About Time Doctors

Stick that there and...

that goes there.

Excellent.

And this...

must go there.

No, you do it.

But you did all the hard work. It's a team effort. Come on.

Yes! Should we start another?

Maybe after the doctor's finished his rounds.

Have you got an appointment today? Just a routine blood pressure check.

I hope you're looking after yourself properly.

I'm think everything's as it should be. How about yourself?

We'll see.

It'll be nice to see a young face about the place.

Doctor Clay? Such a charming man.

It's my day to be at God's waiting room.

I still don't see why they can't come here like everybody else.

You OK? Well...

Good. See you later.

Has anyone spoken to Valerie today?

I was just about to. Good luck with that. Why?

We had a very interesting Patient Participation meeting yesterday.

Let's just say, her and Ashley had words.

Maybe someone should talk to her.

If you have all day to listen to her.

I'll tell you what, I'll toss you for it. The loser bears the brunt.

OK. Call it while it's in the air.

Tails.

Oh, after you.

Do I have to? I'll buy you chips.

I may be gone some time.

Is she always that bad? No. Sometimes she's worse.

Actually, Al might not be the best person in this situation.

I'm going to... Yep.

Still living the dream I see, Graham?

You must be the doctor. Yeah, that's right.

Brian Maxwell. Moved in this week.

Do you have an appointment?

It'll be a cold day in hell before I need to see a doctor.

Always looked after myself, you see? Used to do a bit of boxing.

Still go to the gym. Good.

I won't be wasting any of your time.

Unlike some of the doddering old fools in here.

I thought of starting up a keep fit class.

Some of this lot could do with it. Isn't that right?

I'm sure that'll be popular. Graham, you ready?

Don't worry, doc. I'll give them exactly what they need...

In spades.

Excuse me, nature calls.

Good morning. Good morning. Nice chicken livers?

Very nice, thank you. Wonderful.

Well, the medication's obviously working. Good.

So, you still doing a bit of gardening?

Just got to get my spring bedding done,

then I'm shutting everything down for the winter.

Try and keep active if you can. It all helps.

I need all the help I can get, now that Brian Maxwell has moved in.

We used to work together.

Not one of my favourite people, to be honest.

He had a nasty streak to him. Maybe he's mellowed?

Not on the evidence of the last few days.

I do hope he's not going to cause trouble.

I like things just the way they are.

And to cap it all, Ashley and I had the most terrible row

after the meeting last night.

Are you sure this is the best place to discuss it?

He was unspeakably vile.

And I let him know, in no uncertain terms.

I also put something on social media.

Oh, are you sure that's wise? Because once it's out there...

People need to know what sort of a man he really is.

Valerie, he's your boyfriend.

There's got to be something you like about him.

No, I'm struggling at the moment.

OK, well, I say, when in doubt, kiss and make up?

Oh, Niamh, I don't think that's going to happen.

Things haven't been going well, as you know.

I hardly slept a wink last night.

I looked it up on the internet and I think I've got

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Are you sure?

Yes! It was a really bad row. Paula Shortman?

So could you give me a check-up?

I don't think that's necessary.

But I'll tell you something that has occurred to me.

A friend of mine, like yourself, was having trouble sleeping and...

it turned out she was pregnant.

So, maybe you should talk to Ruhma? She could check you over.

Sorry, I've got to...

Powder Puff Parsons, we called him.

Turns out he wasn't cut out for the rough and tumble of our office.

All got a bit much for you, old son, didn't it?

I was hoping I'd get a promotion.

I don't think you were up for it, mate.

The boss agreed with me.

They offered me an alternative position at the library.

It suited me better. Did you ever get a promotion there?

No.

Talking about blasts from the past... Hello, Brian.

The prettiest girl in the typing pool.

Still are.

Hardly. Don't talk yourself down.

Once you've got it...

Fancy giving me a tour of the garden?

That's more like it. See you later.

I'll see you in a couple of weeks, then, Charlotte. Take care.

Could you do a pregnancy test?

Urine sample. Mine. I've got patients to see.

I've told them they've got to wait, cos this is an emergency!

Oh, OK. Why don't you come in and sit down? Thank you.

What makes you think that you might be pregnant, Valerie?

Because everything else that could've gone wrong has.

It's just that a few days ago, you said that you

and Ashley hadn't had sex for ages.

No, we haven't. And you're absolutely sure about that?

It's not something you forget. Right.

Are you trying for a baby?

We have talked about it.

Did you do anything more, besides talking?

Ashley can be quite moody.

Often, all he wants to do is cuddle.

Are you absolutely sure that nothing else has happened?

There's not anyone else, if that's what you're thinking.

Oh, no, I wasn't, actually. I'm not that sort of a girl. Of course not.

Valerie, I have to say that, it's highly unlikely

that you're pregnant. But you haven't done the test!

I don't think I need to. Please! I just need to know.

OK. Let's find out for sure.

Spring bedding?

Helps keep my mind off other things.

He seems to have made himself at home.

He's going to ruin everything, I know it.

It's in his nature. I can't bear him going near her.

Why? You interested?

We're just friends.

Looks like she's making another one.

I have news!

I am not pregnant.

OK. Yeah, I'm quite relieved, actually.

I'm not sure I'm well enough to be a mother right now.

I'm worried about my glands.

Do they look puffy to you? You should see your GP.

But you're a GP and you're right here. Well, honestly, they look fine.

Yeah, but you haven't really examined me. Ruhma examined me.

The curse of the needy patient.

It's important that we respond to our patients. Yes.

But they should let us get on and make a diagnosis,

rather than telling us how to do our jobs.

So speaks the oracle.

I beg your pardon?

Do you not think that patients should have a say in their treatment?

Yes, but I'm fed up with the parents of some snotty-nosed kid telling me

their child has a life-threatening disease

when all he has is a common cold.

You know, Heston, I'm so sorry. I haven't realised that you had

experience of looking after young children.

Parents just want what's best for their kids.

They can't always judge what's serious and what isn't. But we can.

Are you saying that you've never misdiagnosed?

Occasionally. I have a lifetime's experience.

Not a lot gets past me.

Apart from not knowing the difference

between chicken liver and placenta?

What are those? Erysimum. Do what?

Wallflowers. Ah.

That figures.

You haven't got much to say for yourself, have you?

My mother gave me some very good advice once.

If you've got nothing nice to say, then best say nothing.

I thought age might have toughened you up a bit.

Turns out you're still a proper mummy's boy.

Look, I'm rather busy.

You like Maria, don't you?

We're friends, yes.

Come on, you can be straight with me.

You fancy her, don't you?

Fancy? Hardly an appropriate word for people of our age.

You speak for yourself, mate!

And you haven't answered my question.

Certainly not.

You always used to. Mooning about the place.

Accidentally bumping into her at the tea trolley.

She was spoken for. Well, she's not now, is she?

But if you're not interested, I'm sure you won't mind me

asking her out, will you?

Do you mind?

Not really, no. Right, I need the gents.

So what do you think? Chicken Pox?

Glandular fever? Maybe Doctor Haskey has a view?

A view on what? Valerie is rather concerned about her glands.

I've asked Daniel to examine me.

Sounds good. I'm glad you agree.

Maybe you could squeeze her in this morning?

No, no can do. I've got a full list.

Right, well, I'm very busy. I'm even busier.

Maybe. But this place doesn't run itself.

Mrs Tembe, could I have a word, please?

So, how can I help you, Doctor Granger?

It's nothing, really. Just wanted to check everything is OK.

Yes, thank you.

Actually, there is one issue that is concerning me.

As you know, Mr Bellamy had organised a team building event

for next week.

I was wondering if it is wise to proceed, so soon after...

Of course. What does Jimmi think?

He told me to ask you. Did he?

What's your view? There are costs involved.

Mr Bellamy has already booked locums.

Can we un-book them?

Well, if you think that is the correct course of action.

So, should I go ahead or...?

You know what I'm going to do, Mrs Tembe, I'm going to leave it

in your very capable hands.

Hi, Zara.

So, you seem to be saying that everyone who comes to see you

is either a hypochondriac or a time waster.

I'm saying nothing of the sort. So, then what is your point?

It's the internet. Patients come in with a small amount of knowledge

that hasn't been scientifically researched.

So, in your view, a common cold couldn't lead to anything

more serious, like a chest infection, Septicaemia, death?

In some cases, yes.

But if every common cold led inextricably to death,

none of my schoolboy chums would have made it to adulthood.

We use to wake up with ice on the inside of the dormitory windows.

And it never did you any harm.

Precisely!

I should have guessed that you went to boarding school.

That makes a lot of sense.

SHE GIGGLES

You really should be seeing your own GP.

That's what Daniel said. Then, why aren't you? I left him. Why?

Well, I was explaining to him that I get these pains in my feet,

and they get worse when there's a full moon.

He just laughed at me! He didn't? He did!

The thing is, Valerie, it's not actually best practice for me

to treat a colleague.

Yeah, but you're the only person I trust.

All right, fine, but we're going to keep this brief.

Of course.

There's puffiness in my neck, obviously.

How puffy? It's hard to say.

On a scale of one to 11, 11 being the puffiest?

I'm not sure. Ten?

Seven. Six.

Four.

That's more like a two. Have you got a sore throat?

Coughing? Sometimes. It comes and goes.

Keep an eye on the glands. Anything else?

I'm a bit worried about this ear-lobe.

Do you think it's bigger than the other one?

Not noticeably. Next? I get very sensitive teeth.

Go and see your dentist. I haven't got one.

Why not? Let me guess.

There's no-one you trust.

It's so good to have somebody who understands.

Good. Are we done?

I do get dizzy spells.

How often? When I haven't eaten.

Well, eat then. That will help with the dizziness.

It's very difficult to eat when you've got a broken heart.

Right, Valerie, I don't really do the agony uncle stuff.

What do you think about my feet, though? The full moon?

Valerie. I'm going to level with you. It's bad news, isn't it?

You're obviously going through a lot of stress at the moment,

and that's bound to have an effect on your sense of wellbeing.

If you have any more concerns, then I recommend - nae,

strongly suggest - that you register with a GP at another practice

and you take their advice. Yeah, but couldn't you...?

Just deal with your stress, the rest will fall into place.

OK?

Graham. Care to join me?

If you're sure? Why wouldn't I be?

You and Brian seem to be getting on well.

He's not as bad as I remember him being.

Surely everyone deserves a second chance?

You certainly know how to show a woman a good time, don't you?

We enjoy our jigsaw sessions, don't we Graham?

Jigsaws? Why don't you have dinner with me?

A woman like you needs something a bit more than a puzzle

to get you going. Steady on, Brian.

It's all right, Graham.

There's a new curry house on the high street.

Fancy something hot and spicy?

A lamb biryani and a couple of lagers,

and I reckon you'd be up for anything.

That's enough, Brian. Butt out, Powder Puff.

Please, this isn't necessary.

I can't bear him talking to you like that.

That's kind, Graham, but I'm quite capable of standing up for myself.

You heard what the lady said.

Now, why don't you go back to your wallflowers?

Or your pansies.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Maria.

Graham, will you please get off me.

You couldn't even get a simple punch right, could you?

What the hell do you think you're playing at?

I don't know what you mean.

Your Eyespace posting. "Abuse of power at the PPG?

"More concern for pot plants than patients?

"A power-crazed dictator?"

I thought we were supposed to be in a relationship.

Is that really what you think of me? Hm?

Ah, Doctor Carter.

Are you aware that a member of your team has been grossly

misusing social media?

I'm afraid not. You have a viper in your nest!

I would welcome your opinion on some of the things she's been saying.

I'm rather busy at the moment.

Besides, according to some people,

I'm far too educated to have an opinion.

We need to sort this out, here and now.

I'm sorry, Mr Mackintosh, but we're rather busy at the moment.

If you'd care to take a seat,

someone might be able to get to you later.

Good morning.

What did you mean by that comment earlier?

Which one, exactly?

I enjoyed every minute at school.

Yes, I'm sure you did. What's that supposed to mean?

Patriarchal hierarchy. Everyone knowing their place.

Were boys still being beaten back then? Only if it was merited.

I just don't know how any parent can put their child through that.

This is typical nonsense from someone who doesn't know

what they're talking about.

My children need me on a daily basis.

Are you sure?

You sound like the worst kind of helicopter parent.

Hovering over their every need.

I wonder what they REALLY think of you? My, my!

You've got a bit hot under the collar, haven't you?

Snooty school has got an awful lot to answer for.

I'm proud of my education.

It made me the man I am today.

It certainly has. An out-of-date, over-privileged snob!

Excuse me, Sir.

So, did you bang your head or did you lose consciousness?

Nothing so dramatic. Just Graham being clumsy.

Sounds like he was sticking up for you.

When I was a young girl, I used to dream of boys fighting over me.

Now at our age, it's all rather distasteful, wouldn't you agree?

His heart's in the right place,

but really, it's no way for a grown man to behave.

Brian winding him up?

I can see why Brian gets under his skin.

Graham's the exact opposite. So kind, thoughtful.

Most of the time, anyway.

I know he's fond of me,

and I don't deny I have feelings for him too.

But I'm afraid that particular ship has sailed.

My recent diagnosis. He nursed his late wife for 15 years.

He wouldn't want to take on another sickly woman.

Maybe a few years ago,

but now...

I'm afraid it's all too late.

Well? I'm busy. No, you're not.

I think we said everything that needed to be said yesterday, don't you?

I thought we were soul mates. That we had a special bond!

So did I. But now you've revealed yourself in your true colours.

A two-faced snake in the grass.

At least I'm not an overbearing, pompous idiot.

You used to say me how proud you were of me.

Well, I was wrong.

It was all a pretence, then?

What else have you lied about?

I am not a liar!

No?

What about those tender moments when we lay together?

Those sweet nothings you used to whisper in my ear?

Was that all a sham, too?

I am so pleased

I am not having your baby.

What baby? I had a test.

Well, it's not mine.

We haven't done the dirty deed since...

Easter. Not dirty!

It must be somebody else's.

How DARE you suggest that I've been unfaithful?

You're really pregnant?

I'm going to be a dad? No!

There was no baby! It was a false alarm.

Oh, well, Good!

What on EARTH is going on here?

Mrs Tembe, are you aware that you're employing a duplicitous,

double-dealing, mendacious hussy!

That is enough. Miss Pitman, into my office.

I would like to make a formal complaint!

Mr Mackintosh!

I will not have you verbally abusing my staff.

Please leave the premises. Oh, no, not until I... Now!

Right.

Won't be a second.

My apologies.

I knew those puzzles would come in handy one day.

I'm so sorry, Maria.

I behaved like the worst kind of fool.

What were you thinking?

I hated him talking to you like that.

But trying to hit him?

You're as bad as he is.

Please, don't go to dinner with him.

Why?

Why would you mind if I did?

I'm very fond of you,

you know I am.

And you know how I feel about you.

As a friend, of course.

Of course. As a friend.

That's enough, isn't it?

Will you excuse me, I think I've got something in my eye.

Can you explain yourself?

We've been having some relationship issues...

Well, evidently.

And there's something wrong with me, I know there is.

Miss Pitman, there is always something wrong with you!

I'm ill.

Have you seen a doctor?

Yes, I have, but apparently I'm just a bit stressed.

You cannot carry on like this.

You must keep your private life away from work,

address your hypochondria,

and just pull yourself together.

I'll try,

but without Ashley, I don't think I can.

He can be completely unbearable.

But I do love him!

All right. There, there.

How are you doing?

Nothing broken, fortunately.

I owe you an apology. Really?

Parsons only had a pop at me because I was winding him up.

I'm sorry you got stuck in the middle.

So, how about dinner, then?

I tried making a fuss, but look where it got me.

She obviously prefers Brian.

Yeah, if you say so.

Look, er...

I wouldn't give up, if I were you.

Did she say something to you?

Even if she had, I couldn't possibly say.

Dr Granger,

I have come to a decision about the team building event.

Yeah, no, I've been thinking... PHONE 'QUACKS'

Sorry! Hold on one sec. Sorry.

Yeah, I've been thinking about that too and I think that we should

let the dust settle, let's leave it for now.

Or perhaps we would all benefit from coming together.

There is a certain air of tension.

Doctor Carter is not his usual self

and it would be a good way to welcome Sister Hanif on to the team.

And someone had to make a decision.

Why not? It's only dinner.

It's a very generous offer, but the answer's no.

Why? I just want to cheer you up.

I know I've had my moments in the past, but I'm a changed man.

I just want to prove it to you.

Excuse me. Can't you see she's busy?

Maria. You'd do me a very great honour by agreeing

to have dinner with me.

A very great honour? Hark at Shakespeare.

Oh, do shut up, Brian.

And if the dinner date is a success, I'd like to repeat the occasion.

Are you asking me out?

I rather think I am!

Before I give you my answer, there's something you need to know.

Go on.

I'm in the early stages of dementia.

Progression may be slow, but it may well be that it will have an

impact on my life over the next few years.

I know how tough you had it with Pauline.

I couldn't bear to put you through all that again.

Is there anyone else here who has bits that don't work properly?

Arthritis? Blood Pressure? Dodgy knees?

Nothing at all?

Bladder problems, maybe?

See, Maria, we're all crocks, one way or another

and we're probably going to get even crockier.

Not that that's a word.

You're not a librarian any more. It'll do.

Yes, I rather think it will.

And I can't think of anyone I'd rather get crockier with, than you.

Then, the answer...

is a definite yes.

And as for you, Maxwell, I'd appreciate it

if you treated Maria with a little bit more respect.

And the other residents.

Do that, and I'm sure we'll all get on very well.

I am not a snob!

Says the man with the waistcoat and bow tie.

At least I can dress with style. What's that supposed to mean?

If the cap fits. Then again, your head's so big,

you wouldn't find one your size! I'm surprised you can see anything,

given your head is firmly wedged up your backside.

Backside, how quaint! I was being polite.

There's a first time for everything. Look, I didn't have to go to a private school

to learn decent manners. Another of your lazy assumptions.

Another one of your generalised slurs.

You are one of the most judgmental people I know. Really?

You should look in the mirror more often. It's better than looking at you every day!

He's the vainest doctor in the history of the profession.

Haskey!

Poor Dr Carter. He's never been able to fully indulge

his feelings, you see.

I need help.

I know you don't like me, but, at least I know you're well trained.

I know how you really feel.

You do? Yes, and I feel the same.