the eye with my fork.

I just want to try and help you meet someone nice.

Is that what this is? You're trying to set me up with another girl?

-I'd never do that.

-I told you not to interfere!

It's not a girl, I promise.

-So you ARE waiting for someone?

-No...

I just meant, if I was expecting someone to turn up at any minute,

it definitely wouldn't be a girl.

What are you doing?!

How can I help you?

I phoned my order in. Howard Bellamy.

Never seen you in here before.

My colleague recommended it.

I hope we can live up to your expectations.

I'll take one of these delicious-looking brownies.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Oh, I don't know about that.

-Who ARE you?

-Did your mum not explain?

It must have slipped her mind.

I'm a PUA.

A what?

Pick Up Artist. I can teach any guy how to have the confidence

to approach an attractive woman,

no matter how challenged he might be in that department.

Is this you not interfering?

I'd better be off.

You can't just dump him on me and then leave.

When you're done, give me a ring, I'll come and get you.

-I'm done NOW.

-Have fun!

See ya.

So you don't want to learn how to get hot women?

I find it hard to believe that you're some kind of expert.

Sounds like a challenge.

Pick any woman,

I guarantee I can get her number in less than three minutes.

If I fail, you can leave whenever you want.

Her.

Game on.

He's gone.

-What's going on?

-Nothing.

Why were you hiding from that guy?

I wasn't hiding, I just dropped my pen.

This a sexy love-triangle situation, isn't it?

-It really isn't.

-That guy was blatantly your boyfriend.

Hope he's got some money cos he's proper old.

He's not my boyfriend!

You're having a shameful affair with that cocky doctor

who came in earlier. Look at your face. I'm right, aren't I?

You can believe what you want.

If I were you, I'd dump the doctor - they're all ego and no heart.

How did you do that?

I've perfected the art of Negging.

Negging?

Let me demonstrate. I love your shoes.

-Oh, cheers.

-My gran has the same ones.

Your gran has really cool trainers?

You're so beautiful, you really don't need to frown so much.

Don't they end up punching you?

Hot women can't get enough of it.

They may look like exotic animals

but the only way to keep them interested

is to treat them like they're nothing special at all.

Like a guinea pig, or one of those boring brown female peacocks.

Remind me why we have to do it here?

There's two-for-one drinks before 7.00pm.

We'll get them done so much quicker.

-Do you know them?

-Yeah, kind of.

Quick, go and try out some lines on her before her boyfriend gets back.

That's her brother.

Even better. Less likely to start a ruckus.

I don't know, I'm already feeling a little bit drunk.

That'll help with the nerves. Get in there.

Hey. I didn't think this was your kind of place.

It's not, but apparently there's two-for-one drinks.

Yeah, that's what I got told.

Although I don't think any amount of free drink

is worth enduring THIS music.

-Not angry enough for you?

-Not even close.

I like your hair.

Thanks.

It's the same colour as my gran's.

You saying I've got granny hair?

You shouldn't frown so much, it makes you look ugly.

OK.

All right, Terry, I haven't seen you in ages.

Well, it was nice seeing you!

What happened there? Did the brother give you agro?

Yeah, something like that.

Never mind. There's plenty more where she came from.

Now, get that down you.

Are you all right?

SHE STRUGGLES TO BREATHE

Grace, you're having an allergic reaction.

Has this ever happened before?

Can you call an ambulance?

Let's sit you down.

Don't worry, I'm a doctor.

I just need to get something from my car. OK?

I'll be right back.

Cheers.

Grace, I'm going to give you a shot of adrenaline.

SHE WHEEZES

Terry!

I thought she'd gone home!

She's not right for you.

So what? I'm never going to see her again.

-Wait up!

-Leave it!

Why do you have to ruin everything?!

There'll be other girls.

I'm in a wheelchair and my name's Terry.

That was your dad's idea, not mine.

Why don't we just go home and have a nice cup of tea?

I don't want a cup of tea. I want to get laid!

That's never going to happen while I'm stuck with you.

I'm going to go to the massage parlour and get it out the way.

Well, you can make your own way there.

See you later, Terry.

See ya! Bye, Imogen.

Where have you been?

To the tackiest bar in Letherbridge. I saw Terry and Bethan.

Did you?

Yeah, something weird was going on. Terry was really quite offensive.

I can't believe she would go behind my back.

What do you mean?

Getting you to meet in some tacky bar, like you're a...hooker.

-Excuse me?

-Exactly! I think Bethan's lost it.

-Cherry?

-I'm just going to have a quick shower.

-There's a surprise for you on the bed.

-Is there?

Beetroot?

He said that's the only thing he's added to the recipe since last week.

Why would you ruin a perfectly good brownie?

Apparently, they do it in the posh delis.

That figures.

The ambulance should be here soon.

If you're a doctor, why the hell are you working here?

The Mill can only take me on part-time,

this was the only other job I could get.

So why lie about it?

I just wanted to keep them separate.

So we wouldn't be intimidated by your higher status?

That's not what I meant.

I couldn't care less if you're doctor.

Good.

-You've got a cheek!

-What are YOU doing here?

-Don't play the innocent with me.

-I can't deal with this now, Karen.

-You started it.

-Terry's gone to the massage parlour.

What's that got to do with me?

We had an argument. I just left him there, outside the bar.

On his own, Karen.

All right, calm down.

His phone's turned off. What if something's happened?

He's an adult, he'll take care of himself.

He might not have enough money for a cab.

It's so dodgy round there.

What if someone nicks his wheelchair and leaves him by the road?!

-Really?

-People are cruel, Karen.

But if anyone lays a hair on his head...

He's not going to want you running up to him in hysterics,

after he's just lost his virginity - he'll be scarred for life.

I don't care. I'd rather know he's OK.

Isn't that a bit selfish?

Get in, put the kettle on.

Put it down.

DOOR OPENS

There you are! I left you a couple of messages.

My phone ran out of battery, sorry.

I'd better be off.

Thanks for everything, Karen.

Anytime. Terry.

-I'm starving.

-Help yourself.

-You've worked up an appetite.

-HE TUTS

How was...your evening?

Mum, I didn't actually go into that place.

You didn't?

I thought I'd give that internet dating site a go instead.

Might be a little bit less terrifying.

That sounds like a great idea.

I don't suppose you want a cup of tea?

I'll make it.

< Dinner's ready!

Coming!

Amy?

Who are you?

It's me. Your sister.

-Don't do the look.

-What look?

-The smug look.

-I'm not!

-A girl's got to make a living.

-Ooh!

Out!

HE LAUGHS

Looks like somebody's come to the wrong meeting.

-Why don't you trust her?

-She died ten years ago.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd