Sid's Blues Doctors

MUSIC: "Miss Celie's Blues" by Michael Coppola

# Sister, you've been on my mind

# Oh, sister, we're two of a kind

# So, sister I'm keepin' my eyes on... #

Sid! Sid! I know you're in there!

I can see you.

CLOCK TICKS LOUDLY

SHE COUGHS AND WHEEZES

It's getting worse.

Don't be silly.

SHE SIGHS

Right. Here we are.

OK.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, no.

# Sufferin' I've been up that lonesome road

# And I've seen a lot of suns goin' down... #

KNOCKING

Enter.

How do you fancy taking out a gorgeous woman this afternoon?

Oh, is Rachel Riley in town?

-Much better, mate.

-Better?

She is hot. Trust me.

-She single?

-Yes.

-No.

Single and hot - there must be something wrong with her.

-She is a bunny boiler.

-She does not boil bunnies.

She is a sister of a mate of mine who's in town on a course

and she just needs someone to show her around.

I would do it, mate, but Mandy's off sick

-and I've got to work through lunch.

-KNOCKING

Sorry. Mandy's 10:15 and 10:30 are still waiting

and there's a Hillary Grace on the phone about her blood pressure.

-Says it's urgent.

-Thank you, Valerie.

-Will you think about it, please, man?

-I'm busy.

Great. Cheers.

Don't you look glamorous!

Oh, thank you. I've come for Jonesy's repeat prescriptions.

-That's Jonesy Dalmond, isn't it?

-That's right.

Jonesy Dalmond. Sounds a bit like a film director, doesn't it?

"And the Oscar goes to... Jonesy Dalmond!"

-How's he doing?

-Oh, he's just fine.

I thought he might have got worse, as we hadn't seen you for a while.

But he's fine, is he?

Do you want to feel?

Oh, right.

Fox.

Jonesy took me to Ronnie Scott's in it, to hear Miles Davis -

-January, 1969.

-Miles Davis!

I wore this fur and not much else under.

I ended up sandwiched between Peter Sellers and Reggie Kray.

Well, it WAS the Swinging Sixties.

Ho-ho! I meant at the table, in the nightclub.

Oh, right, got you! Did Reggie Kray have a gun?

I always imagine these East End gangsters to have a gun,

you know, tucked into their belt.

I'll tell you what he did have.

SHE LAUGHS

OK, I'm going to be straight with you. I'm desperate.

I made a promise to my friend and I don't want to let him down.

-I'm busy.

-Really? With what?

-What about Kevin? If she's hot...

She's really clever. She's a physicist.

I thought she'd appreciate some intelligent conversation

-and vice versa. And Kevin's busy.

-She's a physicist?

-Yeah.

-Is this Jessica Marlowe?

-Yeah.

Oh, I didn't know she was in town. Are you and she..?

I wish. I can't go there, can I? She's my mate's sister!

Come on, Al, you're clever and you've got a great sense of humour,

sometimes.

You're just really clever. She'll love you.

-And she's really pretty?

-Yeah.

-Would you say that she's pretty?

-Mum, tell him how fit Jessica Marlowe is.

Incredibly.

Mate!

WOMAN SINGS

-What's that?

-Sounds like Sid.

SINGING CONTINUES

# Blackbird

# Where somebody waits for me Sugar-sweet, so is he

# Bye, bye, blackbird

# No-one here can love or understand me

# Oh, what hard-luck stories they all hand me

# So, make my bed Light the light... #

-Oh, I don't know it.

-Yes, you do!

-Go on, Al!

-No.

# I'll be home late tonight

# Blackbird! #

SHE WHEEZES

Sid, you all right?

Come and take a seat. Valerie, will you get some water?

I'll foot the bill, if you take her for lunch. Drinks included.

-Here we are.

-You're all making such a fuss.

All right.

-Oh, mate, you're a lifesaver.

-Could you not call me that?

-What?

-We're not mates, we're work colleagues.

I'm doing this for you because, having been subjected to

the Von Trapp family singers, I need some intellectual stimulation.

That is all.

Whatever...mate.

OK. Are you in any pain?

No.

And are you keeping warm enough?

Cold and damp can really aggravate things at this time of year.

Jonesy and I are as snug as sardines in a tin can.

Sid's a really unusual name for a woman.

My mother knew I was destined for the stage.

Ah. Well, Sid, you do have a rattle.

I always did want to play percussion.

Did you always make light of serious matters?

You've got quite a chest infection.

-I'll prescribe you some antibiotics.

-You're really quite pretty.

Sid, this is serious.

It's important that you finish the course and keep warm,

if you're to get well.

On the way out I'd like you to see Valerie.

-Make an appointment to see me in a week's time.

-I understand, doctor,

but I'll be seeing Dr Carter.

Women like us get on so much better with men.

Hmmp!

As you wish.

SHE HUMS "BYE, BYE, BLACKBIRD"

I wonder how she does it, Sid? Being so lively all the time?

She's going to lend me one of her albums. Get me into jazz.

Charles Minger.

Mingus.

-Are you into jazz then, Nurse Reid?

-No, but my dad was.

-Ah.

-How did your consultation with Sid go?

-Fine.

I was just saying to Nurse Reid how wonderful she is, you know,

considering. She's going to lend me her Charles Mingus album.

Oh. That reminds me, did she make an appointment

-to see Heston in a week's time?

-No. Was she meant to?

Don't worry, I'll give her a ring.

You can't. Been cut off. I've been trying all week,

but what with Jonesy's backlog of repeats. The line's completely dead.

Well, I'll pop in on my break and see what's going on.

Jessica?

Yeah.

Chris described you perfectly.

If you want someone to go sightseeing or do the museums,

-you've got the wrong bloke.

-I hate sightseeing.

I was hoping for lunch... a drink and a chat.

Maybe a game of pool...or darts?

What do you think?

What would you like me to sing for you now, my darling?

Some Gershwin! I fancy a bit of Gershwin.

-The walls.

-Jonesy?

-The walls.

-Jonesy?

The walls.

Yes, Jonesy, what about the walls?

Water. Water.

It's everywhere. Don't you see it? Can't you see?

It's coming down the walls.

We're going to drown. We're going to drown!

KNOCKING

Help me!

Someone help me!

It's all right, it's all right.

No! Who are you?!

-Hello?!

-Who are you?!

Sid? It's Dr Reid.

Get away from me. Get away from me!

Get away from me. Get away from me!

Hello?

Is everything all right?

Sid?

You forgot to make your follow-up appointment with Dr Carter,

so I've done it for you.

It is pretty important.

And Valerie said, could I pick up the album you said you'd lend her?

Said she's really looking forward to listening to it.

I've only got it on vinyl.

Sid, it's freezing out here. Do you mind if I wait inside?

You'll have to come round the back.

OK.

I'm sorry I've been doing all the talking,

you must be incredibly bored.

I hadn't noticed.

I'll have the soup to start and the pasta Neapolitan for my main.

I'll go for the antipasto, but I'd like to remove the olives

and put them on the side. And I'd like extra Parma ham.

For main, I'd like the steak, cooked medium, medium rare.

Do you want some chips? Just one pot of chips.

-You'll have another drink, though, yeah?

-Yeah, yeah, why not?

So, one more pint and that is a...

-Tequila...

-A Tequila Gold with lemonade.

Booyah.

So, what first got you interested in theories of biological evolution?

I don't know. I just think it's obvious. How about you?

Exactly the same thing.

It supported my theory that sickness is not caused

by diet, but actually by genetics.

I was very lucky, I got to go travelling.

Somehow, I can't quite imagine you, at 20 years old,

building English-speaking schools for little orphans.

In my gap year, I never experienced that innate sense of well-being

which comes from imposing your culture on the less fortunate.

No, I was so lucky. I got to go to Nepal, where I encountered the Tharu.

The Tharu are...

..the only people in the world immune to malaria.

Yeah.

I mean, they're 100% immune, but they are seven times less likely to...

Mmm.

That's the one thing I regret, not going on a gap year.

I was so focused on studying. I was a complete nerd.

Would you do it again, travel?

Yeah, under the right circumstances.

Like research?

Absolutely.

Yeah, that's why I'd do it.

Please excuse the mess. I had to pack most of the records away.

They're collectors' items, you know.

MALE VOICE MOANS

Is that Jonesy?

Eh, yeah.

Do you mind if I see him?

No.

Jonesy? Jonesy? Can you hear me?

Jonesy, are you in any pain?

-All right. Sid, how did this happen?

-We were changing the bed.

-My side!

-All right, OK.

Sid. Sid, I need you to help me get Jonesy somewhere more comfortable.

Back into bed.

All right, Jonesy, can you sit up for me?

That's it. Slowly, now.

-Good man.

-I'm fine.

-OK.

Jonesy. Jonesy,

we'll do what the pretty doctor says, shall we, hmm?

-Oh, I am afraid we ran out of clean sheets.

-It's fine, Sid, don't worry.

Let's get him in the chair, shall we?

Yeah. He's quite heavy.

It's all right. You go that side, Sid.

All right, Jonesy - after three. One, two, three. Hup!

Good man. OK, just get your breath.

All right.

-OK. Easy as you go, OK?

-I wish you could talk.

There you go. Good man. All right?

I knew they were here somewhere.

Sid, do you ever have any help with Jonesy?

Why would we need help?

We can manage.

They don't understand.

She didn't understand.

The nurse did understand.

Get out!

Jonesy needs my help.

I said get out, Marilyn!

My name's Mary.

It's only the snuff of money that's brought her round, you know.

Do you really think I care about all of this tat?

Oh, I'd give it to her, doctor,

if she spent it on something useful like a facelift or liposuction.

It's all right, I'm used to it.

It's better than being bored to death by her incessant crooning.

Crooning? She loves my singing.

She's a doctor! She's not going to tell you the truth, is she?

That's not true...

She's only jealous because she was born talentless.

The only talented thing about her is her name

and she doesn't even use it.

Who names their child Marilyn in Letherbridge? It's child abuse!

Child abuse?

I'll give you child abuse!

Get out!

Both of you!

She hasn't always been like this.

It's ever since I suggested Dad go into a hospice.

These things are difficult to accept.

I know, but someone needs to get through to her.

-Maybe if you could just...

-No.

It's their choice.

If your father wants to spend his final weeks at home...

Even if they can't cope?

Look at this place. They haven't even got heating.

Doctor, my dad's only got... what? Weeks left?

I want him to die in comfort. With dignity.

Maybe they can get some help.

Don't you think I've tried? She got rid of the Macmillan nurse

because she thought the woman was too accepting of Dad's cancer.

Please, doctor.

I mean, would you let your dad live in this filth?

I mean, yeah, it's their best album, but Wish is totally underrated.

I completely agree.

It's just really unfortunate where it falls in the canon.

-Mmm!

-Disintegration - impossible act to follow!

Exactly! Friday I'm In Love's kinda lightweight,

but didn't tarnish the album at all in my mind.

Actually, don't tell anyone,

but that track is a guilty pleasure of mine.

Thursday, I don't care about you. It's Friday and I'm in love. Me too!

You're not eating?

Oh, um...

There's a piece of chicken in it.

Bonus! Do you want me to...

No, don't say anything.

Why? Are you a vegetarian?

-No, no.

-Thank goodness.

-No, I'm a vegan.

-Say what?

You're a vegan?

Is that OK?

Yeah, sure.

Fine.

Sid? Open the door.

Jonesy's in a lot of pain.

You think I don't know that?

He's not going to the hospice to end up on a mortuary slab.

Jonesy is sick, Sid.

He will wet the bed again and you're not strong enough to help him.

I was out. I went out!

Give him his dignity, Mum.

He's going to need stronger and stronger medication,

and more and more help.

JONESY WHEEZES

Sid...

I...I'm dying.

You don't know what you're talking about.

SHE GASPS

Sid!

Mum, open the door.

SID COUGHS

Sid? Sid, are you all right?

Sid!

-Sid!

-Mum!

SID WHEEZES

Sid.

Get me some water.

-Don't panic.

-What's wrong with her?

Don't panic. Look at me.

Will someone please tell me what's wrong with her?

He's a legend.

The man is a demi-god. What first got you into him?

Carrie.

-Christine.

-Ah!

Only for me, those books weren't just about horrors.

They were about being marginalised. Not fitting in.

It's the ultimate empowerment of the geek.

THEY LAUGH

-Is that why you drink tequila?

-Sorry?

Beer and wine, they have animal by-products in them, haven't they?

Yes. I drink wine, but only if it's vegan.

Salem's Lot or It?

Oh. Well...

We're talking vampires versus clowns, aren't we? Clowns win every time.

-Clowns are scary.

-Yeah!

You wearing plastic shoes?

You are correct, sir.

You know, the thing I love most about Stephen King...

How long have you been a vegan?

Uh, since I was ten.

Hmm. Yeah, I can see you now.

One minute you're petting Peppa Pig in her pen and the next,

Mummy's served her up for breakfast.

No, it was Henrietta the chicken.

Ah! Were you one of those kids who ruined every party they went to

cos they couldn't eat anything.

I didn't ruin any parties!

"Mummy, I can only wear plastic shoes from this day forth!"

Plastic shoes versus body piercing, underage drinking, drugs, sex,

to a parent, I was a godsend.

Me too. I never left my bedroom.

That didn't come out right.

Um, do you want to stay for dessert

or would you rather come back to my hotel for a coffee?

-Coffee?

-Mmm.

Do vegans drink coffee?

We don't have to drink coffee, Al.

I'll get the bill.

If you don't look after yourself, Sid, this could turn into pneumonia.

Pneumonia?

Jonesy, it's fine.

Marilyn?

Yes, Dad?

Take me to St Christopher's.

Don't let her bully you.

You could die, Sid.

I don't care. I want to be with you.

I want to stay with you.

Why do you have to leave me, Jonesy? I hate you. I hate you!

Because it's the way it is

and I don't regret it,

and you shouldn't regret it.

Since the day I met you, I've been with you every single day.

And it's been a delight.

It's been an honour to have known you, my darling.

And it's enough.

It's enough to make me happy.

Complete.

What will I do without you?

Your grandchildren would love to spend more time with you.

I'd only be in the way.

Just be you, Sid.

The girl I fell in love with.

That's all I want. To see you...

..my strong, beautiful, happy Sid.

Where is she, eh?

Where is she?

She's right here.

That's my girl.

Now, you let Marilyn take care of things,

so that you can get better, eh?

That's an order!

What would you like me to sing?

Perhaps we should ask our guest.

Oh, um...

What about Bye Bye Blackbird?

# Pack up all my cares and woes

# Here I go, singing low

# Bye-bye... #

Do you have black cabs in Letherbridge?

Yeah, I shall hail us one with my very loud whistle.

THEY LAUGH

-Oh!

-Oh!

It is a nipping and an eager air. Let's keep you warm.

Thank you.

Oh...

No. Um...

I think I've got something stuck in my teeth.

What?

I think I've got some steak stuck in my teeth.

Um... I've got some dental floss back at the hotel.

But you were still going to kiss me, though, weren't you?

This is all just attention-seeking, isn't it?

Playing the geek,

nerd chic.

Kissing me.

Just to wait for you to be the outsider,

so you get in the limelight.

-I'm sorry?

-No, come on, you know,

won't eat that, can't eat that.

"I only wear plastic shoes, Mummy."

Answer me this - if you had to choose between steak or starvation,

would you really choose starvation?

I don't think so.

You are designed to eat meat.

If you were meant to chew cud like a cow in a field,

you would have a head full of molars, but you don't,

you have a very moist mouth

which has incisors and canines.

Not to mention the harm you're doing to yourself

by eating vegetarian sausages. Come on!

That's just cardboard food. It has no nutritional value whatsoever.

Why would you do that?

Why would you eat something that looks like it's meat?

I'll tell you why. It's because deep down inside you,

you know that you need to eat meat, that you want to eat meat.

You can fake everything about your life, Jessica.

But you can't fake genetics.

I've got to go now, Al.

It's been interesting meeting you.

MUSIC: "Bye Bye Blackbird"

Magnificent, Haskey.

You coward.

# Bye bye, blackbird

# Make my bed

# Light my light

# I'll arrive late tonight

# Blackbird

# Bye bye

# Bye bye. #

-I want what's best for our son.

-And I don't?

Aren't you going to turn around? We should be burning some rubber.

Nobody is burning my rubber until I know what's going on.

I would like to commend Rob's bravery for tackling a dangerous armed suspect.

It was very irresponsible of you to go off with a vulnerable patient.

Oi! Stop right now! Stop!