Perfect Doctors

CLOCK TICKS

# Another no... #

So, here, now, how do you feel about your relationship?

SHE SIGHS

# Another ruined heart

# Jumps in without... #

Tell me, today, how do you feel and you and Zara?

Um...

-You could have left some...

-What?!

(Nothing.)

I have a feeling that ship has sailed.

Um...

I think I can get them back. I have to get them back.

Many of your problems as a couple seem to have spiralled

out of the birth.

A new baby can be a neutron bomb in the life of a young couple.

Young? Why, thank you.

Please, engage. And I don't mean look for the next wisecrack.

# Is it love?

I am not going to lose you.

# Is it love?

# And do I need it? #

Zara. This is your life.

# Should I blame you? #

The birth, that's the thing about being a doctor.

You know all the things that can go wrong

and, sometimes, how helpless we are.

I think a part of it, a big part of it was when they told us

that he could die.

Daniel wasn't high on my list of priori...

There was a bit of me saying, "We've got to look after ourselves".

But I can't help thinking...

..it was her love that kept him alive.

It sounds like you admire her.

# Is it love? #

-Have you told her this?

-No.

# Is it love?

# And do I need it? #

I wasn't ready for the pain and Zara sensed that and cut me off.

Maybe I did shut him out and maybe I did make him

feel like he could do nothing right.

# And do I need it? #

If Joe is unhappy, he cries.

Daniel is unhappy, and he goes and screws his midwife!

Who also, coincidentally, happens to be his best friend's wife.

That's Daniel's shot at dad of the year.

# Please, just tell me

# Is it love?

# And how do you feel it?

# Love... #

Why would you jeopardise everything?

It's classic self-destructive behaviour.

If you two were to resolve your differences,

-what would you want of him?

-I'd want him to be perfect.

I was only trying to get him to stop crying.

I'd like to hear more about your mother and father.

-She died young, didn't she?

-Don't insult me by trying to turn this round to me!

I'm trying to understand the situation from your point of view.

I don't have daddy issues. And you are not going to psychoanalyse me.

-I'm not qualified to.

-Tell me something I don't know!

Our family backgrounds impact the way we interact

when we have children.

This experience shaped the family that you're trying to create.

You were losing control of your life. You were emotionally drained.

Cut out of the family group, in your own home.

The notes from the first sessions, Dr Clarke thought you

were suffering from some sort of post-natal depression.

I was angry. She didn't trust me with my own son.

Why?

I don't know.

The cherry thing, maybe shaking him. She completely overreacted.

So, you weren't in complete control.

Why are you asking this?

Because you need to see things from her point of view.

Do children need a perfect family?

Or do they need their family to be perfect enough?

It seems to me that sometimes children who've lost a parent

sometimes have an idealised vision of a family.

I'm a doctor, I don't have any illusions about perfect families.

And I can tell you that children, vulnerable as they are,

are tough little blighters.

You know you wouldn't harm Joe.

But throw in anger, the way you were then,

post-natal depression, that's what happens in many child deaths.

A momentary loss of control and...

Maybe she saw that in herself.

Professionally, you must have seen stressed parents,

scared of their weakest moments.

Good people, in moments of weakness, sometimes do bad things.

You lost your mother.

-When I was 14.

-Still a traumatic loss.

OK, listen to me. Tell me something.

Did Daniel get asked about his family in these sessions?

Show and tell. HE SIGHS

-Goodbye.

-Zara?!

I will not have my family made into the problem here!

Hey, hey, hey.

-Go away.

-What happened?

Yes, I need a cab. All right, I'll hold.

-Zara?

-These sessions are not for me.

Please.

Zara, please, this is our life. One day. That was the deal!

Look, you see this through today and I'll do anything you want.

No complaints, no nothing. I'll even move out the house tonight.

You and Joe can have it for as long as you want.

-Anything I want?

-Yes.

These sessions are not going to be about blaming me.

All right.

All right.

# Please just tell me. #

WATCH TICKS

Well, I thought we made great progress this morning.

I've got an exercise for you both.

I'd like you, Daniel-the-doctor, to imagine you're

sitting in your consulting room, in walks Daniel-the-man

and tells you all about what he's been through.

What would your professional advice be to him?

-I'd tell me...

-Him.

I'd tell him...

I wouldn't want to get involved, for one thing.

But if he was sitting in front of me, he has to take

responsibility for his actions.

It's probably the sensible, professional advice, but...

..he brought it on himself.

And I'd say he has to...

Keep going.

I'd say he has to prepare for a life, a future without his family.

Actions have consequences. Right?

He has to look after himself now.

I mean, he has to, of course, make sure that

everything is taken care of but...

He needs to focus on new possibilities and his freedom again.

ZARA SIGHS

I'm not saying...

I'm just trying to get him to focus on the positives.

Oh, so there are positives?

Not really. But if doesn't focus on something, all he's got is despair.

What does Daniel-the-man think of Daniel-the-doctor's advice?

I'd say he's a quack.

I'd say he doesn't understand my situation,

that I have to fight for my family.

I'd say he's never been faced with losing his family or his woman,

even if she does drive him round the twist half the time.

It's probably the safe, professional advice but,

if he thinks it's possible, he's never had his heart broken.

So, I wouldn't be able to do what he's telling me.

I would tell her, "Nice shoes, Zara!"

"Thank you, Zara, I love your shoes too."

All right, all right.

I would tell her to put herself and her child first.

He doesn't deserve you, so stick to your guns, girlfriend.

Go, Zara! Go, Zara!

You're not taking this entirely seriously.

This is a stupid exercise. If I, she...

Look, I am her doctor, not her girlfriend.

If it was something medical I could help her. Otherwise...

Rubbish.

Otherwise I'd be thinking what clothes am I going to wear tomorrow.

Absolute rubbish, your wardrobe's planned and hung a week in advance.

Daniel, I don't think this is helping.

She would be thinking, "Get a grip and sort it out."

Yes, he got caught putting it where he shouldn't,

but does he deserve to lose everything?

And you know he would never harm the baby!

So don't get precious with me! You love the bones of him

because of the strife, not despite it.

She'd also be thinking, let him suffer a bit first, he deserves it.

-Do be quiet, Daniel.

-I know how you think.

I am so, so sorry I cheated on you, but it was never about her.

At the time, I just wanted to lash out, let's face it,

there's nobody else I could have slept with who would have hurt you more.

Why would you want to hurt me?

Because I was ill. And you were destroying me.

I was a mess! OK?

All that aside for now, the point is, Daniel knows you,

he gets you better than anyone else. Is that fair to say?

And what he said,

an accurate account of what you would really be thinking?

He knows me better than anyone else does.

I will give him that.

If Zara was my patient...

What you say here doesn't get thrown back at you outside.

That's the deal.

Yes.

If Zara came to me genuinely fearing for the safety of her child.

Forget all the stuff about her bloke cheating on her,

that's their business, nothing to do with me,

but if she felt she couldn't trust her child to his father...

I'd say she was right to get out of the relationship.

I'd be on the phone to Social Services on her behalf.

That's something that's changed in me.

I can't blame you for being angry about me shaking Joe.

Wouldn't the child's future be better with its mother

and father, if they can resolve their issues?

Yes, if there's trust.

But sometimes, with all the love and the best will in the world,

people still lose control.

They still...snap!

What is this, some kind of reverse psychology?

I think we could do with a breather.

SHE SIGHS

Water?

My turn?

I honestly think he was having a midlife crisis.

If he asked for help in understanding why he did this?

-How on Earth am I supposed to know?

-Please, try.

SHE SIGHS

Well, this woman, this princess bubblegum.

It's clearly nothing to do with her.

That wouldn't be a midlife crisis, that would be a midlife meltdown.

She's an irrelevance.

This was about lashing out

at some kind of perceived grievance against him from his better half.

Trying to hurt her. So far, so Daniel.

But has he?

What do you mean?

Is it possible that Daniel's behaviour wasn't about hurting you?

Or Joe. Least of all Joe?

Then who would it be about?

Let me be Daniel.

I betray my partner and my best friend,

is that about them or about me?

About you. I suppose.

Why would I do that?

Please, Doctor, I need your help.

Because you don't like your life?

But I have a great life.

A beautiful partner, a beautiful child, a good job.

So that's not everything you wanted?

It can't have been.

Well, I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist, or whatever,

but it seems to me that...

It seems to me that maybe you feel you don't deserve happiness

or maybe you feel like your freedom has been taken away.

I think I've been depressed.

Post-natal depression for men? An old husband's tale.

Well, let's just call it depression.

-It can happen to anyone at any time. Right?

-Yes.

-Does that make me a bad person?

-No, of course not.

I love my son. But sometimes things seem so dark.

I pick him up to get him to stop crying.

I feel as if I'm losing control.

I'd never hurt him but...I'm scared. Do I deserve punishment?

Of course not.

I feel like I'm in a cycle, depression, self-destruction,

which makes me more depressed, can this cycle be broken?

Please, Doctor? Help me?

Yes, I can help you. You're not alone.

-We can help you.

-What help? How?

We can prescribe medication.

Or we can suggest you take a course of...therapy.

Which can often prove very effective.

You acknowledge that, professionally,

sometimes you see new fathers who are depressed.

Forget about the label, "post-natal".

We all get hung up on labels.

As a doctor, did you see depression in Daniel.

And do you see that Daniel was ill?

Zara doesn't do half measures. She needs things to be perfect

because this is her one shot at being a mother.

I thought you weren't going to psychoanalyse me.

I'm not claiming that's insightful analysis. It just seems obvious.

Am I wrong?

It would go a long way if you acknowledge that.

Yes.

One thing we can work on

-is helping you to see that not being perfect is OK.

-I know that.

Now, your relationship. Do you know about fly-by-wire avionics?

When a plane is stable, getting it to change direction requires effort.

So, the computer keeps the plane permanently not quite stable.

So it's much more responsive. Great for fighter planes, aerobatics.

Some relationships are fly-by-wire. Controlled instability.

Some people love that, some people can't take the instability.

So tell us, which are we?

That's what I'd like to explore in the weeks ahead.

-If the will is there to do it. Daniel?

-Yes. Definitely.

Zara?

OK.

Good. Zara, you're mad at Daniel.

-Yes.

-Daniel, you're mad at Zara.

Sometimes.

That's passion. You're mad because you care.

Agreed?

We have something to build on. You stopped communicating.

Daniel, I want you tell Zara what you told me earlier.

Not now, later on.

It doesn't mean that you have to communicate relentlessly,

you just need to re-find that equilibrium where you

communicate enough.

We need to go back to basics. I want you to try something.

Another exercise?

Yes. I want you to date for three weeks.

No touching, no physical contact whatsoever. Can you do that?

# Just trying to read you

# Trying to get between the lines... #

-Say something.

-I'm sick of talking.

You know that thing I was supposed to tell you later?

I told David how much I admire you.

# Is it love? #

When Joe was ill, I was so weak.

He needed us and you delivered.

I didn't.

# And do I need it? #

I want to thank you for that, and whatever happens,

I'll always admire you for it.

# It's the way you turn the words around

# You're just like him

# A game of lost and found

# So, please just hold me

# Hold me tight

# So, please just tell me

# Is it love?

# Is it love?

# Is it love?

# And do I need it?

# Is it love?

# And how do you know it?

# Love... #

We shouldn't sleep in the same bed. Not while we're dating.

Agreed?

Yes.

So...first date. Tuesday.

Lunch.

# And do I mean it?

# Please just tell me

# Is it love?

# And how do you feel it? #

Good night.

No touching. Them's the rules.

# Love

# And do I need it?

# Please just tell me. #

The theme of today's show is - Ten Things I Hate About You.

-I can't go through with it.

-Course you can.

'You're playing crap music and giving dodgy advice.

'I'd stick with giving injections and wiping up sick.'

Switch that off. He's done enough damage for one day.

Come on, have a cuppa.

Go on then.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd