Nowhere to Go Doctors

-You'll need a ton, maybe more.

-100?

Yeah. Meal, drinks, then on to a club.

I could take her to the cinema or bowling,

still get change out of 40 quid.

Right. Yeah, while you're at it, why don't you wear that woolly cardigan

-and take her to bingo?

-Mum gave it to Oxfam.

-What?

My cardie.

Do you want to be a virgin your whole life?

Of course not.

Well then, you need to show Nicola a good time.

Pull out all the stops.

and by the end of the night, she'll be all over you like a rash.

What's up?

-I dunno. I've got a bad feeling about this.

-Don't be soft.

If it was as simple as you make out, everyone would be doing it.

-Everyone is doing it.

-What if we get caught?

We're not going to get caught. Look. It's easiest money you'll ever earn.

C'mon, you want to impress Nicola, don't you? Hold these.

Go on. Go see what copper's over there.

And be careful.

Lee! Lee!

HE COUGHS

BEEPING

Yeah. Yeah, all right. OK.

Bye!

-Excuse me, love. Could I trouble you for...?

-Sorry, no.

-I'm not after your money, princess. I just fancy the time.

-8.20.

I was delayed on a coach coming from London last night and

there was no time to get a B&B.

You thought I was a tramp, didn't you?

No. I...I didn't think anything, really.

Of course not. Wasn't even on the radar, was I?

SHE LAUGHS

Someone's OD'd on beauty sleep?

I didn't get a wink. This isn't healthy or natural.

Poor, poor Daniel, deprived of his nightly fix.

There's still time for a pre-work quickie.

No way. Good job one of us has got some will-power.

I want sex. You want sex. The situation is absurd.

Then you will just have to get a grip or have a cold shower.

I suppose it's easier for you.

Naturally. I'm irresistible, whereas you're...not.

BABY CRIES

There's something that'll take your mind off it. He needs a nappy change and the nanny's late.

The nanny?

Don't even think about it!

Right. Make sure that you digest all three feedback forms,

plus any patient feedback, prior to our scheduled meetings.

I've only got two forms. How come?

Yes, that's that pyromaniac.

There was a reason why I scheduled this meeting early.

Sorry. Lost my purse. Had to cancel all my cards.

Hey, hang on, what if you don't agree with what someone's said.

What then?

Well, that's exactly why I'm seeing you all, in turn.

So we can go through the feedback with a fine toothcomb, if necessary.

And take out the nasty bits?

Yes, well, that would defeat the object.

If there are any criticisms,

suggestions, then what are the common themes?

Where is there room for improvement?

In loving memory of Nadine Grace Dreyer.

Devoted mother of...Lee.

Just Lee.

Sorry I didn't make the funeral, Mum.

Were it a good turn-out?

Actually, Mum, I've got some good news.

The hospital have been in touch.

Lee's back, Mum.

He's woken up!

It's a miracle.

Yeah, yeah, I think it's all fair enough, really.

Quite a few compliments in there, which is always nice.

And you're happy to take these compliments at face value, are you?

Yeah, I think so.

Such as - "Mandy really knows her way around a hot beverage,

"and she brings much to the table vis-a-vis afternoon snacks.

"But it's in the more perilous realm of the water cooler gossip

"that Mandy's unique talent really comes into its own."

SHE GIGGLES

Yeah, I think I know....I know who wrote that.

Yes, well you're very good at communicating with colleagues

-and putting patients at ease we can take that as read.

-Right...

However, the general impression is of someone whose working day

doesn't consist of too much work.

If you come up against an onerous task or a tricky diagnosis,

you're very quick to pass on the baton.

-You mean, pass the buck?

-Yes, if you like.

No, I don't like. That's completely wrong.

Yes, which is why we need to devise a strategy...

No, no, I mean, how can you infer all of that

from Chris's silly comments?

Many a true word is spoken in jest.

Now. Let's move on to motivation, shall we?

Kyle!

What took you so long?

See, if I'd have known I was going to get such a pasting,

I'd have taken the gloves off myself.

I would have told a few home truths about Daniel and Kevin

and definitely Mrs Tembe.

This isn't some tit-for-tat slanging match.

Tell that to the others.

It's certainly not an exercise in diplomacy.

Karen. Feedback isn't a threat. It's an opportunity.

Yeah, you're right. It's an opportunity to stick the boot in.

Just you wait until I get my hands on Mrs Tembe.

Remember when I had that talent scout sniffing around from Villa?

-I could've turned pro, me, y'know?

-Yeah? What happened?

Bad hangover that day. Besides, I wanted to play for City.

Come on, let's see those silky skills.

Nah, you're all right. Got to take it easy, haven't I?

Take it easy! You've had five years to take it easy.

And three weeks of physio. What more do you need?

When are we going home, Kyle?

There is no home. Not since Mum died.

What about all her stuff? Our stuff?

It's in storage, I guess. Landlord didn't waste no time.

No-one expected me to wake up.

Now that I have, there's nowhere to go.

Mum didn't give up on you, not for a minute.

They said she spent half her life at the hospital,

holding your hand, waiting.

Yeah, well, shame she's not around, isn't it?

It's just us two now, bro.

You and me, against the world.

Fancy a pint?

Used to be quite cool, this place.

Bit of a dump now.

Do you remember coming here the night before accident?

Of course. This is where I met Nicola.

That's it, Nicola. Good looking bird.

You got a snog and her number, didn't you?

It's a shame you didn't have chance to follow that up.

You'd have made a good couple.

You never know, might still be a local.

That why you brought us here?

I'm sure she'll remember you.

Probably read about what happened. It might not be too late.

Yeah, right. And my place at uni, the scholarship?

I bet that's waiting for me and all.

I can just pick up where I left off, can't I?

Yeah, why not? It's something we got to look into.

Five years, Kyle. Not five weeks, five months. Five years.

Yeah. I know. What can I say?

Nothing. Nothing you say'll make any difference. Not now.

Just stop pretending that nothing's changed when everything's changed.

What is it? Drunk already?

As if. Anyway, you're the one playing catch-up.

Just enough to get a sweat. 5K or so.

Well, that's quite a big sweat, mate. You look like you need a lie down.

Well, I didn't get much kip last night, so...

A cold shower will sort me out.

Jimmi.

Oi!

Next time you want to write a load of gibberish on an HR form,

don't make me the butt of your jokes.

-You what?

-My card's marked. Howard thinks I don't do any work.

Mate. All I did was sing your praises.

Yeah, sarcastically. Thanks for nothing.

What about her? She's on her own.

Miserable as sin. Looks like she's sucking on a lemon.

She has been. Tequilas already. Maybe not that fussy.

Oh, thanks.

HE LAUGHS

She looks familiar. Maybe that's her.

What, Nicola?

Blonde, nice features.

That's not Nicola. She had more class.

Still, I bet she could teach you a thing or two.

Might not be relationship material

but you got to enjoy yourself first.

Girls like Nicola don't stay single long.

She's probably married by now, kids.

I tell you, she's giving you the eye!

It's not me she's looking at. It's you she likes.

You reckon?

It's like Mum said, you got all the luck with the girls.

I was good at maths and that's most important.

Well, today's not about me, bro.

I'm telling you, she's well keen.

20 quid says I can wangle us an invite back to hers.

What, both of us?

Just you let me do the talking.

Once she's on side, you can reap the reward.

You've no idea how ridiculous this is, do you?

Respect the job. Respect the process.

Yeah, but the job and the process are two completely different things.

-In fact, they're mutually exclusive.

-And how's that?

Well, Howard, where is this going to end?

Are we going to have another meeting, with even more paperwork,

where we give feedback to the feedback on my feedback?!

I mean, is there some secret board room somewhere where there's

this tax-payer-funded focus group who...who brainstorm

fresh new ways for the medical profession to endlessly

reflect on their own micro-managed performance.

It is ridiculous!

I mean, heaven forefend a doctor should actually engage with their

patients, that they should heal the sick or in any way do their job.

I'm glad you brought up the importance of engaging with the patients,

because that features prominently in your feedback.

In fact, the comments suggest

that you're offhand, unsympathetic and downright rude.

Do you accept those allegations?

Where are you going?

As much as I'm enjoying the Spanish Inquisition,

you'll have to excuse me because I do have patients waiting for me

and I can't let down my adoring public!

You went in there a boy, came back a man!

The first time's always a bit awkward. Don't worry about it.

-You paid her, didn't you?

-Eh?

She were a prostitute! You paid her to sleep with me.

I thought you'd want to get it out the road.

You'll have more confidence next time with normal girls.

-I didn't sleep with her.

-What? Why not?

When I found out what she were, I freaked out.

I didn't want to sleep with a prostitute.

I wanted someone like Nicola.

What do you mean, "freaked out"?

I think I hit her. I punched her.

She threatened to call the police.

Yes, well, of course not.

Not everyone's going to take the criticism willy nilly.

That's what....that's what's so good about these one-to-one meetings.

I mean, they're brilliant!

It's a chance for everyone to kind of air their petty grievances

in a non-judgmental atmosphere.

There's a lot to be taken away from these...

I had a cheese sandwich once.

Hmm?

What?!

Nothing.

Only been out of hospital a few hours, now this.

They're going to lock me up.

That won't happen, Lee. I won't let it happen.

You? You're the one that got me in this mess.

I lost five years cos of you, now I'm going to lose another five.

I always looked out for you.

What?! By going on the rob? Look where that got me.

-I'll go up there, reason with her.

-Like that'll help.

If the police get involved, I'll say it were me.

What makes you think she'd go along with it?

I'll explain the situation.

Say it were my fault, I should've known better.

You'd go inside because of me? Because of something I've done?

Of course I would. I owe you that much, don't I?

"Dr Carter is the consummate physician -

"erudite, confident and compassionate.

"His generous nature and flawless manners

"conceal a brilliant surgical mind."

Yes, yes, well, we all know that

Mrs Tembe is your number one fan, don't we?

But I don't think that her comments represent the more general picture.

Well, she's not the only person to say nice things.

No. Elsewhere, well, the praise is a little more tempered.

Tempered? Tempered with what?

Well, I've highlighted a few words, both from colleagues and patients.

Adjectives such as pompous,

haughty and uber-posh are used on several occasions.

-Inverse snobbery doesn't even merit a response.

-Doesn't it?

No, I realise that my start in life was more fortunate than most.

But I'm not going to downplay my education or my taste

because that would be disingenuous. I'm just not going to do that.

-I think you're overrea...

-You know what this is, don't you?

It's the worst kind of class-bound fascism.

Fine way to run a practice!

-Well?

-She's OK. Only a slap, weren't it?

-I guess.

-Nowt she's not used to.

So that's it? She's not going to press charges?

I kept her sweet, explained the situation. She felt sorry for you.

-You're lying.

-I'm not I swear, on our mother's...

-Don't lie to me, Kyle.

-OK. All right. I went up there.

She didn't want to know about it, told me get lost.

Otherwise she would go call the cops. Happy now?

I don't know why I even listen to you. Every word's a lie.

I try and buy you a good time and this is the thanks I get?!

How did I know you were going to freak out?

No. You were trying to humiliate me, punish me.

You were always a loser, but I had a chance. could have gone to uni.

Couldn't stand the thought of that though, could you?

Even now, you want to rub my nose in the gutter.

Try living there, Lee.

You spent five years in a bed I spent five years in hell,

day after day. Do you know what that does to someone?

You expect me to feel sorry for you?

-No, I...

-You had a life. And mine were taken from me.

That's not fair.

Lee!

You all right, mate?

HE COUGHS

We met earlier, didn't we, by the cafe?

I think that was where I lost my purse.

Don't suppose you happened to spot it?

Eh?

Are you on any medication?

Are you taking anything for your cough?

No. I don't know.

Well, you may well have pneumonia.

I'll have to admit you to St Phil's. Do you understand?

What?

You have an infection in your lungs.

I'm not going to hospital. I hate hospitals.

Well, if you're sleeping rough, the infection's only going to get worse.

It could be very serious.

No-one expected me to wake up.

Now that I have, there's nowhere to go.

Sorry?

Who's Lee?

What?

The name on your tattoo?

-He's my brother. Have you seen him?

-Um, no. I don't think so.

I just wanted to make it up to him, put things right between us.

Only now he's gone.

I see. Do you have any other family? Someone you'd like to call?

PHONE RINGS

Sorry.

'Yes, Dr Khella, I have found the notes.'

Very good, Mrs Tembe. I'll get them now.

We've found your notes.

Are you OK?

Are you all right?

I won't be a moment.

If you've got a problem with the way that I talk to the patients,

-tell me face-to-face!

-Ladies, please.

I have tried to, on several occasions.

But you choose to ignore your MANY shortcomings.

Thanks.

I were locked up when she died.

Didn't find out till after the funeral.

You never came back?

After the accident, she wouldn't even look me in the eye.

Her golden boy had gone and it were all my fault.

You didn't ever phone? Let her know you were all right?

I wasn't all right.

She lost both of us that day.

-And she died all alone?

-Yeah.

Going to be dark soon. We should find somewhere to stay.

Right.

I know where we can go.

This is the very manna from heaven for the patients.

They like nothing better than a good old whinge!

I spent ages on that feedback.

Some people have made a mockery of the whole thing.

I don't know why everyone's getting their knickers in a twist.

Look, in a couple of weeks,

they're going to be stuffed into a filing cabinet, gathering dust.

And Howard will have moved onto some other harebrained scheme.

Yeah, but it's the nice ones who suffer.

If you're up for a bit of back-stabbing,

you'll probably get a pay-rise.

You know, I thought it was too much to ask!

A moment for you all to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses.

I thought this exercise was going to be constructive.

But more fool me!

Why? Well, you're all infallible, beyond reproach.

The mere notion that there's room for improvement - preposterous.

But the person standing next to you? Oh, different kettle of fish.

Ill-disciplined, disorganised, pig-headed, petty-minded.

DISGUSTED SIGH

Kyle?

Kyle!

Why've you brought us here?

I wanted to come back. I had to come back.

You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened.

What?

It weren't your fault. It was just a stupid accident.

You mean it?

So it put me to sleep for a while - big deal.

Sleeping's not so bad.

I'm here now, aren't I?

Oh, Howard?

I don't think we can draw a line under it just yet, can we?

-I'm sorry?

-Your feedback. We haven't even discussed it.

Well, I hardly think that'll be necessary.

-Manager's privilege?

-No, I didn't mean...

Give it to me first thing tomorrow morning.

-And we'll discuss it after lunch.

-I really don't think that...

Good night, Howard.

He was very upset about something.

He said that he was looking for his brother.

Yeah, I know. That's why I came.

I tried turning over a new leaf.

HE COUGHS

I couldn't move on.

I couldn't change because part of me never left Letherbridge.

I was always here.

You know, if I could've swapped places with you, I would've.

-You know that, don't you?

-Yeah. Course.

So you forgive me?

You're my brother.

HE SOBS

It doesn't have to be like this.

No. It does. It always had to be here.

But I'm glad you were with me, kid.

See you soon, Lee.

'Sleeping's not so bad. You're my brother.'

Are you OK? Can I help you?

No. No, thank you.

I don't think anyone can.

MACHINE VIBRATES

SHE PANTS

Hey! Who said housework's no fun?

I think there is a part loose. And I was just...testing it.

Yes, of course you were. Why don't you just admit it?

Admit what?

You're as frustrated as I am.

All right, I admit it! These rules are ridiculous.

The one thing that we are really good at...

Hey! What about these rules are ridiculous?

Oh, no. Breaking the rules. It's too easy.

This is a challenge and we are going to win it.

What? What about, "But it's the one thing we're really good at?"

Exactly!

What? I can't even look now?

No. Looking and touching are both off the menu.

HE GROANS

Giant polar bear or little baby swan?

A grown man stuck here, caring for his mother.

It's OK.

The cygnet would roll around in the snow and pretend to be dead.

Will you please tell him I need to go in a home.

That's a huge step, and we don't know that you have dementia yet.

Arrgh! No, don't eat me, Mr Polar Bear. I'm tainted meat.

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