Paranoid Doctors

KNOCK AT DOOR

Colin, you've locked the door again.

One minute...

I thought we had an agreement.

Sorry. Habit.

You're not going to stumble into the outside world

because the door's unlocked.

Do you really still need those?

It's still quite painful.

Then maybe you should go back to the doctor.

You've got my consent to deal with them.

I want you to deal with them.

I want you to leave this room.

You could start by having a shower.

It's not like I smell! You do.

Howard Hughes isn't a lifestyle template.

You know I can't go out. We've tried.

Maybe you haven't tried hard enough.

I want my life back. Our life.

And you're letting what happened take it away.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Come in.

A list of new patients and their notes.

Glad to see we're still attracting some.

Shouldn't we be?

Well, haven't exactly been beating down the door, of late.

Still, it's one in the eye for Gary Lucas.

Who? Oh, he's this slick operator who's setting up this...

Who's this? Jessica Harding?

Oh, now, that is a patient that Nurse Marquez has taken an interest in.

What for? To see how far we can stretch our resources?

I believe she is a...well, larger lady.

Yes, with multiple health issues.

No doubt all related to a lack of control over food.

Perhaps Nurse Marquez sees those as a challenge.

The challenge they represent, is to my budget.

I'm sorry, I don't see what else we can do.

You mean you won't do anything else?

Medically, we've done all we can.

But he's still using the crutches and complaining of pain.

It was a broken hip.

In a battle between man and speeding car, speeding car will tend to win.

Do you think levity is appropriate?

You're a counsellor, you tell me.

I'm a relationship counsellor.

But my own relationship's being destroyed

because my husband can't leave the house.

The agoraphobia's like a prison for both of us.

Have you tried CBT?

The group sessions were a mile away.

What about reality orientation?

I was trying to send him outside into the street,

and he was knocked down by the joyrider just a few yards away.

But he couldn't cope.

He was sure that... ..it would happen again.

Can't you just talk to him? Persuade him to...try harder?

I'm not a psychologist.

But Colin respects you.

He might listen to what you have to say.

KNOCK AT DOOR

This should have been flagged up to me before.

What, her notes?

The nature of her...condition. Why?

A patient like this can have a disproportionate effect.

On what?

On the budget. Oh.

This is about money.

I have targets to meet. And this is about...

This is about treating Jess and giving her a better quality of life.

Yes, which takes time. And resources.

And when a patient's condition is self-inflicted...

Howard, she's 14!

She's got pressure sores, sleep apnoea,

and her mum's struggling to cope now they've got this hearing on Friday...

Hearing?

Social Services.

It's to decide...whether Jess should be removed.

Fabulous.

So now you've gone and put your Florence Nightingale cap on

and promised to go in and sort it all out, have you? No!

No, I...I thought I could help.

We've only just finished that other mess with the social services.

I'll take responsibility.

Oh, that's good to hear.

But unfortunately, the ultimate responsibility lands here.

Thank you.

Howard can't refuse to take Jess.

He thinks she'll take up too much time and resources.

What, he means money?

Yeah, like we cost things patient-by-patient.

And what makes it worse is

he thinks that Jess's problems are self-inflicted.

She's a kid. Yeah.

With problems he's never experienced.

You know, I've got a good mind to go back in that office... Mate...

I wouldn't.

I just can't believe he's being so unsympathetic.

He doesn't really understand

the medical and the social side, does he?

I can do a lot for her.

Yeah, course you could.

Remember, you're not on your own, mate, OK?

So, which doctor is Jess going to be with?

She needs someone who's...considerate.

And understanding.

Anyone but Kev, then?

I think Mandy could have used a bit more nous.

She should have seen the implications

and suggested that the girl go to another surgery.

Isn't that just passing the buck? Well, it would have been preferable.

I suppose, now, we're obliged to take her on.

Or are we?

Well, she's in our catchment area. So, legally, yes.

And morally.

Yeah, but is it moral - or ethical - that one person's treatment

should affect what we can do for others?

Well, I understand your concern

about people taking personal responsibility.

If not the children, then the parents.

Yes, but in these cases, there are often multiple factors at work.

And who's to say what starts an impulsive relationship with food?

I'm just trying to convey how big an impact it's going to have.

And no-one thinks any the less of you for that.

Well, try telling Mandy that.

There you go.

Karen, can you check which doctors have spaces on their lists?

Do you not think they're working hard enough?

Let's see, um...

Heston's full, the Hyacinth Bucket brigade love him.

Jimmi's...full, Mr Sympathy.

Emma's full, miracle.

Daniel's full - mmm, mostly women, looks like. Kevin.

Oh, Kevin...

What's wrong with Kev?

Nothing, nothing. He can just be a bit unsympathetic.

Al or Zara?

Hmm.

Kevin in?

DOORBELL RINGS

These people always make excuses.

What do you mean, "these people"?

People like Jess and her mum.

They're always blaming others for their failures.

Kevin, you don't even know them.

I know plenty of people like them.

Where?

On the estate that you grew up on?

KNOCK AT DOOR Colin...

I didn't ask you to go and see the doctor.

You said I had your consent.

He wants to talk to you.

I'm fine.

He says he's fine.

He's spent most of the last four months locked in this room.

How fine does that sound?

I enjoy privacy.

This isn't privacy, it's psychosis.

Actually, I think you'll find that a textbook definition

of "psychosis"... DOOR OPENS

I am not psychotic.

He says he is not psychotic.

But the way you're behaving is hardly normal.

Define "normal."

Changing clothes, leaving the house. You know, the little things.

OK, then. How are we going to move this little situation along?

By Colin allowing you to help him.

He HAS been helping me.

Antidepressants aren't a solution.

And you've given up on everything else.

I don't need my reality re-oriented

or my...cognitive behaviour therapised.

Is there a verb "to therapise"?

There's a verb "to divorce."

I don't like using it, and I don't want it to happen.

But, if we don't want to travel down that road,

I need you to start talking to the doctor.

Today.

How are you with crime?

Crime? Where do you stand?

Generally I'm against it.

So how do you feel about a man being held against his will?

Mmm.

The others haven't seen it, Kev.

They didn't grow up in places like we did.

They haven't seen a mum screaming in the street

because the police and social are taking her kids off her.

You don't know that's going to happen with Jess.

Yeah, but look at what happened with Zara and Daniel, with Joe.

If they can't defend themselves,

how on earth are Jess and her mum going to manage?

People like Jess just need a chance.

They don't need condemning or criticising.

They get enough of that.

What they really need is help.

OK. OK, what?

OK, I'll do it.

Ahh, oh, you star!

I'm going to go over there first, OK?

If what you're saying about the pressure sores is correct,

it sounds like I'm already going to have to prescribe antibiotics,

and I am not giving them the opportunity

to blame me for anything.

(Thank you.)

I thought Jane was trying to get you out of the house.

I wasn't talking about Jane.

Who's that?

Norma. Across the street.

I don't want anything to do with this.

Do you think I'm a stalker?! I'm not saying that,

but you'd be surprised how quickly people will jump to that conclusion.

Wait.

That's her husband.

The difference between me and him is that I'm stuck here

through a set of physical and psychological circumstances.

His wife has tied him to a chair.

What?

Past two days. Strike you as "normal"?

KNOCK AT DOOR

Everything OK in there?

Dr Haskey is just making observations.

Good. I've got some appointments, at the centre.

I hope you're listening to what the doctor's saying.

So?

Being tied to a chair, might not be against his will.

Then what is it?

Do I really need to spell it out?

Get your point.

But - there's kinky...

..and there's...

Whoa!

Look like fun to you?

So Kevin's taking her on?

He's sympathetic.

Unlike me.

Look, I know you have to count the beans... What?

I know you've got to keep an eye on the budget.

So you do take on board what I'm saying?

I'm just trying to give Jess a chance.

Her mother feels let down, like her previous practice failed her.

Yes, well, I've checked about the hearing.

The previous practice referred her.

Maybe that was the easy option.

Maybe it was the only option. Oh, right.

And taking the girl away from her mother

isn't going to make her life any better, is it?

Mmm.

Well, you may well have to justify that, come Friday.

I don't just count the beans.

We all have a duty of care for patients,

but I also have a duty of care for my staff.

I'm just saying, this may be more of a challenge than you think.

I used to see him... Bill, going to work every morning.

Ah, so spying on the neighbours isn't a recent thing?

It was after the accident.

When the therapy...failed...

I didn't really have much else to do.

You could try daytime TV?

Learn how to value an antique or find a nice property in the Shires?

They have boy racers there too, you know.

Anyhow, a few weeks back he just disappeared. Disappeared?

Didn't see him.

Until he turned up two days ago in his present condition.

Well, obviously the wife isn't very pleased to see him.

Or, she's incredibly pleased to see him...

I think she's had him in the cellar. The cellar?

She's kept him incarcerated, in semi-darkness.

Dungeon-like. What, behind a Perspex wall,

where he's making etchings of the Duomo as seen from the Belvedere?

I'm not convinced you're taking this seriously.

No, that was my Hann...

What if she's kept him waiting, helpless,

never knowing when the time will come?

And now she's about to deliver the coup de grace...

You know when you went to A&E, after the accident?

Yes.

Did they miss any head injuries?

MUSIC PLAYS THROUGH HEADPHONES We were just tidying up.

Jess, this is our new doctor, Dr Tyler.

Kevin.

Thought you'd be old. Jess!

I can get an older doctor if you like.

Nah, you're all right.

Is that One Direction?

You a fan?

That's where I might be too old.

Yeah. Maybe a bit more into Michael Buble.

Not that old, cheeky!

She'll go on about music all day, given the chance.

Now, anyone like some tea?

Please.

I'm all right, thanks.

Look, I think calling the police might be a little bit hasty.

She assaulted him.

You THINK she assaulted him.

We both saw it.

What about the cellar stuff?

How are you going to explain that to the police?

OK, well, maybe that's pushing it a bit.

But the bloke's been missing,

he turns up tied to a chair in his own bedroom and his wife,

apparently not in a state of Zen equilibrium,

is beating him around the head. Yeah, and what if you're wrong?

What if the police burst in on two completely consenting adults

just enjoying a bit of afternoon delight?

And what if something does happen?

I can see the headlines, "Domestic murder -

"concerned neighbour and local GP ignored warnings."

It sounds a lot better than "Domestic intrusion -

"unwitting GP and pervert agoraphobe charged with voyeurism."

I see your point.

Maybe we can make sure.

How?

If she's true to schedule,

Norma will be leaving the house in three minutes' time.

She takes Mrs Envers to the community centre.

And she'll be gone for approximately ten minutes.

What are you going to do?

It's what you're going to do.

Me? Maybe she left a window open.

You go over there, climb in and see if he's all right.

I'm not climbing in anywhere - I get vertigo very easily.

Right, so it's your inability to climb through a window

versus my inability to leave my own front door?

She's leaving.

Ahead of schedule.

I really don't...

Either you go over there, or I call the police.

Ten minutes?

Ten minutes.

What...? Here.

You are seriously tooled up for this, aren't you?

Jane got them when I was doing the reality orientation,

to provide reassurance. It didn't work.

Nine minutes. Right. I'll be watching.

So, Jess, you say you've not had any more pain from the gallstones?

You mean biliary colic?

Yeah.

No. Have you, love?

Maybe a bit.

You know, they say four out of five gallstones

are caused by excess cholesterol?

I know about cholesterol.

Then how come she's still eating high-fat foods?

They're low-fat.

It's still not part of the recommended diet.

It's better to let her have a treat, occasionally.

Otherwise, she'll just sneak them and eat more.

Isn't that right, Jess? Yeah.

I'm not convinced you're trying hard enough.

Sorry, I will try harder...

I mean, both of you.

I'm trying my best.

It's not about trying your best.

It's about making the right choices.

And I don't think you're helping Jess make the right choices.

What are you doing?

Well, you know, I just thought I'd take a moment

to try and reconcile quantum mechanics and superstring theory.

What does it look like I'm doing?!

Get on with it!

This place is more secure than the Death Star.

Seven minutes. All right, give me a minute!

DOOR CREAKS OPEN

Whoa! I thought that kind of stuff only happened in the movies.

Well, go on, then.

If Bill's in trouble, you'll be a hero for saving him.

Yeah, and if he's just up to some kinky business with his missus,

then this is breaking and entering.

And by a Peeping Tom.

Six minutes.

Now, Mandy suggested you clean between the skin folds twice a day.

We do. Don't we, Jess?

Yeah.

I'm seeing dirty skin, inflamed pressure sores.

She sweats.

A daily skincare routine will reduce the need for further treatment.

If the sores get too bad then we might be looking at surgery.

Surgery?

The sores can cause all sorts of infections.

Don't worry, I'm going to prescribe you with some antibiotics.

Surgery is the last resort and we'll do all we can to avoid it.

I should hope so.

I'd also like Jess to start exercising.

She already does.

Following the regime suggested by the last practice?

What did they know?

The exercises are pretty standard. Jess?

I will...do try.

Music can help.

I've even been known to play a bit of JLS at the gym.

You like JLS?

Well, I bench-press to The Club is Alive.

Hey!

It's a good track, helps get you moving.

And I'd also suggest that you sleep in your bed and not on the sofa.

She fell asleep last night, watching TV.

I didn't want to disturb her.

It's important that she gets off the sofa.

She gets into the habit of moving around.

OK, Jess? OK.

Mandy's made a huge effort on your behalf.

She thinks you're a great girl. And so do I.

Thanks.

But I need to see more effort.

Changing diet, getting more exercise and losing some weight.

And, believe me,

it's something they'll want to know about at the hearing.

Can you see him?

Just getting there...

When you see him, make sure he...

It's Norma...

she's outside the front door!

FRONT DOOR OPENS

Colin, what's going on?

Colin?

Colin?

She's...got a cricket bat.

I think she's going to kill him. You've got to stop her!

I'm stuck.

What do you mean?!

I mean I'm locked in the bathroom.

You're going to have to come over. I can't!

What about Jane? She's at work.

Then it's going to have to be you, Colin.

Come on, you've got to do this.

# Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens

# Bright copper kettles and warm woollen mittens... #

Still here, good.

Now you're really going to get what you deserve.

# These are a few of my favourite things

# Cream-coloured ponies and crisp apple strudels

# Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles

# Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

# These are a few of... # CAR HORN BLARES

# Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

# Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

# Silver white winters that melt into springs

# These are a few of my favourite things

# When the dog bites, when the bee stings... #

Norma, no!

Colin. Hi.

# I simply remember my favourite things

# And then I don't feel so bad. #

I think there's something wrong with the Western world.

There are kids are starving on half the continents

and here we're feeding them sugar and saturated fats,

and killing them.

You didn't go off at 'em, did you?

Jess is a decent kid. But Vanessa stuffs her.

And she doesn't clean her properly. Those pressure sores were weeping.

Maybe it isn't such a bad idea if Jess WERE removed.

Kevin, can you imagine what that would do to them?

Well, then, talk to Vanessa.

It's ignorance - no, actually, it's arrogance.

And it's leading to neglect.

Maybe it's just about learning to change.

Maybe it's about finding some common sense and being a decent mother.

So, how's the new patient?

There are issues. Food being the main one.

But we think we can get there.

Well, I'm glad you're confident.

"Think we can get there"? We can.

Do you think it's easy to change people's behaviour?

No, but you're just assuming they can't.

All right, let's see.

What you doing?

Friend of mine, GP, said if you want to look at patients' behaviour,

look on social media.

Isn't that spying?

No, it's public domain.

If they put photos up, then they can't grumble

when people look at them.

Bill was unfaithful.

Not like he was George Clooney,

but he always had something that women liked.

Is that why you stayed with him?

I loved him.

Even though he seemed to prefer a short skirt and a pair of D-cups

to any notion of fidelity.

And even though he worked in council tax.

He had a head for figures.

Clearly.

So how come he disappeared?

Ran off to Dubai with a 26-year-old.

Hottest place he ever took me was the Isle of Wight.

I was feeling very down. Discarded.

Jane offered to help.

So Jane suggested the dummy?

Transference therapy.

What? I was to address my feelings of rejection

and anger at a substitute for Bill.

I thought if I put the music on I could shout at him

and vent my feelings, without the neighbours hearing.

But when I saw his face... I got a bit carried away.

Norma? What happened?

Transference therapy, apparently.

Can I ask you, where exactly did you train?

Distance learning. Oh.

Maybe you should have sat a little closer to the front.

I'm not really a violent person.

I was just seeking an instrument for my emotions.

Colin...you're out. Hmm.

I mean...out of the house.

It's a little something I like to call murder therapy.

You think that someone's about to be murdered

and it's amazing what you can overcome.

I have every confidence it's going to be a big hit.

Like those other scientifically proven things,

monkey tennis or transference therapy.

Dr Haskey has actually been very helpful.

I am out of the house because of him.

Actually, it's because I was locked in the toilet.

But I'll take the credit. I was...

letting things go on. Fear.

I thought it was me you were withdrawing from.

Well...I'd better get going.

Thank you, Doctor.

Is there anything else you'd recommend?

Actually, yeah, there is.

Ditch the surveillance cameras and give daytime TV a go.

There is some surprisingly good stuff out there.

Jess doesn't look unhappy.

There's food in every photo we've seen.

Not just at the house, but everywhere she goes.

Yeah, but it's not unusual to have food when you're out.

Not all the time.

Everything she does is accompanied by eating junk food.

It's not normal. It's not fair, and there's no way you can defend it.

Jane Austen, she sleeps with the fishes.

This is a Jane Austen Readathon. Austen - am I clear?

I wish I could wear nice clothes.

You do.

That top really suits you. It's a lovely colour.

And after one got a blow out,

one could so easily then be perceived to be crawling along

in one's car. And if a police car passed,

one could so easily think that the police car

thought that you were kerb crawling!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd