Better Off Alone Doctors

Got another hot date?

Well, not exactly hot.

-Warming though, eh? Going OK?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like her.

There was definitely a "but" there.

I've just got a few reservations.

Nothing major.

Like what? Oh, no, no, don't tell me.

Um, she's, ah...she's, ah...

She's into line dancing?

She's into country music?

Extreme sports? Potholing?

-Something weird in the bedroom?

-No!

HE LAUGHS

She just likes to make fun out of everything...

-That's good though, isn't it?

-Not when I'm trying to be serious.

Oh, right.

Maybe I'm nit-picking.

Mm-hm? I'd have thought after a day in this place

a bit of humour wouldn't go amiss.

Yeah, nor would some proper conversation.

I suppose the flip side to it is that, you know,

I get to make most of the decisions.

-Every cloud has a silver lining.

-Hm.

Picked the restaurant for tonight, not a squeak of protest.

-Hm.

-Curry and chips, then?

Oh, no. Table for two, Il Verona.

-HE SNIGGERS

-Pushing the boat out.

Must be getting near to boiling point.

DOOR SHUTS

HE SIGHS

Hot bath, cold glass of Pinot Grigio, telly and bed.

I am done with today.

That sounds very appealing, but...

Oh, tell me more. Are you seeing what's-his-name?

Yes, because I am a glutton for punishment.

-Yeah, you said he was on the wimpy side.

-Hm.

That's why I've got a little experiment planned for this evening.

-Are you going to start a punch up and see if he joins in?

-No.

I thought I'd be a little more subtle than that.

He's booked us a table at Tamaris.

-Ooh. Food's not great, and it's a bit...

-Quiet, yes.

So, I have booked us a table at Il Verona instead.

-Great cocktails.

-Mm-hm.

I need to find out if he's going to stand his ground.

Or cave before the superior female.

Exactly. I need to see what he's made of.

Man or mouse.

-And, like you say, they do do fantastic mojitos.

-Ooh.

MUSIC BEATS IN EARPHONES

MUSIC: "Better Off Alone" by Alice Deejay

MUSIC CONTINUES

-Argh!

-TYRES SCREECH

MUSIC CONTINUES For crying out...

What were you doing? Are you all right?

-SHE GASPS:

-Yeah.

-Ow.

-OK, come on.

There you go.

Hello, I need some help out here!

That's it, nice and slow. There you go. Sit there.

What's happened?

She walked out behind my car. I was backing up.

I'm OK, really.

I'm so sorry. I should have seen you. I looked before I pulled out.

Oh, no, it was my fault.

Where does it hurt?

Down my leg, here.

Stupid. I was miles away.

-MUSIC CONTINUES

-Had my headphones in.

-No, no.

I'm the driver. I should take responsibility.

I'll be OK in a minute.

Ah, oh, steady, steady.

You know, I really think I should take a look at that.

I'll stay. Just in case.

No, it's OK, Howard. I can deal with it.

She might need running to St Phil's.

I'll be fine.

Better safe than sorry.

Howard, I've got it. Seriously.

Anyway, I thought you had a hot date?

Oh, well, in that case you have to go.

Yeah, can't keep a lady waiting.

Are you sure?

Look, if you're worried just give me a call later.

Do you know, he's a right flapper in a crisis.

-I think he's worried I'll sue him.

-SHE GIGGLES

I need to fill in an accident report form.

You'll need to countersign it.

Health and safety.

My office is just through there. Think you can make it? Yeah.

INAUDIBLE

ENGINE REVS

PHONE RINGS

Sorry I'm late.

No worries.

HE SIGHS You won't believe what's

just happened to me at work.

Listen, you've given me the chance to have a few of these

and eye up the talent.

Joke.

No, really, it is. Have a look.

Well, I've booked us a nice quiet table in the corner, so...

Oh, no, we'll get that changed...

-Well, I just thought...

-Sit, boy.

You're always in such a hurry.

Have a drink. Take the edge off.

Hiya, can I have another one of those.

And, um... Oh, I tell you what, get him a double whisky.

Right, I hope you're feeling hungry.

I think you'll be all right.

-I think it's just badly bruised.

-OK.

Probably best take some painkillers, though,

otherwise, rest it as much as you can.

Chance would be a fine thing.

Is your job pretty active?

Mm, I work for a kids' care charity.

Wow. That must be...full on.

Yeah. That's why I had the music on max.

It's a bit of a safety valve,

de-stressing on the way home.

-Not that safe in car parks though, eh?

-No.

-SHE LAUGHS

-What were you listening to?

Oh, don't embarrass me.

Oh, no, not One Direction?

-Or insult me.

-SHE LAUGHS

Um, Kylie?

No. It was just some '90s club stuff.

An old Ibiza mix.

Oh, I love all that!

You know, I used to go to this club night in Stockport...

At The Ark?

You know it? No way!

Yeah, every last Saturday of the month. I loved it.

Small world or what.

We must know some of the same people.

Oh, is that clock right?

I'm going to be so late.

Oh, no, you can't walk far on that. You'll need a lift.

I'm supposed to be meeting a friend.

Well, I'm leaving now, if you want me to drop you off?

-Really?

-Yeah. It's no problem.

Thanks.

PHONE RINGS

PHONE SILENCED

PHONE RINGS

Hi.

Yeah, yeah, sorry. I...

Look, I'm on the way to the cashpoint now.

Yeah, I swear. I swear I'll be there, all right?

I'm just saying I've eaten before at the Tamaris and it was good.

Yeah, but maybe we should try somewhere new.

But you said you'd already been here?

Oh, Adam, you know what? We're here, it's OK.

-Fine. It's not a problem.

-Good.

I just thought that we agreed on the Tamaris.

-You changed your mind, it's cool.

-Well, it's obviously not.

I just didn't want to overrule you, you know?

Well, I wished you had if it matters to you this much.

Sir. This way.

You know what? On second thoughts... I'm being selfish. Tamaris is good.

-But...

-No, come on. Let's go.

-Are you serious?

Hold on, isn't that...?

Howard?!

-Adam!

-Small world.

Yes. What a coincidence.

-Emma.

-Howard.

Annie, this is Adam.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Emma, she's one of the doctors at my practice.

-Hello.

-Oh! Nice to meet you.

So, I guess we're...

Or we could join up with you guys...if you want?

-I mean...

-No, we wouldn't want to do that.

Of course! No. Can we, um...?

If you're sure?

Absolutely. The more the merrier!

-Thank you for this.

-No problem.

Well, looks like you've made it in time.

-Do you need a...

-I've got a...

Sorry, you go first.

No, I was just going to say I've got some old mix CDs from The Ark

that a mate sent me...

if you want to borrow one?

I would love to.

Blast from the past. What were you going to say?

Um, oh, um, I thought you might need a hand getting out.

-Actually.

-THEY LAUGH

So, Adam is a...

Yoga teacher.

Really? How long have you done that for?

-Couple of years now.

-But you've been training for ages, haven't you?

I've done Pilates but I think that's meant to be a bit easier.

-Thank you.

-Well, it's great for all-round fitness.

Isn't all exercise?

-You know, I've always wanted to try yoga.

-I teach ashtanga vinyasa.

Do you get chips with that?

-Well...

-It's not as complicated as it sounds.

No, no, I am impressed. Tell me more.

Well, it's a form that embraces an overall holistic approach to

breath and movement. Basically, you learn an initial set of sequences.

Oh, yes, yes. Like Chopsticks on the piano?

-Yeah, something like that.

-What are you going for?

No, haven't decided yet.

-No, me neither.

-Practise makes perfect.

HUBBUB OF CHILDREN PLAYING

Hiya. How are you?

Dad!

Hey. All right?

Oh, you're growing.

Come on. Shall we go in there?

DOOR SHUTS

So, do your paths cross a lot at work then?

Um...no, no.

I'm a full-time practice manager and a part-time special.

But very dedicated and committed.

It's always a big no-no mixing business with pleasure, isn't it?

Well, I think we're both capable of being professional about it.

Yeah. I suppose it's when the relationship doesn't work out,

then everything goes a bit pear-shaped.

-SHE CLEARS THROAT

-Guess so.

Friends of mine set up a business after seven years of marriage.

They were divorced within six months.

Really?

Hey, bet that doesn't happen with you doctors, though.

Fraternising with your patients, criminal offence, isn't it?

Yeah, of course.

Really? What about between other doctors?

Surely that must go on, right?

-Not really.

-Not often.

Sometimes.

Ah, me thinks they do protest too much.

I'm picking up on some first-hand experience here.

Howard and I were together

but it was for a very short time,

-a long time ago.

-Yeah, it's old history now.

-Mm-hm.

-Way back.

Like I say, long time ago.

But I thought you said you married very young?

I did.

This was after.

But your husband's only been dead a year.

Well, we had an understanding.

What, like an open marriage?

Yes. He was very understanding.

-Shall we order?

-Yes.

-SHE CLEARS THROAT

That's Zak, my son.

Oh, right.

-Um, how old?

-Eight.

I wasn't with his dad for very long. Ta.

Apart from Zak, the whole thing was a massive mistake.

I thought it would be easier to pretend to myself I was straight.

Actually turned out to be a lot harder.

Well, he looks like a lovely little boy.

He is.

-Does he still see his dad?

-Not much.

Damian's a bit of a mess.

He's good with Zak, but...he still gets a bit jealous with me.

Hm. Must be tough being a single parent, though?

Sasha, my friend, she helps.

She walks Zak back from school for me.

Oh, right, so that's why you had to get back?

Yeah. I wasn't hiding anything. I just...

Oh, no. Hey, you don't need to explain.

PHONE RINGS

Sorry.

Sasha, hi.

What? No. Why would he be here?

I'll call Damian now. You stay in the park and keep looking.

-Zak's gone missing. I've got to go.

-Oh, no. No, no.

You need to rest that leg, I'll go.

-You stay here in case he comes back. Which park?

-The one by the shops.

Right. Is this recent?

Look, don't worry.

I'm sure he'll come knocking on the door any minute.

That was good. How was yours?

I'm surprised you never mentioned that your marriage was open.

So, how exactly did that work then?

Does it matter?

I just wondered if...

Is it a problem? I...I thought you'd be fine with it.

And why is that then?

Oh, I get it. Because I'm the hippy-dippy,

free-loving yoga teacher.

No such thing as commitment?

No. It's just that you've always been quite laid back.

Am I really such a walking cliche to you?

No, but you generally do just go with the flow.

But not with relationships.

I like honesty and loyalty in that department.

Weirdly, I thought you might too.

So, are we in an open relationship?

-Are you sleeping with someone else?

-Of course not!

I don't think it's anybody's place to judge.

Having spoke to Emma's husband, it was clear to me...

-he'd accepted the situation.

-Hang on a minute. You spoke to him?

Hm.

Pff.

-That's just wrong.

-On every level.

I mean...you, of all people.

-You don't know what you're talking about.

-This just gets worse.

Anyway this was after me and Emma had had an affair.

Oh. Oh, that's fine then.

He was disabled, bedridden, housebound.

Yeah, and meanwhile, you were out sleeping with his wife.

I didn't know at that point. And anyway, why are you twisting this?

I'm not!

You know, one minute you're making fun out of everything,

then...then the next you're being all judgmental and serious.

I just don't think that wedding vows are any laughing matter.

I'm not finding this at all funny either.

-I didn't say marriage was a joke.

-That's what it sounded like.

Enough! OK? Enough!

Thank you, that was lovely.

-SHE SHOUTS:

-Zak!

Zak! Zak!

-I'm sorry, he was just here.

-OK, you keep on looking.

-I'll trace his route home again.

-OK.

It's hard to explain.

If you can attain this level mentally

and just let go of the physical,

then this plane...

You just open up a whole new world for yourself.

-A whole new world.

-Sounds amazing.

SHE LAUGHS

And a little bit like you've had a load of drugs.

I assure you, it's strictly a legal high.

So how long have you been with the police?

In my current role, about...gosh, ten years.

-And before that I was with the old FSA.

-Seriously?

-Hm.

I used to do a lot of accounting work for Professional Standards

before I got into yoga.

That's a bit of a career swerve?

-Was that with Central Midlands Police?

-Mostly HQ,

but I travelled a bit.

Oh, yeah, contract rates?

-Oh, yeah, all expenses.

-SHE LAUGHS

-More?

-Please.

So, you must have worked with Graham, then.

-Enough?

-No, keep going.

Oh, Big Graham?! Oh, that man was scary.

-A legend.

-Very!

-SHE LAUGHS

I keep getting Damian's answerphone.

I think you should call the police anyway.

Better to be safe.

Damian's done this before. He just turns up at the school.

-But...

-He's such a selfish little...

Kim, why don't you just call them?

I can't.

Damian's had trouble with the law before.

Quite a lot.

But what if it's not him that's taken Zak?

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Where is he?

-I haven't got him.

It's all right, it's all right. I know where he is. He's safe.

-What's going on?

-Nothing's going to happen to him. I swear.

Who's she?

Just a mate.

Is everything all right?

Do you mind? We're in the middle of something here.

Kim?

Look, do you want me to leave?

-Kim?

-Kim!

I'm sorry.

Thank you for the lift and everything.

No problem.

-I'm sure Zak will be fine.

-Yeah, course he will.

Bye.

See you.

VIDEO GAME SOUNDS

I enjoyed some of the work

but I was always looking for something else.

Ah, the call of the East.

Ah, maybe I just get bored too easily.

Well, nothing wrong with looking for a new challenge.

Well, I hope you're prepared for what you're taking on here.

Sorry?

With Howard, I mean.

He's pretty formidable,

I mean, he runs that practice like clockwork.

-Oh.

-Yes.

And let me tell you, that's a Herculean task

given what he has to deal with every day.

He's just seen off a bid from a polyclinic that would've

put us out of business.

Wow. Impressive.

Yes, it would have seriously undermined the NHS provision

in the area. And he fought it pretty much single-handedly.

-Not to mention...

-Excuse me. Can I have another glass of wine, please?

Sorry, go on.

Actually, do you want to get another half bottle?

Ah, yeah! Do you want to stick on the red?

-Well, it's nice.

-Really nice.

Maybe it's just me, I've never had a bad Merlot.

Me neither. But it's amazing how many whites you have to send back.

Yeah, why is that?

When I was in Greece last year...

-I'm calling the police.

-No!

-What have you done?

-Nothing!

My debt was sold on. There's this new guy, he's making a name.

Cracking down.

I don't care. I want Zak back.

I'm telling you, they won't hurt him as long as I pay up.

-You don't mess with these people.

-How much?

500. Up front.

Up front? What do you owe?

I'll deal with the rest. I swear to you.

Zak said you'd been saving.

-Oh, you...

-We don't have time for this now!

-SHE WEEPS

-Stupid, selfish, little...

She just kept losing her balance,

and there I was,

pinned underneath with her elbow right in my...

Oooh, awkward!

So, what did you say?

Well, I just sort of gasped out,

"Excuse me, how about a bit of warning next time?"

THEY LAUGH

Talk of warnings, Adam.

You do realise what you've got there, don't you?

Oh, sounds scary.

Yeah, she hides her light under a bushel, that one,

real little dynamo.

Once she gets her teeth into something, there's no letting go.

Right, pit bull. Duly noted.

She organised a charity do just recently, raised a small fortune.

She was the only talent on the show, though.

Ah, Emma, I'm all ears.

She's got a cracking voice. Honestly.

Well, look, I'm not about to ruin people's evenings

by bursting their eardrums.

And that's very nice of you, Howard, but it is all lies.

Listen, from someone who's totally tone-deaf, I'm very envious.

Right, well, I'm going to take this blushing nose to be powdered.

Excuse me.

So, did you give up on that woman?

No. But I increased my accident and liability insurance though.

THEY LAUGH

I'm sorry, Kim. Honest.

Come on.

Have you got your key?

Yeah.

Oh, good boy.

This is all I've got.

But if there is even a scratch on him...

He's going to be OK. DOOR BANGS

Zak!

Baby, are you OK?

I found him waiting outside in a van.

Did it have one odd door?

I had no choice!

What's going on?

They're going to break my legs!

I'm begging you, Kim. I really need this.

Oh, no. You are not seriously...?

Please, babe.

He's just kidnapped your son!

Kim. Kim, you can't.

-I'll pay it back, I swear.

-Yeah, right.

Get out.

Mandy.

You were right, I should have called the police.

But...thank you for helping me.

Not sure I did.

-I was thinking maybe you and me could...

-Kim.

I'd better go.

Yeah, of course.

You take care of yourself, yeah?

And Zak.

Thanks. I will.

Here you go.

Thanks, mate.

You're welcome.

MUSIC: "Better Off Alone" by Alice Deejay

Sure he's forgotten our order.

-I went to his New Year's thing.

-Can you try and get his attention?

-In London?

-I'm trying.

-Yeah.

-What time is it anyway?

-Me too!

So, how did we not...?

It's later than I think.

Oh, I have totally lost track of time.

I've got to get that first train to London tomorrow.

-OK. Sure.

-I mean, it's been...

It's been great. I hope you don't mind.

Not in the slightest.

Yeah, actually, I've got a pretty early start too,

so I might shoot off.

-Of course.

-Sorry to cut things short.

-Oh, no, you cut away.

-Which way are you going, Adam?

-Back across town if...

Well, I'm getting a cab, if you want to share?

-Makes sense.

-There's a rank round the corner.

Yeah, look, I haven't got much cash on me, so,

that should cover our half. And if I'm short, just let me know.

Oh, is that for me? Thanks.

See you later, Howard.

Nice to meet you, Emma.

-Bye, thanks.

-Bye.

"That should cover our half."

Ugh, couldn't wait, could they?

Nor could I towards the end.

He's got a nerve.

What was I thinking?

Good riddance.

Good riddance.

You and Emma.

Me and Emma?

Why, has she said something?

The one time in her life that a woman needs some help is...

..childbirth.

Ah.

You have no authority over me.

No, just greater knowledge.

Howard and I, well, we're history...

-Hello.

-Ladies.

Howard.