Milk Doctors

HE SNORES LOUDLY

Morning, big boy.

-Mm.

-Mm.

Oh, I'd skive off work if I didn't need the fag money.

Later.

HE MOANS

Oh!

Not rushing off without having breakfast, are you?

Hello. Can I help?

-We're here to see the midwife.

-I know we're way too early.

I tried to tell him, but...

Better that than not making it at all!

Well, let's get you inside, out of the cold.

Hello, gorgeous!

Come on.

Well, it's been snap, crackle and popping fun...

I bet it has.

I'm going to be late. I really should get going.

Al... You and Mo - you didn't waste much time, did you?

I didn't waste much time?

She's not been in Letherbridge for five minutes.

She's away from her family, she's in a strange place.

-She's vulnerable.

-Rob, this is awkward. Do we have to do this?

I don't want to see anyone take advantage of her.

All right, I promise, I'm not going to "take advantage" of your cousin.

-It's not my style.

-You can't blame me for being protective,

given your history, can you?

You know, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I'm going to be late, so, can I go?

Yeah.

Al, Al, I will, er...

I'll see you later.

Stick one in for me, will you, Niamh?

I'm going to need it.

I've got wall to wall babies today.

Oh, I'm so late. 20mg of caffeine, please!

Is that the same shirt you had on yesterday?

I don't think so.

I don't think there's anything against the rules

about wearing the same item of clothing twice in a row.

Oh, I meant to say, Mrs T's got a day off today,

so she's given me her to-do list.

Ruhma, one of your mums is already here.

I found her outside with the dad in tow.

Not even had breakfast!

-Ruhma?

-No time.

Ooh, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

Morning. You OK?

Mate, I am very well. Very well indeed.

What's different about you?

Well, I'm very well.

He's 100 grams up since last week.

Yes!

You've had a couple of tricky weeks,

but I think everything's going in the right direction now.

See, I told you you could do it!

That's still less than normal though, isn't it?

Well, it's around the lower end of normal, whatever that is.

Remember, every baby is different.

Ned's putting on weight, not losing it - that's what matters.

That's really good to hear.

He's just getting started, aren't you, son?

He's going to be a prop forward one day.

Right, I checked Ned for tongue tied last week, and that's all fine,

and there's no sign of thrush on either of you,

so if you are having trouble breast-feeding,

maybe we could give you a bit of extra support?

Who says I'm having trouble?

Oh, sorry. It's just, well, the way you were talking...

You haven't exactly been a natural Earth mother, have you, darling?

Breast-feeding doesn't come easy to everyone, Gareth. It's difficult.

Painful. For all kinds of reasons.

Yeah - some people just give up way too soon.

Hayley, are you getting enough fluids?

Got herb tea coming out of my ears.

Yeah, we've got fennel, nettle and milk thistle

to help with the lactation.

Things have changed since my day!

What happened to a Mars bar and a bottle of stout?

Remember, it's important to try and get rest.

Be as relaxed as possible.

Although it's not easy with a little one in tow.

It's just a vicious circle.

He doesn't feed well, so he doesn't gain weight, so I get worried,

and then he doesn't feed well.

Ned's looking great and he's putting weight on.

Focus on that and give yourself a break.

The more he feeds, the more milk you'll produce.

-CRYING

-Oh. Hungry again already!

As if on cue!

Why don't I find you a quiet room? You can give Ned a feed,

and if there's anything specific you need help with, I'm here.

I don't know. You must be very busy.

No, it's fine. I'll carry on with my appointments in the meantime, OK?

What do you think?

It would help to put your mind at rest.

OK, but just for Ned and me.

She's got me on this breast-feeding exclusion zone.

I've got to be 20 feet away at all times.

I just find it easier with no-one else around. Watching.

Even you.

That's fine. Come on, let's get you sorted.

Go on, who is she?

SHE is a gorgeous,

garrulous,

gutsy gal who is up for anything,

and when I say anything, I mean anything!

She terrifies me, but kind of in an exciting way.

All right, so what's the catch?

Always such a romantic(!)

She's inflatable, isn't she? She's imaginary?

No, she's, um... She's Rob Hollins' cousin.

What's that look about?

Is he going to be warm enough in there?

Yeah, he's going to be fine.

Are you heading back to work now?

No, no, I called in, I've got an extra couple of hours.

Right, well, I'm going to get on.

You're all right to sit in the waiting area?

Oh, yeah, course. Sorry. Sorry.

Listen, you do a great job.

Hardly. Mums do all the work.

And it is hard sometimes, Gareth.

Yeah, yeah, I know, but it's just so rewarding.

You give babies the best possible start in life.

Love and space and time.

That's what new mums need, in my opinion.

They don't need to feel pressured.

What are you saying?

Look, Ned's very precious, and I know that you want what's best for him,

but don't lose sight of what's best for Hayley.

You have already been so brave. Of course, of course.

I could come to the station with you if that would help?

No, I understand, Mrs Marsh, there is no need for an apology, really.

I will come and see you very soon.

Well, I will have to return your book. All right. Goodbye.

Hiya! Come on in.

Sorry I took so long. I fell asleep.

You obviously needed it. So, how'd it go?

OK, thanks.

Bit more than OK. Look at him. He looks bigger already!

Yeah. Well done, love.

Can we go home now?

Actually, Gareth, do you mind taking Ned out?

I wanted to check on a couple of things with Hayley.

Well, what kind of things?

If you don't mind.

Yeah, OK, sorry.

Is everything OK, Hayley?

I wanted to give you these.

They're breast-feeding leaflets. All the information's there.

I thought it would be nice to have a bit of company sometimes.

Bit of moral support.

Thanks.

Look, I'll see you next week when we check up on Ned again.

You have got my contact details, haven't you?

You can ring me any time.

Bye.

Buggies and doors, eh? Been there, got the T-shirt.

You could have waited for me.

Oh! Oh!

You're all right, you're OK.

Thank you.

There you go, love.

I'm sorry about the wait. It's been chocka today.

Ah, I see you're doing really well, aren't you, Phoenix?

Hello.

All she ever does is eat, sleep...

Most boring baby ever.

Well, I wouldn't knock it. It's not always going to be like that.

Well, since you are obviously blooming, let's have a talk with you.

How's it going?

Still single. Still broke.

Still living in a cruddy bedsit.

No news from the council, then?

Maybe by the time she's at secondary school.

Your place is really nice, you know.

It's OK.

Jenna, you sound a bit down today.

I'm as down as you would be

stuck in one room with a baby and no money!

Would you like someone to talk to? A GP maybe? I can refer you.

I get it.

-Just waiting for me to mess up again, aren't you?

-No...

Well, thanks for the vote of confidence.

That's not what I meant. I'm trying to help.

That's what they all say. You can stuff your "help".

-I'm fine on my own.

-Jenna, wait!

Do you think he needs feeding?

He's just been fed!

Oh, sorry, love.

My guess is he needs a nappy change.

You go on to work, and I'll pop back to the Mill with him.

The Mill?

Well, it's quicker than going home.

I guess so.

-Well, I'll come with you.

-Don't be ridiculous.

You're already really late thanks to that stupid feed.

Will you be OK?

I could take a late lunch, pop home later?

There's no need.

I'll be fine!

OK, just keep your phone on?

Just go, will you?!

You are doing a very good job.

Yeah, well, a fair job for a fair price.

That is very rare these days.

You're telling me!

So many cowboys out there, giving us all a bad name.

-Tsk tsk.

-Always better to go with someone you've met,

someone whose work you've seen.

You know, that is very good advice.

Well, you can't be too careful. You live round here, do you?

Yeah. Actually, there is some work that needs doing at my home.

I would have done it myself, but these days...

I finish here in a couple of hours.

I'll pop round, have a look for you if you like? Least I can do.

-Oh!

-Yeah. Here, you find a pen.

-Write your address down, we'll sort it.

-Oh.

Yeah.

What's up?

Pasty. Cheese and onion still your favourite?

You sure know a way to a girl's heart.

-I can't stop long. Boss has been on my case all day.

-Yeah.

It's about you and Al.

Sorry. I'll go to his next time.

-So there is going to be a next time?

-Mm-hmm!

You don't know him, Mo.

I know enough, trust me.

There was a young female doctor at the Mill called Jas.

Al became fixated with her. He started properly stalking her.

How d'you mean?

He monitored her every move, he followed her everywhere.

Sounds intense.

In the end, I had to arrest him.

What, handcuffs and everything?

Then there was a surveillance thing at the Mill last year

that Al was involved in.

You talking hidden cameras?

He was hacking phones, he was tracking people. Completely illegal.

OK, it did turn out to be fine...

So...basically...

..cuddly pussycat Al...

is a proper bad boy?

I've told him so many times, no more repeat prescriptions

-until he comes in for a consultation.

-PHONE BLEEPS

You have a word with him. Be fair, but be firm.

PHONE BLEEPS

Are you not going to read that?

Yes.

Bye-bye, babies. I have so earned my lunch today!

What's he up to?

I couldn't possibly say.

Oh! I do apologise.

I can't get it just like that!

I need a bit of time.

But I have to have it!

-And I've given you the money, so...

-So what? Have it back!

I'll come round to your place. Tonight.

What are you doing here?

I was passing,

so I thought I would pop in and say hello to my lovely wife.

And nothing says "I love you" more than...

a pie.

You're a bad person. I brought a salad from home.

-I'm happy to share.

-Oh, OK.

Eh! Don't even bother. He's not here.

What?

Don't act the innocent with me.

Mo's a grown woman.

She certainly acted like one last night.

It's Al you should be protecting - he doesn't stand a chance.

You're as soppy about him as she was.

Have you warned her off already?

She has a right to know the truth.

Who are you? Jeremy Kyle?

Oh, I love how you want to protect people,

but if you've told Mo everything,

and especially YOUR version of everything,

the rest is up to her now.

Hang on, what do you mean "my version"?

You focus on the negative, you forget everything else.

How kind Al was to me when I was poorly,

and he never gave up on me.

Everyone makes mistakes.

Especially you.

I didn't have to come back in with you, you know.

So why did you?

OK. Let me take a wild guess.

Because you're on your own and you struggle with it sometimes.

Make up your mind.

I'm doing great. You said so yourself!

Phoenix is doing great. But you?

Look, come on, Jenna, what's going on?

I was ready for sleepless nights. Stress. Endless wailing.

But not this. The silence.

I just do the same thing, day in, day out.

Over and over. It's doing my head in!

No chance of getting a job?

Barmaiding and babies don't exactly mix, do they?

Look, if Phoenix is sleeping so much,

maybe it feels hard to make a connection,

get anything back from her?

I really love her. It's just...

However hard it is, this is not the answer.

What?

Don't go back there. Not now.

Not when you've come so far.

You think I've been dealing?

No way!

Look, I can't just ignore it. Not when there is a baby involved.

Who you hiding from?

Hmm. Rob Hollins.

He's not satisfied with the grilling he gave me over breakfast.

He's come in to my place of work to interrogate me further.

Think he wants to save his poor innocent cousin from my evil clutches.

-PHONE BLEEPS

-I've been getting texts all morning.

Read that.

Oh, I'm not sure I should be seeing that, mate.

It's a picture message. Sorry, mate.

You know, I'm not sure it's worth the hassle.

Maybe it is!

-Thanks for coming back.

-What's the problem?

I know what's going on between you and Jenna.

Who's Jenna?

Look, I just want to talk to you, get your side of the story.

She's all right, you know. You can talk to her.

I know Jenna's been selling you breast milk.

Hayley, it's OK.

Gareth can't know. You can't tell him.

Nobody's going to tell anybody anything.

We're all going to sit down and we're going to have a talk together, OK?

Hayley! Hayley!

I just went home and you weren't there!

What is it? What's wrong with him?

Hayley!

-Yeah, it's nice.

-Hang on!

-Ooh!

-Hey!

Hayley, wait!

Hey!

-Rob, listen. I'm glad I caught you. I need a word.

-Yeah?

Do me a favour, mate. Lay off Al.

Not you as well.

Come on, he's a decent guy, he's done some stupid things, that's all.

Would Niamh have dated him for such a long time

if he was as twisted as you think he is?

Rob, you hardly know him. I know him really well.

He's a good friend. I can vouch for him.

I can vouch for Maureen, I've known her since she was little.

I've seen Maureen - she's not exactly little any more, is she?

Let me ask you a question.

If Al was carrying on with someone in your family,

would you have a problem?

No. No.

Who would do something like that?

It may be unwise,

but it's not illegal to sell breast milk in the UK.

Jenna did nothing wrong. Hayley entered into it voluntarily.

Actually, she begged me.

And if you're at all interested in where your wife is now,

she's in the toilets.

-Hayley!

-No, not you. She wants you.

You stay here with Ned. I'll be back in a minute.

What?

How...?

-When?

-She remembered me from the hospital.

What, and you just took her money?

I'm not the problem here, mate!

I'd look a bit closer to home if I were you.

Why did your wife buy my milk and feed it to her baby in secret?

Because she wanted what's best for Ned.

Really?

Oh! Well, it is a very long time since anyone has bought me flowers.

-Lovely blooms for a lovely lady. Shall we get started?

-Oh.

Your guttering's hanging by a thread.

Well, is that serious?

Couple of weeks, there'll be water running into your living room. Damp everywhere. Mushrooms.

No, no!

Good news is we've caught it early enough, though.

But, if I'm not mistaken,

that might be the start of dry rot there. Look.

And your brickwork will need repointing. Look, I'll tell you what,

I'm gasping for a cup of tea -

why don't we pop inside and I'll put the kettle on?

-We...

-We can have a biscuit.

He was so thin and small, he cried so much.

The crying made me feel desperate, like nothing I did was ever enough,

and Gareth, he just wouldn't hear of formula.

Breast milk, it is great, you can't argue with that,

but not like this, Hayley.

Unscreened milk, it has all sorts in it - hepatitis, HIV.

Not to mention the potential bacteria in milk that's not stored properly.

Will Ned get sick?

No, he will be fine. You were lucky with Jenna.

It could have been a lot worse.

What were you thinking?

I didn't know what else to do.

I wouldn't have a look-in at St Phil's milk bank.

That's just for really sick babies.

Not failure mothers like me.

Hey. I do not want to hear you talk like that.

Do you think your milk is all there is to being a mum?

I'm pretty rubbish at everything else, too.

I just wanted everything to be perfect.

Yeah? Well, it won't be.

-So you've got my permission to stop trying. OK?

-OK.

Listen, if you want to give breast-feeding another go,

there's loads of tips, techniques,

and if not, bottle feeding, it's not a failure,

not if it takes the pressure off.

A happy mum has a happy baby.

Are you OK?

I'm so sorry. You know how I get.

I've been an idiot. Lost my mind somewhere along the way.

We'll make it work. Maybe we could get a milk expressing machine.

-I've seen them on the internet.

-I don't think...

Here's what we're going to do. We're going to go home.

I'll lie on the sofa with Ned and you'll bring me a cup of tea.

Proper tea, not that stinky herbal stuff.

And chocolate biscuits.

Lots of chocolate biscuits.

And we'll see what happens.

I'm never going to be the perfect mother.

You're going to have to live with that.

But I'm always going to do my best.

-OK?

-OK.

Now, let's get out of here.

-You take it easy.

-Thank you.

Before you go, could I just have a quick word?

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Hey. Whoa, hang on.

No, no, no, I was going to.

Look, there were a lot of messages and I work for a living, so...

You want to come over to mine tonight?

How do you even know where I live?

What pocket?

No, no, I'm checking now. Inside pocket.

What the..?

-Hey. Rob.

-Hey.

No, no, no, no, no.

I'll see you tonight.

Milk bank? Sounds weird.

You'd be helping very sick and premature babies.

And you'd know that the milk was stored and checked properly.

All the info's there.

It's the money I need.

Actually, this is a bit of a long shot,

but you could train as a breast-feeding counsellor.

You're having a laugh. I'd scare those posh mums right off!

I only did it myself to save cash.

Yeah, exactly. So think about all the other young mums, like you.

They might be on their own, strapped for cash.

They haven't even thought about breast-feeding.

They think it's not for the likes of them.

Hi.

So where's he hiding, then? Superdad?

Sent him home. With Ned.

Jenna, I'm sorry.

I treated you like a milk machine,

instead of another mum like me, with your own problems.

Like you?

With your fancy house and your designer pram

and your fella fussing around?

Gimme a break.

I was wondering, maybe we could get together some time,

with the babies?

I could really do with the company.

You've got my number.

Ah. That's better, isn't it, eh?

So when will I be able to get a written estimate?

Well, someone's keen! I haven't finished looking round yet.

Then there's the deposit.

Deposit? What deposit?

Normal terms is 500 up front.

500 pounds?!

Then there's another 500 for materials.

A thousand pounds...?!

That is a form of theft!

Hang on a minute, love - you asked for an estimate!

Look, I know all about your vile practice!

And I'm going to do everything I can to stop you!

What are you on about?

You are taking advantage of vulnerable people!

I run an established company

providing a vital service for the community.

You threaten them and you steal their savings!

I wouldn't go shouting your mouth off like that if I were you, love.

Not without proof. A person might take offence.

And what if I do have proof?

Poking your nose in is one thing.

Getting in the way of my business,

well, who knows what might happen?

It's a lovely house you've got here, love, isn't it?

Are you threatening me? That is a criminal offence!

If you continue, I will call the police.

Well, I wouldn't do that if I were you, love.

We won the lottery!

That was the Jobcentre.

Not thinking of leaving us, surely?

What was Heston on about earlier? You being the great debaucher.

No luck?

Yeah, we've had loads of luck. We're the luckiest people in the world.

We won the lottery. And the unluckiest.

We lost it. All in one day - is that a record?