Concealer Doctors

# You must remember this

# A kiss is still a kiss

# A sigh is just a sigh

# The fundamental things apply

# As time goes by. #

Oh, Princess!

You look beautiful!

But why are you sat in here on your own?

Everyone is downstairs waiting for you.

Jenny's got the bridesmaids set up like a formula one hair and make-up team.

Tongs at the ready!

The florist is at the church, Bev is making nibbles,

and your Uncle Tony has been blowing up balloons for an hour,

even though nobody asked him to!

Oh, love, your Dad would be so proud.

Cher? You all right, sweetheart?

Cher-bear? What's wrong?

He can't see me like this.

Oh, baby, baby.

Dan, it's Will.

This is your fourth message

and I'm still wondering where my best man is!

We're now an hour and a half behind schedule,

I can't get hold of Cher and I'm starting to freak out.

Can you just get over here now, please? Thank you.

-I might need to consult with you later.

-I'm sorry?

I'm going to bring forward some of the patient care plan reviews,

so I might need to consult with you later.

What's in the box?

It's for Howard. It's been signed for.

Please, Mrs Marshall, I am trying to help your daughter...

Then get her an appointment.

As I tried to explain, this is a drop-in surgery.

If your daughter will come and wait in the waiting area...

She can't wait! She's getting married at midday!

She can at least come to the waiting area.

She's too distraught. She doesn't want anyone seeing her.

I'm sorry. We cannot conduct examinations in the ladies' toilets.

Please. This was supposed to be the best day of her life.

Instead, she's crying herself into a frenzy

because she thinks she's lost everything.

She needs to see somebody now.

Perhaps we can squeeze her in next with the duty nurse.

Howard, I was thinking about what you said about...

-Zara. I didn't hear you knock.

-Sorry, I...

-What's in the box?

-Nothing. What can I do for you?

It doesn't look like nothing. Looks pretty fancy.

-Is it a secret?

-It's not a secret.

-Then why can't I see?

It's not a secret, just none of your business

OK.

Yeah, it's as we thought.

A nasty outbreak of cold sores.

I'll take anything you've got.

Pills, cream, lance them if you have to.

I'm afraid it's not that simple. There is no miracle cure.

In fact, because it's viral, there's not really anything I can give you.

Wait. I've got a virus as well?

That's what cold sores are.

They're lesions caused by the herpes simplex virus.

Don't panic.

It's a common, contagious virus.

It can be caused by all sorts of things, including stress.

Which is pretty likely here.

So you're saying I've got to get married looking like this?

Looking like some dirty scrubber!

Well, no way! I'm not doing it!

That's not quite what I said.

But the fact is, the sores are going to be there past noon,

whether you get married or not.

-Where is she?!

-Excuse me?

-Where is she?

-Please, sir...

-Why won't you tell me?!

-Will, calm down!

-Trish?

-It's not as bad as you think.

-I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

I'm going to have to call you back. Get him some water!

-He's having a panic attack!

-Oh, my goodness!

An over-the-counter treatment might help with the itching

but the sores will clear by themselves in seven to ten days.

That's the entire honeymoon!

KNOCK ON DOOR

Please excuse me. Your assistance is required urgently in reception.

-What's wrong?

-A gentleman has fainted.

-Sorry.

No, no, no! That's Will, isn't it? Oh, I knew this would happen!

Miss Marshall, it is best that you wait here.

No, I want to see him!

It is better that we let the nurse attend to him.

And of course the bride must not see the groom. It is bad luck!

Bad luck? Hello! How much worse can it get?

The whole thing is ruined!

Do not cry.

We will find a way.

All right. I know.

I know.

-How's your nose, love?

-Stinging.

What about your ego?

Shattered.

I'm so sorry for causing a fuss. Really, I am.

-Better having a wobble here than at the altar.

-Don't tempt fate.

Try to relax. Keep the pressure on until the bleeding stops

and if you need anything I'll be outside, OK?

Urgh, I am such an idiot!

Hey, she said to relax.

I thought something terrible had happened.

Not a few silly spots. We shouldn't even be here!

Well, we are here and you acting up isn't going to help the situation.

-We need to keep cool heads.

-Can't you talk to her?

Tell her I'm not worried about how she looks.

-I just want to go.

-Don't you think I've tried?

Trish, you don't think she's having...?

Second thoughts? Never.

She's had her heart set on this, Will.

But she also wants everything her own way

and she's stubborn enough to get it.

The last thing I want is to set you off again,

but I don't think we're done here yet.

If you squint, you can see a bit of Russell Brand.

I'm going to pop out for a while. I should be back by noon.

I'm just seeing Jack Sparrow.

I'll be on my phone if anyone needs me.

No, I've got it. Pocahontas!

What you laughing at?

Zara's revenge. Best served cold.

-Howard isn't bald.

-Yes, and now we know why.

He's been getting secret shipments of super grow!

-Isn't that that...?

-Yes, expensive placebo.

For people who can't age with dignity.

I wouldn't be so sure.

Howard looks pretty good for a man of his age.

Makes you wonder what other "herbal enhancements" he's been using.

Eighteen months.

Eighteen months of planning and organising all down the drain.

You must not think like that.

A few bumps and jitters are to be expected.

Not to him.

He expects everything to be perfect.

The food, the venue, the band. I knew something would let him down.

Turns out it was me.

The only way you will let him down is if you give up.

Your day has not been lost.

Thanks for staying with me.

Sorry I got mascara on your hanky.

You hold onto it.

There will be tears of joy to dry later.

You don't get it, do you?

I'm not getting married like this.

I wouldn't marry Frankenstein looking like this.

And your nurse won't give me any medication.

So unless you've got a mask I can borrow, I'm going nowhere.

That is not such a bad idea.

What? A mask?!

I think there is a way we can solve your problem.

I've got foundation.

Concealer.

And this lip gloss is designer. Works wonders.

We have a very good selection.

-And between the three of us...

-Whoa! I've got patients. Count me out.

Oh, well, then... MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Oh, the caterers! I forgot to call them back.

I'm going to have to take this, love.

-Oh, but... I couldn't possibly...

-It's all right, Mrs Tembe.

And don't you worry, Cher. There's enough product here to give you a whole new face.

But... Nurse Marquez!

Valerie, I'm meeting a consultant this afternoon

so if anyone calls could you please take some messages?

Of course, Howard. Anything for you.

Because you're worth it.

Dan! Oh, mate, finally! Where have you been?

No, don't worry about the other messages. I'm at the campus surgery with Cher...

No, it's nothing major. But I do need you to come and pick me up.

And you cannot be a minute late.

How's it looking?

We are making good progress.

Maybe I should have a mirror?

No. I do not think we are quite ready for the mirror.

But do not fret, everything is coming together.

Perhaps a touch more concealer.

Close your eyes. That's it.

Alistair, I'm looking for Zara. Do you know where she is?

-I think she may have popped out.

-I wonder why.

I hope there's not a problem, Howard.

Nothing that can't be resolved between two professionals.

Good to hear. I always say that a working relationship

is about growing as people.

And then re-growing.

And re-growing and re-growing.

Guess who?

-Hermione.

-I know.

-OK. Hi.

-I'm sorry.

-That's... OK.

I realised I don't know you well enough to do the guess-who thing,

so I just thought I'd go the whole...

Actually, do you know, I'm not sorry.

I wanted to do that and I did and that's that.

-Do you want a coffee?

-Yes. Definitely.

On a scale of one to ten, how does it look?

I do not like to score my own work.

Then give me a mirror.

Perhaps I am not quite finished yet.

Oh, my God! What on earth have you done to her?!

This is a work in progress.

-You were supposed to be making things better, not worse.

-I am doing my best.

Then your best is only fit for Halloween! She looks like a flipping corpse bride!

-What?!

-The lighting will be more favourable in the church.

Not unless it's pitch black!

-Someone get me a mirror!

-BOTH: No!

Mum, help me!

Don't worry, we'll get this all off and start again.

Perhaps I had better get back to the reception desk.

Hopefully at a safe distance!

-A word, Zara.

-I didn't hear you knock, Howard.

Enough of your glib comments.

-I think you know what I'm talking about.

-It was just a joke, Howard.

I don't think printing snide leaflets is fitting behaviour for a partner, do you?

I didn't print them, I just sent the e-mail. It was Al who printed them.

Anyway, why do you of all people need more hair?

That's none... Actually, I will tell you.

I'm about the age when my father started to lose his hair.

I'm sure you've heard of the saying, prevention is better than cure.

That's a medical saying, it doesn't refer to snake oil.

Really, Howard, I'm surprised at you being taken in by such nonsense.

Nevertheless, I'm disappointed

that you resorted to using juvenile pranks.

What if a patient had seen it? Our reputation could've been damaged.

This has got nothing to do with the reputation of the practice. This is about your ego!

If you want to have a constructive conversation about anything, my door is always open.

Until then, may I remind you that this is a professional workplace, not a school playground.

Finally, you get it! Because you have been treating us like children.

I am a partner, Howard.

I don't need micro-managing and I don't need gimmicks to make me work harder.

-This is all about yesterday, isn't it?

-No, this is about respect.

And if you won't give it, then you can't complain if you don't get it.

How is she?

Her mother is applying a few finishing touches.

I don't mean that, I don't care about the make-up.

I mean how's she feeling? Is she happy?

It is an emotional day.

Why can't anybody give me a straight answer?

Do you mind if I sit?

I don't suppose I was part of the day you had planned.

I had it mapped out exactly.

I thought if I planned every last detail, I wouldn't panic.

Got that wrong, didn't I?

I am not a doctor.

But perhaps there is more to your panic than the events of today.

The past couple of months have been difficult.

Things have been different between us.

The stress of a wedding can do odd things to people.

It's not just that.

We haven't been talking.

I've been working extra hours, coming home late.

Of course, she's convinced there's something more going on.

And she'd be right.

-You do not have to tell me.

-I want to.

I've been saving for a honeymoon.

She thinks we're going to Cornwall,

but I've booked us a place in Mauritius.

Five star, first class, everything just perfect.

But this is a good thing.

I know, but I hate keeping secrets from her, even the good ones.

Of course, this makes my anxiety ten times worse.

But let's face it. Cher is way out of my league.

If I'm going to bridge that gap, I've got to make everything about today as perfect as her.

Well, I think it is a wonderful gesture.

And I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.

Thanks.

You are a very sweet young man.

And far from being less than anyone, your fiancee is very lucky

to have found such an honest and thoughtful partner.

I think you will make a wonderful husband indeed.

I'm not saying the meds don't work

and I'm not saying the support group doesn't help.

But everything is always so long-term,

always somewhere around the corner.

-Jam tomorrow, never jam today.

-Exactly!

But anxiety comes on in an instant and it needs an instant solution.

So I decided to just stop fighting it

and spontaneously do all the little things

I spend my life worrying about.

That way I deal with the consequences rather than obsessing over the possibilities.

I tried total immersion therapy once. It's a similar idea...

I'm sorry to interrupt you there

but I need you to see that this is more than just words for me.

Ever since we sat down I've been anxious about spilling something

and looking stupid in front of you.

But worrying about what might happen if I did is so much worse.

So, this is me.

It's a good colour on you.

-It's off. It's all off.

-Off?!

I let her see the mirror and she went into meltdown.

Now, I'm supposed to tell Will to postpone.

Oh, this is ridiculous! What about the church? The honeymoon?

She says she doesn't care what it costs.

She says she only wants to get married if everything is right.

She won't budge.

Very well.

I have asked Mr Griffiths to go for a walk.

Please do not speak to him until I have returned.

There's no point talking to her. You'll be wasting your breath.

We will see.

I'm not a hussy or anything.

I guess I just feel like you understand where I'm coming from.

I really connected with your testimony yesterday.

-Thanks. Wasn't easy.

-I could tell. You looked so nervous.

I had to stop myself from jumping up and kissing you right there.

Now, that would have been way more inappropriate, wouldn't it?

You don't have to worry about inappropriate with me. I know what OCD can do.

Thanks. But just so you know, that kiss was a one-off.

If you're expecting another, you're going to have to work a little harder.

You cannot stay in here forever, surviving on chocolate bars.

There are a lot of people waiting for you.

I don't care.

Then you have made the right choice.

Excuse me?

You are not ready.

A marriage before God is not something to be undertaken trivially.

-It is a sacred bond for life.

-I know.

If you truly understood, then a few blemishes would not be enough to cause you doubts.

-What are you trying to say?

-Perhaps your concerns run deeper.

-You don't know anything about it.

-Perhaps not.

But I do understand the pain of entering into marriage with the wrong person.

This is something you do not want.

Will's not the wrong person.

And yet you would cancel your day of matrimony without consulting him.

That is wrong.

I do love him.

And I know he loves me.

It's just, he treats me like one of his old toys.

All perfect in a box on a shelf.

But that's not me. I want something real.

I cannot say if you are right for each other.

But I do know that you'll only find out if you talk and talk honestly.

But it's too late.

It is never too late for that.

God will wait.

But how can we talk, we're not supposed to see each other?

I never thought of scouting this as a potential venue.

What must they think of us? We're a right pair.

-Talk about an over-reaction.

-You haven't seen me.

I don't care about a few silly cold sores.

I love you for more than just looks.

You think I'm so perfect, but I'm not. I'm really not.

You don't need to be. And neither do I.

All I know is we're a hell of a lot better together than we are apart.

-Do you love me?

-Of course I do!

-Then forget all the other rubbish.

-What are you worried about?

-I don't know. What will people think?

-What about the wedding pictures?

-Are you kidding?!

Our friends will be so drunk they won't know what colour dress you're wearing!

If you're worried about the wedding photos then we'll Photoshop them.

And while you're at it, you can make me taller and get rid of your Uncle Tony altogether!

And I'll tell you what else.

To hell with tradition!

You look beautiful.

Come here.

# You must remember this

# A kiss is still a kiss. #

-Will you marry me?

-OK.

Then you get your daft self to that church. Right now.

# The fundamental things apply

# As time goes by. #

It's fairly crude, but then office pranks usually are.

-As long as no patients were involved...

-It's insubordination.

No good will come from taking this further. I suggest you let it go.

Well, go on then. I bet you're dying to tell me how useless this product is as well.

No. Far be it from me to criticise the science of old wives.

-There were testimonials...

-Oh, testimonials.

I'll remember that when I'm selling my age-reversing scones at the county fair!

Actually, between us, Howard. How expensive was it?

Enough to make your hair fall out.

Very good

Thanks for everything you've done for me and Cher. It means a lot.

You are a gentleman.

It is nice to know there are still a few left.

Speaking of which, that's probably my best man now.

-How do I look?

-You look ready.

Dan, finally, mate, I didn't...

# The world will always welcome lovers

# As time goes by. #

You!

-I'm so sorry.

-If you apologise again I'll punch you in the nose.

You are the not the one who has to explain anything.

What are you going to do?

I don't know. Wasn't really on my itinerary.

I don't suppose either of you want to go to Mauritius?

-Perhaps if I was fifteen years younger.

-Yeah, and the rest!

Well, it might mean the end of my panic attacks.

You lose your best friend and fiance in one day. what's left to panic about?

If someone had told me a few months ago that I'd be out in public with an interesting,

attractive man, I'd have thought they were loopier than me.

I'm glad you've found something that works for you.

But...

OCD has a nasty habit to turn a nice idea into something else.

It's only a thin line between your coping strategy and exhibitionism.

If I were you, I'd try it slowly.

-Everything is about control with you, isn't it?

-Yes.

Well, I've spent the last five years in a prison of control.

Never going out, no trips away, no relationships.

-I need something different.

-I just don't want...

No. This is my way and I'm sticking to it.

And if a few people think I'm weird, who cares?

-Everyone thinks I'm weird anyway.

-I don't think you're weird.

Then you must have girls running up and kissing you all the time.

I've got to go.

-When will I...?

-It was nice meeting you again.

Meet me at The Icon bar on Monday, same time. OK?

OK. See you.

This is a really proud day for him.

It's nothing to me. I barely know the man.

Why would I want to go and see him get some medal?

-Is that black pudding?

-With chicken and chorizo salad.

I was hoping for a pork pie but I suppose it'll have to do.

See my friend over there?

We've just had mad, passionate sex in the toilet.

With a very happy ending!