Raking the Ashes Doctors

SHE SOBS

Graham? Graham? (Graham?)

Graham!

Graham!!

SHE GASPS AND SOBS

I hate porridge.

Well, you liked it well enough yesterday.

There are people starving in the world.

They'd have to be to eat that.

What do you want, then?

Just want to be not bored!

Well, there is a whole pile of washing...

I'd rather go to work.

-Well, that is out of the question.

-Why?

Because last time, you were indiscreet.

And besides, Mr Bellamy is back from leave...

-So?

-So, I am sorry, but the answer is no.

Well, I'll just have to go back down town, then.

What for?

Oh, Graham, I'm sorry!

I didn't mean it!

SHE GASPS AND SOBS

OMINOUS MUSIC

SHE SOBS AND SCREAMS

Morning, Valerie.

Oh, Dr Carter, it is a work of genius!

-What is?

-Cinderella!

Oh, I'd almost forgotten about all that!

Oh! I only hope I can do it justice.

I have every faith in you.

-Has anyone else expressed an opinion?

-No.

I'm apprehensive about the read-through at lunch-time.

Trust me, you've got nothing to worry about.

I expect it's the artistic temperament that makes you nervous.

Yes. It's my first venture as a writer.

-You are kidding me.

-No, it is absolutely true.

The muse awakened in me and I experienced an epiphany.

The muse. Of course.

The words flowed through my pen, as if they had a life of their own.

-I could barely keep up.

-Perhaps it's your destiny to be a writer.

You do hear of people who start writing when they're quite old...

Not that I'm saying you're old exactly,

more...not young, if you see what I mean?

Sorry.

SHE GASPS

SHE SIGHS

SHE DIALS 999

Hello? I need the police.

My name's Nicola Cranson.

DOOR BANGS

Graham?

SHE SCREAMS

SHE DIALS 999

Hello. Police.

Pupils dilated.

No sign of life.

Probably a single blow to the head.

How long do you reckon?

The body's still warm... Flaccid.

Three hours, maybe less.

Can you smell something?

No, no, no. I mean, like a foodie smell?

Yeah. Bacon. Smoked.

That's it!

Y'know, apart from the corpse, this place could be a show home.

Well, there's no law against being tidy!

The wife was at home when it happened.

She's being consoled in the next room.

Hm. I should tell you, I know Nikki Cranson. Professionally, anyway.

MRS TEMBE CLEARS HER THROAT

Dr Tyler is running a little late.

But he will be with you all in due course.

Oh, Karen! The bed in the sick bay needs making up.

I know it's a bit like housework...

-Oh, I don't mind housework!

-That is news to me.

Ah, that would help me massively. Thank you.

Yeah, no probs!

Campus Surgery. How may I help you? Mrs Tembe speaking.

Aw! Thank you! Thank you!

-Would you mind giving me a hand?

-Of course.

-Aw! Thank you!

Professor Simpkins! Now, how are you?

Oh, dear!

Yes, well, tomorrow?

We will see you then. Goodbye.

SCREAMING AND LAUGHING

What's going on in there?

Oh, Mr Bellamy! I have a confession.

LAUGHING

Staff room.

You, too.

Please let me explain.

Just tell me she wasn't treating a patient!

Of course not!

Who is he?

This is Mr Bellamy, the practice manager.

-She has not met you yet.

-How do you do?

What's she doing here? She's a liability.

I was only trying to help!

Karen, it's not that I'm... I'm not unsympathetic.

When I say you're a liability, I mean literally.

There are legal issues!

Do you understand?

I am sorry. I did not want to leave her at home today.

I'm going to have to speak to the partners.

Nikki, I'm so sorry.

This is bound to be upsetting,

but the sooner you come to the station and make your statement,

the better, while it's still fresh in your mind.

Er, now?

Is that a problem?

Yeah, yes. I've got a couple of visits to make.

One of my ladies is very close to full-term.

I can't let her down at the last minute.

Nikki, you need to phone the office,

and get them to get some cover.

No, I'm not ill!

No, I know. But this is an emergency.

All right.

I need to examine her before she's interviewed.

She's confused.

You're not kidding!

This had better be important, Howard.

-Morning, Hardup.

-You can call me Buttercup!

This meeting's about Karen.

She hasn't deteriorated?

On the contrary. She's back at work.

-Again?

-She's been in before?

-Well, only briefly.

-Doing what?

-Well, apparently just some basic chores.

-"Apparently"?

-None of us were actually here.

-And nobody thought to tell me?

Well, to be fair, there hasn't been an opportunity.

Am I the only one who understands how serious this is?

She's invalidating not only her sick pay, but our building's insurance!

Nikki...

you do understand that Graham is dead, don't you?

I tried to revive him, but I couldn't!

It was no good!

We've been married for 15 years!

I know.

That policeman with his questions...

Can you tell him I'm not very well?

I'm not well enough! Please, Emma!

Nikki, the police need to talk to you!

It's part of procedure.

Karen's one of the team. We should be supporting her.

How do you suggest we do that?

I need medical information.

Karen's neurologist feels that her being here may stimulate her memory.

Yes, well, he didn't run that past the DWP!

And neither does he have to supervise her.

Look, the question is, do WE want Karen back in her present condition?

You serious?

It's not just about memory loss.

She may have difficulty assimilating new information.

-May.

-Precisely. Her unpredictability worries me the most.

There's no way she should be in contact with patients.

Well, I can see we'd have fun with that one!

Frankly, I don't see that coming back to work too soon

will do her any good at all.

It might make matters worse. She could lose confidence.

Zara, this is pure speculation, and you're not a neurologist.

But I do know Karen!

Has anyone even asked if she wants to come back to work?

Of course she does. What was this morning about?

OK, is Karen fit to return to work on full duties?

-No.

-Heston?

-No, but...

-Daniel?

-Oh, I suppose not.

-Thank you. Decision made. Meeting over.

Come on, Howard! It's not as cut and dried as that.

She was just a girl.

Approximate age?

17. 18.

Hair colour?

I'm not sure. Dark?

What was she wearing?

One of those... baggy, grey parka things.

-Would you like a glass of water?

-No, thank you.

OK. Let's return to the events of this morning.

You say you woke at around eight to find your husband was already up.

That's right.

So you got up, showered and dressed ready for work.

-Yes.

-You didn't think to call out to him?

I thought he'd already gone to work. He's a truck driver.

He often gets up first.

And cooks himself breakfast?

Yes.

I take it he doesn't like smoked bacon?

I don't understand?

We found half-cooked rashers of smoked bacon in the pedal bin.

Oh, I must have bought it by mistake!

Easily done. You'd think they'd do something about the packaging.

So, he made an alternative breakfast?

He might have done, I don't know.

-Then cleared up after himself?

-I suppose so.

My wife would think I'd gone nuts if I did that.

You obviously had Graham very well-trained.

We're nearly done.

-You told Dr Reid you tried to revive Graham?

-Yes.

-After you'd seen the intruder?

-Yes, of course.

But BEFORE you phoned for the police?

Don't you think an ambulance would have been useful?

I'm medically trained.

Mm.

Look, I want to help Karen as much as anyone else.

But the bottom line is she's been signed off with a fit note!

We'll be in the soup if we allow her to work.

I think we get the message, Howard.

What if she had a different fit note?

One that allowed her to undertake light office duties only?

It would have to specify no contact with patients.

Yes, Zara, you've made that abundantly clear!

That's not a bad idea, Heston. Is it workable?

It's worth a shot.

The problem could be getting her to accept limitations.

And retraining?

Let's cross that bridge when we come to it.

The first step is for you to make enquiries.

-Excellent.

-Thanks, Howard.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi. Problem?

What is your take on Nicola Cranson?

Put it this way, if I was having a baby, I'd want her to deliver it.

Yet she's got no children of her own?

That's neither here nor there.

But I do know she's had at least one miscarriage.

So her marriage could have been rocky?

I don't know.

I only met Graham once at a fundraiser

that Nikki did for the mother and baby unit.

To be honest, I can't remember him.

He was unremarkable, ordinary Joe.

Why? Is she a suspect?

No, not yet. But, according to her, Graham comes downstairs,

cooks himself breakfast and clears up after himself.

You want to see the guy's car. He's a complete slob!

Maybe he takes more care in the kitchen?

OK, so an intruder enters while he's dutifully putting the dishes

away in the right place and hits him over the head.

Does this make any sense to you?

-MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Sorry.

Hello. Cooper.

OK, I'm coming through. Cheers.

A neighbour has identified a girl fitting the description

running from Nikki's house.

There you go, then.

Nikki?

Nikki! Nikki, are you OK?

I can't go to work and I can't go home.

I know. We need to organise some clothes for you.

We need to get you out of this uniform.

That's the last thing I want.

You were wearing it when you tried to revive Graham.

But I might never wear it again!

What makes you say that?

Nikki?

Nikki, it is really important that you tell the police everything.

I have.

Nikki?!

Before we start, can I ask a question?

-Of course. Fire away.

-Why is it in verse?

Because that's how 19th century pantomimes were written.

Mine is in that tradition.

Sorry we're late. The childminder is having one of her migraines.

No problem.

I would be honoured to give Joe his first taste of theatre.

Anyone know where Jimmi is?

Perhaps he's shying away from playing Daisy?

-I'd be very happy to...

-No. My casting decision will stand.

Right. Mrs Tembe's not here, so we will skip the prologue

and go straight to Cinderella's first speech.

JOE GURGLES

Everything all right, Valerie?

I am a woman condemned to grovel in the ashes of a spent fire.

A woman with no name.

Do I even remember what my real name is?

It's very commendable, but we've a lot to get through.

I'm ready.

Meet Montague. Monty for short.

Monty is an old and trusted friend.

I am supposed to be talking to a mouse.

He'll help with my motivation.

OK, Louise, empty your pockets.

If I lose this baby, I'll sue ya. Right?

Yeah, and I'm quaking in my boots.

Tom?

She might have a point. She looks full-term to me.

I should take a look at her.

OK. I'll get Nikki in to ID.

Each morning I rise and rake the cinders that are my own namesakes.

There's none so lowly in this house. Except for you, o tiny mouse.

Shall the Earth the meek inherit?

Do those Gospel words hold any merit?

SHE SIGHS

Enough of dreaming, I must away and prepare my dear pa's breakfast tray.

JOE BREAKS WIND

RAA!

AL LAUGHS

Obviously destined to be a theatre critic.

-I beg your pardon?

-Sorry.

Sorry. I need to take him away to have a change.

Thank you, Valerie, for your sterling effort.

Thank you for a wonderful part, Dr Carter.

-When am I on?

-Patience, Howard.

Daisy is not here, so we will skip scene two

and go straight to Buttons.

AL SIGHS

There she goes, my Cinders fair.

With her sparkling eyes and golden hair.

Will Valerie be wearing a wig?

-Please don't interrupt.

-I'm just saying,

because if she isn't you're going to have to change... Carry on.

Buttons?

This maid means all the world to me. And yet our love can never be.

Her presence brings me infinite joy. But to her I'm just a funny boy.

Ah, that's lovely.

I hadn't realised until now how much of a loser Buttons is.

One thing's for sure, he's not funny.

Think tears of a clown.

Pantomime is supposed to be knockabout fun, Heston.

Where are the innuendoes, the references to popular culture?

Hashtag twerking?

Why don't we mention a few soap star names to liven it up a bit?

That would be difficult. I only watch Scandinavian noir.

Maybe Cinders could wear a Sarah Lund jumper?

Ooh!

Speaking of noir... Daisy.

-Do you know when your baby's due?

-I'm saying nothing to you.

Well, I am a doctor.

Yeah, and this is a police station. Do I look stupid?

What's the name of your GP?

Are you registered with a clinic?

I live on the streets!

It's due on New Year's Day. Will that do ya?

-Could you remove some of your clothes, please?

-Why?

I would like to examine you!

Know what? I'm taking this to the Court of Human Rights.

Aaargh!

All right, Louise.

-Breathe.

-Aaaaargh!

We have one of these women in custody.

She was caught stealing food from a house

a couple of streets away from yours.

-You see anyone you know?

-No. I'm sorry.

-Are you sure about that?

-'Can I get some help in here, please!'

Mrs Cranson?

That's a woman in labour!

Don't worry, we've got it covered. Can we get back to the photos?

No! That woman's in distress. You need to do something!

I'm going to die! Call a priest!

No, you're not, Louise.

-I've called an ambulance.

-Are you sure she's not faking?

Tom, her waters have broken. She's a month early.

You can't go in there, Mrs Cranson!

I'm a midwife! Emma?

No, Nikki.

-Come on!

-Check the baby's heart rate!

Come on!

LOUISE SCREAMS

The humour in this pantomime will not be broad,

rather a subtle play on words.

You're going to have to trust me on this.

Ah, Prince Charming is back!

We can go straight to the ball scene.

Dr Carter, I've brought some more props.

-OK.

-For Cinderella, Buttercup and one for Daisy.

Fantastic.

Great for flirting.

You'd know.

Come on, Jimmi, get in the spirit.

You are a feminine woman over 30 and nature has not been kind.

Shut up!

Right. Are we ready?

Fishnets. Thigh boots. Can't wait.

Charming enters the ballroom and Baron Hardup crosses his path.

Your Highness, I think you oughta cast an eye over my two daughters.

O, handsome prince, make me your wife.

Don't choose her, she'll give you strife.

Charming turns,

his gaze falling for the first time on the mysterious princess.

By Jove!

Please don't slap your thigh. It's the most appalling cliche.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Got to take this.

OK, Charming, stay in the moment.

By Jove!

Is this a dream or can that be a princess gazing back at me?

More...beauteous... I can't say "beauteous."

Just say beautiful instead.

No, don't. It doesn't scan.

No-one has said "beauteous" in over 5,000 years.

It's no longer a word.

Any English dictionary would say otherwise.

My literacy is not in question here.

The key is character.

What character?

Would you please restrict your comments to your own part?

OK. Why is Buttons such a loser?

I wasn't aware that Buttons was in the ball scene!

He's not.

Please shut up!

Fine.

Zara, please?

To be honest with you, I'd question why he would say "by Jove".

The Prince, he's quite a one-dimensional character, really.

Oh, I see. Anyone else?

-Jimmi?

-I think Daisy could do with a few more lines.

She's just standing around. There's no stage directions.

Ditto Buttercup.

And don't you think she'd try a little bit harder to pull the Prince?

Thank you, cast, for your resounding vote of confidence(!)

We're just trying to find ways to get the script improved.

It doesn't need improvement!

By Jove it does. It's awful.

It's pompous. The rhymes are weak.

How long did it take you to write this, Heston?

30 minutes?

How dare you!

Heston, don't be so sensitive.

You just need to take it to another draft, or two.

Just a few tweaks.

SHE GROANS AND WHIMPERS

She should be OK now.

By the way, there was some blood on her trainer.

Maybe she shouldn't waste time bonding with the baby.

That must have been very difficult for you, not being able to help.

I'm surprised you wanted to. If she did kill Graham, then...

There's something I need to show you.

HE SIGHS

I am utterly humiliated.

What do they know?

You mustn't give up.

Please put it back. I am withdrawing from this production.

Now you listen to me.

Before I read this, I had no idea that Cinderella was so deep.

If other people can't see that, that's their lookout.

I know you're trying to be kind...

No, I mean it.

Loads of writers are misunderstood at first, aren't they?

Even Shakespeare must have suffered.

I doubt that very much.

Just imagine him onstage, expecting applause,

only to be jeered at and pelted with rotten vegetables

because his Hamlet was in rhyming couplets.

Well, I'm not sure...

And like the song, he picked himself up,

dusted himself off and...

# Started all over again. #

As you must.

We're going to be brilliant.

I hope so, Valerie. Thank you.

It's the same old story.

He beats me.

He breaks down.

And I forgive him.

Why forgive him?

Because I knew he wasn't a monster like his father.

He wasn't. He made me laugh, honestly.

He was just damaged.

He couldn't help it.

Nikki, what happened this morning?

We had a row because I'd bought the wrong bacon.

He started sneering, calling me "Porky" and snorting like a pig.

So I knew I was in for another beating,

but instead of bracing myself, I swung at him with the frying pan.

It was as if someone else was doing it, not me.

Why cover it up?

Because I knew I'd lose my job.

I couldn't bear to think of that.

SHE SOBS

I'll never deliver another baby.

All that good work.

From today I'll be known as the woman who killed her husband.

Mr Bellamy has some news for you.

Yes. I've had a word with the other partners

and we're very happy for you to come back to work.

Now, before you can do that, I need to contact...

I might not want to.

Ah... Is that because of what happened earlier this morning?

No, I'm thinking of writing a bestseller.

Ah. Well, I dare say you'd earn more than as a receptionist.

What do I get?

Mr Bellamy.

If you told her that, I would have to deal with the consequences.

What are you whispering about?

Well, I'm sorry, Mrs Tembe, but Karen has rights.

Here you go.

Your salary.

For a month's work?

A week.

Flaming Ada!

That is not a lot nowadays.

-Aw!

-We can talk about this.

Oh!

I'm rich!

Did you want to see a doctor?

-Are you taking the mickey out of me?

-Not at all.

It's my money!

I am sorry. Speak to your husband.

What are you? My jailor?!

Not only are you incompetent, you're also extremely rude.

I'M rude?

She is probably still out shopping. Not to worry.

Whoa! Did you say that she's out shopping?

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