Dragon Doctors

MAN SOBS

Put that down. Come here.

-I'm an idiot.

-Yes, you are, but come here anyway

before everybody sees how much of a wuss you are.

SHE LAUGHS

-You snot on me and I'll kill you.

-Shut up.

Urgh!

Stop it! I'm emotional. It's allowed.

Hang about you'll get a part in the panto!

I'm doing the right thing. I know I am.

Yeah, I know you are too.

I just...didn't expect a happy ending, that's all.

You deserve it.

Right.

BOTTLES CLINK

Kevin, what's that?

Kevin, I told you, I don't want a leaving do!

I don't want to arrive in Montreal with a hangover.

-You'll be all right with those cases, won't you?

-Kevin, I mean it!

I don't want any fuss.

-Morning.

-Morning.

-She could do with a hand.

-Eh?

-You haven't seen me, right?

-Oh.

Let me give you a hand.

Oh!

-After you.

-Oh, thanks!

-Where'd he go?

-Who?

-Give it back. You can't have it!

-But I need it.

-I said no!

Erm...

-Is everything all right?

-Hello!

Thank goodness you're here.

-Hello. Do we know each other?

-No.

-Right. Can I help?

-Yes, you can.

This gentleman is trying to take a pie without a voucher

and it's not even for him!

Oh, dear. Is this true?

Yes.

Well, I am sure

we can resolve this.

-Who is the meat pie for?

-My dragon.

Cheer up. It might never happen.

Already did. I volunteered for the panto.

Do you think if I come to Canada with you, Aran would mind?

You're very brave, you know?

-I'm not that brave.

-No, actually.

If I had someone that looked at me, the way I looked at you,

I'd follow them to the end of the world. Yeah, you're not that brave.

You old romantic. Thanks.

-So what's the plan then for work?

-Not got one.

Well, you need a plan.

No, you need me to have a plan because you're a control freak.

Sometimes life moves so fast you've just got to jump on board.

Point taken.

This is the last day huh?

Mmm.

These notes are wrong. Have you seen Valerie?

Yep. But I'm trying to forget. Shall I go and look for her?

Valerie?

-No?

-Nope.

SHE MOUTHS: Thank you.

Little?

-And that is your full name, is it?

-Little.

Right. Where do you live, Little?

5-2-4-5

2-1-9-1-3-1

8-9-8-8-9-9-6.

Little, this is a food bank. Which means we help people.

Doctors and charities,

they give people vouchers and they exchange them for food.

-Do you understand?

-Yes, Mrs Tembe.

-Are you sure we have not met?

-Yes.

-But you know my name?

-Yes. Can I have the pie now?

The pie is for people

who have no food or work.

-I have work.

-You do?

Yes. I work with dragons.

So, Heston's handing out the parts out today, is he?

Yes, everyone's very excited.

I know you're on holiday but you should really get down here.

Well, that's if I have time. I'm a very busy man.

Yeah, but still...

I'm hoping to get a line.

You're bound to get something.

Actually, Heston has been begging me to make myself available.

-What time was he thinking?

-'Mid afternoon.'

I'll see what I can do.

Oh, he's gone.

What a day! The panto! The party!

Yeah, it's great.

One of our close colleagues is leaving forever.

Look, I may have only just come back, but I know all about it.

I saw you looking all forlorn earlier. She's leaving.

Talk to her.

-Tea?

-Thanks.

Sorry. About earlier.

-No, no, it is fine.

-You're very generous.

I overreacted. It's not like me.

Though, in my defence, I've not been sleeping properly.

My Julie's just had seven babies.

My dog.

I see. You must not worry.

We attract all sorts.

Some just come to talk.

I doubt if Little will be back for his pie.

-I hope not.

-I'm sorry?

Vicar Viv brought me in to keep an eye on the stock.

We can't be giving food away to every whimsical chancer.

We're down five tins of custard already!

-Are we?

-Yes.

Whatever next? A dwarf in need of rice pudding?

Yeah.

-Oh, you're...

-Don't worry. I'm going.

I'm organising a no-fuss do for Miss Popular here. You up for it?

You're organising?

Yeah, yeah, sure I'm in.

Whoo-hoo. That's three of us.

Go, out. He's an idiot.

You got cards. I didn't get you a card.

Don't be daft, it doesn't matter.

This whole "Canadia" thing, what's that all "aboot?"

It's not because of me, is it?

What do you mean?

-You know, it's not because of us and him?

-No.

Because if it is, if one of us should leave then it should be me.

It's got nothing to do with you. It's me.

Aran has come back into my life and I'm really, really happy.

Can I have the pie now, please?

I think you misunderstood.

Is that a dragon's egg?

Oh, Little, it is beautiful.

Tall Tony thinks so.

-Tall Tony?

-My boss.

Would you like to listen?

Can you hear?

-Sorry.

-You believe in magic, don't you?

I know that the world is full of God's great mysteries

and some of them are very difficult to explain.

Of course I don't!

My dragon is dead.

If you don't believe in magic, how will he come back?

-If your dragon's dead, who do you want the pie for?

-My new dragon.

The one you can't hear.

Listen, I don't know what your game is

but your egg is made out of papier mache and you're not having the pie!

Take it.

-Thank you, Mrs Tembe.

-You're welcome, Little.

Your friend is in a demonic alignment. Be careful.

How dare you!

Come on, it was only a pie!

It wasn't yours to give away.

Mrs Warton, we work in a food bank!

Charity should be flexible.

Charity is a business.

I will be reporting you to Vicar Viv.

-Will you now?

-Yes.

As an incompetent and for squandering food to fools.

-Well, I will be reporting you as...

-Yes?

As a dragon!

# With glowing hearts we see thee rise

# The true north strong and free

# From far and wide

# Oh Canada

# We stand on guard for thee.... #

Oh! I didn't know anyone was there!

Beautiful. You have a lovely voice.

Have you ever sung professionally?

Stop it!

Actually, I did sing backing for a school Kajagoogoo tribute band once.

But I never pursued it though.

PHONE RINGS

Dr Carter?

Mrs Tembe, sorry to disturb you in the midst of your charity work.

'Not at all. It is always lovely to hear from you.'

In truth, I am not having the best of days.

-'Oh, dear. Are you all right?'

-I am fine.

I am just working with someone who is...well, a challenge.

Ah. Well, maybe I can help.

Now, look, I need you to repeat three times -

Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

I beg your pardon?

Trust me, Mrs Tembe.

Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

More gusto, please.

'Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.'

Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

Congratulations, Mrs Tembe!

You have just performed your first magic spell.

You are now the Fairy Godmother in The Mill panto.

Magic.

I am the Fairy Godmother?

Yes. Now, be happy, and go and spread the joy!

Thank you, Dr Carter.

I'm doing it for Joe as a surprise!

I'm doing it for Joe as a surprise. I had the idea first.

I don't think so.

-Exciting, isn't it?

-Yeah, thrilling, yeah.

-We'll talk about this later.

-Ladies and gentlemen,

thank you for agreeing to be part of the Mill's first ever pantomime.

Now, panto is a tradition dating back hundreds of years.

It's a tale of serpents and dragons, good versus evil,

men dressed as women, and women dressed as men.

Although its roots lie in ancient Greece, it is as much

a part of British culture as tea and Chicken Jalfrezi.

Thank you, I'm here all week.

Now, mine is a traditional panto infused with modern sensibilities

-where happy children will shout...

-Get on with it!

OK, OK. First up, a last minute decision but a very important one,

Valerie is Cinderella!

MILD APPLAUSE

O-M-G!

O-M-G! O-M-G!

-O-M-G!

-Congratulations.

Next up, the Ugly Sisters, Buttercup and Daisy - Daniel and Jimmi.

-I'm not wearing a dress.

-What?

I'm not going to let you embarrass me. Forget it.

Don't worry, I'll do it. I look good in a frock!

No, you can't, you're Baron Hardup.

-Hardup? I'm funnier than Hardup!

-Howard, please.

-Do I have a set piece with the brokers men?

-No.

-Then I'll have to read the script before I decide.

-Do that!

But when I offered Mrs Tembe the Fairy Godmother

she accepted with humility and grace.

O-M-G.

Zara, you are Prince Charming, if that's all right?

Absolutely! Ding dong!

Al, you're Buttons.

Al?

-You're Buttons.

-Buttons.

And finally, as agreed, Mandy will be the stage manager.

O-M-G.

I am so happy.

I would like to apologise.

Something has happened

and I'm feeling more magical than I did this morning.

I should not have walked out.

I am sorry, Mrs Warton.

Dwarf!

How marvellously un-PC!

I am so sorry. I was just taken by surprise.

That's my favourite way.

Inappropriate crassness. A personal affliction. Anyway, I'll move on.

You haven't seen this man, have you?

Taller than me, but not as good looking.

-That's Little.

-It is!

-And you must be Tall Tony.

-I am.

Thank you.

What a day!

Actually, Daniel is not going to be able to do the pantomime

-because he's needed for childcare.

-That's rubbish.

I think it's important for Joe to see his mother on stage,

-don't you agree?

-I could do Daniel's part!

-It's not up for grabs!

-Howard, you're Hardup.

I'm not stepping down on this!

It's as important for Joe to see me onstage as you.

He's only got 15 lines!

It's a high status part, you are perfect for it.

You could be the other Ugly Sister. Jimmi won't do it.

Would I be Buttercup or Daisy?

Neither! Jimmi will do the part that he is given.

You have to appreciate the play as a whole.

The Baron is a small, but essential cog.

You two, sort it out.

I want you both in the play so that Joe is proud of you.

-Sorry.

-Sorry, Heston.

I've never been described as a small cog in my entire life!

-What?

-He said cog.

I'm so relieved.

He's been gone three days.

He hasn't turned up for work, or at his sheltered accommodation.

I've been looking for him everywhere. The police have too.

You are his boss?

No, I'm more than that, I'm his best friend. He hasn't got many.

He's got learning disabilities.

Anyway, he needs support, the big lump.

I feel awful now.

I want to apologise.

I just didn't know how to take him, with all his talk about magic

and how his dragon had died.

His dragon's died?

Are you joking?

I don't joke about dragons. No wonder he disappeared.

Did he say where he was going?

Well, we asked him where he lived...

..and he gave me this. But it is just a list of numbers.

Clever boy.

This is better than an address.

-This is...

-Magic?

No.

GPS co-ordinates.

Are you coming?

What do you need us for?

He is a sensitive soul.

He came to you both for a reason.

We don't know what it is yet, but we'll find out.

-Now, the food bank's closed, isn't it?

-Well, yes.

Well, come on. He's given us a clue.

We've got a quest to go on. And besides...

you need to apologise.

I have no regrets.

Liar. Everybody has regrets.

All right, if you must know, I'd love to be in the panto.

-Lame!

-I mean it.

You'll have a great time and I hate to miss out on the fun.

No, I'm not going to be made to look a fool by you or anyone else!

But the Ugly Sisters are the best parts.

They're steeped in tradition dating all the way back to Dan Leno.

-Blah, blah, blah. I don't care! I'm not doing it!

-Fine, don't do it.

But frankly, you're making yourself look like a fool.

DOOR SLAMS

Yeah. I'm going to miss it.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Go away.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

-Are you deaf?

A little bit, yes.

Somebody was just yelling really loudly in the hallway.

"I don't want to do the pantomime. I don't want to look a fool."

Funny.

Jimmi, you have got to get over yourself.

Nobody likes to play with a drama queen.

Go away.

OK, I will. But you have to know this -

I don't think this has anything to do with you not wanting

to be an Ugly Sister.

What are you talking about?

This is about you nursing a grievance against Daniel.

About the end of your marriage.

But you have to let it go.

Like everybody else has.

Psychology really isn't your strong suit, is it?

You've no idea, what you're talking about.

OK, perhaps you're right.

But I still think the pantomime would help you move on.

What is this? A fairy tale?

I do the pantomime and all is well in the kingdom?

Maybe you're right, and I'm wrong.

Or maybe you're just not man enough to wear a dress in public.

Nearly...

This is it.

This is it? There's no-one here!

Maybe the coordinates are wrong.

What is that?

It's his little. Well, a little Little.

-That means Big Little's here somewhere!

-What is it?

It's a giant from the Dungeons and Legends.

-What?

-My shop. He's worked there for years.

He's famous in the Dungeons And Dragons world.

He's working on a dragon's egg, and it's to die for.

What's that?

Little? Are you in there?

This is why he came to you.

I did this months ago.

Look. Is that...?

I believe it is.

-Tony.

-Little, you lump!

You brought a demon to dragon's grave.

He's never going to come back now. Never.

I swear to you - "Little" Malcolm Willis,

that I, Mrs Hilary Warton, am not, nor have ever been, a demon.

Double cross your heart, hope to diddly die.

Double cross my heart, and hope to diddly die.

-OK?

-OK.

Come here. I've missed you.

Me too. My Dragon died.

He just died. On a walk.

-Dragon was his little dog. He's had him forever.

-His dog!

Oh, I see.

I buried him, but I couldn't leave him.

Oh! That's so sad.

-We're going to have to leave him.

-No, we won't.

I heard a new Dragon. In my egg.

I got some food from Mrs Tembe.

And I kept it warm, but the magic hasn't worked yet.

But it will. We just all need to believe it will.

Little, I believe in magic now. I do.

I believe it's just waiting for the right circumstances to show itself.

May I?

Shall we hold hands?

Do you know any magic words Mrs Tembe?

Perhaps I'm not the best person...

You told me you were a fairy godmother.

Are you really? Wow...

Yes. But I will need you to say the magic words three times after me.

Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

ALL: Izzy wizzy, let's get busy.

Izzy wizzy let's get busy. Izzy wizzy let's get busy.

Well, it was a long shot.

I'm sorry, Little. I tried.

It's OK Mrs Tembe. Now is not the right time.

-But it might be later.

-Yes. Yes, it might.

Perhaps we should go and get something to eat.

You must be very hungry?

I am.

I could eat a horse. Or a steak and kidney pie and chips.

With a milkshake. And a bit of cake.

Me too.

I'm sorry, but I've got to go.

-Surely you can stay for a short while?

-I can't, I'm afraid.

But it was a pleasure to meet you, Little, and you, Tony.

-I'm glad you're not a demon.

-Me too.

# From far and wide

# Oh Canada

# We stand on guard for thee

# God keep our land

# Glorious and free

# Oh Canada

# We stand on guard for thee

# Oh Canada

# We stand on guard for thee. #

Surprise, Jas!

This looks amazing. Aran, what are you doing here?

It was Kev's idea.

-I was supposed to do the party. Low key she said.

-Really?

Look, we're going to have to clear all this stuff up.

You're not spending another night here.

Might not have to. The magic might have worked.

And you're always saying things are better on a full stomach.

You're right. I do. They are. And it is.

What do you think, Mrs Tembe?

I think today has been magical already. Full of surprises.

HE GASPS

What is it?

The egg. It's gone.

There is something moving in the tent!

Dragon!

You've come back.

I've missed you so much!

No peeping!

How'd I do?

Oh, come on. Maybe that's why I didn't become a surgeon!

-Right, who's next?

-Me, me, me next.

Where did you get that moose?

"There's always music in the air."

Twin Peaks! I love the dwarf dance!

-I love Twin Peaks.

-Me too. I'm a big fan.

I hold an annual party. You should come.

I do a mean vodka cranberry jelly.

I will consider it.

I just want to say sorry for being a drama queen earlier.

No, a drama queen is exactly what we need.

Yeah, well, don't hold your breath.

Who's next?

You are! Give us a speech!

-What? Oh, no.

-ALL: Speech! Speech!

Give the woman a break.

What's that?

I was determined to arrive in Montreal without a hangover.

Too late!

Well...um...

When I first came here, I was pretty desperate.

I'd just split up from my fiance and quite frankly,

I didn't hold out much hope for The Mill.

It's only a year and a half later I can truly appreciate what a mad,

crazy bunch of loons you all are

and how lucky I am to know you.

She'd make a wonderful Principal Boy.

Thanks!

I don't know what the future holds,

but whatever it is, I am very grateful

that I will be spending it with my old fiance,

now my new boyfriend, Aran.

Get a room!

So, to second chances!

ALL: Second chances!

-Good luck, Jas.

-Thank you.

-Have a lovely time.

-Oh, thank you.

-I want pictures of the panto.

-No chance.

Come on you, you've got a plane to catch!

The hat! The hat!

-Keep it! You'll need it!

-OK!

Oh, no! I wanted a dignified exit!

Here.

Yay, it fits!

CHEERING

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is a pretty good happy ending, you know.

It is, isn't it?

Right, go on.

Bye!

The muse awakened in me and I experienced an epiphany.

The Muse, of course.

-Just tell me she wasn't treating a patient!

-Of course not.

Who is he?

We found half-cooked rashers of smoked bacon in the pedal bin.

Oh, I must have bought it by mistake!

The first step is for you to make enquiries.

-Excellent.

-Thanks, Howard.

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd