Floss Doctors

How long? Jas! How much longer are you going to be?

I hate your shower! You've been in there for ages!

There's something wrong with your thermostat. I need to get in there.

You've already been in for 40 minutes.

I spent half that cleaning up your mess. There was stuff everywhere!

What? Two jumpers?

If your machine did a proper hand wash... It would if it was a hand wash machine, but it's not, is it?

Look, I need to get my floss. You can wait!

Woman! Two seconds. It won't kill you!

Floss!

Serves you right.

Martin. Oh, good heavens.

Bearnaise sauce? Seriously?

You know this will never be as good as the real thing.

The real thing is bad for my digestion. You never told me that.

My dear, if I told you everything I didn't think to mention, we'd be here forever.

Bernard, I'll leave these.

Don't be silly. Martin... No time, I'm afraid.

This is ridiculous! You can't really be...

Oh, please!

It doesn't matter.

It's such a small part of a...

Ridiculous man!

I'll take these for him.

I hope it is Mrs Buckley's test results.

Ah! They are getting faster.

She only had the scan on Thursday.

Is Heston at the campus today?

Yes, I believe so. Let me just check the rota.

Ah, Doctor Tyler, bright and punctual as always.

Barely. You don't happen to have any, erm...

No, don't worry about it.

It looks very swollen.

Can you get me an earlier appointment?

There's no way you can pull some strings?

Look, I've tried, but it's impossible.

I don't think I can wait.

Hey. Erm, I'll...I'll call you later.

Can't get enough of her, eh?

Erm, I fancy a cup of tea. Do you want one?

I'd love a coffee. I didn't sleep a wink last night.

You know that patient - Jess?

She's 14 and she's morbidly obese.

How many times have you seen that before?

But she's really big. Even I was shocked.

Well, what about her family? Who's responsible?

She's with her mum, but they've got a lot going on, so...

Yeah, like chips and takeaways. That's a bit harsh.

Sorry. I had a pretty rough night too.

Are you OK? Yeah, fine. This girl?

It's just, I'm thinking, what if there's an emergency and the mum can't get home for any reason?

She's that extreme? Not yet, but if no one does anything.

You cannot be the only person who's come into contact with her. No, Vanessa and her mum.

She said the previous practices have had problems

and got Social Services involved.

Maybe for good reasons.

Maybe, or maybe they drove her away.

Now Jess is even more isolated and the mum is terrified.

It happens.

I'd be careful about seeing things one way though, yeah?

No matter how many of these cases I do,

there's always one that still gets you, you know?

So he's turfed you out again, has he?

Hello, Martin.

You don't know if Kevin's hidden a key anywhere, do you?

If he has, far be it from me to divulge.

We men have a strict code.

I'm not joking. I'm stuck out here.

And an asset to the neighbourhood.

By the way, what is that you're wearing? Street fashion or something from Army Surplus?

If you're not going to help me, do you have a mobile I can borrow?

There's no key as far as I'm aware, nor, alas, do I have a mobile,

but you're welcome to use my telephone.

Erm...

It's somewhat slipshod, but not unsanitary.

No, I wasn't...

Thanks.

My home is yours, my dear.

Thank you. We will see you next week.

TELEPHONE The Mill Health Centre.

Mrs Tembe, it's me. Doctor Khella, you are late!

Obviously, I know that.

I'm locked out of the house. Can I speak to Kevin? He's with a patient.

As you should be! Great.

Doctor Carmichael, you have left this.

Not that I'll have time to read that today!

Mrs Tembe? Yes, sorry.

Can you please ask him to come home as soon as possible?

Of course. Thank you.

I suppose it's too late to arrange a locum?

I imagine so.

I'll see what I can do with the rota.

Back again?

It's not about your son. It's a separate case.

I see.

Is it possible to speak to Mandy Marquez, please?

I will see if she is available

but we have been very busy this morning.

Thanks for seeing me. I wish I could say it was a pleasure.

I'm sorry? Daniel and Zara are still getting over what you put them through.

Don't you think it's a bit tactless coming here so soon? It's not ideal, I know.

Unfortunately, we're just so short-staffed at the moment.

Can I ask who it is this time? Jess Harding.

I just saw her yesterday.

We were contacted by her previous practice,

who feel there's a case for investigation. Contact them if it's their complaint.

She's now registered at this practice so we have to work with you.

So, if we can start with a few details.

It's purest wool from the Highlands.

Not necessary. You'd rather display your voluminous nightwear?

Fine! I can manage.

I should fetch you some slippers. No, thank you.

What...what are you doing here?

What are you... No...

You think it's funny, do you? How old are you?

You're making a fool of yourself.

Me? I'm not the one with a stupid girl!

She's not a girl, she's a doctor. Even worse! That's breach of patient something-or-other.

This is a silly mistake. It's a mistake, all right. To think I bothered!

I hope you drown!

That's assault! You apologise.

No! You...you started this!

Vindictive childishness!

Thank goodness you have called. I have not got your neighbour's telephone number.

It's been ages. What happened to Kevin? I'm still here.

Doctor Tyler had to rush out to the chemist to get some dental floss.

What? It will be fine.

He has a spare key and he told me where to find it.

There is a flower pot outside.

There are two flower pots and they're heavy.

Never fear, Martin's here.

You are very lucky to have such a good neighbour.

Yeah, very lucky.

Nothing here.

Oh! Are you alright?

Yeah, yeah. Fine.

'He said there was a red rim around it.'

Nothing.

But he assured me.

I will give Doctor Tyler another call.

Kevin's just gone on an emergency.

Emergency? This is an emergency!

Yes, you are right.

I will ring a locksmith.

'But it might take some time.'

Perfect.

There we are.

Thank you.

You don't need to wait with me. I'm sure you've got better things to do.

Nothing that would take priority. HE BREAKS WIND

Sorry. Last night's curry was below par.

Maybe you should learn to cook? Ha!

How much takeaway do you eat? You do know it's loaded with salt and fat...?

Ah, the deliciousness! Briny globules.

No, I must do better, as my friendly dietician says.

Chains of habit last,

not that I was subjected to this standing at the bar.

Fillet steak and sauces.

You miss your old life. With every follicle.

There was never a Mrs Martin?

Never. You sound proud.

Well, I never had time for women.

You've got time now,

not that I'm offering.

I'm not just a handsome face...

Oh, it never ends!

Since you two are obviously so cosy... You are becoming tedious!

..you can take them back yourself or lump it.

In either case, pay me back. That's the least you can do.

Look, I think there's been a misunderstanding.

I'm sure you feel very smug. You idiotic woman.

She's gloating. Actually, I'm waiting for a locksmith.

And you let me think... This is Freudian sublimation.

Oh, rubbish! We all just need to calm down.

Oh, shut up, you silly girl!

He's using you to make up for his own deficiencies.

Martin, what's going on? Inside.

You want to go inside? You can't move. You need to call an ambulance.

No, it's just my angina. My pills... I'll get them.

It's too hard to explain. Let me help you. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have upset you.

It was just seeing you two together.

You recover quickly.

It's the pills. He only needs one, although this was particularly bad.

You're almost out. Have you got another prescription? In the drawer.

Maybe I should examine you and see if there's anything else going on.

Perhaps you ought to see your own doctor. Examine me? I'd be delighted.

I am going to be right back.

Alone at last! Let's celebrate with some scotch.

You're faking it? Naturally!

Admit it, you wanted rid of her too. I can't believe you.

For a moment, I actually thought you were a decent human being!

No, no! Wait!

Proper coffee.

How did it go? Not good?

Thanks.

They putting the pressure on? Not yet.

They said there'll be a hearing to decide the best course of action.

They just want me to help with their evaluation.

You knew something was up. Not this quickly.

Jess and Vanessa trusted me.

I don't want to be part of breaking them up.

If you don't feel right about it, I'm happy to step in.

What, you think I can't handle it? No, that's not what I'm saying.

I'm thinking, if it's getting to you, it's not going to be easy.

What's happened? What are you doing out here again?

I need to borrow your mobile. Why? Has he gotten worse?

You could say that.

Come on, what is it? The suspense is killing me.

Is it Peter and Jane?

New words, Peter and Jane.

You managed to find some time to read after all. I'm certainly trying!

May I ask who the author is? Why is everyone so interested?

I'm sure you're all expecting it to be some bodice-ripping piece of rubbish,

but it's actually a piece of classic literature, so I'm sorry to disappoint you!

That would be the last thing I would be.

I happen to love the classics.

The author...is he British?

She is English.

Not Jane Austen?

The very same.

Ah, a fellow Austen lover. So, which one are you reading?

Sense And Sensibility. One of my favourites.

Although I do have a soft spot for Miss Woodhouse.

Emma Woodhouse!

Handsome, clever and rich, with a comfortable home

and happy disposition, seemed to unite some of the best blessings

of existence and had lived 21 years in this world...

BOTH: With very little to distress or vex her!

But of course, these days

you do not see quite so many people reading her.

There's an exhibition coming to Birmingham in a couple of weeks.

Really?

Costumes, artefacts, memorabilia.

Fascinating!

Of course, Daniel has shown absolutely zero interest in coming with me.

Well...I would be honoured.

Did they say they'd be very long?

I don't know. They're not very sympathetic.

I can't believe Martin. To think I grovelled and apologised.

To think I nearly examined him. He knew that I knew he was faking and still!

Disgusting! He should be... I don't know, locked outside.

Or forced to have a real angina attack...not that I wish him any physical harm,

but he needs to be punished somehow.

Why make all that drama?

A normal person would have said, "I'm sorry, I don't have the time right now", or something.

Do you think he's all right in there?

That man has wasted all of our time, not to mention almost giving you a heart attack.

You live next door. Has he ever said anything about me?

No. He and I don't talk.

He talks to Kevin and even Kevin's not sure why.

You think he's a clown.

I know he was a barrister about a hundred years ago.

How old did you say you were?

Don't tell me.

You're young, so you can't imagine what it's like losing your career.

Martin thought he'd be there till the very end, not helping silly girls in the neighbourhood.

Sorry, but you don't know him.

Although, like everyone, I dismissed him too,

until, one day, I was so low I needed legal advice about my work.

He said it wasn't his area but he'd look at my contract and he did.

Turns out he was kind and funny.

So, deep down, he's not a complete creep.

He's embarrassed because he can't perform.

I invited him to my house for steak bearnaise.

He said he missed it so I made it for him. I didn't know about the...

But anyway, one thing led to another, you know.

Except it didn't.

Well, that was probably his heart.

I know. That's what I've been trying to tell him. He won't...

It's been nearly a week and...

Look, why don't you go and talk to him?

He's probably in a better mood now he's had a few drinks.

He's not allowed to drink. It's not recommended...

Not the heart, but his pancreas also. The doctors said he can't drink, ever.

Oh.

TELEPHONE

Mandy speaking. 'Is it true?'

You're not going to be my nurse any more?

Jess?

Why?

Erm, is your mum home, love?

She's busy right now.

Don't cry. You'll like Chris.

He's really nice and he's fun.

I thought you liked me.

I do, but I've got other patients who need me.

You're the first person who hasn't treated me like a freak.

Chris won't either, I promise you.

I want you.

I can't. It's complicated. This is why I need to speak to your mum.

She wants to talk to you.

'Can you do that for me, Jess?'

Can you get her to give me a call?

If it's about Social Services, I already know.

You do?

They want me to live away from Mum... in case I die.

But I won't anyway because she's doing her best...

..especially if you help her.

Please, will you stay?

Please.

Go away. We just want to make sure you're OK.

Spare me, pestering, interfering women.

Stop it! You know you're being stupid.

Martin, I need those slippers you offered.

You spurned those, as I recall.

Yes, but then I missed my locksmith, so now I've got to wait for another one and my feet are freezing.

You can come in.

They're here somewhere.

You really look unwell.

It could be the pancreatitis. I suppose the old dragon told you.

She did, and something else.

Out.

Wait... Blurting, blathering creatures!

Take these and go.

You can't even bend over.

Look, you need to calm down.

Oh, I should take advice from you,

who's so bereft of common sense, she manages to lock herself out of her house

and then hasn't the wherewithal to jump into a taxi and seize the keys from her boyfriend's house-mate.

He's not my boyfriend. He's even more intelligent than I gave him credit for.

Ow.

Have you finished yet? No, I'm holding back.

Punishing yourself isn't going to change what happened.

Pop psychology from a child in a potato sack!

Classic case of a man avoiding relationships his whole entire life

to his physical detriment, I might add... If you have a point, will you get to it please?

..who, because of his inexperience,

doesn't realise when he's finally onto a good thing.

Or maybe he does.

Maybe he's afraid of being judged. Wouldn't that be ironic?

It doesn't matter!

There's a woman out there who likes you, for some unknown reason,

but because you've embarrassed yourself, you'd rather stay in here

and torment her and your pancreas,

which is completely ridiculous even to you, surely?

Let me tell you about embarrassment.

The reason I didn't jump into a taxi is because I'm wearing

this ridiculous thing, which, if my colleagues ever were to see it,

would never let me forget.

KNOCK ON DOOR

There you are! I have left you so many messages.

I was in an emergency call, wasn't I? I've told you where the spare key is.

It is not there. Doctor Khella is still waiting.

No way.

I know I left it there, under the flower pot.

She's going to kill me.

Well, I know I would.

Zara, this is dull.

Zara!

No.

It can't be that exciting.

And what would you know about that?

Mrs Tembe, the more I see of the world,

the more convinced I am that...?

That I will never see

whom I can really love.

Is that supposed to be aimed at me? Do you think it applies to you?

It is a truth universally acknowledged.

You see, Miss Austen has something to offer everyone, Dr Haskey.

If only you could get over your prejudice.

OK, fine!

I shall attend your exhibition and wallow in the small-minded

mediocrity of 18th century country life.

Oh, Miss Doobry, have you not heard that Lady Doobry lost her bonnet at Northanger Park,

and Captain Tightend, in a rage, has decreed never to speak to her again.

Oh, the mortif... nonsense!

He has absolutely no idea.

Hey, Martin, what have you been up to?

Oh, the usual!

You want to hook up with her, especially in that sexy wigwam.

Just ignore him! Are you coming with us?

No, I want the ugly one.

This is what I have to put up with!

That's enough from you.

Here.

You can't blame me... Keys.

Thank you.

Is he going to be OK!

Jas?

Hey!

KNOCK ON DOOR Yeah?

I have just been looking up the Austin exhibition online.

There is a reception that I think we should all go to.

That is a fantastic idea. And I've had another.

An Austen read-a-thon!

Everyone at the practice has to agree to read at least one Austen novel

to raise money for charity through sponsorship.

Wonderful!

But some of the doctors...

Doctor Tyler, that boy would not pick up a book if his life depended on it.

Then he'll just fail the test, won't he?

Every participant has to prove they have read Jane Austen

and if they can't, they will pay a hefty fine.

Remarkable!

Only you could think of a punishment for the sake of charity.

Thank you...

I think.

TELEPHONE Yeah, it's Chris.

Yeah, OK. Just a sec.

It's Social Services. Do we want them or shall I speak?

No, no, no. I'll take it.

Thanks.

Mandy Marquez.

Firstly, I want to thank you for this morning.

Actually, I'm glad you called.

I've been doing some thinking and...

I'd really like to work closely with you and the family.

'We all want the same thing, at the end of the day.'

Of course. That's... No-one wants to break up a family that's coping.

And it's part of my job to make sure they've got the knowledge and support that they need.

Obviously, my colleagues and I will be closely monitoring them

so, by the time the hearing comes... Actually, that's the reason I'm calling.

The magistrate's court have just been in touch and they've brought the hearing forward to Friday.

Friday? That's hardly a week away.

No, it's this Friday.

I'm so sorry. I realise it's ridiculously short notice,

but the courts are so full at the moment so any time they can get...

Hello?

Are you there?

Hello?

How do you feel about a man being held against his will?

Taking the girl away from her mother isn't going to make her life any better.

Well, you may well have to justify that, come Friday.

If Bill's in trouble, you'll be a hero for saving him.

This is breaking and entering and by a Peeping Tom!

I'm not convinced you're trying hard enough.

Sorry, I will try harder. I mean, both of you.

I'm trying my best.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd