Waiting for Andre Doctors

Morning, Miss Hodgkins. Looking lovely as ever.

Morning, Ken.

So, just the two of us today?

Holding the fort, as usual.

Waybury Insurance are in safe hands.

What time do the pubs open?

SHE CHUCKLES

I thought we could both do with a bit a practice.

We've only got 19 days left.

HE PLAYS "SILENT NIGHT"

When the cat's away, the mice play the piano

Tres bon.

You have not told me about your day.

Hmm?

With your father.

It must have been nice, seeing him again.

It was sad.

Oh. Well, I am sorry to hear that.

Everything about my life and the people in it is a horrible surprise.

Yes. Well, I am sure once you get used to things,

you will be back to your old self.

I don't want to get back to my old self.

I want a new life, with new friends,

but I'm not allowed to meet any, am I?

I do not think you were looking for friendship on Tuesday night,

and may I remind you that you are still a married woman?

No. Please, don't remind me!

Your husband is only trying to help you, as am I.

No, you're not. You're on a power trip

and you're absolutely loving it.

What a Good Samaritan(!)

One day soon, your memory will return. I have every faith.

And all of this will seem like a bad dream.

It's the other way round.

All the things I can't remember - the man I'm married to -

that's the bad dream.

I've been living in a nightmare all these years

and now I've woken up.

SHE SINGS IN FRENCH

HER VOICE BREAKS

Shall we try from verse three again?

What's the point? I sound like a strangled cat.

You've got the voice of an angel.

Why don't we try the English language version?

-Maybe it's the French...

-Forget it.

I don't know why I let you talk me into this in the first place,

unless you thought a bit of public humiliation might do me good.

I do not think you should stay here, not on your own.

You worried I'll invite another bloke over

and mess up your soft furnishings?

I feel your time should be spent more productively.

Of course you do. Well, leave a Bible on the side

and I'll read a few Psalms during the ad breaks.

I think you should come to the surgery.

What?

Mr Bellamy doesn't really want me there, does he?

Scaring the patients.

He will understand.

So, how are you getting along with Stanislavski?

Stan the man.

I'm really lapping it up.

Excellent.

Now, you mustn't regard Cinderella as a constructed role,

more as a persona that you will inhabit.

To all intents and purposes,

you ARE Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

Exactly.

That's your mantra. Embrace it.

I am Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

-OK. Let's...

-I am Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

OK. That's enough for now.

I've earmarked the staff room for a workshop this afternoon.

See you at two, Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

Just call me Cinders. That's Cinderella to you.

I am Cinderella.

Don't worry. We've got bags of time to iron out any blips.

You can easily find a replacement, no probs,

you can't move for sopranos at Saint Michael's.

Or you could try Big Dave's Karaoke on a Friday night!

Tone-deaf wannabes. None of them can sing, not like you.

Yeah, well, I don't wannabe.

I just want to be left alone.

To eat yourself into an early grave?

Don't start that again.

Diabetes, fatty liver, high blood pressure - it's a ticking time bomb.

But you can do something about it - I'm living proof.

Go on, feel that!

Do I have to?

Washboard. I don't just look good, I feel better.

I've got my confidence back, haven't I?

Hmm. But you were much less smug when you were suicidal.

I just want the same for you.

What friend wouldn't?

You are becoming a gastric-bypass bore.

I don't want my appetite unnaturally curbed.

Eating is my way of expressing myself.

I thought the concert would get you on track,

inspire a lifestyle change.

Oh, I see.

So my voice isn't good enough.

The concert's just another one of your stupid diet plans.

-No, of course not. I...

-Oh, leave me alone, Ken.

I have to keep reminding myself

there's a reason why she is behaving like a truculent teenager.

In her head, she is one.

SHE SIGHS

But I cannot deny it, the woman is trying my patience.

I think you're doing a great job, Mrs Tembe.

She might not appreciate it now, but when she's better...

If she's better.

I think we should remain optimistic.

Yes. Yes, you are right.

She not only deserves our sympathy, but our fortitude.

I have been failing her as a friend and failing myself as a Christian.

Oh, no. No. Don't you go beating yourself up.

How about I take her off your hands for a few nights?

Give you a chance to work on your assessment.

Oh, that would be wonderful. If you are sure?

Yeah. Yeah, it's no bother. Do you want me to suggest it to her?

No. No. I shall broach the subject

when she is in a more reasonable mood.

# I could've been someone... #

That's from... That's from 1987.

What?

Have you heard that song before? I mean, in the last three weeks?

No, I don't think so.

That was first recorded in 1987,

that's three years after your brain did it's reset thing.

Really?

You are such a fascinating case, Karen.

I just wish that I could record you.

Well, you can.

It's only the killjoy copper who said no. I want to be famous.

You serious?

Well, why don't we start today?

I want you to write down some vivid memories,

the kind of thing you'd put in a diary.

Don't think about it too much, just whatever comes out.

Do five, and then we'll look at them

and see if we can mine out some more recent memories.

-Capisce?

-Yeah, OK.

Sorry about my little strop.

What am I like? Silly moo!

Were you in a strop? I hadn't noticed.

I've received an e-mail.

You'll never guess who from.

-Do you want me to guess?

-No, not really. Andre!

Andre? You mean THE Andre?

-Andre Fournet, yes!

-No. No way.

He still lives in Paris, and guess what?

He's coming to England for Christmas.

That's great. How long's it been?

25 years. Who'd have thought it?

The Internet's a wonderful thing.

So, are you going to hook up?

Well, yes, I think so. He suggested it.

He doesn't mention a wife or kids. Do you reckon he's still single?

Anything's possible.

I can't see him after all this time,

not now, not looking like this.

Why ever not?

I was a different person back then.

I'd rather he remembered me the way I was.

He'll have aged, too. He's bound to have put on a few pounds.

His memories of our affair are probably as precious as mine.

I don't want them to be sullied by this.

I'm going to tell him I'm away over Christmas.

Wait a minute. His timing is perfect.

Do you think he'd be able to attend the concert?

I don't know. He's arriving on the 22nd.

You can serenade him, like you did before...in Paris.

No. That was... So much has changed since then.

He's still interested in you, Janet.

If he wasn't, why would he take so much trouble in tracking you down?

I don't know. Curiosity.

He wants to pick up where he left off.

25 years is nothing to the human heart.

If you address your health problems, start a diet,

you'll drop those extra pounds in no time.

More importantly, you'll feel better about yourself.

Andre's bound to fall in love with you again.

Karen, come on...think.

Erm...

Erm...

I... I remember a health-break thing...

where I got a spray tan,

and the next morning I looked like an Oompa Loompa

and everybody was sniggering at me behind my back.

That was here, I think.

Karen, you are turning a corner.

Do you reckon? Cos I'm not even sure that happened.

A bypass?

Ideally, yes. How soon can it be done?

Well, it's very invasive and there can be serious side-effects -

malnutrition, incontinence...

I've thought about this long and hard.

My friend Ken, he coped with the op really well, never looked back.

Surgery might be an option.

But, in the meantime,

I'd recommend a less radical approach.

Diets, you mean? I've already tried them all.

Low carb, no carb, high protein, low protein, the liquid diet,

the purple diet, the cabbage-soup diet, the cookie diet...

-It's OK. I get the picture.

-It's not like I haven't tried.

This is very much the last resort.

And what about exercise?

Exercise? Yes, I've tried a bit of that too.

He was so old and frail.

I used to look up to him, but now...

What did you talk about?

He asked me about Jack and Immie

and what they were up to,

and I didn't know what to say.

They're strangers to me, just like he is.

Did you...?

Did you talk about your mum?

Yeah, and Dad got upset.

The house is full of her stuff.

There were photographs of us all together.

The loss must seem really...

unreal.

No, cos...

Cos I know that I must be grieving for her for the second time...

..but it doesn't feel like that.

It feels like the first time.

I'm grieving for me and my life, and what it is now.

But...it's not my life.

It doesn't belong to me.

It says here that I referred you to the obesity clinic in May 2011,

and that you failed to attend.

-Is that right?

-Ooh, possibly.

Well, I can refer you again

and the clinic will assess whether gastric-bypass surgery

is the most suitable course of action.

So, it's unlikely that I'll be able to have the op

this side of Christmas?

-I'd imagine so, yes.

-I see.

-That's it, then.

-What's the hurry?

You might think this sounds daft,

but Andre, he was my teenage sweetheart.

We haven't seen one another in 25 years.

He's coming to Letherbridge at Christmas.

I don't want him to see me,

not like this.

Right. Well, let's see what the clinic have to say.

In the meantime, I would like you to persevere

with sensible dieting and exercise.

-IN FRENCH ACCENT:

-"Are you with anyone?

"Perhaps I should not say this,

"but I often think of our time together and I hear your voice..."

"The voice of an angel."

"Andre."

Your voice and your body are your instruments,

so you need to look after them.

Now, many professional actors like to do some sort of warm-up

before rehearsing or performing,

so I would encourage you to do the same.

OK. Big breath.

HE INHALES DEEPLY

-What did they say?

-Passed the buck.

I've got to go through the obesity clinic...

and they'll just fob me off like he did.

No, they won't. You've set the wheels in motion.

-Today marks the start of a new you.

-Forget it.

-So, what are you going to do?

-What I should've done earlier.

I'm going to tell Andre that I'm away over Christmas.

Oh, my!

Hallelujah!

Hm?

He's divorced!

That's nice.

His ex-wife sounds like a right old dragon.

He says the nicest things.

-It's everything I hoped he'd say.

-Really?

-Ken?

-Yeah?

What are you doing for lunch?

MUSIC: "Let's Get Physical" by Olivia Newton-John

Four, five..

27, 28, 29...

19, 20, 21...

53, 54, 55, 56...

14... Come on! 15...

Come on, feel that burn!

Aaa...

aa...

aaw.

OK, good. Let's try aaah.

Aarh. Aarh.

No, no. It's aaaaaaah.

-Back of your throat.

-Aaaarh!

-No, listen. Listen.

Aaaaa...

ah-ah-aha-ah...

aaaah...

HE BREATHES DEEPLY

Ken?

Ken?

In order to create

a credible and compelling performance,

you must position your psyche

within Cinderella's life perspective.

You contemplate her reality and make it your own.

OK. Let's remind ourselves where we are.

You're forced to carry out menial chores, day in, day out.

Too right!

And your beloved mother is dead.

I miss you, Mum.

And you are desperately lonely and looking for love.

No, I wouldn't say that.

Wouldn't you?

No. Not now I'm with Ashley.

We've been going steady for the last year.

Yes, but we're contemplating Cinderella's situation, not yours.

Right, got you.

But remember, I am Cinderella.

I am Cinderella.

Yes. Well, let's not start that one again. OK?

You should get back to the office.

No, I'll stay here.

You're more important than a few unprocessed policy documents.

Do you really mean that?

-I wonder how long they were together.

-Who?

Andre and his wife.

Could've been 20 years.

-It's quality, not quantity.

-Is it?

I was married to Esther for 20 years.

-Anyway, now he's a free agent.

-Eh?

As of last year.

Well, yes, so he says.

-How did you know that?

-How did I know what?

That Andre got divorced from his wife last year?

-You said. You told me.

-No, I didn't.

You said he was divorced, or separated, I can't remember which.

I told you he was divorced, but I didn't say when he got divorced.

I suppose I put two and two together.

When you said he was recently divorced,

I just assumed that it happened last year.

I never said he was recently divorced,

-I just said he was divorced.

-What are we talking here?

-Are you accusing me of snooping in your e-mails or something?

-No.

-I don't know.

-Mr Beattie, come through.

Does this feel tender?

No, not really.

-And the pain has subsided?

-Yes.

I guess I just pushed myself a bit too much.

Since losing all that blubber, I feel invincible.

You're still sweating a bit.

Pop your T-shirt back on for me.

Well, given your high blood pressure and fast pulse,

-I think we should do an ECG.

-An ECG?

It takes a few minutes to set up,

so if you wouldn't mind going into reception, I'll call you in a while.

I have a little job for you.

The pamphlets in the information stand,

some of them go back to the last decade.

I want you to check them all

and discard any that are more than, well, three years old.

We are currently in 2013.

I know that. I was hoping we could bunk off early.

Well, a-about this evening. I spoke to...

PHONE RINGS

Oh...

The Mill Health Centre. How may I help you?

Tomorrow at 10.15.

Thank you, goodbye.

"The voice of an angel."

Doctor Granger wants to do an ECG.

You'd better get back.

Why did you do it, Ken?

He even sounded a bit like you

because he was you.

You've lost me.

You know how much Andre means to me.

How could you do something like that?

And for what? A stupid carol concert.

Janet!

Janet, wait!

I can't inspire you to change, only Andre can.

Six months ago, I tried to track him down,

get hold of him online,

but there are hundreds of Andre Fournets in Paris,

and in the end I couldn't find him.

I don't care about the carol concert, only you.

You're not my friend, Ken. This isn't how friends behave.

I wish I was more than a friend. I love you, Janet.

I always have. I always will.

That's... That's not what I want.

-I just don't see you that way.

-No, of course not.

You're not interested in a real relationship,

only a doomed fling from decades ago.

If Andre were still alive, he probably wouldn't even remember you!

Please, take a seat.

I'm going to admit you to St Phil's for some further tests.

-When will that be?

-Right away, I'm afraid.

There's no need to worry,

but it's possible you've suffered a minor heart attack.

I can't be entirely sure, it could be a false alarm,

but we need to err on the side of caution. OK?

Hi. Yeah. Ambulance, please.

Thank you.

Madam.

Right. Well, you're motivated by two things -

hope and fear.

Hope that you're love for the prince will be consummated

and fear that you may turn into a pumpkin.

Oh, I thought it was just the coach that turned into a pumpkin.

-Do I turn into a pumpkin as well?

-Well, you might

-Might I?

Yes. If you're inside the coach when it's being...pumpkinised.

I would be pumpkinised along with it.

It's like that horror film The Fly,

only instead of my DNA being mixed up with an insect's,

I'm going to be merged with a giant vegetable.

Part Valerie, part pumpkin.

-Yes, that's your motivation.

-Is it?

That's going to be a problem.

-Why's that?

-Well, I've never been pumpkinised before,

so I'm not sure what I'm afraid of.

Yes. But I've never been trampled by a rhinoceros,

but I know I don't want it to happen.

Where are you going?

I'm walking home. That thing's a death trap.

No, you have to get back inside.

But plot just a "logical consequence of character", isn't it?

And my character would not walk home after a big night out

and a quick snog wearing just one shoe.

It just doesn't make sense.

Well, it's in the script! Of course it makes sense.

I'm not feeling it.

Just learn the lines and don't bump into the furniture.

What's happened?

Ticker playing up. Can I have a moment?

-Do you remember what I said about Andre?

-Yes.

I talked to his widow six months ago.

She told me he died in 2007 - throat cancer.

They had two children together - teenagers now.

I'm sorry, Janet. I meant to give you hope, not despair.

By lying to me?

Mandy, have you seen Mrs Tembe?

Yeah. She's just getting her head down. Course work.

So...Chez Marquez tonight, eh?

My place.

We just thought a change of scene might do you good.

Oh, I bet you did.

-So Mrs Tembe's not mentioned it?

-No, she didn't.

Well, she has been a bit distracted.

What else have you two organised for me behind my back?

Nothing. We just thought...

-I

-just thought that it...

-It might be a laugh.

-Well, it won't be,

not with you treating me like some unwanted brat.

Oh, come on, Karen. It wasn't meant like that.

-We were only trying to help.

-I don't want your help.

There's only one person round here who gives me any credit.

If Ken hadn't tried to track Andre down, I'd be none the wiser.

I'd have probably spent the rest of my life

dreaming of some far-fetched reunion.

Well, he's done you a favour then.

Dreams are no substitute for life, are they?

I'll sing it in English, Ken.

Silent Night.

I'd prefer to sing it in English at the concert.

My French is rubbish anyhow.

Good. I'd like that.

Thank you.

-Hey.

-All right?

I've had a brilliant idea.

What with me being your case study and everything,

it would make a lot of sense if I come and stay here.

What do you think?

-What? She's not expecting you?

-Of course not.

I just don't want us to appear amateur.

It is amateur though.

Why don't you do one, freak.

What happened?

I don't know. I'm not really built for affairs of the heart.

Mandy is a fully paid-up member of the cast. Everybody meet Dandini.

Subtitles By Red Bee Media Ltd