Good Boy Doctors

Don't bother - milk's off.

Mrs Tembe's gone out to get some fresh.

You look smart.

I know.

It's half a day software training!

It's a nice venue...never know who you're going to meet.

-Know what I'm saying?

-Don't flirt with the trainer.

Don't let the side down and don't be late.

That it?

-Don't flirt with anyone else.

-Anything else?

Don't skimp on the buffet - it was all in with the price.

Hello. Have you met me? I skipped breakfast.

My buffet skills are legendary.

What a tippy tumbles. Let me help you.

I hate it when I fall over, which usually happens in threes.

The kerb...it just...

Oh, look - you've scraged your knee.

-"Scraged"?

-You know - scraged.

You've taken a bit of the skin off,

but just enough to get that sticky clear liquid, not proper blood.

I have always wondered what a scrage was.

The result of fleeting flesh on brick or flesh on tarmac contact -

in or around Birmingham.

Look, there's a doctor's just round the corner.

Yes, the Mill Health Centre.

You'll wants a squirt of Germoline and a sticking plaster.

Come on - I'll walk with you.

No, no, no. I do not want to put you out.

You're not. I was going there anyway.

Oh, well...well...so was I.

You feeling off colour?

No, no, no. I work there.

Are you unwell?

Me? Nah! Strong as an ox, me.

Passport photo wants signing.

Got to get the application

to the post office this morning or it'll be curtains.

You know what it's like. You have loads of time,

you fanny about and the last chance you've got to do it is today.

Well, if you are walking that way anyway...

I am. I'm Jenny.

Oh...Mrs Tembe.

Lovely to meet you.

You might want to...

Lovely. You can lean on me.

Thank you.

KNOCK ON WINDOW

Hello! Good house calls? You coming in?

Or...

you can be Thelma and I'll be Louise...

Which one got to get down and dirty with Brad Pitt? I want to be her.

Really? Well, maybe that could be arranged.

You know kidnapping movie stars is illegal, right?

Kidnapping - it's such a strong word.

You might want to consider finding another route, sir.

I'm already following a diversion from back there.

Fatalities?

Just stay where you are please, sir.

-It's all under control.

-Hugo! Here, boy!

Hugo! Here, boy!

In the car if you don't mind, sir.

MOTPs mean well but they always get in the way.

MOTPs?

Members of the public.

Now, as soon as Dr Khella has seen me

I will organise your photograph validation.

It never occurred to me I'd need an appointment,

with it being non-medical and all.

We have a procedure.

There are reasons.

Leave it with me.

Thanks.

-I'll cover.

-Thank you, Mrs Hollins. Will you take that, please?

Look - I'm not a MOTP - I'm a doctor.

-Why didn't you say?

-You didn't ask.

You found him? Did you find Hugo?

Hugo? No sign.

Sorry, Mr Sloan - PC Anderson's looked

but there's no sign of your dog.

-I have to find him...

-Take it easy

Surely you can find his dog?

We tried, sir...I've said - I'm sorry.

Please!

That'll do, sir - you need to calm down.

You have to...

Bummer, eh?

His old lady's bought it, wrecked his motor and he's lost his dog.

Surely you'll keep looking, though? Right?

-No, I don't think so.

-But the guy's just...

Hugo!

-Don't you think you're being a bit...?

-Look, doctor,

-maybe if you'd bothered to tell me you were a quack earlier...

-Hugo!

..you could have helped and freed me up to go and look.

-Now? Not so much.

-Hugo!

Getting anxious won't help.

You need to try and stay calm.

But he knows the woods - he'll hide.

Please, promise you'll keep looking.

I promise.

Right then, doc...you'll be wanting this.

Do you want to take a seat?

-Nothing too grim?

-No, no. I will live.

Now, Dr Khella has agreed to sign your photograph.

-Excellent.

-As long as you've got some other photo ID?

I just need to pull your records up,

check that you're a match and Bob's your uncle.

And Fanny's your aunt.

The power of the GP - she signs and you are you.

There's a £10 admin charge.

-Is there? I didn't think you'd charge.

-Is that a problem?

It's just that I've only got the cash for my passport.

I really didn't think I'd have to pay you.

Well, it's not me exactly - it's the practice.

Well, I will pay it. You can pay me back later.

Oh, no - I couldn't...

I'm sorry - I can't do it unless you...

Dr Khella, please - I will settle the amount.

No, really...

I will and you will insult me if you try to stop me.

You can return it to me later.

Your passport is important.

The mad thing is, I've got more cash at home.

I've been saving to change it into dollars.

It's my sister's fault for booking the tickets.

No - it's my fault for being so slack - what am I like?

Are you sure you don't mind?

I will be here until two o'clock today.

Then I'll be back by two.

In the words of my gran, "If you get that tenner back,

"my tiddler is a two-ton trout."

Well, pardon me for thinking

that you're there to help find lost animals.

Well, that's the last time I put any money in one of your tins.

Animal lovers my... PHONE BEEPS

Rude!

Ah...Hugo!

Hugo! Hugo!

Hugo! HE WHISTLES

Thank you so much for sorting this out.

I'll get it to the Post Office, go home and be back before you know it.

-Two o'clock, right?

-Yes.

You're a real star!

A real star who's down ten quid.

No, he's not one of The Mill patients,

I just happened upon the accident.

I want someone to tell him that I'm still looking for his dog.

Tyler. Dr Kevin Tyler. Thanks.

Hugo!

PHONE RINGS

Not in Bromsgrove?

I know I'm not in Bromsgrove.

Care to tell me why not? Given that you're spruced and starving?

Something's come up.

GARBLED NOISES Losing signal...

Hugo! Ah! Come here, you damn stupid dog!

Ah, look at you.

I think you're really nice and thoughtful...

I don't care what anybody says.

Mrs Tembe said your next one's a no-show.

Yes! Thank you.

What?

I think it just might work.

-What?

-I can't believe I've never thought of it before.

Oh, such rightness!

-Mandy...

-Right.

What if I said I had a pre-approved, vetted, gorgeous,

not a prat of a man who...

-Not interested.

-..would be no pressure?

Worst case scenario, you just have an entertaining evening out.

I would say the idea of a blind date is always, without exception,

always, every time, a bad one.

Vish. Vish-the-dish.

Just planting the seed.

Think about watering that seed. Letting it grow.

You what?

Just don't just squirt it with Paraquat.

-Paraquat?

-I like the word.

Paraquat? Paraquat?!

SHE GROANS She not been back, then?

There is still three quarters of an hour.

Oooh, don't you worry. I promise I'll find him.

AMERICAN ACCENT: I'll be your dog!

Hugo!

Hugo!

Hugo?

SNARLING

-Hugo. Hugo.

-Kevin.

It's OK. All right? It's OK.

I'm not going to hurt you.

Don't start.

Seedling?

What have I missed?

Mandy is being horticulturally aggravating

whilst trying to pull off Cilla Black.

Ooh-er, missus!

-Where do you stand on blind dates?

-Usually alone at the bar,

-cos they've copped sight of me and done one.

-Aw!

Aw! No, you are handsome and you are lovely -

you're just having a dry spell.

Why don't you sort him out with a blind date, then?

-Would you?

-Mmm.

Ah, there you are!

Why don't you do something frivolous on your afternoon off?

I do not want to do anything, really.

Go on! Something wacky like the pictures or swimming?

KNOCK ON DOOR

Oh, thank goodness! I thought I'd missed you.

I didn't know if you were a flowers or a choc type, Mrs Tembe,

so I thought...what the hell - get both.

Well, that is very kind of you! Please, call me Winifred.

Ooh, away with the daftness! What am I like?

Here's ten crisp pounds and the offer of a lift home

if you'd like one.

-Thank you. You have a car?

-Not as a rule,

but I managed to swing the church's for the rest of the day.

Holy Roller...only it's not a Rolls, obv'!

Well, a lift home would be wonderful.

Well, Mrs Hollins, I will see you first thing in the morning.

Ooh, now tell me, what church do you attend?

-River Way - do you know it?

-Oh, yes!

A lot of folk think we're proper happy-clappy

but that's fine cos mostly we're happy and we do clap rather a lot.

Well, we can't spend all day here, can we?

It's boring.

What do you say we get out of here?

Come on, what do you say?

There we go. That's a good boy.

Good boy.

Hugo.

Yeah, right - Hugo.

So what do we do now, eh?

We'll get you sorted.

Sound like a good idea, little man?

Come on.

Do you want to come in?

Oh, no, no, no. I will wait for you here.

Fair enough. Lots of people are a bit "meh".

They think churchy folk are weird and funny.

Oh, no, no, I do not. I am also a Christian.

No, really I will wait here.

Sure you don't want to come in?

Not for a whiff of incense or anything, eh?

What kind of congregation are you?

We're sort of progressive, I suppose...despite the incense!

You're not going to your own church?

No, no. Not at the moment.

-Well, you might like it here.

-I do not know...

What's the worst that can happen?

I'm prepared to brave the thunderbolts if you are!

-Come on - just pop in while I track the vic down and drop these off.

-I...

Who knows? Maybe you were meant to lean on me today, eh?

OK, OK - look, look,

we need to get your seatbelt on first, don't we, so...

Why don't you take that...

and I'll take this...

..and we are cooking on gas.

There we go.

Do you like that, little man?

It's treats.

MUSIC: "Daydream Believer" by The Monkees

-You love Monkees?

-It's the radio, little man.

Sing!

# Cheer up, sleepy Jean

# Oh, what can it mean?

Sing! Sing!

# To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen? #

MUSIC: "Personal Jesus" by Depeche Mode

It is very different from my old...St Bernadette's.

I should say so.

You know St Bernadette's?

It's a tad fusty for me to feel comfy in there.

-It is certainly not fusty here.

-No!

It's a crackin' mixture of church and technology - and that's my bag.

I'm a holy nerd.

I want to reach the young people and get 'em involved.

That is a worthy goal.

There are so many young people who need something good in their lives.

-Amen to that.

-But not with that awful middle-American vibe,

do you know what I mean?

No, no. Not really.

Teeth too big and too white, songs all sickly sweet,

banging on about what Jesus hates and what revolts God.

That's the sort of thing that really gets my goat.

Me? I'm a sleeves rolled up type of Christian.

Faith should not be a passive accessory.

I know! You know, it's like, there is an underclass -

even in leafy old Letherbridge - there are disenfranchised people

that need to be befriended, included and protected.

I believe, if Jesus were here today, he'd...

Sorry - shut up, Jenny.

No, you should never apologise for your passion.

RADIO DJ: You're listening to Letherbridge FM.

-More Monkees?

-No, we need to go find your dad.

No, no, no.

-Hey, Hey!

-No!

So...blind dates - that's what I think.

So should she meet Vish or what?

What have I just said?

To be honest, Karen, I zoned out after the third me-and-Rob anecdote.

Karen, I need your help.

It's OK. I'm back.

I'm back.

I need you to call social services.

-Where did you find him?

-In Tallis Woods.

-Oh, is it...?

-Hugo.

-Hello, Hugo. HUGO GROWLS

No, no, you don't need to do that...it's all right.

Emergency placement?

Has he been checked out?

It's OK, little man. Come on.

Dr Tyler in here?

Take it easy, will you? There's a little boy... He's filthy, never...

I've got to call social services...

Some morning you've had, Dr Tyler?

There's a chap coming down from St Phil's.

A crash near Tallis Woods?

Apparently, you were the last person...

George Sloan. Might mean nothing

but he's mentioned that he's a solicitor...twice.

Anything else I should be concerned about?

Good.

Hello little chap.

I found Hugo in the woods - after the accident.

He was hiding.

George my big brother.

Jason! Jason!

It's kind of a free-range mother and toddler group.

Jason, where are you?

Let the little children come to me, do not hinder them,

for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

ORGAN NOTES PLAY

I think we've found Jason. Little tinker!

I know. I know.

It sucks but hey, be grateful it's not Karen -

spitting all over her hankies and rubbing 'em all over your face.

So is George your brother?

Bolt and Scud are.

Are they boys?

No! They am wooflers!

What about people? People in your family?

Eh! Eh! Will you stop squirming!?

I have never met a man of the cloth called Bomber before.

-You hated it.

-No!

No, but as you said, it is not for everybody.

And you like...the Via Dolorosa,

quiet and dust motes dancing in a shaft of sunlight?

You're a polished brass and stained glass kind of a woman...

I am also partial to a solid Bach cantata too.

Nothing wrong with that. That's your way to Him.

Just lately...he seems very far away from me.

He does, sometimes...when we need Him.

But then, when we're feeling tired

and we're thinking of giving up,

that's when we find our way,

and it's better then for never having been easy.

Is it?

Trust me on that.

Well, then, I will not give up.

Don't think I'm not perfectly well aware of how it looks -

it looks appalling, shocking -

I hate to think what you must think.

-I don't think anything.

-Good. Good. Thank you for that.

I lost both my parents today -

I've never had to imagine how it feels to be bereft.

Such a small word, such a smothering feeling.

Can we just be clear?

You are Hugo's brother?

Yes.

Well, it does need some explaining.

My mother died at the wheel.

Dad didn't make it out of surgery.

But I know what your colleague did - they told me

at St Phil's how he'd gone above and beyond.

I can't tell you how grateful I am.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Ah, Dr Tyler, this is George Sloan - Hugo's brother.

Is the young lad with Karen?

Good.

Mr Sloan was just telling me

how grateful he is for what you did today.

I thought I was looking for a dog.

Some people should be shot.

Excuse me?

Have you heard what Kevin found in the woods?

You couldn't make it up.

Not unless you were Stephen King.

I didn't want to go and see him - seemed a bit "freak show".

Mandy and Karen are with him now.

I hear Mandy's sending you on a date with some stud.

It's not like that. Anyway - I haven't said yes yet.

But you do know the rules if you do go through with it, hmm?

You go to a public place. You tell friends where you're going

and what time you're going to be home.

You make sure your phone's properly charged up -

and it's probably best to go to somewhere that you've been to before

so you can mentally prepare an escape route.

Al! It's a mate of Mandy's, not Hannibal Lecter.

Who was a perfectly charming gentleman...

until he decides to eat your brains out.

He didn't eat the brains! He fed them to...

Yeah, he'd eat them with fava beans and a nice chianti.

Only joking, your date is not going to try and eat your brains.

Or maybe he will!

My mother didn't even know she was pregnant.

She was in her fifties. I'd left home.

An internship in Colorado.

At first they thought he was stillborn.

They said he was tiny and he seemed...defective.

No thought of any medical help?

In Dad's world? What was the point?

They made him comfortable but they didn't think he'd survive the night.

Tougher than he looked.

When you say, "In Dad's world..."?

Very private. Self-reliant.

My father, he has...

I always thought when people did that, they did it for effect.

My father had an almost pathological hatred

of interference and authority.

Paid his taxes - wanted nothing back.

When did you realise you had a brother?

You have to understand.

I was beginning a new life,

just realising how bizarre my old one was.

I was in America.

I spent that first Christmas away with my girlfriend's family.

I'd never had...

It was almost a year before I went home.

And then?

The dogs took to him.

He took to the dogs.

I suppose I should see him.

Well, that's not possible.

-Excuse me?

-The child Dr Tyler recovered from the woods

is clearly suffering from the effects

of sustained, long-term neglect.

At this point in time he cannot be exposed to

any of his potential abusers.

I object to that inference.

You have never once said his name.

How long?

-How long what?

-How old is Hugo?

I don't know...11? 12?

-You turn my stomach.

-Watch your step.

You could have done something.

You don't know what you're talking about.

You don't know what they were like.

-What could I have done?

-You could have made a call.

And then what? Have him put away?

Have their lives picked over and exposed?

-Well, you did nothing...

-You! You're as warped as your parents were.

HE SNARLS

You know what, I don't care. So?

So, he got out. So what?

He still could have done something.

He still could have come back for his brother.

It's Dr Spoilsport - I'm-all-right-Jack.

He was only joking.

Yeah - I was only joking.

Thank God for Kevin, eh?

I'll come and see you tomorrow, OK?

OK, little man?

-There we are.

-HUGO WHIMPERS

Shush.

Tomorrow, OK?

Mate...? Is there...?

Kevin...

Do you think we should...?

No, no, no. Karen's got it.

I could...I could do with a drink. Anyone?

Only if you keep your gob shut about Jas and the date.

What? So there's an actual date now?

Well, I don't suppose blind dates are that bad an idea

if it's a pre-vetted person.

We've all got to meet our potential life partners somehow or other.

"Potential life partner"?!

Should...should I be looking for a hat?

Oi!

It's all right for you anyway. How did you meet your Jackie?

Erm...it's a bit embarrassing - we met on the internet.

My friends Julie and Steve met on the net -

they've been married for years.

Just opened a B&B.

You know what - call Vish.

I am going to go out with your friend.

Woo-hoo! Reasons to be cheerful, part three.

Ian Dury...love it.

Mate...it's in the runes. He is a total Blockheads fan...

Hit me with your rhythm stick!

Hit me! Hit me!

Look...I'll, um...I'll catch you up, yeah?

Das ist gut. C'est fantastique.

Hit me. Hit me.

Hit...me...

If you value your friendship,

-I'd keep us well away from his restaurant.

-Why's that, then?

Because we're going to write the most appalling review.

Come on! Show him a bit of leg, a bit of boobage.

He's not a boob man, is he?

Yeah. Course he is, he's a bloke.

You've ruined my life.

Pull yourself together, man!

-How's the halibut?

-Sensational.

I fear that our first review is going to be desperately dull.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd