Parallel Universes Doctors

-How are you?

-OK.

-How's it going?

-Good.

He might even get a goal someday(!)

WHISTLE BLOWS

Daniel?

You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine. Just tweaked my back playing golf yesterday.

Mrs Tembe put you through your paces, eh?

Yeah, and she took me to the cleaner's on the 18th too.

Need a hand getting out, granddad?

Make way for the invalid.

Hilarious.

Mrs Tembe, or should that be Tiger Tembe?

You know - Tiger Woods? The golfer?

Him?!

Who would want to be compared to him? The man is a disgrace.

Can't anybody take a bit of leg-pulling round here any more?

Personally, I would have said Ballesteros.

That is more like it.

A true gentleman, like yourself, Dr Granger.

I will pay you back as soon as I possibly can.

-No, you won't - it's on me. My treat.

-Oh, Doctor Granger...

I insist, and I'll hear no more about it.

Well, that is very kind of you.

God loves a cheerful giver.

Now here are your house call notes.

-They are all in alphabetical order.

-Thank you.

Jas.

What do you want?

Look, I just wanted to say...

What?

I just wanted to say that I am really, really sorry

about everything that happened.

My behaviour has been completely unacceptable.

Now, I don't know whether it's been some kind of strange reaction

to my grief about Sheila or,

whatever it is, there is no excuse, no excuse at all.

You're right.

It'll never, ever happen again.

It better not.

We'll interact as colleagues from now on, nothing else,

and you're to stay away from me, is that clear?

Absolutely.

Otherwise I'm reporting you to Howard.

And I don't make idle threats.

Understood.

I, er, called the school

-and told them you're not going to make it in.

-Sorry.

-What for?

-Now you can't go to work.

It's fine, I can work from home.

-I haven't messed things up?

-No.

Good.

-What are you looking at?

-The sky, trees, birds.

You're an old soul, aren't you?

Look! A fieldfare!

You hardly see any of them in August.

They almost totally disappear.

I missed it.

That's because you don't look carefully,

like most people. And that's a shame.

So, what are you going to be when you grow up then, eh?

A naturalist? A philosopher? Or is it still a doctor?

-Can't I be all of them?

-Of course you can!

You forgot one thing. A travel writer too.

-Like Dad.

-You miss him, don't you?

I wish...things could've been different.

I seem to be putting my foot in it with everyone at the moment.

I just...

It doesn't matter.

Right, onto more important things - who get's the last bite of cake?

Ooh, actually I was thinking more of an Icon lunch.

-Shepherd's pie?

-Now you're talking.

Lucky for you. I don't get a break till after two.

My lunch is going to be a sarny from the garage.

OK, plan B, we do an Icon run.

We bring food back. I'll take the orders.

I will pick up the food.

That is a plan. Right, I'll have lamb kebab and...

-beef cannelloni.

-And!

-Welcome to my universe.

-Right!

Who's this?

Ah, he's an old friend of mine.

Well, not literally.

He's my 'memento mori'. You know the phrase?

'Remember you will die.' From the Latin?

I...I didn't study it. Apart from some medical terms, of course.

-Tragic.

-Hmm!

So, where are we going to sit?

Well, you wouldn't imagine it,

but there are a couple of chairs lurking under here, apparently.

Let me sort it.

You grab a seat.

So, how long have you been having these fainting spells, Mr Goldbaum?

Oh, a few weeks, perhaps a month.

Maybe longer.

I'm not clear on the passage of time any more.

Days melt into days,

and, of course, time is relative, as you know from your Einstein.

Of course, but why didn't you contact us earlier?

Well, I was trying to solve this rather thorny mathematical

equation I'd set myself,

and I put the fainting down to over-exercising the old brain box.

-Seriously?

-Higher mathematics is not a joking matter.

OK, if you'd like to roll up your right sleeve, please.

Well, frankly, I shouldn't really be breathing.

I've had so many battles with one affliction and another

that I am the proverbial wonder of modern science.

Well, you're certainly light-hearted about it.

Well, partly light-hearted, partly philosophical.

"There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

Remember that one?

Hamlet?

Er...yeah, I haven't read it.

Oh, this is disturbing me, Dr Granger.

No Latin, no Shakespeare.

I thought you were a scientist, though?

Oh, well, I aspire to the 'Renaissance man' ideal.

The perfect marriage of art and science,

but, yes, my particular area of interest is science -

cosmology, to be precise, as it is the most philosophical of sciences.

Shakespeare was a cosmologist at heart, of course.

Of course.

Your blood pressure is rather high, Mr Goldbaum.

-Did you know that?

-Oh, it's been like that for eons.

Well, actually no, your notes say that as recently as six months ago,

it was considerably lower.

So, I might take your pulse, please.

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Yep?

-Seriously?

-No.

No, I am just taking orders for the Icon. You see?

I'm doing a lunchtime run.

-Jimmi's going to have steak and kidney pie, Mandy the...

-No, thanks.

OK.

Look, I have taken in what you said, Jas, and I thought about

skipping your room, but it didn't seem fair to you.

Well, I brought a sandwich along anyway, so...

Right.

I'm sorry for disturbing you, for bugging you.

I'll leave you to it, yeah?

One of the most fascinating areas of cosmology is of course

the 'multiverse', or 'parallel universes'. It's merely a theory,

it can't be proved either way, but I'm rather fond of it.

Don't you want to ask what the theory is?

Yes, of course. What's the theory?

Well, that depends which one you're talking about!

My particular favourite is the level three theory,

where every single quantum possibility inherent

in the quantum wave function becomes a possibility in some other reality.

-Right.

-In other words, there are an infinite number of universes,

almost identical to ours.

At the moment that any event in our universe takes place,

another universe is created where that event happens differently.

So that universes branch off endlessly into other universes.

Hm? Identical but for one or two differences.

OK.

Well, I don't know about other universes, but in this one, you

have an erratic heartbeat, which is probably causing you the blackouts.

So what I'd like to do is arrange for an appointment at St Phil's.

I'm going to contact a cardiologist and get you an emergency appointment.

Is that OK?

I've had my fill of hospitals, particularly that one.

Yes, but you need to understand the seriousness of this.

Oh, but I do. I value the beauty of living, but I have this sense

that my allotment of time here is drawing to a close.

Everything has to end, even the stars.

'The readiness is all.'

No-one knows when they're going to die.

Why not? My cat, Schrodinger, he knew when it was time.

He curled up under his favourite tree out there in the garden

and stopped breathing.

It was...rather beautiful.

There's nothing beautiful about dying.

Oh, well, in a parallel universe Schrodinger didn't die.

He's still alive.

But the problem is we haven't found the wormhole

to reach that other universe.

OK, well, while you're looking for that wormhole,

I am going to make an appointment for you.

HE SIGHS DEEPLY

I still can't see any birds.

What are you doing?

Writing cards to friends. Important people.

Why so many?

Not sure. Maybe in case I don't see them for a bit.

What do you mean by that?

I don't know.

They'll appreciate it though.

-Can you still take me to football tomorrow?

-What?

-I want to play.

-I thought you weren't feeling very well?

I'm already starting to feel better, I'll be fine by tomorrow.

It is the first pre-season game, Mum.

They're counting on me. I can't let the team down.

Please?

OK.

'Daniel?'

Daniel?

Sorry, I was a million miles away.

-You OK?

-Yeah, fine.

That's for you, from St Phil's.

Sorry, what were you saying?

Aaron's in the waiting room.

I wanted to speak to you on my own first.

You see, he wants to play in this football game tomorrow, but

he was complaining of headaches this morning, and he had a temperature.

OK, I'll have a look at him.

But there's something else. Something's on his mind.

The past few days he's been really distracted.

Today I found him writing cards to all sorts of people,

saying he might not see them for a while.

-Like he was going somewhere.

-Like where?

I'm thinking Scotland to see his dad.

He spent a few weeks with him last month and he really misses him.

-How would he get there?

-He'd find a way.

Once he sets his mind on something, you can't stop him!

Do you think you could find out what's going on?

So I heard about your holiday in Scotland.

Must have been great to see your dad?

It was amazing. We went bird watching on Foula.

-Where's that?

-The Shetlands.

Foula's got one of the largest colonies of seabirds in the country.

Well, it sounds right up your street.

2,500 pairs of great skuas, thousands of Arctic terns,

tens of thousands of puffins.

I bet you didn't know -

on the Shetlands, seabirds outnumber people 60 to one.

I did not know that. Just lean forward.

OK.

-Wish you were still there?

-Yeah.

Actually, I've been dreaming about another trip.

Oh? Where to?

I don't know. I'm not sure the place exists. It's part of my dream.

Oh. Is your dad there?

No. There's no-one. I'm on my own, but it's like I can feel

lots of people around me. I can't explain.

Dreams are weird, aren't they? They make no sense.

Still, you must miss your dad.

A lot, but I speak to him and e-mail him all the time.

Mum says I can stay with him at half term. It's only a couple of months.

Great. Something to look forward to.

So, look, your temperature is fine, everything seems normal,

which means that you will be on the pitch tomorrow.

Will you come and watch me play?

Of course.

I'm particularly proud of this bit -

"What masqueraded as a green salad was a limp,

"lifeless concoction of rancid leaves, tasting as if

"they had been dredged up from the bottom of a putrid lake!"

Yum.

I prefer this, look... "Attempting to cut into the steak au poivre,

"I felt a sudden kinship with a distant ancestor,

"sawing into a woolly mammoth with a blunt stone."

A certain Pythonesque surrealism.

Can you believe it?

I tried to put in our order, and they threw me out.

-Really?

-Say what? You got kicked out of the Icon?

It gets even worse, right...

We're banned from even setting foot in there.

All of us. The whole Mill.

This is crazy!

No, actually, it makes perfect sense.

Mum, you fancy telling Karen what your review's on?

I can't believe you've been so idiotic.

We are a community practice, we should be here to enhance

community relations, not destroy them.

As restaurant critics, we have a duty to our community

to report the good and the bad.

You're doctors, for goodness sake!

Yes, well, we are, but as Heston was saying...

Stop pretending to be Fleet Street hacks! Unbelievable.

Now muggins here has got the job of trying to sort out

yet another public relations disaster. Unbelievable.

Hi, can I come in?

It was a heart attack.

It was a freak event.

It was impossible to predict and...

..I'm so sorry.

He seemed fine, you said so yourself.

-Yeah. But if I hadn't told him he could play...

-But he wanted to play.

-Yeah, but if I'd said...

-Stop it, Dr Granger, please!

Don't you understand, this is only making it harder for me?

He's gone...

..and there's nothing anybody can do about it.

You're right.

If there's anything I can do, absolutely anything?

Tell me how a 13 year old has a heart attack?

He had an unusually large heart,

which makes it more prone to a heart attack.

-So he died because his heart was too big?

-Yes. In a way.

That's fitting, isn't it?

This is for you.

What is it?

Before the game he wrote cards to friends and family,

people who meant a lot to him.

It's yours.

Why would he write to me?

Because he admired you.

You see, he wanted to be a doctor one day.

Did he never tell you that?

No.

I'd better go.

I'm so sorry.

'Dear Dr Granger, today I've decided to write to all

'the important people in my life. You're one of them.

'You're the first person I remember meeting

'when Mum and I moved to Letherbridge.

'I don't know if you remember the little boy who came in with

'the measles dressed as a spaceman, but that was me.

'I was crying because I didn't feel well, and you were very kind,

'and you made me feel better.

'I think that was the first time I thought about becoming a doctor.

'I thought it must be so amazing to heal people, to make them

'feel better, even to save their lives.'

Hi, yes, this is Dr Granger from The Mill.

I'm Ira Goldbaum's GP.

Yes.

Yes, I wanted to check how his 1pm cardiology appointment went

with Dr Maxsteller.

What?

Are you certain?

OK, thank you.

'This is Ira. Presently I am indisposed.

'If I don't return your call in what you consider a timely manner,

'I apologise profusely, but we may well each have a different

'concept of what constitutes time.'

DOORBELL CHIMES

Mr Goldbaum?

DOORBELL CHIMES

Hello?

Mr Goldbaum?

Ira?

Lie down.

Lie down. There we go.

Can you hear me? Ira?

WHISTLE BLOWS

Come on, Aaron, breathe!

Come on, Aaron.

SHE SOBS

OK, come on, wake up!

Come on!

Stay with me.

I'm not going to let you down.

Come on!

HE CHOKES AND COUGHS

Nice, long, slow deep breaths.

Ambulance, please. 98, Saltram Drive.

SIREN BLARES

GENTLE KNOCK

They said you were awake. How are you feeling?

Like my body was atomized

and then randomly reconstituted.

I think I get your drift.

Thank you, Dr Granger, you saved my life.

But if I'd been a couple of minutes later...

Ah, but in one parallel universe you did arrive later,

and I died back there under the tree.

It is a blessing for both of us that I'm in this one.

After all, there is so much still to do.

Oh, by the way, what made you check on me?

-Just a feeling I had.

-Well, thank you again.

Just one more thing - what good is it knowing about parallel universes,

when somebody you love dies in this one?

Not much good at all, really.

Though, in some small way,

it is rather comforting when you think about it.

Ah! You know where I've just been?

The Icon. Grovelling.

I took them wine, flowers, chocolates.

I've just spent a small fortune

trying to rebuild the reputation of this practice.

Though I will defend free speech until my dying breath,

I offer you my sincere apologies for all the trouble you've been put to.

Yes, well you could offer not to pull a stunt like this again,

that's what you could offer.

Just so you know, you and Emma have been banned permanently,

at least the rest of us can walk through those doors again.

Harsh but fair under the circumstances.

Everything all right?

Yes, we're fine. What's happened to your car?

-What do you mean?

-The scratches down the side.

What?!

So, what is it?

I'm making a formal complaint.

-What about?

-Al.

I'm sorry?

He's been harassing me for weeks.

I've had abusive e-mails, texts,

found a love poem on my car,

received an engagement ring... how twisted is that?

Do you have proof all of this was him?

Erm, I found him lurking round my house last night after work

and I confronted him, and today my car is scratched to pieces.

Well, how do you know it was him that scratched your car?

When I went out there just now,

he was looking at me through the staffroom window.

You don't believe me, do you?

No, no, I'm, erm... I'm just a little shocked.

I can't take any more!

Sorry, I thought I could keep it together

No, no, I'm... I'm sorry. Please take a seat.

It was as if he knew it was going to happen.

Yes.

How's that possible?

I don't know.

'There are an infinite number of universes,

'almost identical to ours.'

WHISTLE BLOWS

HE GASPS AND COUGHS

You know, I've got the feeling he's out there somewhere.

Yeah, you're right.

He is.

I'd like you to know that I do take this kind of thing very seriously.

First thing tomorrow morning,

I'll call a partners' meeting to discuss it,

but we do need proof if we're going to take any formal action.

Would you be able to write up these incidents for me tonight?

And I think you'd benefit from taking compassionate leave

until this whole thing is sorted.

Thank you.

So, how are you feeling now?

Glad to get it off my chest.

Well, we'll get to the bottom of this, sort everything out.

Just make him stop.

Those lovely people from CID want to interview you again.

We need to have a partners' meeting this afternoon.

Thanks for coming in.

A sexual harassment allegation has been made

from one member of staff to the other.

They want to know if I was in that boozer when that fella got attacked.

I can't help you until I know what I'm dealing with.

Allegations have been made.

About you.

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