The Liars of Letherbridge Doctors

GUITAR PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

Barry!

It's Gary. And it's one o'clock in the morning.

What are you doing up so late?

I can't sleep because someone keeps strumming.

Ah, I do not strum. I pluck.

Yes, well, could you perhaps show some consideration?

I know that word.

It's in the dictionary between condoms

and I couldn't give a monkey's.

HE CONTINUES PLAYING THE GUITAR

Hi. I don't know if you remember me, my name's...

Olwyn.

Oh, you do! Right!

And you've come to complain about the noise.

No. I just wanted to say how great it was.

I was sitting in my room, feeling a bit...bleh,

and I suddenly heard this amazing sound.

Oh.

So where did you learn to play?

I just sort of...picked it up.

-Winifred...

-Oh!

-You forgot this.

-Oh, thank you.

You know, it'd make life much easier

if you just left a toothbrush at the vicarage.

But what would your cleaning lady say!?

Well, Mrs Petrovsky can be surprisingly broad-minded.

And if I am going to be embroiled in a scandal,

I can't think of anyone I'd rather be embroiled with.

SHE CHUCKLES

I'd better love you and leave you.

Gotcha.

There you go.

Thanks.

Though your psoriasis does seem a bit worse than last time.

Really?

Are you under any stress at all?

No, everything's fine.

Except the global economy, global starvation, global warming.

OK, well, we'll just keep an eye on it. Anything else?

No, that's it.

There was one thing.

Yes?

Have you got any, um...free condoms?

I'm really sorry, we've run out, I think.

Well, I need to get some.

Right now.

So, will you pass the message on to Daniel?

I will do it on this occasion, but I am not a carrier pigeon.

Did that man ever get back to you?

What man?

He was hanging round on Friday, I left you six messages.

Yes, well, I...

What did he look like?

Um... He was about six foot,

'he was black, quite handsome.

'Funnily enough, he said his name was...'

Winifred.

It's been a long time.

So, anyway, she's coming round for pizza this afternoon.

And I don't know if anything's going to happen,

but you can't be too careful.

Hang on! You told this girl you were a virtuoso guitar player?

She sort of...assumed.

And I sort of said..."Hmm."

It's called seizing the day.

It's called lying.

And how's she going to feel when she finds out?

Why would she find out?

Well, she might ask you to perform

before she lets you...perform.

I hadn't thought of that.

Plus, if you do ever get to make sweet music,

what happens if the guy next door suddenly starts playing?

Well, I'll just have to find a way to make him stop.

You have to stop lying!

Apart from anything else, it's just wrong.

Well, I think it's wrong that guys like Javier always get the girl.

Just because he's got a suntan and a nice accent

-and the body of a Greek god...

-Right.

For the past year, I've seen Olwyn.

Bumping along on her bicycle.

Brushing past me in the corridor.

And last night, for the first time, she seemed to notice me.

It was as if that passionate guitar music stirred something in her.

OK, well, she clearly likes that kind of music, so here's an idea.

What?

Pop into the university bookshop and buy her a CD, they've got loads.

And tell her you're very sorry,

you got a bit carried away last night, and no, you can't play,

but as you know she likes that kind of music...

But won't she be angry that I lied?

Maybe, but if you keep on lying, it'll come back to bite you.

So come clean, say sorry, relax, be yourself

and let the real Gary shine through.

Uh...Dr Carter will see you now.

OK, thank you.

So...

..how are you?

That is none of your business.

Mrs Tembe, I'm just popping over to the campus for an hour.

Yes, Dr Carter.

I mean...

Mr Bellamy.

This is my place of work.

We need to talk.

There is a place, up the road, it's called the Icon Bar.

I will meet you there in half an hour.

Fine. I will see you there.

GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS

Ole!

HOOVERING OUTSIDE

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Come in!

Howard!

I've just been talking to Kevin, about last week,

and your little bit of "radio activity".

I know. Scott Mills has got nothing to worry about.

It's not funny.

I'm sorry, but I had a go

and, sometimes, if at first you don't succeed, give up.

There's no point making a complete pillock of yourself.

Fair enough.

I'd love to do it, just haven't got the time.

Well, the slot is still there if anybody else wants to have a go.

I'm sure Heston would do it.

He's always up for a bit of fun.

Not unless you want a show about the dangers of too much claret.

Al?

Definitely got the face for radio.

No, we need somebody who's more reliable.

Not too up themselves...

Softly-spoken.

This is good. This is so good.

I've, um...I've got something for you.

Really?

Oh, that's so kind! You really shouldn't have.

Well, there's something I need to tell you.

Let me guess! This is your CD.

You're a flamenco superstar!

No, I'm...

It's my dad.

He's Spanish.

He's the number-one flamenco artist in Fuengirola.

Barry! Was it you who stole my guitar?

Why would I do that?

-Because you were complaining when I was playing last night.

-Last night?

He was doing a bit of plucking.

No, I did not steal your guitar

and, since the cleaning lady leaves all our rooms open,

there are quite a lot of suspects.

Fine, but believe me, I have my eye on you.

He didn't seem too happy.

It's the Spanish temperament.

We can be quite...passionate.

So, tell me about your dad.

That's a bit tricky. I never really knew him.

Oh?

My mother met him at a tapas bar in Torremolinos.

They made sweet music and then...

hasta manana!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

That's why I learned to play.

To try and feel in touch with him.

Aw!

I'll go and get my guitar.

See if my fingers can do their magic.

You're not going to believe this.

-What?

-Mine's been stolen too.

This is nice.

A long way from your Uncle Thabani's shack in Gaborone.

What do you want?

I've got some paperwork for you.

What is it?

Divorce proceedings.

What?

You left in rather a hurry.

We did not have time to end things properly.

But why have you taken so long to do this?

I'm getting remarried.

You are getting remarried?

Don't you want to know who to?

No, no, I am not interested.

It is your life. Just show me where to sign.

Fine.

-There you go.

-Thanks!

And are you coping OK without the antidepressants?

I'm fine, thanks. And I'm feeling much better in myself.

Oh, yes?

Well, you know, I've had the year from hell.

My dad died, I failed my exams and then, my boyfriend dumped me.

I know, it's been tough.

But I think I've turned the corner.

And I've met this really nice guy.

Really?

You're not going to believe this.

I was sitting in my room last night, feeling sorry for myself,

and I suddenly heard this amazing guitar music.

-Right.

-So I nipped downstairs to say "bravo",

and it turns out it's this guy that I see all the time.

He's always in the cafe, the launderette,

wherever I am, he is there.

What a coincidence.

But I never knew he was so talented.

And then, today, he gave me a CD.

-Oh, yes?

-It turns out his dad is a major recording artist,

but they've never met, so when he plays,

it's like he's trying to reach out to the dad he never knew.

That is...unbelievable.

There.

-Thank you.

-Now, I really must be getting back to work.

Don't you want to know where I have been these past ten years?

No, no, I do not. You...you have got what you came for.

Not quite.

I want an apology.

You want an apology!?

You hurt me.

And you hurt me.

But I didn't mean to.

We both said some things that we did not mean,

but I cannot apologise, because it would be a lie.

Yes. I know all about your morality.

The things...

The things I did were because you betrayed me,

you humiliated me...

Ta.

Excuse me, I just need to go to the bathroom.

Dr Tyler! Please, you need to take me back to the Mill now.

-Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?

-Now, please.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Gary, it's Dr Khella here, at the campus surgery.

Oh.

Just to let you know we now have condoms.

Right.

So. How's it going with Olwyn?

Fine. Great.

Did you give her the CD?

Um, yes.

And what did she think?

She, um...

she seems to think it's a recording of my dad.

Oh! And why's that?

Because I told her.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

Got to go.

Gary?

-Hello, you.

-Hi.

Guess what I've got?

Ta-da!

Oh.

I saw it in the charity shop. It was only five pounds.

You really shouldn't have.

So, come on, Mr Music Man.

Let's see your fingers do something magical.

Yes, a few arpeggios.

But first, I must just make a cup of tea.

HE CHUCKLES

So, I think it would be a wonderful opportunity

to reach out to young people.

What is it you want me to do?

I want you to be...

a radio presenter.

Hello, Dr Jimmi!

SHE LAUGHS

You are joking?

Well, not full time, obviously.

Just once a week, on student radio.

-Not until hell freezes over.

-Oh, come on, you'd be good at it.

You'd get lots of fans.

You could be the Welsh Wogan.

Not a chance. I suggest you do your homework, mate.

HE SCREAMS

Nice lunch, Mrs Tembe?

Yes, lovely, thank you, Howard, yes.

-No idea.

-Ah, Daniel.

I've just been speaking to Jimmi about this radio thing.

And he reacted as if I'd asked him to set fire to his own granny.

Yeah, OK, you really...you don't want to do that.

Why not?

Because a couple of years ago, he did have a radio show

and it didn't go very well.

Oh, yeah, I'm glad it's not just me that messes things up.

Yeah, he had a... He had a bad experience.

Well, we all have bad days.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-It's how you learn from them that counts.

-Hi, Zara...

I don't think it's a good idea... Zara, just give me... Yes.

I've just seen Dr Granger,

he says that last time you did a radio show it didn't go too well.

He did, did he?

Well, I understand that, sometimes, when I open my mouth,

-I can come out with a load of gibberish.

-Never noticed.

Come on, why don't you give it another go?

Get back on your microphone.

HE SIGHS

OK.

Right.

My show went well. I had lots of listeners. In fact, two siblings liked it so much,

they decided to kidnap me.

They chained me to a radiator for three weeks, fed me from a dog bowl.

And I was mostly out of it cos they kept me on sleeping pills.

Come on...

Seriously?

So how did it happen?

I don't think the lid was on properly.

I just went to pour, and whoosh!

You should sue them.

What?

The university. You see it all the time,

"Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?"

I know, but maybe it was my fault.

Maybe I'm just a bit clumsy and things fall apart when I touch them.

Can we just have a moment alone?

I'll wait outside.

What do you think you were doing?!

I did what any musician would have done - improvised.

You've got severe burns, genius.

I had to do something that would make it impossible to play the guitar.

Why stop there? Why not shove your fingers in a mincing machine?

Do you know what it's like to want someone?

And she lives in the room above me.

So every day, I hear her coming and going,

and I curse the ceiling that separates us.

But then, one night, she comes down to say,

"Oh, I loved your music, where did you learn to play?"

What was I meant to say? "Javier lives in room four."

You still have a chance with Olwyn.

She's a lovely girl and things still might happen.

But you have got to start telling the truth.

Gary?

Have you got those condoms?

So that's what I was doing Christmas 2009.

Who were these people?

Just two very damaged individuals

who thought that it'd be nice if Dr Jimmi from the radio could come and live with them.

I had no idea.

It's not exactly what you put on a T-shirt, is it?

I feel awful.

It's fine, just don't ask me again.

Right, I'm going to go to the Icon.

Can I get you anything?

A large portion of humble pie?

How's the invalid?

Still throbbing.

I wish there was something I could do to take my mind off the pain.

-Hello there.

-Hi.

What happened to you?

I was making a cup of tea and I scalded myself.

You lead a dangerous life

-with your cups of tea and your chocolate biscuits.

-I know!

As Gary can't play at the moment,

why don't you give us a tune?

Cos some bandido has stolen my guitar.

Gary's got a spare. Give me the key, I'll go and get it.

She seems a nice girl.

Yeah, she is.

So what is she doing with a creep like you?

Because I've got something that you'll never have.

Halitosis?

Ha-ha-ha(!)

Here you go.

Oh, that's a nice guitar.

Let's see if I can make this baby squeal.

Er... What was that for?

I'm sorry.

I just can't bear the thought

that he can play and I might never play again.

Can we just go to my room?

OK.

Thank you.

OK, I'm going to ask you something.

All right.

And think very carefully, because I hate it when people lie to me.

Can you or can you not play the guitar?

Not really.

So why have you been fibbing to me?

Because...

..for nine months, I've been looking for a way to get close to you,

but I've been too shy or you were with someone else.

And then, last night, when you asked me where I learned to play,

I thought, "She might like me if I was a guitarist."

And you burnt your hand to stop me from finding out?

I didn't want to disappoint you.

You are...

a lovely...

..lovely, ridiculous man.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Please, can you stop saying thank you?

Whoa! Why have you got so many?

I was a Boy Scout.

I mean, not that we ever...

"Be prepared."

Right.

Hang on, is this your guitar?

No, just put that back...

Barry?

That's my guitar, you stupid dog-faced idiot.

Sorry! I'm really sorry!

-If you could just fill out this form.

-Thank you.

Please, I have given you what you came for.

Not everything.

I have nothing more to say to you.

You have already ruined my life once.

You are not going to do that again.

-I didn't mean to...

-Oh, hello!

I see you finally met up!

-Yes, though it's very hard with Winifred's busy schedule.

-Aw!

Well, I tell you what,

why don't I make you a cup of tea till she has a break?

-Mrs Hollins, there is really no need!

-It's not a bother!

If I can't do that for you, what are friends for? Come on.

And just one bit more.

Agh!

Does your mouth hurt?

Only when I smile.

Which I'm not likely to do in the near future.

Well, I don't condone violence, but you can sort of see why he lost it.

Yes, I know!

And now I'm going to have to move out, cos I have a horrible feeling

Olwyn and Javier might be about...to do a duet together.

I did say, "Tell the truth or it will come back to bite you."

I know that now.

Please, I will take over.

Don't be daft, you go get the phone.

I will only be one minute.

All right. Mrs T has got some redbush here.

That's what you like, isn't it?

You never did say how you know each other.

Well, until two hours ago, I was her husband.

And what did she say?

She didn't say we were divorced?

She didn't say that I was dead, did she?

Thank you, Mrs Hollins, I...

I'll...I'll leave you to catch up.

-Just wait here a minute.

-Right.

Any post?

Snap!

SHE CHUCKLES

Hi, I'm Gary.

I won't ask how you got yours.

I was mugged.

I know it looks bad, but you should see the other fella.

-OK. Mr Singh, if you'd like to go through.

-Thank you.

Hiya. Is...is Winifred around?

Um... Well, she was, but...she had to go out.

Oh! Do you know when she'll be back?

No-one knows.

Right. Well, I've got time. I'll wait in the staff room.

No!

'You barge into my workplace, and humiliate me...!'

-What's going on?

-She's a bit busy!

You know about humiliation, don't you, Winifred?

What is this?

I'm so sorry.

I'm Gordon. Gordon Clements.

Thomas.

Thomas Tembe.

This man is...

This man is...is...

I am her ex-husband.

The husband she felt so ashamed of she told everyone I was dead.

Is this true?

SHE CRIES

Is it?

We're talking about a case

of Chateau Margaux.

That sounds expensive.

How can you possibly not know

what my husband looks like?

Well, to be fair,

-I hardly recognised you.

-I know!

She thinks you're a liar and a thief.

SHE MOANS

SHE CRIES

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd