The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Lorry Driver Doctors

-Have you been waiting long?

-Yes.

Good. Please, take a seat.

So...

..your test results.

Just bear...

with me.

Oh.

-Oh, come on, tell me what I already know.

-Excuse me?

The tumour - it's malignant.

There's no tumour. Not even a benign one.

What do you mean?

You're in the clear.

Let me have a look.

Oh.

I always leave those meetings with a real sense of purpose

and optimism.

Yeah...

Are you all right, Mrs Russell?

Oh, yes, thank you. Why do you ask?

Usually you have so much to say.

But this morning...hardly a word.

It's nothing.

It's my husband.

I think he's done something terrible.

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

For some time, I've suspected that he's been keeping something from me.

Now I know what it is.

Oh, I see.

He's smuggling immigrants into the country.

Illegal immigrants.

HE COUGHS VIOLENTLY

Would you like me to bring your chair round?

Um, no, thank you.

Well, nothing appears to be remiss.

Your scans are quite comprehensive.

Yes, I think your conclusion is sound.

I'm glad it meets with your approval.

It must come as something of a relief.

Yes, but only an end to these baffling symptoms will provide that.

Yes. You are still a bit of a mystery, so far.

I'll speak with your GP, we need to refer you for some further tests.

-In the area of dementia.

-Dementia?

Early onset. It's a possibility.

Not that you are presenting as a classic case,

but I feel it best to err on the side of caution.

So more probing and prodding and waiting.

Unavoidable.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to be a patient patient.

-Did he see you?

-No, I don't think so.

I do not know Mr Russell, granted.

But I am surprised that he would do such a thing.

Well, I do know him.

And now that I'm over the initial shock, I'm not so surprised.

He's always trying to make a quick buck, bolster his beer money.

-I should have taken the scenic route.

-Sorry?

To the meeting.

Then I wouldn't have seen him, I'd be none the wiser.

Ignorance is not always bliss.

What would you do, Mrs Tembe? If you were married to Gary?

I know. You wouldn't be married to someone like him.

You have much better taste.

Reverend Clement was a lovely, decent man.

Yes. No doubt he still is.

Maybe I should've found myself a nice vicar.

Gary and me, we haven't seen eye to eye, not for a long time.

That doesn't mean that I want to see him behind bars.

No, of course not.

Perhaps you two should discuss the matter, before it gets any worse.

A discussion? We haven't had one of those in years.

I'm good till six, so we've got all day to blitz it.

Fantastic.

By tonight we'll be Letherbridge's answer to Abbey and Aljaz!

Yeah, or Widdecombe and Du Beke. No offence.

SHE LAUGHS

You know, I've got that DVD I mentioned,

we can see how we measure up to the professionals.

And I've got another little surprise up my sleeve.

Can't wait. I'll See you soon. Bye.

Bye.

-What's wrong?

-Hayley's got nanny-flu.

You're kidding?

Just as well you've got the day off work.

Oh, no, I've got plans, which cannot be changed.

-You're looking after Joe today.

-No way.

Today's rehearsal is crucial. Toni's gone to a lot of trouble.

Well, can't you just rehearse tonight?

No. We need a long session.

I'm sure you'll think of something. Got to dash!

-Bye.

-Nice negotiating, Zara!

Thanks for nothing.

HACKING COUGH

Mr Russell?

Is my watch running fast, or yours slow?

Neither. I'm running a bit behind schedule.

You only waltzed in ten minutes ago.

Keeping you from the golf course, are we?

Not that it's any of your business, but I do not play golf!

If your complaint is such a dire emergency,

-why don't you go to A & E?

-You can't talk to me like that.

I think I just did.

A bit of harmless banter, he tells me to get lost!

-I do apologise, Mr...?

-Russell.

Howard Bellamy, practice manager.

I'm afraid Dr Carter is chasing his tail a bit this morning,

so perhaps we should book you with another doctor.

Oh, er, Dr Tyler has just had a cancellation.

Perfect, thank you very much, Mrs Tembe.

If you'd like to go straight through.

My office.

I'm glad you could join us, Joe. Daddy needs a chaperone.

Sorry. It's not ideal, I know.

How's his Len Goodman impersonation?

Er, it's a work-in-progress. He can only count to five.

I'll try not to take it personally.

-OK, let me take your jacket.

-You go to Daddy.

Oh, come on now. You're putting me to shame.

My stylist wasn't available this morning.

Come on, you look good in anything.

Right, I'll just sort some toys out for the boss,

-and then we will be good to go.

-OK.

About six months' time, he said.

-Yeah.

-I might be dead by then.

-Would you like an appointment card?

-Yeah, go on, then.

I gather it is a very busy time for you,

-what with the cross-channel trips.

-Eh?

I'm friendly with your wife, through the church.

Right.

I saw her this morning, at the parishioner's meeting.

Since when's Rita got anything to say about me - or my job?

Bye.

BALLROOM MUSIC PLAYS

SHE LAUGHS

Thanks, Joe!

What they lack in skill, they make up for in enthusiasm.

HACKING COUGH

Unlike your boys, all that money on transfers.

No-one wants to break a sweat.

When you're that good, you don't always need to.

Yeah? So what happened on Saturday?

Ah, the referee forgot his bifocals! Where did they dig him up?

He's not that ancient. HE COUGHS VIOLENTLY

Probably younger than me! YOUNG MAN LAUGHS

All right, I know. I walked into that, didn't I?

Didn't expect you to pick up.

Thought you'd be catching some zeds.

I couldn't sleep. I was too hungry.

HE COUGHS VIOLENTLY

Is everything OK?

It's just this flippin' cough.

I got some test results from the quacks. Turns out I've got TB.

Oh. Sorry.

I guess it puts the kibosh on our French adventure.

I reckon so.

Your cab's a bit of a breeding ground at the best of times.

All those forgotten cheese and pickle sarnies

-in the glove compartment!

-The smell never bothers me. Not with the windows down.

All the same, I'd better keep away till you're over it.

-Fair enough.

-I have to be careful.

I'm susceptible to illnesses, infections.

Yeah, how come?

There's something I haven't told you.

I've wanted to tell you for a while.

-But I could never find the right moment.

-Sounds ominous.

I have HIV.

-Ready for his siesta?

-Out like a light.

Let's multi-task, shall we?

-You know that surprise I mentioned?

-Mm.

-True Confessions.

Parlour games aren't really my bag.

They do it all the time on Strictly, as an ice breaker.

The more relaxed we are in each other's company,

-the better our tango will be.

-Really?

-Oh, great. You've probably given it to me!

-How?

-I can't remember the last time I even breathed on you.

-Just as well!

You think I don't know your dirty secret?

-And why you've got TB.

-Eh?

It's rife among immigrants.

-You've probably caught it from one of your travelling companions.

-What you on about?

I saw that foreign fella climbing out of your truck.

I don't know how you sleep at night.

I don't. I sleep in the day, given the chance!

You've got to put a stop to it, Gary.

Just keep your nose out of my business!

How old were you?

Ten or eleven. Beyond the age where it was potentially cute.

Mothers can be cruel.

Yeah. I think she did it to deter female attention,

-in the run-up to my eleven-plus.

-Did it work?

Not entirely. No, I think Lucy Gifford took pity on me.

As did Alison Rathbone.

And... I digress! Anyway, your turn.

Reveal your most embarrassing sexual experience.

No! No way! That was meant for you.

I have revealed my pudding bowl shame. It is your turn.

All right.

OK.

I was sixteen, and I had this summer job, on a dairy farm.

And he admitted it?

Shameful, he was. Just told me to keep my nose out.

And he's doing this on a regular basis?

Yes. I think so.

What possessed him to take such a risk?

Money, of course. What else?

You know, back in Botswana, I had a friend from Zimbabwe, Mrs Moyo.

Life there is much harder, many live in great poverty and fear.

One day, Mrs Moyo's cousin went missing.

Well, he was a young man.

He had no wife, no children. She feared that he was dead.

And then one day, she received a phone call.

He was safe and well, and living in France. Illegally.

The people who had organised his journey, in several vehicles

and across many borders, no doubt they were criminals, racketeers.

And yet, he claimed to have paid them nothing.

He believes that they were not motivated by greed.

But by compassion.

You're suggesting that Gary's some kind of bleeding heart missionary?

I couldn't say.

I'm just merely suggesting that the situation...

well, it is complicated.

Gary isn't complicated.

He's a typical bloke - reads trashy tabloids, likes a drink

and a gamble.

I know you meant well, Mrs Tembe, but when you told me

to discuss it with Gary, I shouldn't have listened to you.

Now I'm implicated.

The police might accuse me of being an accessory.

I doubt that.

I'm withholding evidence, as are you.

That's a criminal offence, isn't it?

Gary's given us no choice.

We need to inform the police.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Enter.

You've been keeping a very low profile.

Wading through treacle.

How did it go with the consultant?

No tumour.

Great!

-He wants me to do more tests.

-OK.

He just left me with more questions.

You've got to suck it up, Heston. Just like our patients have to.

The tests are for dementia.

-He says he's erring on the side of caution.

-Really?

Well, there are no flies on you yet.

Thank you for your vote of confidence.

-Oh, and thank you for dealing with Mr Roswell.

-Russell.

Whatever. Tricky customer, that one.

He's a pussycat. I think you over-reacted.

Yes, so Howard tells me.

The poor guy's got TB.

I think an apology might be in order.

It's on my to-do list.

-Is it your truck?

-I dunno. Is it?

So says the DVLA.

The guy walking away, do you recognise him?

-Why? Has he done something wrong?

-Might have. Do you know his name?

Not sure. Could be any number of people.

What's this all about?

Your job. It takes you to and from mainland Europe

-several times a week, is that right?

-Yeah. Three times a week, normally.

-I'm on nights at the moment.

-Do you always travel alone?

No. I've got a truck-load of Camembert to keep me company.

Now, if you'll excuse me, Officer,

I need to get some more shut-eye before my next trip.

You're going nowhere, Mr Russell, until you answer my questions.

You're barking up the wrong tree.

OK, let's go down the station and set the record straight?

Otherwise what? You'll arrest me?

Yeah, if I have to.

What's she doing here? You selling tickets, are you?

I do not wish to intrude, but your wife insisted.

Mrs Tembe has provided great solace, and moral support.

Where's the vicar? In the cupboard under the stairs?

This time tomorrow, the judges won't know what's hit them.

Probably a stray stiletto.

We'll have to work out who gets custody.

-Custody?

-Yeah. Of the trophy. It's ours for the taking.

Maybe. But it's not the winning, is it?

Yes, it is. It's all about the winning.

-Bye, partner.

-See you. See you.

Mr Obasi Kano. British citizen.

Has he done something wrong?

No. Not as far as we know.

Have you known him long?

A year or so. We met in The Saracen's.

He's a night owl too.

He does three nights a week as an office security guard.

The rest of the time, he's at a loose end.

-So he just comes along for the ride, does he?

-Yeah.

A couple of months ago, I asked if he'd like to tag along, half-joking.

He'd never been to France before so he jumped at it.

After that, it became a regular arrangement, once a week.

Course, we don't get to see much of the Continent,

but it's company, isn't it?

-Good company.

-If you say so.

I've been in this game twenty years.

And life on the road can get pretty boring. And lonely.

I'll be sure to make a note of that in my paperwork.

That is, once I've charged you with wasting police time.

Charged me? It's my wife who sent you on a wild goose chase.

Mmm.

Perhaps... perhaps some time apart will be good for both of you.

Well, it lends new meaning to a "trial" separation.

Well, thank you for the tea.

DOOR OPENS, SHUTS

-They let you go?

-Of course.

How come?

No need to sound so pleased(!)

Oh, hi. Homework!

You not going out?

No way. Not after all my exertions with Daniel. I'm totally frazzled.

-The competition - it's tomorrow night.

-Oh, right, of course.

You feeling confident?

Daniel is. He's a natural.

He's very diplomatic about my two left feet.

Why would I have told you about him?

You've always disapproved of my friends.

They're banned from the house!

I don't have anything in common with your drinking buddies.

They can be very...coarse.

Well, they are housebroken, even if they're not refined, like you.

The pub and the truck, they're the only places I can be myself.

-Now you want to take that away from me too.

-I didn't say that.

Those long journeys must be very tiring.

No doubt a companion stops you from falling asleep at the wheel.

That's right. Thank you, Mrs Tembe.

I'd like to meet him. Your mysterious friend.

-Obasi?

-Yes, Obasi.

-Why do you want to meet him?

I'm curious. He doesn't seem your usual sort.

Can't think what the two of you have in common.

Why? Cos he's black?

No, because he's half your age.

What on earth do the two of you talk about?

Anything, everything. Same as in the pub.

Why don't you invite him here, for a cup of tea?

-What, now?

-Yeah.

Now.

Joe's so full of character and confidence.

He's a real chip off the old block.

And Daniel's so devoted to him, it's a joy to see.

Yeah. Anyways...

Zara's done really well for herself.

I gather they've had their ups and downs,

the three of them, but they make a great team.

Something wrong?

No.

Good night.

Thanks for dropping by.

Come and meet the wife.

Oh, no...

It's good to meet you, Mrs Russell.

I am Mrs Tembe. It is lovely to meet you.

Please, take a seat.

-You got time for a cuppa?

-Yeah, just about.

You're a lucky woman, Mrs Russell. Gary's a wise and decent man.

If that's the case, you must know him better than me.

Where are you from?

Lagos, in Nigeria.

But I came to the UK when I was very young.

-Legally?

-Mrs Russell!

Yes, legally. My aunt had already settled here.

And what of your parents?

It's complicated.

Thanks.

I never knew my father.

And my mother, she died when I was a year old.

I lived in a foster home for a while, until my auntie adopted me.

-She's always been my guardian angel.

-I see.

And how did your mother pass away?

I do not think these questions are appropriate.

It's OK. I don't mind talking about it.

My mother had HIV, then AIDS.

How awful.

And what about you?

Did she pass the disease onto you?

For pity's sake!

I didn't invite Obasi here just so you can insult him.

I was born with HIV.

Nobody expected me to reach my teens.

But now, the drugs are much better. They keep it under control.

Did you know about this?

Yes, I did.

And you're happy being cooped up

for long periods of time, breathing in his diseased air?

Enough of your bile.

Not only are you rude, you're pig ignorant!

Don't be so politically correct. It's common sense, isn't it?

I agree with your husband. Your words do not befit a Christian.

Oh, and because you had Reverend Clement's blessing, that makes you holier than thou?

Goodbye.

I wish you both the best of luck.

Sorry you had to hear that.

It's OK.

I'll see you at The Saracen's, when you're up to it.

RINGTONE

'Hello?'

-Oh, hello. Is that Mr Russell?

-'Speaking.'

It's Dr Carter here from The Mill Health Centre.

I'd like to apologise for how I spoke to you earlier.

Ha! Boss give you a slap on the wrists, did he?

Er, no.

Kidding. Forget about it.

That's very kind of you. But my behaviour was...unacceptable.

Not that it's any excuse, but I'd had a pretty ghastly morning.

You and me both, mate!

First off, your colleague tells me I've got TB, then my own wife

tries to have me arrested - for a crime I didn't commit!

Really? Gosh, I'm very sorry to hear that.

Life has a way of kicking us when we're down, doesn't it?

And then some. HE COUGHS

Well, mind how you go.

You too.

And remember - the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

Maybe I did speak out of turn.

It's just that I was concerned. For your health.

What are you looking for?

A good solicitor.

A solicitor. Why?

I'm doing something I should've done years ago.

Filing for divorce.

Where's Joe?

Gone to bed already. He's bushed.

What did you do to him?

We danced a little bit. He loved Toni.

Good, well done.

He's still got one eye open for Mummy.

PHONE RINGS

Your other woman.

Er, which one?

Hi, Toni.

I just wanted to thank you again for today.

I had lots of fun.

So did I.

You know what, we're ready. But I'm feeling so achy.

Are you sore at all?

Yes, a little. Nothing a long, hot bath won't sort out.

Well, enjoy.

-Thanks again, Daniel.

-No problem. See you.

Ta-da! What do you think?

Can't get away from that bloomin' ballroom dancing.

-Mr Twinkle Toes, Anton Du Beke!

-APPLAUSE

Daniel, are you in there?

I think we could be really good together.

Please, Daniel.

Do it for me.